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Chapter 5

Step Five: Don't let a spontaneous confrontation with parts of your problem confuse you... too much

"Talk."

Mmh. He did sound a little tired and irritable.

"Hey Ranger," I greeted and I could have sworn that I heard him take a deep, very deep breath.

"Babe," he said, sounding husky all of a sudden. I felt my knees go weak.

Focus, I chastised myself and pressed Lester's cell phone a little closer to my ear.

"Don't you have a little more to say to me than 'Babe'?" I sarcastically asked, causing the anxious Lester next to me to actually flinch. "Like for example that you sent two of your men after me despite my note that specifically said not to come and look for me?!"

Ranger was – what else did I expect? – unimpressed by my little outburst. "I didn't send Martouf to find you. He was lucky to meet you and recognise your faces from the photo."

"What photo? And it's bad enough that you sent one man at all!"

"You know," Lester piped in. "I really get the impression that I'm not very welcome here."

"Don't worry about it," Mary Lou tried to soothe and patted his shoulder. "She's just sexually frustrated, and above everything else completely disappointed in Ranger. Don't take it personally."

I was so glad that my best friend and one of Ranger's close friends bonded so good. Note the sarcasm.

"Disappointed in me, Babe?" Ranger asked and I inwardly cursed his good hearing.

Instinctively straightening my whole posture as if I was going to battle any moment, I gripped the phone a little tighter and growled, "I'm a grown-up woman, Ranger, and if I want to go on vacation to Spain, then I don't need you to send your watchdogs after me!"

"Now I'm offended!" Lester dramatically protested, but silenced immediately at facing my glare.

"Babe," Ranger's quiet voice cut through the haze of anger that momentarily clouded my mind. "You left in the middle of the night, nobody knew of your plans to travel to Europe and you expect me not to worry just because you left a single note for me that could have been written by anyone?"

I scrunched up my nose defiantly.

Well, if he said it like that, it did sound kind of reasonable…

"That may be true, but after you had checked the ticket reservations at the airport, you saw that Mary Lou was with me thus you knew I was in no danger at all! Surely, you talked to Lenny who told you he knew of our plans. But you still had someone come look after me! Stop treating me like a kid, Ranger! I deserve better than that!"

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

"I'm not treating you like a kid, Babe. I'm protecting you."

"Yes, you do! You treat me like I can't stay away from trouble and can't get myself out of it!"

Ranger's voice turned silky. "Babe, you're a beautiful woman. That's a dangerous thing."

Despite my blush I was furious. "I have the distinct feeling that you're not taking me very seriously. I'm really mad at you right now and it's definitely the wrong time for your stupid jokes and innuendoes!"

Ranger sighed audibly. "Stephanie, I'm only worried about you. What is so wrong with that?" He asked, his voice serious and laced with an indecipherable edge.

"Nothing would be wrong with that if you actually were worried about me!" I shouted.

Well, that didn't only shut Ranger up, but also everybody else in my near vicinity.

Mary Lou looked mildly curious as to what had caused my outburst whilst Lester gazed up at me as if I'd just lost my mind. Couldn't really blame him.

"Care to explain what you mean by that?" Asked Ranger in a now very dangerous tone.

Yuck! If he used this voice on his skips, then it was no wonder that everybody was terrified of him. Alone the tone in his voice could make you quiver in fear.

But in this particular situation it was only he and I – and I was definitely no criminal who didn't show up at court and he was no Badass Super bounty Hunter trying to hunt me down. There was no need for him to use this particular type of voice to make me confess; though any other day it would have intimated me anyway.

But not this time. I was too far gone and too emotionally drained to feel anything, and the presented opportunity at having an argument was just the thing that I needed to let off steam.

"Listen, you know that's the truth, and I know it as well, so stop trying to pretend you care!"

"Explain," he curtly demanded.

"Ugh!" Frustratedly, I threw my free hand into the air. "You still feel obligated to me because of all this Eliza Doolittle and Professor Higgins thing, and that's why you think you need to protect me because you were the one I was entrusted to and you were the one that introduced me into the bounty hunter business. There, now, happy?" I took a deep breath.

"That's bull," Lester protested, standing to his full height and sending me a reproachful look. It was kind of odd to see him in a truly grave mood for once. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Go, girl!" Mary Lou cried, thrusting her fist into the air.

Both Lester and I turned to look at her. She shrugged at Lester's glare. "What? She's my best friend, so it's practically prearranged that I have to side with her." I narrowed my eyes and she hurriedly added, "And Ranger's totally using her."

Uh-oh.

Mary Lou looked scared the minute those words left her mouth while Lester's face started to turn red. It wasn't a nice red either. More like a 'all hell's gonna break loose' red.

"Tell Mary Lou to kindly repeat that," a dark voice growled into my ear, startling me.

I gulped uneasily but didn't comply his demand.

"No, I won't, because she's right."

"She is?" Lester incredulously asked, whirling around to face me.

"Yes?" My voice wavered only slightly. I swear. And it didn't sound like a question. Nope.

Who was I kidding? My mind stopped working the minute Ranger's voice filled my ear. And now I desperately tried to get my brain to start working.

I wasn't really successful, was I? I mean this whole conversation didn't make any sense. Ranger still patronised me; Lester changed moods faster than I could say 'yo'; and Mary Lou seemed to just go with the flow… whatever that means. And we certainly don't want to analyse me, do we?

"See," Mary Lou satisfactorily exclaimed, visibly relaxing. She was eyeing the phone in my hand rather warily, though. As if she was afraid of Ranger jumping out of it any minute to punish her for what she said.

"And how the hell did he use her?" Lester shouted. "Because as far as I can remember it wasn't Stephanie who gave Ranger expensive cars just like that, and saved her from all those weirdoes that were after her!"

"That's exactly what I was talking about!" I triumphantly interjected. "He does all this, but only because he feels like he should do that for me, not because he wants to do that for me!"

Lester rolled his eyes, whilst Mary Lou nodded. "Where's the difference?" Lester asked.

"The difference is that he feels it is his obligation to make sure I'm alive and well because he was asked to be my mentor, but he doesn't care about my person."

"And why is he flirting with you, then? Why is he visiting you at night? I mean, come on, visiting?!"

"How should I know?! That's where he's using me! Maybe Joe is right and he is some sick mercenary that only serves his own twisted pleasures!" I screamed back. Wow, where did that come from? Maybe I spent too much time with Mooner… or grandma Mazur. I mean craziness did run in my family…

Lester shook his head at me, a truly sad smile on his face.

"You have no idea, do you?" he whispered.

"So this is about Morelli," Ranger quietly observed and I cringed at his tone. There was no emotion. Not even a ghost or a hint of something that could give me a clue of what he was thinking.

"It's not!" I weakly protested.

"It always is," Ranger softly continued as if he never heard my reply.

"He only tries to look out for me. He's a good man," I tried to explain but winced myself as I realised that it rather sounded like I placed Morelli in the role of the good and Ranger in the one of the bad guy.

"You would never leave him for me." My heart skipped a bit. Was there a hint of defeat in his voice?

"Ranger, I…" Honestly, I didn't know what to say. He was scaring me totally with his unusual behaviour. Plus, I was definitely overstrained with this whole conversation. It changed directions so often that my poor Ranger-induced brain had a hard time keeping up to its pace.

The current moment of tense silence didn't help either. It only made me more nervous. I could practical feel something change between Ranger and me. Something I couldn't name or pinpoint; and then he softly asked, "Would you leave him for me?"

Yes! "No!" What?! "I wouldn't leave Joe for you!" I hated how my voice shook.

"That so was a lie," Mary Lou fiercely mused to a troubled looking Lester. His eyes practically screamed betrayal for what I just denied.

Thanks, Mary Lou, where was the flow again?

But what really disturbed me was the silence on the other end of the line. I couldn't even hear him breathe anymore.

Was that a good sign or a bad one?

I was just about to call Ranger's name as he tersely replied, "I see you still need time."

Then he hung up.

Okay… That was weird. I stared at the cell phone in my hand in bewilderment. Then I frowned. I still needed time?! For what?!

"Well… what just happened?"

Lester only sent me a glare and snatched his cell phone away from me. I watched him punch a few buttons on it before pressing it to his ear and leaving the room.

000000000000000000

"So, guapas, what did you do today?" Raúl curiously inquired as he took the seat beside me and greeted us with a bright smile.

"Uh…" Mary Lou briefly glanced at a stoic Lester. "You know, the usual. This… and that…"

Raúl grinned good-naturedly before turning to me. He threw one arm around my shoulders and grinned wickedly at me. "Sounds pretty boring. Shall I make your evening more… interesting?"

I rolled my eyes for good measure, but a small smile made its way on my face anyway. He was just too adorable sometimes.

Raúl beamed happily. "Ah, finally, a smile!"

I couldn't help but smile a little wider at his genuine happiness. And just because of such a small thing.

The harsh sound of someone coughing, however, destroyed the peaceful moment. My eyes wandered over Raúl's head to Lester. Since entering this bistro and meeting Raúl, Ranger's slightly disgruntled employee had been watching the Spanish waiter and me like a hawk. It was quite unnerving.

Raúl acknowledged his behaviour only with a raised eyebrow; not asking any questions or challenging Lester in any way – for which I was eternally grateful. I had had enough excitement for one day.

We didn't stay long at the bistro. Mary Lou decided to buy a souvenir in one of the shops lining the boardwalk, whilst I climbed onto the rocks separating the ocean from the beach. The hard and chiselled cliffs warmed my skin as I lay down to gaze up at the deep blue sky. As much as I wanted to, I didn't let myself relax completely – knowing that Lester had been following me for quite some time.

I guessed I couldn't delay the upcoming lecture any longer.

And there he was, sitting down next to me and studying me with this odd seriousness of his that he only recently acquired.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do or anything," he quietly began, sighing softly when he saw my doubtful expression. "I just want to ask you not to jump to conclusions like that." I guessed he meant my whole theory of Ranger only protecting me because he was my mentor. "It's hard to read Ranger and all his intentions, but please, at least give him the chance to explain himself when he's ready to."

I was stunned for a second. Wow, it was so rare for Ranger and his Merry Men to actually beg for something that I always had this creepy urge to give them a cookie when they did.

Lester looked imploringly – or as imploringly as one of RangeMan's employees could look – at me. Even more creepy.

But what could it hurt to say yes? I mean it wasn't like the day would ever come that Ranger would open up to me.

Right?

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Flashback

"You know, I'm really tired of your secret identity," she sarcastically remarked, tiredly flopping down on the couch in her apartment.

He seated himself across from her, regarding her with carefully schooled features.

"I don't have a secret identity. My name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso."

She rolled her eyes, irritated. "Very funny, Ranger. I'm always surprised at your sense of humour," she dryly remarked before turning serious again. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Why do you want to know more about my life?" he asked.

"Because I want us to be friends! Real friends. I even know more about Connie, and she has mob connections as well."

"Friends?" he sardonically repeated. "You want us to be friends?"

She flushed a deep crimson. "Gee, you don't have to sound so excited about it," she snapped defensively, averting her eyes to her hamster.

"Why would you want us to be… friends?" Ranger asked, emphasising the last word in a strange way.

She felt like a child all over again; wanting to gain a new friend. The whole situation was awkward, to the say the least, but it was the only way she could think of to get emotionally closer to the man across from her. Until now, they always had a mentor-pupil relationship with occasional sexual situations; but they never really made any progress on the emotional basis.

She wanted to finally change that and get to know the mysterious man whom she felt drawn to.

Unfortunately, he didn't seem at all interested in letting her into his life – except when business was involved.

Since she was both bad and afraid of analysing her own feelings concerning this dangerous and secretive man, she felt it was safe enough to try friendship with him – seeing as she knew that she needed him in her life in some way.

But it was harder than she expected, however. She had always thought that he felt something positive for her as well, but now it seemed like she had been wrong.

"You know what?" she tiredly said. "Just forget it. Go back to the Bat Cave and leave everything the way it is."

His eyes seemed to soften at her defeated tone and he reached out to grab her hand. She felt something inside of her as his lips slowly brushed over the palm of her hand, whilst his eyes never strayed from hers.

"What is wrong with the way things are?" he asked.

The warm feelings evaporated at once. "It can't stay like this. You making me feel like I mean something to you at times, only to make it look like I'm just one of your allegiances at others." She breathed in deeply as he dropped her hand. His eyes seemed turned blank again, shutting her out once again. "You're so confusing!" she suddenly exploded, fed up with Ranger and her own odd feelings. Why was she so upset that he emotionally pushed her away? She didn't know why. She didn't want to know.

"You're a paradox yourself," he calmly said. "It's a well-known fact that you're with Morelli; and here you are trying to convince me of telling you things from my life less than five people know about. Why would you want to know? You're quite confusing."

"Well…. I can't really help it!" she exclaimed, feeling defensive once again.

Ranger smiled somewhat bitterly. "If you don't even know why you'd want us to be close then there is no point in trying."

His eyes studied her for a moment longer before he stood up and walked out of her apartment, leaving a bewildered woman behind.

End Flashback