A List Of Reasons Why A&H Will Never Get Together

by Epitome of Randomness

The title pretty much explains it all. I am so grossed out by AH stories, I mean, come on people! Size does matter, in more than one sense. NOTE: Redundant since the Time Paradox-I've converted to AxH...Shut up! You just...SHUT UP!

2. Hiccups

I should say when I read FreakyD45663's reasons why Holly and Arty couldn't get together and I couldn't stop laughing and it stuck in the back of my mind until I was bored enough to actually write my own list, so thanks FreakyD!

I don't own anything, unless I say so, and then they're mine. All mine!

ON WITH THE LIST!

One thing on proportions: If everything is scaled down, and considering she had a sinewy body, Holly's supposedly juicy juicy mangoes would be teeny-tiny mosquito bites to Artemis.

Another thing on proportions: In many AxH they tongue kiss, leading to two main problems, one, Holly's tongue would be like a worm in Artemis's cavernous mouth and two, Artemis's tongue would be like a…um…cold sausage.

In Rainy Days, this line stuck into my mind…

Their bodies were pressed together, Holly's slim frame fitting neatlyinto the curve of Artemis' adolescent form. Hands were roving all over each other's bodies, Artemis' hands quickly becoming soaked and starting to wrinkle with Holly's wet jumpsuit.

No, they wouldn't, think about it, if Artemis wasn't holding Holly up, he'd be leaning right over. Or he'd be doing a tango-style dip hold with Holly while Holly would be doing the limbo.

If you believe what you read, and Arty and Holly did get together and got married, Minerva would be on the happy couples trail with a sawn off shotgun and a chainsaw.

I'd be so pissed if Artemis picked Holly over Minerva.

Minerva would be so pissed if Artemis picked Holly over her.

Ditto Juliet.

Holly would be, like, exiled from Haven and it'd, like, suck, when Artemis dies a good few centuries before her and she has nowhere to, like, go.

If the two main characters hooked up, the next AF book would be all about dating and Artemis proposing, with a big cliffie, then the book after that would be about planning the wedding.

I made up a new one for insertion: See the Chinese finger trap and a chubby finger, see the finger go into the trap and not be able to get out.

It would be so incredibly weird if Artemis and Holly's kid decided to kidnap a fairy.