A/N Thanks for all those who reviews... I've decided to go beta-less, so my updates should be more common now school's out for summer! Hurrah!
SUMMARY: After two failed relationships, Tara and Willow sign a relunctant Buffy up to an online dating service. But what Buffy refuses to accept as a perfect match, may turn out to prove that this Slayer will never be able to escape a certain blonde vampire...
Buffy stood, shivering uncontrollably, outside the decrepit building of the Bronze. The light breeze played with a few of her honey-blonde waves, then danced on her shoulders. Buffy gave a shudder. She knew she should have brought a jacket.
She looked up at the sky with a relunctand sigh. She knew it was pessimistic to give up on him yet - dusk rarely lasted a long time, and he could be running late - but she couldn't help thinking: What if he blew her off? Again?
But if he was a no-show this time, that was just selfish. It wasn't just Buffy's pride resting on this gathering this time round. It was the fate of the whole of Sunnydale... hadn't she made that clear enough?
"Well, hello there, Buffy Summers."
Buffy grimaced as she heard the low and masculine tones of her visitor. The deep rumble of the voice sounded familiar, and, with her heart sinking, Buffy was afraid to turn around. This William was somebody she knew, after all? The dating website was meant to be a chance to meet new people! Buffy cursed Tara and Willow once again for their ridiculous suggestion of online dating, then withdrew her outburst. Could witches know they were being cursed?
Buffy shut her eyes tight, and carefully and cautiously turned around to face whoever was behind her, beads of sweat forming on her forehead, pulse quickening, breaths becoming shorter - it was like adolescence all over again... This was way worse than a first date. This was -
"Buffy. Its O.K to open your eyes."
Buffy kept one eyelid shut, and just showed one hazel iris worriedly. Before her, poised valiantly, was the large form she had known - and loved... once. The broad, distinctive shoulders sank with a sigh as she turned to him, and reocgnised him.
She tried to hide the look of hurt on her face, but it proved impossible to do. It was challenge to refrain from bursting into angry sobs, and invoke an attack on her former lover who was stood in front of her looking awkward - the expression he nearly always wore in Buffy's presence these days.
"Buffy..." Angel started, but Buffy interrupted him with indignation.
"How dare you!" she screamed, finally releasing the pent-up fury she had been trying to conceal. "You exit my love life with nothing but a few words of parting-" She swung a punch during this phrase, but Angel ducked expertly. "-and then decide to conveniently creep back in on your terms?" She kicked Angel in the groin, a move that caused Angel to surrender, and fall to the pavement, flinching at every painful syllable of Buffy's speech. Dealing him several more agonising blows, Buffy eventually ended her tirade with a final punch. "Bastard."
"Buffy..." he began again, but Buffy was striding away, every tumultous pace stabbing the sidewalk with her narrow heels. "Buffy!" Angel called again, and Buffy halted, her breaths ragged and raging. She whirled around to face him, but did not allow him the privilege of speech. Angel raised his brow, expecting another shriek from her, but instead, her next words were quieter.
"William?" she asked, calmly, with a hint of humourless laughter.
"Yes," replied Angel, thinking fast. "Its... like Liam - my human name. Liam's the Irish form."
"Oh." Buffy looked at the floor. "I see."
Curse Spike for sending me on this doomed mission, mused Angel, fiercely. He knew this would just complicate matters between Buffy and I. He better have dumped that demon by now...
"OK, let me get this straight. You are throwing me out?"
"Yep," decided Spike, trying desperately to haul Coquetta out of his crypt, but she was adamantly refusing.
"And why the hell are you doing that? We had a deal, William, freshly made just three days ago." Coquetta's voice was getting higher and squeakier.
"Yeah, well I made a promise to someone else," said Spike, firmly, and he again began pushing his companion towards the (heavily taped) door. "Distant cousin... to my... aunt's nephew... twice removed-"
"You know, I think I got it wrong," comtemplated Coquetta, an amused sort of smile playing about her lips. "I think its you that went soft, William, and not Angelus."
"I am not softer than that ponce!" declared Spike.
"Prove it," she hissed. "Let me stay. I'm harmless, William, you know that."
Spike was starting to believe he would have preferred the showdown with Buffy, personally, but it had chosen his path... and his path was driving him up the wall.
"Oh bloody hell," cursed Spike, suddenly. "Don't you get it? I want you out!"
"But William..." she wailed, but Spike cut her off.
"Sod off, sunshine!"
Coquetta trailed out of the crypt, miserably, but when she was out of Spike's sight, she cheered up considerably. Spike was only Plan A. The Slayer had other male friends - others closer to her than Spike was. The vampiric abilities were an obvious bonus - but Coquetta was beginning to doubt them due to several snide comments having been thrown his way casually over the past few days.
Now... who could she go for next? Angelus was too obvious, and who knew how long he would stay? Spike had told her he was a one-off visitor, so he was unpredictable, and his relationship with Buffy was obvious unstable. Coquetta reached the centre of Sunnydale, and morphed into her combat state. A bit of snooping was going to call for her to be in cognito, but that didn't matter. She'd still get her answers, whatever state of matter she was in...
"So how come you didn't show up the other night?" asked Buffy, as she and Angel proceeded to the Magic Box. There was no point in following Buffy's idea of heading into the Bronze for a fill-in about the coqueta - Angel probably knew more than her - so they decided to meet the gang in the Magic Box, and brainstorm. "You, after the whole cryptic message..?"
Cryptic message? thought Angel, pained. Bastard. Staking Spike was definitely going to be an option to consider after this ordeal. He hadn't filled me in on any of this standing-up, cryptic-message crap...
"Uh... I wasn't ready for you to know it was me, yet," he replied slowly, and Buffy looked sceptical. "You know, with our history..."
"You know, I'm sorry for what I called you earlier," said Buffy. "I realise I was wrong. You're a coward, too."
"Sounds like you've been hanging out with Spike too much," muttered Angel, but Buffy ignored him. "I'm really sorry for not letting you know."
Buffy shrugged. "What else would I expect from a man, except lies and decpetion? I guess I shouldn't have been upset."
"You were upset?" Angel echoed. "Oh, Buff, I'm sorry for what he - I - did. I wasn't thinking. I-"
"It was just, you know, teenage insecuries playing an unwelcome cameo," she replied, hastily. "I'm totally over it now. Colour me fine."
"Well..." Angel looked unsure. "OK." He held the door to The Magic Shop open, and Buffy ducked under his arm and inside, running to hug Willow.
"William was a no-show? Again?" Willow whispered in her ear sneakily.
"Oh, no," replied Buffy quietly, and she sat down. I'll explain later, she mouthed. Willow nodded.
Angel pulled up a chair beside her, and began listening intently to Giles, obviously trying to avoid conversation with Buffy. It would save him anymore excuses, he decided.
"OK, then," said Giles, clearing his throat noisily, and Xander and Anya immediately ceased bickering. "Um, this... coqueta creature is made of liquid, as I'm sure we've already discussed-"
"Hurry up, Giles," Anya hissed. "Xander and I want to have sex. Now."
"Anya!" Xander cried, mortified, but Anya shrugged, unembarrassed.
Giles took off his glasses, and began cleaning them, naturally, before continuing. "And according to my text, the demon appears to made from a type of liquid that conducts electricity-"
There was a distant crash - and a strange glooping sound - and most of the Scoobies shivelled around to examine the damage that had been caused, but could see nothing. Anya, however, remained calm.
"Its nothing," she said, looking at her nails, and frowning at one. "Its probably just some Guadalupe blubber exploding from its jar in the store room. I'll see to it in a minute."
"Guadalupe blubber?" Willow looked horrified. "Guadalupe seals are rare in California!"
"But their blubber makes an excellent candle," Anya pointed out. Willow looked ready to vomit, and Tara patted her comfortingly on the back.
"I'll try again tomorrow, shall I?" said Giles, looking at his watch, and then at Dawn. "Its getting late-"
Buffy's eyes were drawn to a patch of laminated flooring by the door, which looked like it had a strange sort of silvery rug on it. She blinked, confusedly, and then it was gone. She shook her head. It must be late, she thought. I'm getting tired, obviously.
Coquetta's liquidised form had slid behind a curtain. Regaining her more human-like resemblance, she cursed herself - and the boxes she had knocked over in the opposite corner. She had almost been caught out! She hid herself more carefully, as the Scooby Gang came into view.
"Hey, Buffy," called Xander, across Dawn's head. "I'll be there, 7:30 sharp for Dawn in the morning. Xander-duty, you know..."
Buffy reached across to hug him tight. "Thanks, Harris," she replied, softly. "Its been hard, you know, accquiring Mom duty completely-"
"Don't mention it," he ordered, and he released his friend. Coquetta narrowed her eyes. This Xander... she seemed to trust him...
"But I have to get home with Anya now," he continued. "We're going to play-"
Buffy made a ahem noise, and jerked her head towards Dawn, nervously.
"-Battleships," Xander finished lamely. "We bought a new set, and Anya's really keen to find my destroyer."
"I'll bet she is," Buffy muttered, but nobody heard. The Scoobies filed out, with Giles eagerly showing Anya his new padlock ("Look, this is how you properly lock up, Anya.") and then they departed their several ways.
"Xander Harris," Coquetta mumbled, watching him drape an arm around Anya and whisper something in her ear. "Look out," she continued. "You're next in my line of fire."