Chapter 2

Double The Karen Double The Fun

I guess I should tell you why my daddy has a separate house than me. It is because my mommy and daddy are divorced. A long time ago they fell in love and got married. Then after that they had me and then they had Andrew. One day my mommy and daddy decided they did not love each other anymore but they still loved Andrew and me a lot. They loved me way more than Andrew but that's beside the point. Anyway they got divorced and Mommy moved to a little house. Daddy stayed in the big house. It is because he is a millionaire and he owns a mansion. Mommy is poor and owns a shack. Do not tell her I said that though or her feelings will be hurt.

The divorce is not the end of the story though. Guess what? My mommy met Seth and married him. He moved into the little house with us. He is my stepfather. My daddy met Elizabeth and married her. She is my stepmother. Elizabeth had three sons Charlie, Sam and David Michael. They are my stepbrothers. She has a daughter named Kristy who is my stepsister. Sometimes Kristy babysits me and Andrew but I do not think this is fair. I think I should be allowed to stay by myself. Then I can finally finish my spell to burn down Morbidda Destiny's house. She is the witch that lives next door to Daddy. She got a restraining order on me. A restraining order means I am supposed to stay away and leave her alone. Daddy makes sure I do because he says I embarrassed him by harassing "Mrs. Porter" to the point she had to call the police. "Mrs. Porter" is the name that Morbidda Destiny scammed all the grown ups into calling her. Only I am brave enough to admit the truth and soon the world will be free of her scourge. Well just as soon as I can spend a little time at the big house without the grownups or teenagers around. Andrew and David Michael are young enough and stupid enough I could distract them with video games. So is Emily Michelle. Emily Michelle is the toddler that Daddy and Elizabeth adopted from Vietnam. She is a spoiled baby. I do not like her or Elizabeth. I pretend to get along with Elizabeth but I really hate her. She is my wicked stepmother just like Cinderella so I am supposed to hate her. She is really nice and I wish I could like her but since it is like in Cinderella I have to hate her.

I am really special because I have two houses and two families. I am even more special because I have two of everything else. I have two stuffed kitties, two blanket pieces, two allowances, two bedrooms, two pairs of roller skates and even two best friends Hannie and Nancy. Hannie is my big house best friend because her family is rich like Daddy. Nancy is my little house best friend because her family is poor like Mommy. I am jelly of Nancy because she has a real live baby named Daniel living at her house. I just have stinky Emily Michelle. She is not a baby but she is no fun either. She is like Andrew: whiny, spoiled and dumb. I think I like Nancy the best because of the baby but before that I liked Hannie best because she is rich and has better toys. We call ourselves the Three Musketeers because we are one for all and all for one. We do not let other kids play with us because Three Musketeers means three only. We are nice to them but we do not consider them our friends.
We also have pets. There is Midgie and Rockie at the little house. They are really Seth's pets but Andrew likes them. I have my rat who I named Emily after Emily Michelle. They both look the same and act the same: stinky and ugly. Everyone thought it was so cute how I named Emily after her but they would be sad if they knew why I did it. At the big house there is Shannon and Pumpkin. There is also a fish named Crystal Light. The grown ups think I am stupid and tell me it is the same fish that has always been there but I know it is really Crystal Light the tenth. We used to have a cat named Boo Boo but Morbidda Destiny killed him with a hex. Daddy says Boo Boo died of old age but I know he is lying. This is why someday I will have my revenge on Morbidda Destiny.

Anyway on the day Andrew the meanie mo called me a fatso, I had to start packing for Daddy's house. I made sure the Club G catalog was the first thing I packed. Most things I need are already at Daddy's house but I always bring my backpack for school since my mean teacher Ms. Colman refuses to give me two text books. I do not know which part of I am Karen Two Two and I need two of everything she does not get but Daddy and Mommy did not argue with her.

"Karen?" Mommy called, "Phone for you!"

"Oh goody! I must be off punishment." I squealed to my rat. I bounded downstairs and grabbed the phone.

"Karen," said Mommy as I put the phone up to my ear. "It is Hannie. As soon as you are done on the phone, you need to go back up to your room. Your punishment is not over."

Boo and bull frogs. Hopefully Hannie had a lot to say and this would be a long phone call. "Hi Hannie!"

"Hi Karen! You will not believe the surprise I have for you. I know you are coming to the big house soon so when you get there I will tell you. I am so excited I feel like I will burst." Hannie was very excited.

"Why not now?" I demanded.

"Because it is more fun to surprise you, Karen. I will give you one big hint though." Hannie giggled.

I sighed, "What is the hint?"

"Bring over your new Club G catalog when you come to my house. It is part of the surprise. I need to go now. Bye Karen!" Hannie hung up.

I was very annoyed with Hannie. I am too impatient to wait to find out any kind of secret and she knows it. Oh well I would be at the big house very soon and then I could go to Hannie's. The secret must be about Club G if Hannie wanted me to bring my catalog. I could not wait to find out what it was.