AJ-Wolf-AJ: Thanks for the cheers! Lol. You'll have to see about the vision thing. Could be a vision, could just be a nightmare. Muaha :::cough, cough, cough::: hahahahaha. Hmm. Ruined the evil moment. Grrr. And actually, about my aunt, I don't even know if she had a husband. Lol. I never really thought about her husband.
Wynjara: Lol. More angst on the way. Nope, Snape sure isn't a pleasant drunk. Not many are. Lol.
Athenakitty: Lol. Do you usually ask all questions? Yup, Harry's a cutter, he can't control his feelings, and the reason why he's bleeding is in this chapter.
CrazyNProud: Lol. I like the screen name. I'm glad you liked the chapter! Hope you like this one.
Pip3: Lol. You're making me blush! Thank you so much! I'm really glad you love my story!!!
She-Elf4: Lol. It is funny that the votes were tied. How many times does that happen? I'm glad you liked my chapter.
Moni: Yep. Poor Harry. Muahahaha! Oh, I mean, poor, poor Harry.
Padawan JanAQ: I'm glad you like my fic. Harry will pull through...at least in this chapter. Lol.
MoonyGirGinny: Yup, I have a lot of suspense in this fic. I'm glad you like it.
Agnei Smith: I'm really glad you like my story! Lol, yeah, if my mom doesn't ban me it'll be her boyfriend. He's more strict than her and he has ways of finding out if I was online at a time and all that. I can only hope that he'll leave my mom's computer alone cuz that's the one I'm on. Lol. If he does ban me at least I'll have time to plan what I'm gonna do for next chapter. Thank you for reading my story!
'Win the Trial' Reviews:
Lady Lily3: If Harry does lose the trial, please don't be too disappointed! I have good plans for either side. Both of them have lots of angst and Voldemort and all that good stuff.
'Lose the Trial' Reviews:
Narcissa-Malfoy-22: I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. Plenty of things have been going on and..ugh. Exhausting. Lol. There would be a whole lot of angst if Harry lost the trial. I already have it planned…sorta. Lol.
***********************************************
*****PLEASE READ*****
A/N: Hey everyone. I still need some votes so I won't make this chapter the deadline. Next chapter will be the deadline for votes. I had an uneven amount of votes, but I accidentally deleted the e-mail that someone sent me and I don't remember their name. I didn't think too many people would be happy if the opposing side won just because I said someone sent me an e-mail and I couldn't find it. I don't want to make anyone mad. Lol.
Some people are tryin' to send me on a guilt trip if the opposing side wins. It's not my decision. It's the people's decision. Please send in some votes! Either e-mail or regular reviews. You can vote again if you voted on a previous chapter. Just please, send in those votes!
By the way, I would like to thank those of you who reviewed. You really put a smile on my face. That's so rare these days. Thanks! I'm sorry my chapters take too long. I don't really have that much time to write. If it makes any sense at all, I don't write as much on the weekends as I do on the weekdays...unless I'm at my grandma's house. My mom's boyfriend comes down on weekends and looks at my stuff and all that. It's quite annoying. I don't like my mom and her b/f reading this cuz it has a bunch of stuff that would worry them. Lol.
Well, I guess I better stop rambling and get on with the story. Here it is!!
Chapter 17: Crawling Deep Within Myself
______________________________________________________________________________
Snape had tried reasoning with Harry that he wasn't going to leave him, but he wouldn't listen. Harry kept insisting that he had seen it happen. Snape, not knowing that Harry had visions, thought that the Dark Lord had just planted them there.
Harry was so hysterical that he began to hyperventilate. He was taking short gasps of air while trying to talk at the same time. "Harry, listen to me. You need to stop crying, okay?", Snape said, trying to calm Harry down. Harry abruptly stopped, still gasping for air. Snape was surprised that Harry had stopped so fast. All because he told him to?
"Harry, take some deep breathes, okay? Some deep, slow breaths.", Snape said, making sure Harry understood him. He began doing as Snape had said, and eventually his breathing went back to normal. "Is that better?", Snape asked. "Yes sir. Thank you.", Harry said softly.
Snape raised his hand to run his fingers through his hair when Harry threw his hands over his head. "Please don't", Harry whispered. If Snape thought he couldn't feel any worse, he was wrong.
"Harry, please understand that I won't hit you. Never in my lifetime will I hit you, or any other child for that matter. I may yell, snap, or throw sarcastic remarks your way, but I will never hit you. Do you understand that?", Snape explained, looking at Harry intently.
Harry wasn't sure if he could trust Snape not to hit him. He was so used to getting beat that he wasn't sure if he could trust anyone anymore. "Harry?", Snape asked. He was getting a bit nervous with Harry not answering.
"It's just that, all my life I've been beaten in some way by my uncle. That makes things really hard. Then, what with last night and all…", Harry trailed off, looking at the ground.
Snape realized with a jolt that he didn't remember anything from last night. That was the first time that he had drank so much that he blacked out. "What happened last night?", Snape asked, fearing that he might've done something to Harry.
Harry looked up at Snape, wondering if he should say. "Do you promise not to get mad?", Harry asked meekly. "I promise.", Snape answered. "Well, last night, I was in my room when I heard you coming up the stairs. All of a sudden I heard a crash, so I looked to see what had happened. Turns out you fell down and weren't able to get up. So I, um, carried you to your room.", Harry explained this and stopped to get a breath.
Snape was quite shocked that Harry had carried him to his room. That must've been why his wound reopened. "When you were finally in your bed I was heading out the door when you started talking to me. You started saying all of this stuff about how…how your father used to…used to…", Harry was having a bit of trouble explaining that bit and Snape noticed. "Used to beat me?", he suggested. Harry nodded.
"I kept telling you that you shouldn't be telling that to me, and then you just yelled at me to get out of your room.", Harry said, avoiding what happened after he ran back into his own room. Snape was quiet for a minute, before softly asking, "Did you have any nightmares?"
Whatever color left in Harry's face vanished at the question. "About me?", Snape asked, dreading the answer. "In my dreams, you would come into my room and hit me. You would scream and yell at me for being a burden to you and the rest of the wizarding world.", Harry said quietly.
"Is that why you cut yourself Harry? Because you think you're a burden? Because you think no one cares?", Snape concluded. Harry looked up sharply at his professor, fear instilled in his eyes. "Yes Harry, I know about that."
Harry was speechless. He was horrified that Snape had found out. "Let me see your wrist.", Snape said suddenly. Harry reluctantly rolled up his sleeve, and showed his wrist to Snape. Snape gently took it in his hand, closely examining the cuts and scratches.
He traced one finger around the most previous cut; the one that wouldn't stop bleeding. Harry shivered when he heard the echoes of many screams. "You were particularly upset when you did this one. The screams that you just heard were your own inner demons. You had some pretty morbid thoughts whilst doing this one."
"How do you know what my thoughts were?", Harry asked a bit angrily. Snape tapped his head with his finger. "While you heard the screams, I heard your thoughts.", Snape said. Harry pulled his arm back, not wanting Snape to hear anymore of his thoughts.
"I can tell you right now that your godfather does not hate you. He loves you and he always will.", Snape explain to Harry. "Harry, please don't do this to yourself. You have no idea what you're getting into. What you're doing is like a disease. If you don't get help, you could die.", Snape said.
"What would you know about it?", Harry spat angrily. Snape almost laughed out loud at the question. "What would I know about it? Seems that I would know a lot about it.", Snape said, before he rolled up the sleeve to his robes.
Harry's eyes widened at what he saw. White scars ran all the way up and down Snape's arm. "There are plenty of things you don't know about me Harry, and you'd be surprised at the things I could tell you."
****************************
There were 3 more days until the trial, and Harry had crawled deeper into himself. He only spoke when he was asked a question or was expected to say something. Otherwise he was completely quiet.
He had conjured himself up a muggle walkman plus the CD Meteora from Linkin Park. He found that the words in the music were exactly how he felt. The song that he was currently listening to was Faint.
Since he could conjure up almost anything now, he had plenty of muggle things. His most prized possessions were his walkman and his stereo. He had completely fallen in love with music. All he really did was listen to music all day.
When he wasn't listening to his walkman, he was listening to his stereo. His favorite song on the stereo was 100 Years by Five For Fighting. Every time Harry heard it he always blared it up. Snape didn't seem to mind, though.
******************************
Snape was worried about Harry. He wasn't coping well with the trial. Plus his never-ending nightmares. He seemed convinced that Snape was going to die. Snape was starting to get nervous from Harry's dreams. Was this some sort of a warning? He definitely needed to talk to Albus.
Snape knew that Harry had built a wall around himself. He knew the kind of music that he listened to. Harry was becoming, more or less, just like Snape had when he was a teenager. He shuddered to think about what would happen. Would he become a Deatheater? No, Snape though. He wouldn't do that...would he?
Unfortunately no one knew that answer but Harry. Snape would really have to talk to him about it. He almost laughed. He was becoming like a worried parent. Snape shook his head. Who would have though. The evil Potions Master was thinking like a parent.
______________________________________________________________________________
A/N: Hope you all liked it! Sorry if I have any grammar or spelling mistakes. I tried my best! Again, please send in those votes!