Thank you nebbyjen for beta reading this. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Sheppard lay on his back staring up at the sloping ceiling, waiting for sleep. He could feel Amy lying beside him, feel her soft warmth and hear her breathe. Pure physical exhaustion was weighing on his limbs and he lay heavily, waiting for sleep but it wasn't coming easily to him. He couldn't clear his mind's confusion and kept thinking back to the conversation on the beach this morning. The words Amy had used were echoing in his head, "breakdown……….. post traumatic stress disorder…….. memory loss…….. hallucinations……… relapse…… paranoia…….. blackouts…….. recovery ……. prognosis …… time….. peace and quiet……… extended leave……."
He found it hard to believe that he'd had a breakdown. However, he knew that there was something deeply wrong with him; there had to be to account for his confusion and for the memories that just couldn't be true. He shuddered as the image of Amy pale and deathly quiet in a hospital bed intruded into his thoughts. In an attempt to rid himself of the image he rolled onto his side and propped up on one elbow to look at her as she slept. Frowning slightly he reached out to touch the wayward brown hair that spilt across the pillow towards him and he "remembered" how it had fallen out in handfuls during chemotherapy. What had made him hallucinate that the woman he loved had died by inches, fighting and suffering with each inexorable step towards death?
"Stop it, Shep. I'm nearly asleep you're gonna wake me up," Amy mumbled into her pillow.
"Sorry, honey, I'll stop," he replied. He slowly withdrew his hand and carried on staring at her, at the way that the pale light played across her face.
After a few minutes she mumbled again, "Shep, you're still doing it. Stop it"
"Stop what?" he asked.
"Staring at me – stop staring at me. I'm trying to get to sleep and you're staring at me and keeping me awake, you jackass," she replied squinting at him. His heart lurched in his chest as he looked at her somehow seeing pain filled, twisted eyes superimposed on the sleepy face peering at him from underneath the unruly brown hair.
"Hey, who are you calling a jackass?" he chided, gently caressing her hair and swallowing the lump in his throat.
Amy gave a mock snarl and buried her head under the pillow. "You, you, you, jackass, jackass, jackass," she taunted in a muffled sing song.
"Hey, maybe I'm just not tired enough to sleep," he suggested, a hopeful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Amy lifted her head out from under her pillow and looked at him appraisingly, a lazy grin on her face. "Well, perhaps I can do something about that," she said and any confusion that remained in his mind disappeared as Sheppard surrendered to her urgent kisses.
McKay was sitting on the gateroom steps watching as Ford ran through the final checks with the team that had gathered about him. They were nearly ready to leave. Once finished, the lieutenant then turned to Bates and while having a muttered conversation, the two officers inspected their weapons.
His gaze then shifted to Teyla standing quietly next to Elizabeth as they both watched Zelenka running various tests on the machine that he and Grodin had built. When finished, the Czech packed it into a large silver case, carefully ensuring there was enough play in the wires connecting it to his data pad.
Now they were ready. Squinting slightly, Rodney massaged his forehead, while mentally running through the list of things he had packed to bring with him. Did he need any more? There wouldn't be an opportunity to come back if he'd forgotten anything. He caught sight of Beckett entering the gateroom weighed down by a large bag of medical supplies. "Carson, come to wave goodbye to the departing heroes?" he called out and immediately regretted it as his headache stepped up a notch.
"No, Rodney," he replied and then waited patiently as McKay berated one of the marines for nearly dropping one of his bags.
"Can you read?" McKay demanded of the young soldier and then, pointing at the letters on the side of the pack, he said, "F R A G I L E, fragile! Got it? Be careful with it." The marine gave him a sour look and then heaved the pack up on to his back.
Beckett indicated that McKay should take a seat whilst he examined him.
"Carson! I don't have time for this!"
"Yes you do Rodney; it's called a pre mission check up," replied the Scot which earned him a glare from his unwilling subject.
"You can't stop me going, you know," McKay said looking at the doctor suspiciously. "Anyway, what is all that junk?" he asked waving irritably at Beckett's bag. "Our medic has everything that we need – he might be a pack mule but he can't carry any more; we can't cart all that with us. This is a precision operation – clockwork in and out." McKay was talking so quickly his words were tumbling over one another and he was waving his arms in an attempt to disguise his physical weakness and deep seated feeling of ill heath.
Beckett gave the Canadian an appraising look and then said, "You are in no shape to go on this mission, Rodney. Can't you reconsider?"
"No I can't, and anyway, whose fault is that, Doctor Oops-dropped-the-patient-on-the-head-again?" snapped McKay in reply.
"Well, if that's how it's going to be then I guess I was right after all." The physician bent down to heft his pack up onto his back.
"Carson, what are you doing?" McKay was watching Beckett as he struggled with his pack, a perplexed look on his face.
Beckett gestured to one of the marines to help him load his pack up onto his back and then turned slightly to face McKay and answered, "Rodney, didn't Elizabeth tell you? I'm coming with you."
Whatever response McKay may have had was lost as Ford chose that moment to address the assembled team.
"OK, people, this is the situation. We are heading back to Planet Hellhole to find and retrieve Major Sheppard. And, as you know, Planet Hellhole is not a nice place so we are going to have to be very careful. There is some kind of defence system which can play with your mind, however, McKay and Radek will be taking care of that."
"Aw. He could have said that it was with a particularly brilliant rotating jamming frequency that I developed? Couldn't he? Was it too much to ask??" McKay asked imploringly of no-one in particular.
"Once we get through the gate, we head straight up to the Outpost. McKay hacks the system, turns it off, we split up to go find Major Sheppard and then we bring him back. Does everyone understand?"
There was a chorus of nods.
"OK, people, let's go," Ford ordered, then turned and faced Elizabeth.
She nodded. "Dial the gate," she said without taking her eyes off the assembled team. Was it right for her to risk all these people for one man? In her heart she knew it was but she had her doubts. Walking swiftly over to McKay she put her hand on his arm. "Are you sure you can do this?" she asked him.
He nodded and stepped forward to join the rest of the team as they proceeded to the gate.
The heat hit them as they stepped through the event horizon. It was still dark on the planet although there was the faintest line of grey on the horizon indicating that dawn was on its way. Ford and his men staked out a perimeter. Teyla stood protectively near the scientists as McKay got out the life signs detector and Zelenka started monitoring the readings from the jamming device whilst throwing nervous glances around him. Beckett wiped his forehead where sweat was already beading and shifted his pack into a more comfortable position on his back.
"And this is before dawn?" he asked.
Teyla nodded. "In full daylight the temperature can be most uncomfortable," she replied.
Beckett had no answer to that and just threw a concerned glance at McKay who was engrossed in the life signs detector.
After a few moments McKay spoke, "Just like before – nothing – except one life sign coming from up there probably at the Outpost. Let's just hope that it's Major Sheppard. Radek, keep monitoring the jammer. Ford, keep everyone together. We don't have much range on this thing."
Ford nodded and gestured for the marines to fall back towards them. In a tight group with McKay, Zelenka and Beckett in the middle, they made their way up to the Outpost.
They approached the building cautiously with Ford and Teyla taking the lead since they knew the ground. It was quiet but along with the moaning of the wind and the scrabbling of the insects they could hear a low humming sound. They were standing just metres away from the Outpost. "McKay, is there anything showing up on the scanner?" whispered Ford.
"Just one life sign," replied McKay alternating his attention from the life signs detector in his hand and the data pad carried by Zelenka. He pointed at something, and Zelenka, nodding his understanding, made a few adjustments.
"So, can we go in?" asked Ford.
"Yes, but we have to stay together and be aware that if that is Major Sheppard in there, he probably won't know who we are," replied McKay still looking absorbed in his instruments.
Zelenka nodded his agreement. "Yes, signal is much stronger here. We have a radius of no more than 3 metres from this," indicating the device he was carrying. "Outside of 3 metres I cannot block the transmissions."
Ford looked at the team to see that everyone had heard. "All right people, move in but keep close. If it is the Major in there, the plan is to get him within our 3 metre radius ASAP, got it? If he resists then we use non-lethal force," Ford ordered taking out the tranquiliser gun he and Bates had prepared earlier.
Beckett put his hand on Ford's arm, "As a last resort please, son, since we don't know what kind of state he's in." Ford nodded.
Teyla slid the ruined door to one side. She and Ford stepped slowly through the door, blinking as their eyes adjusted to the shadow inside the building, holding their guns ready to fire. As her eyes adjusted and she could see clearly in the dim light she caught her breath. They exchanged concerned looks and pressed forward. Reaching the object of their attention, she turned and said to those behind them, "It's Major Sheppard. He appears to be unconscious." She leant forward to touch the inert figure in front of her.
Pushing to the front of the group McKay grabbed her arm. "No, don't touch him!" he ordered while simultaneously reaching out to stop Beckett as the doctor stepped forward. "I said don't touch him!" repeated McKay in an urgent shout.
"But, he needs medical attention, Rodney," protested Beckett.
"I know that, but if you touch him it might realise you're here."
"What might realise I'm here?"
"That." The scientist gestured towards where Sheppard lay, pale and unmoving in the control chair in the centre of the room.
Thanks to everyone who has left me a review. Apologies if I have not replied to all - I tried but the software has been doing strange things to me... Please let me know if you any comments on the fic. I've had some really useful feedback that has helped me improve the way I write. Thanks in advance.