A/N: Gyah. Been a while, but it's the easter holidays now, so I have more time for writing, even if I should be studying.

I don't normally do review shout outs, but this time you people deserve it. Because I said so. So thanks to JyouraKoumi, kai21, krad, Death-to-the-tadpoleclowns, ., Tresa Cho, Kirihana, thE-lOliitA-dOll, yellow, daisy.insane-angel, Midnight808, Digi-Girl101, Sovereign of Silence3 and regretfully-yours-Cassy-chan. You're all legends.

Chapter Three: Confessions and Disaster

In the back,
In the closets of your mind,
That's where skeletons and dirty secrets hide,
And I'll rip out my insides,
And leave them on display for you tonight…

"I killed him. It's all my fault," Yamato spat coldly, the tone enough causing Taichi to realise that what lay in the blonde's eyes wasn't something near hate after all. No, it was hate, it was self-loathing. It took Taichi several moments to comprehend what Yamato was actually saying, but he slowly took it in. His eyebrows shot up in shock, pupils contracted, mouth dropped open.

He stumbled on his words as he tried to form some sort of reaction to what his boyfriend was telling him, but all that came out was a series of incomprehensible mumbles.

Thus the boys sat in the icy lethal silence, Yamato's mind running through the past, hating himself by the second, hating Taichi for getting him to open up, then hating himself even more for allowing Taichi to make him. Taichi was stunned, it was nowhere near what he'd expected, he would have thought it to be one of Yamato's twisted jokes had it not been for the stare in Yamato's eyes and his jagged voice. All sorts of questions ran through his head, and he had no idea how he could possibly react. Eventually though, words came to him, and he said the only thing he could think of saying until he knew more.

"What-what happened, Yamato?" His voice was shaken, confused, cold. Though the room was dark, his eyes were shrunk in utter disbelief, the normally warming and cheerful chocolate brown now bemused and dull.

Yamato didn't speak for a moment, he couldn't. Since he'd moved to Odaiba he'd tried his hardest to put it all behind him, to forget his old life and start over, taking only lessons learnt with him, though not always applying them. He hadn't told a soul, hadn't talked about it once, trying to block out all thoughts of it. That's why living with his uncle suited him so well, they rarely even talked, let alone mentioned that fateful night. Finally though, he began to talk, and he slowly told Taichi the whole story.

---

Until he was two, Yamato lived in an average family home with his mother and father. There never seemed to be anything wrong until that one evening when he lay in his bed, wide awake, tugging on his pyjama sleeves, stuffed teddy in hand as he listened to his parents yell at each other. Being so young, it terrified him, it was like nothing he'd heard before. Sure, he'd heard his parents disagree, what child doesn't? But this was something different; his mother's voice was so aggressively shrill as she mocked, taunted and yelled at her husband and his voice in turn was broken, yet booming. He didn't understand quite what they were arguing over, at first he'd tried his best to tune it out, but how could he when they were so loud?

The argument seemed to last forever, but eventually it calmed down, and he rolled over in bed, chewing at the ear of his teddy, hoping neither of his parents realised he was awake. He listened as intently as he could as his mother ran up the stairs and into her bedroom, she slammed doors and cupboards, yanked open and banged shut drawers. Then all of a sudden everything fell silent again. He thought he could hear his father sobbing downstairs, but couldn't be too sure.

Soon enough the silence was broken again by his mother moving something around in his parents' bedroom before she appeared in his doorframe. He quickly pretended to be asleep, not wanting to face whatever was happening. He didn't have a clue what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good. She stepped quietly into the room and shook him awake so he had to stop pretending. He sat up in bed, legs over the side and looked at her as expectantly as a scared two year old can, stuffed teddy still clutched in his clammy hand.

"Yamato," His mother started sadly, holding onto his shoulders, "Mummy's going away for a while now, so it will be a while before you see me again. But I want you to know that I love you Yamato, I love you, and don't ever forget that," Tears filled her bright blue eyes and she quickly wiped them away, turning quickly and walking out without turning back once. Yamato watched as she rushed down the stairs, suitcase in hand, out of his sight. There was a brief silence before he heard the front door open and then slam again. And just like that she was gone.

From then on Yamato and his father, Hideki, found themselves very much alone. It may only have meant one less person, but she was so lively and loud that the house seemed almost empty without her. Yamato never found out what happened, nor even knew if his parents stayed in touch, and the only hint he had was when she came back for a few days two years later when Yamato was four.

--

The house was fairly quiet bar the Disney film Yamato was watching on the television in the lounge. Hideki was busy in the study, working. Now that it was just him and Yamato he'd taken to doing a lot of work at home, though it was difficult. Winter rain slammed down outside like tiny shards of glass, twisting and repeatedly hitting the windows. Suddenly there was a loud banging at the front door and Yamato wandered out to see who it was as his father opened the door. In walked his mother, soaked and bedraggled, blonde hair plastered to her face.

"Yamato, go upstairs," His father ordered tersely, before his mother could speak.

"No, no! Please let me see him, please!" She begged.

"Jenny-" All Hideki could utter was his ex-wife's name as she stumbled through the door and rushed towards Yamato. He was scooped up in her arms and he coughed at her smell, it was bitter and hard, a smell he later learned to be alcohol. The boy struggled in her arms, uncomfortable in their unfamiliarity with that awful smell.

"Jenny, put him down. You're drunk," Hideki instructed. Surprisingly she listened to him and let Yamato go.

"Yamato, go to your room," Hideki repeated. Yamato obliged and ran up the stairs, leaving his parents downstairs, just where they'd been arguing right before she left.

She stayed that night, sleeping on the sofa. Yamato skirted around her nervously, she'd only been there for the first half of his life, then she'd disappeared, why should he talk to her or feel comfortable around her?

It was in the morning the next day that Yamato sneaked downstairs and overheard part of a conversation between his parents.

"You can't stay here," Hideki stated coldly, "You have to go back. You can't leave them like you left us,"

"But-"

"No buts about it Jenny, you have to go back. I'll drive you there this morning if I have to,"

The conversation drew to a close as the little blonde boy walked in.

"Is she going?" He asked his father, blatantly ignoring his mother.

"Yes, I'm going to be taking her to her home once I've got dressed. Will you be okay here on your own for half an hour?" Hideki questioned. He knew it was unconventional to leave a four year old alone, but he figured it was only for a short time, and there was no other way to do it now he was practically a single parent.

-

In the end, that's how Yamato grew up, his father leaving him alone for long periods of time as he went off to work and conferences. He never was really there much, though he'd always make time for Yamato if the boy wanted it. Of course, Yamato always was too afraid or proud to say when he did want it, and so they never spent that much time together.

Hence Hideki never noticed how close Yamato and his best male friend really were. That's why he was so shocked the afternoon he got a phone call from Yamato's school complaining Yamato had been fighting with a group of boys after they'd called him a 'fag'.

At the time, Yamato was fifteen and he and his best friend, Kai, had been a lot closer than the rest of the school realised. That was until the rest of the school found out. Yamato had made the mistake of trusting one of their other friends with their secret. It turned out that friend was not to be trusted, and soon the whole school knew. Kai denied it all, then dumped Yamato, joining in with the rest of the school as they made his life a living hell. Yamato found himself all alone, being bullied and pushed around in the corridors, having filthy names shouted after him, once one of the older boys even picked him up and shoved him in a bin. Yamato let it all happen, alone in his depression at the way Kai and his other friends had treated him. He eventually started to drink and soon began to fight back when people threw punches at him. The teachers turned a blind eye to the way he was being treated, or at least they did until he won his first fight. Then the principal phoned the blonde's father straight away.

Hideki was stunned as the principal told him his son had turned up to school drunk and gotten into a fight. Afterwards he drove Yamato home in silence, rain pouring down on the windows, as a few stray tears slid down Yamato's cheeks.

"What's going on son?" Hideki finally cut through the silence. After a few moments of no reply from Yamato, he continued, "Look Yamato. I don't care if you're gay or straight or whatever. I do care about you though, which means I don't want you drinking and fighting, especially in school,"

Again, Yamato took his time replying.

"Yamat-"

"You know what Dad? Don't even pretend like you care about me. If you did, this wouldn't be happening now. You'd have been there for me. You'd have already known about me and Kai. As it is you weren't there, so don't turn around now that everything's gone wrong and act like you give a shit! All you've cared about for the past fifteen years is your job," His voice was broken, and he was holding back tears, "No wonder mum left," he added quietly, bitterly.

Hideki turned to face his son "I do care. Why do you think I work so hard? To keep earning money for you Yamato! If I didn't care I just wouldn't have bothered after your mother left!"

"Care? You don't have a clue what I've been going through for the past few years on my own!" Yamato yelled.

"Ok, just calm down son. Let's just get you home, I'll make you some food and we can talk this through properly once you've sobered up better," Hideki reasoned. His calm tone served only to infuriate his son more.

"No! Just pull over and let me out of this damned car!" Yamato hated the tension and the arguing, he just wanted out.

"What? I don't think so Yamato. Be rational, eh?"

It was no use. In his anger, Yamato leaned over and grabbed the steering wheel, pulling it towards him to direct the car to the side of the road. He entangled his legs across to his father's side of the car, trying to find the brake pedal, fighting his father's attempts to push him away.

"Yamato!" Hideki shouted, grappling to get control of the wheel.

Yamato looked up and realised they were on the wrong side of the road, a huge lorry driving directly towards them. Shocked, he jumped back into his own seat, eyes wide, double-checking his seat-belt was attached properly. Hideki regained control of the wheel as fast as he could and swerved, pressing down hard on the accelerator. He drove them off the road as fast as they could, and turned his head around to ensure no damage had been done behind them.

"Dad!" Yamato screamed; the last thing Hideki heard before the car crashed into the trunk of a huge tree.

For Yamato, the next few minutes passed like a dream; a slow, torturing nightmare. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as the impact of the crash shattered through him. He gradually opened his eyes as the air around him stilled and all he could hear was his heart thumping at the walls of his chest. He could taste the blood in his mouth from biting down so hard on his tongue. The windscreen was completely smashed in, but the crash hadn't been on his side. He gradually turned his head to face his father, ignoring the pain that shot through his neck. The man was soaked in blood, face completely smashed up. Every ounce of anger inside Yamato subsided as he was overcome with confusion and despair. His brain wasn't functioning properly and he barely understood what had just happened. He kept staring at his father's body in utter shock until he felt a cold rush as the car door was opened and something was pressed to his shoulder. Someone was talking to him but he couldn't hear what they were saying over the pounding of his own heart. He couldn't take his eyes away from his father. He just stared and stared, the argument ringing in his head.

Before he knew it, he was surrounded by flashing red and blue lights and someone was undoing his seatbelt, pulling him away from the car, sitting him down and checking him over. He watched from a distance as people slowly removed his father from the car and placed him on a stretcher. Subsequently the dream-like quality ended and reality flooded back. He stood up and uneasily and painfully raced towards his father's side. The man was breathing sketchily every so often, his eyelids flickering open occasionally.

"Dad! Dad!" Yamato grabbed desperately at the man's bloody hand.

"Yamato," he groaned roughly in response.

"Dad, I'm so sorry," Yamato's voice was broken and he was shaking uncontrollably.

Hideki lightly squeezed his son's hand and Yamato could see by the strain in his face that it took all his strength.

"I love you Dad," Yamato let the emotion escape him for once.

"I love you Yamato," Hideki whispered before letting out a heavy cough, blood splattering from his moth. Yamato watched as the man's eyes dulled and grip loosened from his son's hand. Every muscle in his body lapsed, and Yamato knew he had lost his father forever.

---

"And I was right. They couldn't save him," Yamato finished in a broken voice, he'd been trying to contain his emotion but to no avail, "I'd killed my own father," tears began to trickle down his cheeks.

"Oh God!" Taichi spoke for the first time in a good half hour. Tears pricked his own eyes, and there was a lump in his throat like he'd swallowed a baseball. He threw his arms around the blonde boy's neck and pulled him towards him, breathing in that tangy scent. "God Yamato. That's not your fault, you didn't kill him! You tried to warn him!"

"But-"

"Yamato, it wasn't you! You may like to think you're a total bad-ass rebel, but you don't have it in you to kill someone!" Taichi defended, "You didn't want it to happen, you tr-"

"Drop it Taichi, can't you just leave it? Just watch the movie," Yamato grumbled, pulling slightly away from his boyfriend as he dried his eyes and tried to regain himself. He couldn't handle all that emotion at one time.

Taichi let it slip and the boys sat in silence watching the film for a few minutes, before the brunette piped up again.

"Yama? How come you ended up living here with your Uncle? I mean, couldn't you have gone with your mother or something?" Taichi asked carefully, "Didn't she offer?"

"Apparently she offered, but I wasn't going to live with her and whoever she was shacking up with that week. Why should I have bothered after she left me?" Yamato argued.

"Fair enough," Taichi nodded, then snuggled into Yamato before adding, "I love you Yamato, you know that, right?"

"You've told me once or twice," Yamato taunted forcing an irritable tone into his voice, though he allowed himself a hearty smile as Taichi turned back to the TV.

---

The next few days passed slowly. After Yamato's confession the boys seemed to grow closer than they had been before, spending every evening together, just talking or watching movies, amongst other things. Everything was going wonderfully until last lesson on Thursday afternoon.

Yamato and Taichi had History, and were once again arguing across the class in an attempt to get thrown out. The class sat there rolling their eyes and laughing at comments Taichi would throw at Yamato, until eventually the teacher gave up trying to calm them down and just grabbed them by their elbows, pushing them out of the open door and slamming it in their faces.

Typically they headed for the toilets. Yamato pushed Taichi up against the wall, pressing his body into the other boy.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just love getting thrown out of class with you," The blonde growled before pressing his lips to Taichi's.

The kiss was passionate, filled with hunger. So much so both boys didn't realise they'd forgotten to make sure no one else was in the toilets. So much so that as Yamato's hand slipped under Taichi's shirt, they barely noticed the clicking of the lock on one of the stall doors. What did stop them however, was the bitter voice that rang out.

"What the…? Well, well, well, Yamato Ishida, would never have had you down as a fag,"

The boys froze mid kiss, eyes open wide, heart beats racing now from something other than lust. The voice was easily recognisable as Hiraku's.

"And who's that you're on top of?" he taunted, manoeuvring to see who Yamato had pinned to the wall. His jaw dropped as he saw Taichi frozen to the spot, "Yagami? Bloody hell. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Shit, just wait 'til the rest of the school hears about this, boys," He let out a malevolent laugh, then turned and strolled out.

The song at the start of this (also the one Yamato was singing in the last chapter) is Secrets by Good Charlotte. I claim no ownage of it whatsoever. :)

Don't know when chapter four will be along. Not too long hopefully.

Oh, and is it wrong this chapter made me think of the whole 'Daddy Issues' scene in Austin Powers? How silly I am...

-- Even Gods Dream, 2007