Solace

Chapter Seven -- One To Reminisce

The winter holiday, as wonderful as it was, didn't seem to drag on nearly as long as it once had in previous years. For once, Lily was disappointed to see the budding of flowers on the bare trees, the rippling waves in the lake opposed to the glossy ice that had flooded over the deep water. The signs of springtime were not unwelcome, but they seemed to sadden Lily.

The winter had signified a turning point for her. She'd broken away from the empty person she'd once been and for the first time, she'd made a friend. James Potter was, in no other words, loyal. He'd stuck by her during both the good and the bad. As much as she'd tried, moving on from Michael was not nearly as easy as she'd have imagined. She'd thought that getting over him would begin as soon as she set her mind to it. It had, of course, but she quickly realized that it would take time.

And the winter season was the only semblance of truth she had. The winter had been her time to overlook what she'd once been and move onto something new. It had been her transformation, her accomplishment. And without the winter, she wasn't sure where her life would lead.

She confided in James that she felt silly for comparing phases of her life to the seasons outside, but it was a constant in her life and she couldn't possibly let go of it. Of course, James was wise and all-knowing, in her opinion, at least. He'd told her that her life wasn't dependent on the seasons outside. She didn't need to be afraid of change.

But, she was scared of change. She was scared of losing all that she'd accomplished over the past few months. She was scared of the light.

XXX

Although Lily was pining for the winter season, the springtime had it's perks as well. As a sixth year, she found that she had a lot of time at her disposal. She could roam the castle, she could enjoy the common room, but it was outside that she found sanctuary. The warm weather allowed for her to step onto the grounds with only a light jacket, making her feel less tied down and more independent.

She often took walks through the Forbidden Forest, despite the fact that she was a Prefect and the act would more than likely be frowned upon if she were caught. But, she was mid-revolution and it was during the transition from spring to winter that she began to do more for herself. She liked animals, she liked nature, she liked the fresh air the forest brought. She'd never imagined that she could be so daring, so carefree. It was a new side of her, a side she'd once had but had thought to be lost.

James sometimes joined her in the forest after Quidditch practice, flying on his broom beside her as she walked and picked flowers from the trees. The exclusivity of the forest, the seclusion, seemed to make it easier to speak freely. Lily began to notice that she rather enjoyed talking. She enjoyed it especially so when the talking was done with James. For the longest time, she'd always been a listener. But, now, she pondered life, pondered questions that had been trapped away inside of her mind for years. And James listened. James responded, sharing his own views on her thoughts. She'd never actually talked with someone, about things that mattered and more so about things that didn't.

He seemed to understand that she needed to talk, she needed to get these thoughts out to someone willing to lend an ear. He was more than happy to oblige to her. She often asked him whether he minded her silliness, her random chatter that could last for hours on end.

And just as she knew he would, he replied with a typical James response; "We're friends, Lily. Why would I mind?"

It was with these small, mind-blowing sentences that Lily began to open herself up to the light she'd been avoiding. But, little did she realize that it was James who held that light. He seemed to lead her down the path of optimism, a path she'd been avoiding for far too long. It was along this path that she felt support, support she'd been longing for, but that had never been offered before James Potter entered her life.

As much as she loved talking with him, she still preferred listening. His words were so original, anything but shallow. He knew how to make her laugh, the first genuine act she'd been able to perform. Normally, in social circumstances, she found herself forced to laugh, a smile necessary upon her face. But with James, she didn't need to force anything.

He took her mind off of all that troubled her, an accomplishment she wouldn't have been able to manage on her own. Although she'd hoped the tears would cease to exist, every night they still came, as if running on schedule. She still thought about Michael when she was alone, wondering how many women he'd used since the time of their break-up. She wondered how many women he'd used even before their break-up.

Only just last week, she'd seen him with the Head Girl. And then, it'd all started to make sense to her. He'd been receiving tutoring in Potions for over a year and all the while, she'd remained naive. The tears hadn't fallen that night. She'd refused to let them. Her upper lip had stiffened and she'd fought off the pain. To her, those tears still bound her to Michael. They symbolized the control he'd once had over her, the control he still may have had.

She refused to think about any confrontation that could possibly occur between the two of them. Would she ever take him back? Would she ever reconsider going back to the only life she'd known for two years? He'd been the boy to take her virginity, but had he taken her heart? Had she let him take too much?

It was with James that she let these questions go. She refused to even bring Michael up in conversation with him. James and Michael were two completely separate parts of her life. She didn't want them to coalesce. She couldn't let them coalesce.

XXX

One Saturday afternoon, Lily had dragged James out to the lake, the air warmer than it'd been the entire year. The spring was beginning to hold promise for her and she was beginning to see the bright side. Perhaps she could be a year-round sort of girl, enjoying every season. Perhaps she could just enjoy life in general.

Dipping her feet into the cool water of the lake, Lily let a small grin pass over her face as she reminisced to the year before. It was always so strange to think of fifth year. Michael had been a huge part of her life then. She'd been weak, she'd been vulnerable, and she'd been more than impressionable. But, at the end of that year, she'd broken away. And even then, James had been able to free her from the control Michael had over her.

She turned to look at him, watched as he'd closed his eyes to block the sun and enjoy the warmth. He hadn't let his feet dangle in the water as she had, later confiding that he wasn't a big fan of swimming. Something about him was much different than it'd been the previous year. He'd matured so much, her impression of him changing along as time passed. To think, only a year before she'd reprimanded him only feet from the very spot she was seated at. And now, they were friends.

His jet black messy hair was stirring as the wind sifted through it and for once, she had the desire to just reach over and touch it. That'd be entire inappropriate and the mere thought scared her. James Potter, in her mind, related only to the word friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Do you remember O.W.L.'s last year?" she asked him tentatively, wondering if she should even bring up that incident. Perhaps it embarrassed him. He had grown up quite a bit since that time. Sure, he could be childish when he wished, but overall, he had made that transition from boy to man. She wondered if his parents noticed this change, wondered if they were proud.

He turned to look at her, smiling to her surprise. He'd opened those hazel eyes, those beautiful iris' lined with splashes of brown, green, and honey. Her impression of those eyes hadn't changed. She still found them beautiful.

"Ah, the rumble between prat and Prefect," he mused, throwing his head back to release a warm, pleasant laugh. She loved when he laughed. Seemed to make the situation more comfortable, more approachable. "Yes, I remember."

She fell quiet, thinking back to how strong she'd felt, how empowered she'd been after that incident. She'd used her position as Prefect for the greater good. She'd helped Severus Snape, despite the fact that her help had been unwelcome. She hadn't stood off in the sidelines. She hadn't let James Potter or Sirius Black step over her authority. She'd been brave.

But, she'd gone back to being regular Lily the moment Michael had swooped in, his words on the situation harsh and malicious. She'd cowered before him, ashamed of what she'd done. It was only now, with James, that she ultimately felt glad. Even then he'd been able to open up a part of her she kept hidden from the rest of the world.

"It's funny where life takes us, huh?" she voiced, her emerald green eyes striking the water with wonder. The reflection was quite different from that night last year with Michael. She wasn't battered, she wasn't bruised, she wasn't even broken. She was Lily. Nothing more, nothing less.

He seemed to know that she hadn't wanted an answer to the half-question she'd posed. She'd just been voicing the thoughts roaming around inside her mind. And he watched as she gazed into the water, pondering exactly how the two of them had ended up as friends. Their reflections would have seemed so out of the ordinary last year, but now, it all seemed to fit.

If only she'd see what he saw. But, he knew he needed to give her time. Lily Evans was anything but easy, despite what Michael Crouch may have believed. While Lily gazed upon the water, she saw a difference, a change. She saw trust, James saw opportunity.

A/N: Not my best, but I thought I'd just show some of the change that'd been brought to Lily. Hope you enjoyed!