Solace
Chapter Five--One To Lose
Lily decided to let Michael brew for a few days before confronting him. She and Michael were never the talkative sort, but Lily was beginning to realize that perhaps they should try to be. Obviously, the two of them had some issues that needed to be worked out and hopefully, they could help coax one another out of their current states.
During the day, her thoughts would often roam upon her own family, her own contemplations, her own discrepancies. Yet, she couldn't help but think of Michael. He was a part of her, had been for two years, and she refused to take the news of his family's death lightly.
She'd never experienced loss in such a manner. The only recollection of death she could recall was seven years in the past. Her grandmother had died peacefully in her sleep, old age taking it's toll upon the woman. She remembered that her mother had cried, unable to express words for the grief she'd experienced. Lily had understood it at the time, knowing precisely how life was changed from loss. She'd remained calm throughout the funeral, holding her mother's hand in hopes of rendering any strength that may have been needed.
And now, at the age of sixteen, Lily hoped to do the same for Michael. She wanted to give him hope, give him a small shred of faith for the future. Yet, this was Michael Crouch. He wasn't prone to optimism.
The more she thought about it, the more nervous she became. She knew that she'd be reaching out on a limb for him, jeopardizing all that she believed in. The part that scared her most was that she wasn't even sure if he was worth it.
XXX
The end of November signified a change in the air outside, bringing despair to Lily. She'd always treasured the fall, the happy medium between two extremes. The atmosphere had always been so calming, the falling leaves a pleasant comfort. Yet, now the trees were bare and many were forced to remain inside with the warm, soothing fireplace. Without the fall, she almost felt trapped inside of the castle.
Lily had once enjoyed the first snowfall, before the harsh winds began and ice formed in every lonesome crevice. Yet, since she began dating Michael, the two of them had never appreciated the winter season. He wasn't fond of cold, claiming it was in his blood.
Despite her love of the autumn season, Lily found herself longing to embrace the new change taking place at Hogwarts. As she sat in the common room, avoiding Michael at any and all costs, her emerald green eyes pondered the winter season.
She sort of missed the excitement she'd once felt as a child. She ironically missed the tingling feeling the snow brought to her fingertips, the way the small snowflakes fell on her dark eyelashes. She longed to be a snow angel once more.
"Evans," a voice rang, breaking her from her recollections of the past. She turned her head to find the ever charming James Potter standing beside her. She'd been seated at a window sill, her arms hugging her legs protectively.
Lily offered him a feeble smile, attempting to hide the anguish she'd been trying to escape.
"Care to spend some time with a friend?" he asked her, his voice now pleasingly familiar to her normally deprived ears.
She found herself surprised that she was growing fond of the way he jumped directly to the point, not bothering to skip around his intentions.
"I think I would," she decided, all thoughts of Michael vanquishing temporarily as she eyed the snow outside and made to grab a cloak and scarf.
XXX
The signs of winter had come early that year, the lake already adorning a thick layer of ice atop of it. Lily thought back to the days when her mother would take her and Petunia ice skating at the local park. Petunia had been a natural, having acquired the perfect build for the sport; tall and lanky. Lily, however, who had short, little legs, required a bit of extra attention from their mother.
She remembered how safe she felt, her mother's hands guiding her along a circular path. She recalled how proud she'd been, how she'd boasted to their father that evening. Petunia had disregarded it, bragging of her own achievements and belittling Lily's.
Their rivalry had begun early on and had only exemplified the year Lily received her letter to Hogwarts. Perhaps that was why she enjoyed the fall so much. It was in the fall of her eleventh year that Lily escaped her sister. And now, in the winter, all the childhood memories she'd cherished were becoming much more clear. She'd been faced with adversity her entire life. No matter how proud she could become, there was always someone there just waiting to bring her down.
As they walked through the weightless snow, the powdered flakes dropping onto them from above, Lily couldn't help but wonder exactly why she'd chosen to dare the cold weather for the first time in years. It brought back such awful memories; recollections of Michael and Petunia.
As she felt James Potter dragging her down into a snow bank to create the perfect snow angel, she knew why. She'd never had anyone to share the season with. And now, she had James.
XXX
Lily stood, fumbling with her hands nervously as she eyed Michael from a distance. He knew she was there, but he refused to make her presence known. She had owled him that morning, requesting his company that night claiming 'they needed to talk'. Much to her surprise, he had shown up.
The Astronomy Tower was ideal for private conversations and well, anything, really, that couples had in mind. Yet, Lily preferred it for it's vast size, perfect view, and serene atmosphere.
He looked so beautiful in the moonlight, his dark hair and cerulean eyes sending chills up and down her spine quickly. His face was dark, reclusive, and to her dismay, contorted with a seething anger. Obviously he was still upset about her sister's wedding invitation. Lily reminded herself that there was more to it than that.
"Michael," she finally voiced, her sound small and fragile, almost helpless in his presence. She wanted to sound confidant, demanding even. She needed to set boundaries, to reaffirm the status of their relationship.
He refused to turn his head, but she knew he'd heard her. The corners of his mouth had taken a downturn, making him look even more cross than usual.
"I heard about your parents," she blurted out, wanting some sort of reaction, any reaction. Yet, she didn't receive. "I saw a newspaper clipping," she lied. "Mentioning their death in July. I've sort of been going over it in my head for the past week or so and well, I've come to wonder why you never told me."
She had his attention, although he still remained as unvocal as ever. His silence was daunting, leaving her uneasy. He'd been known to react as so, launching into an episode when she least expected it.
"Is it because you don't trust me?" Lily inquired, her voice soft and caring. She wanted to let him know that he could come to her, he could always come to her. After two years, they could still rely upon each other. "Because, really, I want you to know that--"
"Who told you?" he asked gruffly, his voice low and raspy. His eyes turned, catching hers unexpectedly. "Was it Potter? Because, from what I've heard, the two of you have been quite busy together."
"Potter? James Potter?" she asked, her voice cracking abruptly and her palms beginning to sweat. He stood, inching closer to her with each breath she took.
"Don't play dumb, Lily," he advised her, his words clear and precise. He was surprisingly sober, unlike what she'd been prepared for. "It's not a very attractive feature on a woman."
"He's just a friend," she told Michael defensively. "And no, he wasn't the one who told me. I saw it in a newspaper clipping in the library when I was doing research for Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"Well, did your little newspaper clipping happen to mention what happened to the surviving son?" Michael inquired rashly. "Because, from what I understand, he inherited nothing from his deceased parents and was harassed by his uncle at the Ministry."
"Your uncle? You never mentioned an uncle," Lily told him sharply. "But, then again, an uncle is far less important than the death of your immediate family. If you didn't mention them, I wouldn't expect you to mention something as petty as an uncle."
"Yes, Uncle Barty is as unforgiving as the Prophet makes him out to be," Michael informed her, his eyes glowing wildly. His breath was hot on her face, his fingers tracing her cheek unconsciously. "I'm still the family outcast and apparently, I am undeserving of the Crouch name. And despite the fact that they're my parents and my brother, he won't include me in their murder investigation. I know nothing. I've been left with nothing but broken memories and a Mudblood girlfriend. Lucky me."
Michael was notorious for being low, but insulting his own girlfriend was an all-time reach for him. She'd have preferred he'd physically harm her opposed to brandishing her with that foul name. Yet, she couldn't help but cling onto one tiny piece of information he'd let slip.
His parents had been murdered. That was worst than she'd expected. But, she should have known considering what James had told her. They did work at the Ministry, after all, and the community was in the middle of a dark, ruthless war. She should have expected casualties to arise. She'd never imagined it would have struck so close to home.
"Michael, I know you're hurting right now, but you shouldn't take it out on me," she pleaded, bringing her hand to his face, caressing his cheek tenderly. He brushed it away, a scowl besmirching his already crooked face.
"You don't know shit, Lily," he told her, his voice raising to a dangerous level. "Here I am, mourning the death of parents who couldn't give a dragon's arse about my well-being, and my girlfriend's off canoodling with James bloody Potter. Do you have any idea how much you've embarrassed me?"
"We didn't do anything," she told him, her voice sounding so pitiful in comparison. She may as well have been invisible.
"I won't tolerate being shamed, Lily," he told her, his knuckles cracking to withhold the anger he was suppressing. "Do you have any idea how lucky you've had it for the past two years? I know at least thirteen girls who would kill to be in your shoes. And you blew it for a Marauder. I thought you were better than that. But, obviously, I overestimated you."
Realization was upon her as his words departed bitterly from his lips. Her eyes were glazing over, her thoughts almost trance like. He was leaving her. He was finally leaving her, her biggest fear being fulfilled.
She had thought that despite their problems, their love would allow them to persevere. Despite her doubts, their passion would keep their relationship alive. She'd been wrong.
"You won't know how good you had it, babe, until it's gone," he told her, leaving with an ugly, all-knowing smirk implanted upon his face.
He had left her there, left her when she'd tried reaching out to him. The consequences of her actions had come alive. She'd been waiting for him to do so and he had. A part of her wanted to blame it upon his current condition, yet the more rational, sensible part knew that the two of them had merely been hanging on a string, waiting for one final blow to wipe them out.
And it had. James Potter had served as that blow.
A/N: Sorry it's kind of short. I tried to make the length a bit longer. I'm not sure if I even like that chapter. I'm sort of setting up for things I have in store. I wouldn't get too excited about her and Michael either. As said, I have some things in store. And, to answer all questions, Barty Crouch & Barty Crouch, Jr. are Michael's uncle & cousin. Thanks, hope you enjoyed, and please review.