Solace

Chapter Six--One To Carry On

The rate to which gossip traveled simply astounded Lily. To no ends, students at her school could foster an idea, carry it along, and add their own embellishments in attempt to amuse themselves and others around the castle. The news that Lily Evans and Michael Crouch had broken up hadn't taken long to spread. In fact, it had taken a mere twenty-four hours.

After waking up the following morning, her eyes red and annoyingly dry, Lily had walked into the Great Hall with numerous whispers following. Quickly glancing over to the Slytherin table, she spotted Michael, his cerulean eyes filled with faux merriment and laughter. Vera Myles, a seventh year Slytherin girl with eyes of a fox and a reputation shot to hell, was busy leaning over the table, one of her hands caressing Michael's left arm tenderly.

If Michael honestly thought she was going to be jealous of some cheap, Slytherin slut, he was wrong. Lily managed to roll her eyes discreetly and sit down upon her own table. It was rather strange to not have any company that morning, since Michael normally ventured over to the Gryffindor table at about that time. But, Lily knew things were going to be immensely different from how they'd been before.

The thought of Vera Myles with her grimy paws all over Michael's left arm left Lily a bit disturbed though. She couldn't shake the image from her mind, not out of jealousy, but merely out of concern. Vera, herself, wasn't a Death Eater, but it was well known that she lived for a rebel. And her singling out Michael wasn't a good sign.

Michael may have been misunderstood, but he was not desperate enough to start taking commands from Lord Voldemort. He just didn't live that way. Lily knew that he'd never be able to oblige to anyone other than himself and really, that wasn't the stereotypical Death Eater. She only hoped he considered that trivial fact before making a stupid mistake.

XXX

Following the end of classes, Lily made her way out into the courtyard, her bag firmly hanging on her right shoulder and swinging absently with each step she took. The morning snow had been charmed from the ground, making it less hazardous to walk upon. She had decided that today, her time before dinner was going to be spent studying. And the ideal spot for her, really, was in the courtyard on an unoccupied stone bench. The appeal was actually hard for the blind eye to see, but Lily figured that despite the cold weather, she really needed some fresh air.

The winter season was actually beginning to grow on her the more she began to think about it. Perhaps she'd only been a fall person because Michael had been a fall person. But, she realized that she loved everything about winter. She loved the way her cheeks were always scarlet from the cold air and the way her nose was constantly congested. She loved the way the moonlight hit the snow at night, basically defeating the purpose of the pitch black atmosphere nighttime brought. She loved that whenever she had an intake or release of air, she could see the effect it had with the weather. She loved that, if in the morning she rushed outside with damp hair, her auburn tendrils would become brittle momentarily until she ventured back indoors.

It was the odd, unnoticed components of winter that Lily enjoyed. She hadn't even realized that she'd been staring off onto the grounds until James Potter waved a hand in front of her eyes, causing her to snap out of her daydreams.

James had been the only person she'd talked to since her breakup with Michael and naturally, he'd heard. It had been two weeks, two long, difficult weeks. Fortunately, she'd done her best to avoid running into him whatsoever and thankfully, Hogwarts was a big school. It wasn't like she'd had much time to dwell on it either. James had seen to it that someone was always taking care of her, whether it be him or one of his fellow Marauders. Yet, she preferred it when it was him who was around her. He seemed to understand her best.

"Lovely spot for studying," he commented sarcastically before sitting down beside her, resting his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. He was smiling, of course, a smile Lily had come to enjoy seeing. He was always smiling. Sometimes, she wasn't even sure what it was that James was smiling about. He always seemed to find something enjoyable, something that brought a bit of brightness to his face. Although she'd never tell him, she was envious of his constant optimism.

"I thought so," she told him, her tone lathered with amusement. If it hadn't been for James, she probably wouldn't have been able to wake up in the morning. But then again, if it hadn't been for James, she'd probably still be with Michael.

"I love winter," he told her, turning his head so that he could look at her briefly before his eyes roamed back to the people passing through the courtyard. Lily had noticed that James was a people watcher. It didn't matter who, but he was always alert. She'd never seen anyone notice people so much. James just really seemed to see people and to Lily, that was a remarkable feature. She only wished she could be as observant.

"Could have fooled me," she retorted back cheekily, brushing a strand of deep red hair from her face and setting her small, pale hand back onto her lap. "You can't play Quidditch in the winter."

He chuckled, his laugh warm and pleasant to her ears. "True," he told her hesitantly. Lily noticed the resistance in his voice. It wasn't uncommon for the two of them. He seemed like the sort of person who had so much to say, but not enough time to say it all. And when she thought about it, she was exactly the opposite. She didn't know what the hell she wanted to say and she had far too much time to say whatever it is she may have come up with. With him, he seemed hesitant to provide too much to her. Not guarded, exactly, but afraid. "But I think that's the appeal. I mean, during the spring and fall, I'm James Potter, the Gryffindor chaser. But, during the winter, I have a chance to actually be someone. People don't just see me as a Quidditch player."

And again, Lily felt envious of James Potter. He had so many thoughts, so many ambitions, so much perspective. And yet, they were the exact same age and she didn't even have a clue. In comparison, she was lost.

"Well, at least people recognize you for something that actually required some effort," she grumbled, her voice becoming raspy from the cold air. "I'm Lily Evans, Michael Crouch's dopey girlfriend. Or at least I was. Now, I'm his dopey ex-girlfriend. Even better, if you ask me."

"If it means anything to you, I never saw you as just Michael Crouch's girlfriend," he told her, shrugging slightly and from what Lily could tell, hoping he hadn't crossed the line. He hadn't.

"You're different," she insisted, stretching her legs out in front of her and suddenly wishing that the ground was covered in snow. She'd absolutely love kicking her feet around in the weightless white powder. "You actually notice people. You're not caught up in the gossip mill of Hogwarts. You base your opinions of people upon what you see, not by what you know."

"And you don't?" he asked her quickly, his response a bit surprising to her. She wasn't sure what she did.

"I haven't been able to form opinions," Lily told him, biting her lip and wondering whether she should elaborate. She wanted to, she really did, but she wasn't sure whether James was ready to hear that part of her life. "Michael wasn't exactly keen on socializing. Well, at least he wasn't keen on me socializing."

"And despite that, we became friends," James pointed out, running a hand through his already messy locks. She had always found that particular characteristic as an annoying way of grasping attention from others, but now she saw it for what it really was; a nervous habit. "And you formed your own opinion of me. And, contrary to popular belief, I am indeed a person."

He was right. As always, James Potter was right. And she was glad he was. He seemed to see her as something more, something more than other's saw. She wasn't just Lily Evans, pretty face. She was Lily Evans, a girl with brains, meaningful opinions, and a personality. She wasn't just Michael's girlfriend. Now, she was his friend. And honestly, she found it to be her best move in six years.

XXX

It was at night that Lily found herself dwelling. She didn't have anyone to distract her, anyone to take her mind off of the pain she'd undergone for the past two years. It had finally mounted upon her, forcing itself to become a problem, and now the problem was gone. And without the problem, Lily wondered exactly where she would go.

Without Michael, Lily wasn't sure what was in store for her. She desperately wanted to just live her life without worrying what Michael would think, what Michael would do, and whether Michael would get upset. It had been a part of her life for two years, two long, hard years, and now it was gone. He was gone.

And each night, for the past two weeks, she'd found solace in the tears. But now, after two weeks, she didn't need to grieve any longer. She didn't need to mourn. It was without Michael that a new opportunity was being presented to her. She wasn't going to just be his dopey, stupid, mudblood girlfriend. She was going to be Lily Evans. She was going to have what James had.

And she'd prove to everyone, she'd prove to herself, that she didn't need Michael.

A/N: Thought I'd give you all a light chapter before the you-know-what hits the fan. I'm pretty sure you won't be seeing Michael for at least two or three chapters, but don't take my word on it. Hope you enjoyed! I'll try and update when I find some time and inspiration. Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Keep them coming.