Chapter 11

Plan B

I decided that my first order of business would be to steal money from my big house family. I would feel less guilty stealing money from my family because they owed me. I wanted shoplifting from Club G to be my last resort. I should have had my family willingly providing all the Club G merchandise I wanted but since they were not, I would just take the money that was rightfully mine. Another reason they owed me was that my allowance had been cut off. If Daddy would not pay me my allowance then I would just take it from his wallet and pay myself.

Now that I had made the decision to steal money from my family, I had to decide how I was going to manage to steal. I was confined to my bedroom and I would have been caught very easily if I left it since this house is crawling with people.

I thought about sneaking around at night at stealing while everyone was asleep but I was worried that I might wake people up and be caught. It seemed like everyone kept his or her wallet or piggy bank in the bedroom where he or she slept. Andrew actually slept with his piggy bank cuddled in bed with him. He told Mommy that this is because I stole from him one day last summer to buy ice cream from the ice cream man. This is a lie. I just borrowed the money. I paid it back the instant Mommy threatened to cut off my allowance for two weeks as punishment. I am not a selfish, greedy meanie mo like some people I can think of in this family.

Maybe I could find a way to make my family extra sleepy so they would not wake up easily. It was times like these that I wished I had been friendlier to Morbidda Destiny so that she would teach me her evil magic spells.

Thinking about Morbidda Destiny and sleep made me remember a time before she had gotten that silly restraining order on me. I had been staying up at night so I could sneak out of the house to spy on her. Daddy found out and he had Nannie start giving me a teaspoon of vanilla flavored medicine. It made me too sleepy to stay up and spy on Morbidda Destiny. Nannie had kept the yucky syrup in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom. She put it on the top shelf.

I wondered if the medicine was still there. If it was I had a brilliant idea. I ran off to my bathroom to find out. Unfortunately I remembered that I am too short to reach the top shelf of my medicine cabinet. I went back to my room and dragged my desk chair in. I hoped that no one would hear me.

I was very happy to find the sleep medicine still in my cupboard. An evil plan had formed in my head. I was going to pour the sleep syrup into food while my big family was not looking. Then they would sleep very soundly and I would be able to rob them. By the time they woke up and noticed the money was gone, I would have all the things I wanted and needed from Club G.

Now all I needed was an opportunity to pour the medicine into food without getting caught. I was worried I would not get the chance but the next day, I woke up and heard Daddy outside of my room in the hallway. He was talking to Kristy's friend Jessi. Did you know that Jessi is black? I think that is pretty cool.

Daddy said to Jessi, "It will just be Karen here today. The rest of us will be having a picnic and a hike at a state park two hours from here. Karen is to stay in her room or her bathroom. Deliver lunch for her at noon. Just leave it outside her door and she will get it. She will leave her dishes outside in the hallway at one so you can take them then. You may watch the television and help yourself to anything in the kitchen to eat. Just do not talk to Karen or allow her to leave her room. That is my only real rule for the day. Oh and do not worry about the crock-pot in the kitchen. It should cook fine and not need anything else done to it."

I guess Daddy wanted me to hear him talking to Jessi and that is why she was in the hall but it did not matter. That crock-pot dinner was my ticket to drugging my family. As soon as they had left, I snuck out of my room with the medicine bottle in my hand.

Jessi was lounging in the living room with a pile of homework on the coffee table and she had headphones in her ears. She did not notice me peeking into the room behind her. I smiled and walked into the kitchen. The crock-pot was sitting on the counter. Quickly, I took the lid off and dumped the entire bottle of medicine in. I stuck the bottle in the trash and high tailed it back to my room before Jessi noticed me. Success!

I spent the rest of the day feeling rather antsy. I could not wait for my family to get back and eat the crock-pot meal. Drugging the food meant that I would be very hungry since I could not eat it myself but there were more important things in the world than my stomach.

Finally at around seven at night, I heard the car pull up in the driveway. It was my big house family arriving home from their picnic and hike. It was gigundoly unfair that they had not taken me but I guess it was too late now. Now it was time for revenge. Someone deposited a bowl of crock-pot stew outside my bedroom door for me. I took it and flushed it in my potty. I could not believe how smart I was to think of that. If my family did not hate me they would be very proud since I am a mega genius.

I read a book and waited until the house was quiet. I wanted to make doubly sure that everyone was asleep. It was eleven at night before I felt it was safe to sneak out of my room. I snickered quietly to myself as I stepped into the hallway.

I checked everyone's room for money. I did not leave a piggy bank, purse or wallet unchecked. I was going to be so rich and able to buy anything at Club G I wanted. I could not wait.

I checked Emily Michelle's room last of all. Yes, I robbed a two year old. I am proud of myself for doing it too. A baby does not need money as much as I do. Emily does not know or care about Club G. She looked pathetically cute sleeping there though but I still felt no remorse.

I tiptoed back to my room with my hands and pockets full of stolen money. I was going to count it and see how much I had. I stepped inside my room and turned the light switch on.

"Surprise Karen," a voice said as I turned the lights on. It was Daddy and he was standing inside my room. In fact my whole family was there except for Emily Michelle. Even Andrew was sitting in my laundry basket and he looked very angry. Nannie sat in my desk chair and did not look pleased. Kristy, Charlie and Sam sat on my bed which was not right since that is my throne. Elizabeth stood next to Daddy. David Michael was sitting on top of my desk. All of them looked like they wanted to kill me.

Daddy cleared his throat, "So Karen, you have turned to stealing from your own family. You also attempted to drug us. It is a good thing Jessi saw you doing it or maybe you would have succeeded in your plan. For punishment, I am extending your current isolation from the family for another month. Now, hand over the money."

I could not believe Jessi had seen me. That was gigundoly sneaky of her. I gave back Daddy the money and then they all left my room. No one else spoke to me but they were all giving my nasty looks.

I cried myself to sleep. I was feeling gigundoly lonely and now my mission to get myself Club G items was getting pretty desperate. Boo and Bullfrogs. I did not know what else I could do.