Chapter four: Try Outs

Okay, I know absolutely nothing about rugby (except what I learned on Wikipedia). Please review to me if I got something wrong.

"C'mon, kids!" the coach shouted in his hoarse voice. "You're playing rugby, not mini golf!"

Artemis ran down the field to his opponents' side. This was too much. Why did he ever agree to this? He was sweating and panting more than ever. He knew he should be able to endure this. He had chased and boarded a moving train in the arctic when he was thirteen, run from a pack of hungry trolls underground when he was fourteen. This should be no problem. He turned just in time to see the ball rushing toward him. Out of instinct, he held his hands up to protect his face and the ball fell into his hands. He closed his fingers tightly around it, astonished.

"Keep playing, Fowl! What are you waiting for?"

Artemis looked up. He drew his arm back and launched the ball. It didn't travel five feet. A boy from the other team caught it and started running towards the other goal. Suddenly, he slipped as if the ground beneath him was not grass but ice, and he fell hard on his face, letting go of the ball. One of Artemis' teammates, a teacher's-pet with dreams of being an athlete that went by the name Ronny McDorkenstein, caught the ball as it was in the air and started running towards the opponents' side of the field. He ran past Artemis and was cornered by a large, tough-looking boy. Ronny threw the ball back to Artemis. For a second, Artemis looked at the ball wondering what to do with it. Then he remembered what Collette had told him.

"To make a try, touch the ball to the ground at your opponents' side of the field."

Thank you, Collette, Artemis thought, running towards the goal line. Luckily, he wasn't too far from the goal line and while the boys on the other team were slipping and falling as if the ground was wet, Artemis touched the ball to the grass on the other side of the goal line.

Collette sat on the bleachers watching the try outs. She smiled slyly as she pocketed a jar of fluid from the local magic and tricks store. Slipping Fluid, the label said, rub on the bottom of your friend's shoes and watch them sliiiiiide!

………………………

"Ow! Collette!" Artemis' shoulder stung as Collette dabbed a damp cloth over it.

"Not my fault," she said. "You didn't try hard enough. Now you're bruised and cut."

"Not your fault!" Artemis exclaimed. "I'm not the one who decided to try out!"

"You need to join the rugby team. I need a boy who's cute and on the rugby team. Can't have just one."

Artemis looked at the wound. It was red and swollen. "Couldn't you just settle for intelligence? Rugby never got anyone anywhere. It's men with brains that run the world."

Collette crossed her arms. "It's men with brains that are boring. All they ever do is go on and on about nonexistant 'problems' like global warming."

"But global warming is a problem!"

"And," Collette went on, "it's men with brains that get all beaten up by the men with strength and athletic skills because the athletic and strong guys are right about everything. Because they're hot."

Artemis frowned. "And men with brains aren't?"

"Right. Lose a few brain cells. Don't worry. They'll grow back new and improved."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "Right."

……………………..

"The most amazing thing happened at school today, Butler," Artemis said on his daily phone call to his bodyguard. "You will never in a million years believe it."

"Try me."

"I made the rugby team."

"What? I don't think I heard you right."

"I made the rugby team."

"You WHAT?"

Artemis sighed heavily. "I made the rugby team."

"The rugby…Artemis, did I ever tell you that you are an amazing liar. If I didn't know better I'd believe you."

"Butler," Artemis sighed. "You know it's the truth. I think Collette did something. I'm not quite sure what."

"Artemis, forgive me, but for a genius you are really stup…unintelligent."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"How can you be so blind? This Collette of yours doesn't like you. She only hangs out with you because you like her. And she will stop doing so if you don't join the rugby team."

"This may be true, this may be false. And I have no intention of finding out which it is." With that, Artemis hung up.

Well…review please…thank you!