Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran nor do I own the song "Like you" by the greatest band ever Evanescence..

Chapter 6:

... Stay low, soft, dark and dreamless, far beneath my nightmares of loneliness, I hate me for breathing without you... (from "Like you" by Evanescence)

As Hikaru bends down and brushes his twin's hair with a shaky hand the realization hit's home, and even when in stark denial of this cruel turn of fate, even then when he presses his own soft lips against his mirror's cold ones, even then it won't return. Karou, was gone, and Hikaru was empty, utterly and entirely empty.

He pulls away from his twin, broken and dejected. His eyes glaze over as Phantoms of the past cloud his tormented mind, his vision blurs and then clears as memory becomes his refuge.

Although they played it up, although they made everyone think it was all a part of there plan to win the 'refreshing' contest. Hikaru was nearly broken never in his life has he been so scared then at that moment, that one horrible instant when he saw the blood dripping from the cut that marred Karou's perfection. He sighs miserably and takes Kaoru's hand, his whole body trembling and it takes every ounce of strength not to cry. But Hiakru has his pride, and Kaoru keeps repeating that he is fine. So why couldn't Hikaru calm his pounding heart? Why couldn't he just let go of this sicking fear. and something else that was growing stronger by the second something impossible but..

Then later that night after he wakes clothed in sweat, an malicious coldness sweeping through him. The remains of the dream lingering like a malignant tumor... Death himself holding out a blackened hand and Karou reaching, just reaching until his pale fingers infuse with those hateful black ones. and then he was fading, fading away from Hiakru.

Then the tears fall, Hiakru can't help it, forget being brave, forget being a man. He had come so close, too close to losing the only person that really meant something to him. But what did that mean? Surely Hahuri meant something, and what about Tono and the others? But...but this was different, this was... stronger, this was more. He felt more for Karou in that moment then he ever had, and it was so intense this feeling encompassing him, and he knew in that instant that even Hahuri could never mean more to him then his brother.

And that was the problem right, because Kaoru was his brother, his twin, his other half but...but he could never be anything more then that. And Hiakru wanted him to be, wanted it more then anything he ever wanted and that wasn't natural. It wasn't it right, it was immoral, it was disgusting and he was being narrastic and..and..and as Karou rolls towards Hiakru still blissfully ignorant in his sleep. Hiakru leans over and gently brushes his lips against his twin's forehead. Karou's soft sighs, and murmurs of Hiakru's name fill him with such a longing, such a desire that he could no longer deny it. He loves Kaoru, He loves his twin and not in a brotherly way... Sick or not, twisted, insane it didn't matter. But the truth was that it did matter because he could never tell him, Karou will never know. and he would have to stand back and watch his beloved love another. He would have to let him go. At this thought a thousand daggers stab at his heart.

The memory swirls away, as the cold hard truth pulls him from his fantasies and still that connection is gone. still he is missing, his Karou is gone, gone forever. And this, this sweeping blackness polluting what remains of his soul isn't even refuge enough to kill this pain, the twisted logic that loving your mirror image brings.

Through the corner of his eye, he sees Hahuri crouched over Karou, her trembling hands cling to him. Then her eyes go wide as they meet Hiakru's colorless ones.. she lowers her gaze, her face ashen, her lips tremble, and then she is reaching for him, her shaking fingers just another testament to the horror that awaits him.

Hikaru refuses her hand, finds Kaoru's cold ones, no not cold, ice. His hands are like ice, and even before he hears Hahrui's broken voice, even before those hateful words slip out. Hiakru knows, maybe he's known all along why else couldn't he feel Karou? Why else other then the fact that...it's like his dream, his nightmare become reality.

"H...I...Karu.. Karou...H.e..he he I..am so sooory..Karou he's..."

"gone," Hiakru finishes for her. And oh god, how could such a single word fill him with such sorrow?

How could Karou leave without him, how could he just go didn't he know that Death shouldn't be trusted? So why did he take his hand? Why did he fade away? Before Hiakru could tell him. Tell the one thing he swore he never would but now more then ever Hikaru wish Karou knew just how much he meant to him and that it all wasn't just some cruel game. But Karou never knew and he...he. never will.

Hiakru looks down at his twin's pale face through his tear stained vision and he reaches out and touches that smooth skin, yet still Karou's not there. So maybe he should join him maybe Hiakru should also takes Death's outstregted hand and although this thought horrifies him it also calms him. His hand falls from his brother's face and then he is curled up beside him, pressed up against him, and still it's no use.. And as he clenches Karou's icy fingers within his own. he whispers the words that fill the other with fear, "I'll be with you soon."

Then the others are pulling him away from his twin's still form, no not still.. dead...dead, Karou was DEAD. Hikaru might as well get use to it, but. but thinking that, knowing that only made it worse, only made it harder to bare this existence...without Karou could he even exist?

Then another thought clamps down on him, swallows him whole. This was all his fault, Karou was dead because of him. Hiakru had killed his own brother, twin...love because...because he couldn't control his emotions. Because he had to thrust onto his brother what he swear he never would. Not again. It wasn't suppose to happen again but he was there with him both times he was there with him so, so how could it be wrong?

As he lies beside Kaoru, pressed into him the memory unfolds trapping him within its venomous pull, and Hikaru knows he shouldn't be remembering this not here, not now, not ever again. But what did it matter? What did it matter?

Hikaru looks down at his sleeping twin, these new emotions swirling around him, and it was too much and without thinking, he gave in. Before he realized it, before he could stop it, to his absolute horror he found Kaoru staring at him in confusion, as Hikaru's lips press into his. And then they're falling...falling into this perfect bliss. and it's not suppose to happen but Karou tastes so good, the sweetest forbidden fruit... and the memory fades.

Hikaru sits up, as a strange sound fills the night, a familiar, important sound but for the life of him...Hiakru starts to laugh a bitter hollow sound that sends chills through Kyouya's entire body. Life, life was a cruel joke, and he wanted it to end. just let it end. So he closes his eyes and falls back down to the blissful coldness of his brother's embrace.

But then they're pulling him away again, and strangers are leaning over Kaoru, putting things on him, and why, why were his friends allowing this injustice? Why were they just sitting there watching in silent desperation, as some stranger pounds on his brother's chest and another put an oxygen mask on his blue lips. and what's this about it being good that he was so cold? How could it be good that Karou was cold? How could it be good that he was alone that Hiakru was alone?

Wait...slowly the fog wrapped around his head clears, and as the paramedics come into focus...as their words mingle with the forgotten wind, hope surges through him, for the first time hope dares to live.

His voice barely a whisper, some how mange's to reach them all, even over the ambulances sirens, and the raging wind, the harsh thudding of his heart... His words echo, and twist and fall over his twin cascading over him, swallowing him whole..."Karou...I..I love you." and then then the

impossible...

Karou's golden eye lock with his, and they're shinning, and wet with tears and they blink once before sliding close, but as Kaoru falls back into the shadows of unconsciousness a single word slips from his lips, "Hikaru."