Family Portrait The Diary of a Lost Soul Chapter 7: Denial, an inuyasha fanfic

A/n: Sorry for the wait! But I had to think of something, and I'm working on two new Inuyasha stories that I'm attempting to get atleast four chapters down before I post them. I'm taking a two-three day grace period. I'm writing the most I can and not to worry, this IS a Inuyasha and Kagome ff but I didn't want it to be like everyone else's. I mean this is a girl gone through hell and she's only 19.

Chapter Seven----Denial.

Sango took Kagome by the arm as they strolled the mall together. Kagome had been a somewhat willing participant to go after being avoided by Inuyasha for so long. Sango sensed the tension and decided to help out best she could.

"December 19th Kagome. I can hardly wait till Christmas!" Sango screached.

It was her favorite holiday. Kagome smiled pathetically. She had nothing to be happy about. She couldn't remember how old she was, so she settled on 19. She knew she was a year younger than Kikyou and Sango, and two years younger than Inuyasha.

Truth be told, it was actually pretty beautiful in Tokyo. The snow was falling, and everyone was dressed for the celebration of the Heisei 19. From the festival of trees, to the lighting and decorating of the christmas tree, Sango made it clear that neither Inuyasha or Kagome would ruin her Christmas.

"Kagome, lets stop in here." Sango said, leading them to the pet store. Kagome took in the sight of all the decorated cages with cats and dogs putting on their best act, trying to be accepted. I know the feeling.

Kagome played with a canary, her thoughts wondering back to Sayuri and what she said about wanting to sing. "Not in this lifetime." she sighed.

This store was getting depressing. She went to search for Sango who wasn't hard to find. A small kitten had captured her attention, and what looked like, her heart as well.

"Isn't she beautiful Kagome?" Sango sighed in awe. Kagome glanced at the cat. It was cute. black and white, full of energy, somewhat of a bully to the other cats. Much like Sango. Kagome snickered to herself for a brief moment. Only Sango would find a cat to match her personality.

"I suppose." She answered with a shrug of the shoulder. Sango appeared offended. "YOU SUPPOSE?! This kitty is the pick of the litter! I want it."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Sango, she's probably not even on sale. Pet store animals are exspensive for no reason."

A passing store clerk walked by, glancing at Sango and Kagome. "She's only 1200$ A great sale for such a rare breed. Her ancestors are from the old japanese period!" The clerk chirped at the kitten's special feature.

Sango pouted. " 1200$!!! Are you serious?" Kagome didn't say anything, but her expression screamed, 'I TOLD U SO!'

With a heavy head bowed, Sango sighed. "Come on Kagome. Let's go." She walked out of the store, her spirits crushed.

Kagome gave one fleeting glance back at the kitten, who's eyes followed Sango out of the store. For the rest of the day, Kagome attempted somewhat to try cheer Sango up, but to no avail. They reached home about mid noon, Sango with plenty of bags full of gifts, but not a single smile. She went to her room and locked the door.

Kagome sighed, sitting on the window ledge, watching the snow fall. A door opened somewhere in the apartment, and she thought it was Sango. Until she smelt the aftershave. The smell got stronger until Inuyasha was sitting next to her, staring out the window.

" The other night was a mistake." she said finally, her voice full of no emotion what-so-ever. Inuyasha didn't bother to contridict her, even though he wasn't sure if that's how he felt.

"I know." he replied simply.

"Kikyou...she does not need to find out about this." She continued.

"I know." he repeated like a broken record.

"I'd appreciate it if this were never brought up again." Kagome finalized, looking at Inuyasha through the reflection.

She met his gaze, his revealing that this was no where near over. 'But what choice do I have?' Inuyasha thought to himself. Not only would their actions affect his relationship, but his family in general. He was already looked down upon as being the black sheep. But none of that would matter if she kissed him again. None of it at all.

"Wouldn't want the world to find out that you had an impulse action of passion for a crackheaded whore." she spat out cooly breaking his thoughts. What Kagome saw was confusion and rejection. Something she was used to but still stung like hell.

"You wouldn't know shit about anything I go through because all you do is stare off into space. I defend you constantly! Why!!?! Why do this shit if all i get is ridiculed and critized!!" Inuyasha shouted, tired of her always accusing him of being just like everyone else. Hadn't he proved time and time again that he wasn't?

"Don't come whining to me because your rich father doesn't accept the fact that his mother-bearing son is just like her!!" Kagome blurted out. She wasn't suppose to know that...but she listened. She listened to the conversations Inuyasha held with his dad. She knew about the woman who's massive picture hung above the fireplace.

Inuyasha had a sudden impulse to slap her. "What the fuck would you know about rejection?" he spat quietly.

Kagome gave a sad smirk. "Alot. unfortunately." Feeling something inside her shut down, she quickly went into her own world of silence. There was no point in opening up now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the silver bells rang closer to the time of my birthday I started to feel like a woman of many hidden doors. Pieces of my soul were beginning to spread into new territories and I found myself...thinking of my mother. Something I didn't want to do. I had burried her. I was done with my past. Miroku was taken, Souta was gone, my father had pronounced me dead, and the only man I ever had the strength to care about denies me that right. Granted, I initiated the rejection, but I felt it. I felt him cage my soul up. Why? Nothing came to my mind at the moment...no reason at all, except for my mother. I am my mother's daughter.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the streets began to cover with snow, Kagome traveled to a place she hadn't been in a while. The bank. Tokyo Financial was where her father had kept an old account. And with any luck, she'd be able to crack some codes and steal some child support cash.

The bank teller spotted her immediately, putting on a fake beyond fake smile. "Welcome to Tokyo Financial, where your banking and customer service is our pleasu-" "Higurashi, 23-9853-29-0" Kagome cut her off, getting to the point with the bank code.

She waited nervously, for the teller to put in the information. A mircle must have taken place somewhere because the teller glanced at Kagome then back at the computer screen. Kagome also witnessed that she discreetly rested her hand close to the panic button.

"Alright Mrs. Higurashi, for security reasons, I'm going to need to know the last four digits of your identification number." The teller said with a smirk. She knew damn well that this woman was too young to be a 'Mrs.' anything.

But that's where Kagome had her beat. If she wouldn't have said Mrs. she would have made the mistake of using her own identification number, instead of her mothers. " 4210" Kagome responded without a sweat. The teller raised a brow but removed her had from the emergency button.

"How much would you like to take out today?" The teller asked. Kagome thought for a minute. " How much is in there? I haven't made a deposit in some time." she lied.

The teller typed in a few keys, and responded, "1.5 million ma'am."

Something deep inside Kagome screamed, "YES!!". Keeping her composure, she nodded as gracefully as she could manage. "500,000$" she said. It was going to be a merry christmas after all.

---December 20th--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't remember much during my quest to find my peace of mind that day, but i do remember the snow. It was beautiful. White, clean, uninabitted until it touched the earth. Until it touched the ground. It reminded me so much of my relationship with Inuyasha. How beautiully simple his life was until he touched earth. Until he touched me. Sometimes I wonder if someone could ever love someone like me. We were so different...But that kiss...that kiss. It reminded me of my father's love for my mother...My mother..who died before I got the chance to tell her...how mad I was, how proud I was...how scared I am...

The snow fell lightly on the already covered streets. Kagome was scribbling diligently in her diary at the window sill, attemping to get all her fustration out. She had done all of her Christmas shopping earlier that morning while everyone was gone.

Inuyasha was out celebration Kikyou's new christmas gift that her father had given her-half of the estate just north of Tokyo. Sango was on a date with her new mystery man. So that left her here. Alone. No matter though. It was good for her.f

The plan was to go to Sango's house for christmas break. Her town was having the annual light show and she found the christmas spirit to invite Kagome, Kikyou, and Inuyasha. She had invited her new boyfriend too, but he had to work. He said he'd meet them there as soon as he got off work.

Still thinking of her inner sorrow, Kagome couldn't get Sayuri's words out of her mind. "I DO want to sing." she confessed.

She got up from the window, setting her diary on the ledge walking into Inuyasha's room. He had a very exspensive electric piano that he rarely played. Knowing he wasn't going to be home for some time she took a seat, and began to play chords.

She played a few christmas songs, but her mind drifted off to her mother. And at that moment she decided to sing how she felt.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid...

Inuyasha entered the apartment, taking off his coat. He was tired and annoyed with Kikyou and her stuck up rich spoiled family. Every year she got a bit more conceited. Almost like he was trying to connect with a ghost.

He glanced at the window to see Kagome had left her journal out. The temptation was too strong and he found himself drawn to it. He picked it up and began to read,

DECEMBER 20Rth

My birthday is in 4 days, and all I can think about is my mother. This will be my second year without my mother. Without her lovely voice singing carols, without Souta wanting her to make her special cookies that could have put Betty Crocker to rest. Sayuri asked me if I wanted to sing...And I swear I could have died right then. Of course I want to sing...but it's beaten out of me..Ever since Kouga, and Miroku.. I'm just so lost. Inuyasha, I thought he was sooo understanding, but he only wants to use and dismiss me like the others. Not that I blame him. He wants women of money, education and high standing. Kikyou fits all these qualifications but is a sneaky untrustworthy high class tramp, and he deserves more than her. More than me. I thought I could close my heart to him, but I slipped. We kissed and I...No! I won't let him. I won't let him or anyone else get to me. My mother hurt me enough to last me a lifetime. She killed herself in front of me...and I never got the chance to show her. To tell her that it was going to be okay. That she didn't have to lean on me because I was going to get her wings...I miss her presents...I remember she had a rare music box that she had gotten me from Japan...that only played christmas songs...After she died I never saw it again...I guess that's when I stop believing in the magic of it. Christmas died when my mother did. And I hate her for it...because I cant' move on without it.

Happy fucking birthday to me...

Inuyasha couldn't believe her words. Her mother killed herself? She has a brother? He felt like a complete ass. He had gone out of his way to avoid the subject of that kiss and now it had come back to haunt him. 'Damn...'

He closed the book, suddenly hearing music and a beautiful voice coming from his room. He quietly approached the doorway to his room, leaning against the door way watching Kagome play.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Kagome finished the song, wiping the tears from her eyes. What was she going to do? She never felt so alone. It just didn't make sense. Getting up, she jumped back after seeing Inuyasha in the doorway.

"I was just leaving. I didn't mean to be in your personal space." She ranted on, trying to move past him, but he blocked the doorway.

Inuyasha moved a strand of hair out of her face, seeing the sorrow in her chocolate eyes. He wanted to get lost with her. In her. Just to escape. He took a step toward her, attempting to kiss her. He brought his face centimeters from his about to join their lips for the second time. But reality was a bitch. His cell phone went off. It was Kikyou.

Kagome let her eyes search his. She found confusion. 'Join the club.' she thought. Backing away she glanced down at his phone. "You'd better get that." she said softly, and disappeared into the next room.

"Shit!" he seethed under his breath.

Inuyasha answered his phone. "Yes Kikyou...shopping? Again?!..." Then he thought about it. The music box..."Sure. Meet me at the mall in an hour."

Much later On...----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sango finished putting her last bag in the car. "Inuyasha, lets get a move on! We're already going to be in traffic!" she called up from the street.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes! "Just one second! Kikyou isn't done zipping up her bag!"

Sango rolled her eyes. Kikyou was beginning to really ruin her Christmas spirit. Everything had to be done her way and Sango wasn't trying to bring a pre-madonna to her small town. I don't know what I was thinking when I invited that snob..'

Kagome, already packed with her one suit case, was already waiting in the car, writing in her journal. Sango had noticed that Kagome seemed a lot calmer these days. And healthier. Kagome's hair was pulled to one side of her head, brushed and neat. Although it didn't shine and sparkle like hers or Kikyou's did, it looked better. She could have been a supermodel if she didn't look so glum and against the world. She wore dark makeup and Sango had hoped she could bring her into the spirit.

Inuyasha brought down Kikyou's huge suitcase putting it in the back of the SUV Sango had rented. Kikyou smiled sweetly at Sango. "Well come on darling! I can't wait to meet your folks. I just think tiny country towns are adorable!"

Kikyou spotted Kagome in the back seat. "What is she doing here!?!" She screeched, pointing a finger in Kagome's direction. Kagome cut her a glance, then went back to writing.

Sango shrugged. "I invited her." Kikyou frowned in disgust. "You invited a crack-head to your family's house? She can't be trusted!"

"Kikyou, shut it. Kagome is my guest. I envited her, she's going, and I don't want to hear another word about it." Sango firmly declared. Kikyou huffed.

Sango began to get in the driver's seat but Kikyou stopped her. "It's not very lady like to drive. Let Inuyasha. Atleast until we get to your home town." she offered.

Inuyasha groaned. He had no intention of driving, but there would be no peace unless Kikyou got her way in something. Sango rolled her eyes, but got in the passenger side. Kikyou began to object again, but Sango shot her a look.

"My car so I sit in the front." she stated. Kikyou huffed again, sitting in the back with Kagome. She shot the crack-addict a look of distaste, then glared at Inuyasha. "Well let's go already! The sooner I can get out of this car with her the better."

Kikyou stared at Kagome. How Inuyasha could take pity on such a worthless creature was beyond her. She noticed nothing exceptional about her except for her necklace. It was a beautiful jewel that sat delicately on her chest. 'How can a tramp like her afford a shikon jewel? I don't even have one! I bet it's a knock off...well, we'll just have to see.'

The trip was exausting and dragged out. Kikyou whined about everything, Sango was getting car sick and Inuyasha was so fustrated, he could kill something. Kagome, of course, said nothing. She enjoyed looking at the country life.

At the end of the main road, they had taken a ferry to the island of Shikoku. By that time, Kikyou was freezing, complaining about the weather. Sango was too tired to enjoy the sights of her old home town.

Kagome remained on the deck looking at the new world, covered with snow. 'Beautiful..' she thought. Her family would love this. Souta loved winter just as much as spring. Her mother was always a fan of snow, and her father would have appreciated the calm scenery.

Inuyasha crept up behind her, having a feeling she could already sense his presense. "You should go below." he suggest. Kagome jumped back, almost falling over the railing. Inuyasha caught her with lightning speed.

"Careful." He said. Kagome composed herself. "Thank you." Attempting to have a conversation she added, "You always come here?"

Inuyasha seemed surprised that she bothered speaking to him, but tried not to show it. "Not too often. Sango's family and I are close, so I stop in on occassion...Kagome, about your mom...how did she die?"

Kagome stared, unsure where the question was coming from. "She killed herself. A pistol plus a head. Do the math."

"Damn, that's rough. Did she know you were there?" he pushed.

Kagome didn't know why, but she felt like talking about it. "No...I think she heard me though. I came screaming through the house because I had finally caught a break. See, I had won this competition and...well, I think she rushed to get it over with before she lost her nerves. She didn't want to bare the look on my face."

"What was the prize?" Inuyasha asked after a while. Kagome stared out towards the river. "I had won 3,000$ from writing an essay on the book 'Utopia.' "

Inuyasha gave her a meaningful glance, then returned his stare back at the ocean. "I can only imagine what you did with the money..." he said, already having an idea.

Kagome let out a humorless chuckle. "Her funeral was so cheap, but it's all I had. Managed to get her favorite flowers though. She loved cherry blossoms. It was spring and I wanted her to leave this world wit even a bittersweet happiness... I never did take that writing class."

"You should. I think you have alot to say." Inuyasha encouraged, moving closer to her. Kagome turned from the view to him. "Inuyasha...don't do it."

"Do what?" he asked, mesmorized by her depth. Kikyou was about as deep as a kitty pool. He loved her looks, but she didn't have much to say if it didn't involve shopping or money.

"Don't get it into your mind that it's okay. Don't let yourself think that its okay to fall for me...because there's no gaurantee I'll catch you." Kagome choked out.

She wouldn't be that selfish. She wouldn't break his heart like Kouga had broken hers. Pretending he was someone he wasn't. No, she didn't deserve Inuyasha and he could do so much better. 'So much better than a low life...'

Inuyasha cleared his throat and walked away. He had never felt so shut out in his life. But she had done him a favor. It's alot easier to hate someone who doesn't give a damn about you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the ferry, Sango drove another three miles to her home town Takamatsu. The farm sat on a beautiful hillside, over looking the shore. Sango's family were the richest farmers in Tokyo.

"Welcome to Takamatsu!" Shinju greeted with her husband Toshio.

Sango's mother had shorter, shoulder length hair. She was very thin, but healthy. Anyone could see that she was once something spectacular, and Sango's beauty didn't skip a generation. But she resembled her father. Long hair, muscular, serious.

Sango ran into her parents arms like a little child back from summer vacation. "Momma, Poppa!" she screamed. The reunion was sweet and short. Sango finally let go of her parents, and brought them over towards her friends.

"Mom, you remember Inuyasha." Sango introduced. Shinju nodded, giving him a hug. "Don't act like you don't remember me Yashi! My my, you've grown into quite a catch!"

Inuyasha laughed at his godmother. "Thank you. How is my second favorite mother?" Shinju laughed. "I'm fine. A bundle of nerves, wondering if you all would make it alright."

"With Sango driving, I don't think we would have." He teased, winking at Toshio. Toshio chuckled softly, revcieving a small punch from Sango.

"Anyways, this is my girlfriend Kikyou." Inuyasha introduced extending a hand to Kikyou.

Kikyou smiled graciously, cutting Kagome a smug 'hah hah' look. Inuyasha hadn't caught on, but Shinju had.

"It's a pleasure Mrs.Tanaka-san." Kikyou greeted with a slight bow. Shinju nodded back. "Please, it's Shinju-chan. I'm not that old."

Shinju turned to Kagome, not forgetting about the silent creature. "And who might you be dear?"

Kagome began to speak, but Sango cut her off. " That's our new roommate Kagome."

"Really? How pleasant. Well, I don't know if you will enjoy a whole seven days in the country, but it's always a pleasure to have Sango's friends here." Shinju told her with a soft smile. A smile that reminded Kagome of her mother.

"Thank you. I'm sure it'll be an unforgetable experience." Kagome replied with a small smile.

Toshio clapped his hands together. "Now that everyone knows everyone, lets go inside and I'll convince my wife to make hot chocolate for us."

Toshio watched everyone go inside, Kagome was the last. She glanced at him and he never broke eye contact. "It is okay to feel comfortable here. You're safe." he assured.

Kagome weakly smiled. "Thank you." she wispered. 'If only he knew.'

A/n: Things should be getting very interesting now that Miroku is going to be there. Will Kagome's secret be revealed? What about Inuyasha's feelings? And you can rest assure, Kikyou is up to NO GOOD. The song I used was by Kelly Clarkson, for those who didn't know. Title was, "because of you". I thought it was fitting because she sings about her mother, and it matches Kagome's angst toward her own mother's dependence on her. In the next chapter, you're going to see many sides of Inuyasha. Thanks for being so patient. Review!