gravity
by neener

Sorry it took me so long to update! I was doing Script Frenzy, and then I got totally suckered in by Spring Awakening fandom, and then I was just characteristically lazy. So I'm finally updating. I won't do that again! (procrastinate, I mean. I actually plan on finishing this fic! Miracle!) But the next update may be slow, considering I am still crying over Deathly Hallows. I am in denial. It's not over. At least I'm not a Harry/Hermione shipper, then I would be really unhappy. Is Ron/Hermione still a spoiler? Well, whatever.

I also had a lot of typos last chapter… luckily I went back and changed them (the worst one was, "Young man, you've been following me for three months, could you please stop?" XD. Wtf is wrong with me.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! It took me three goddamn months to write, I hope it's good.

chapter three: at the bottom of everything

Outside Axel's window, an ambulance shrieked past, wailing very inconsiderately.

"Nnngh."

The inside of his elbow was covered with drool, but the redhead ignored it (and the consistent throb of his burned hand) and buried his face in his pillow. At least Heaven was quiet at night. He had been unable to get more than ten minutes of sleep since eight thirty, when he had retreated into his room (filled with shame and feeling like the lamest person on the planet for not staying up late). The rain still hadn't stopped; sometime around ten, it was joined by horrible bellows of thunder that scared Axel out of his pants – although he would never admit it to anybody, ever. Not even Lexaeus, who was afraid of heights (ironically) or Demyx, who had arachnophobia. He remembered that Larxene had told him once, through fits of hysterical giggles, that Xaldin was getting counseling for having fear-of-getting-peanut-butter-stuck-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth. At least my fears are rooted in reality, Axel justified. Being afraid of heights is stupid when you live in the air; spiders can't do anything to harm you unless you let them crawl on you; any fear involving peanut butter is just stupid anyway. But thunderstorms are genuinely bad. The house could be struck by lightening and we wouldn't even have a chance.

Axel rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling, which was erratically lit from the storm outside. Much to his consternation, there was a Dora the Explorer nightlight in the corner. "My friend's daughter stayed in here last," Tifa had said by way of apology. "I actually like it. It gives the room character."

Yeah, like it doesn't already have enough character of its own, Axel thought sarcastically. Cloud and Tifa obviously hadn't heard the theory that guest rooms should be as blank as possible, so the guest has more room to spread around their personality, so to speak – so they would feel more at home. This particular guest room was cluttered with books of poetry, glass figurines, interesting looking cases, and a particularly unnerving cabinet that had nothing in it except books about mortuaries. The adjoining bathroom was little better; it was filled with lipstick and tampons and several boxes of condoms. Axel had nearly torn the two rooms apart looking for cigarettes, but it appeared that he would have to get his own, unless anyone else in the Strife family smoked.

Sora doesn't smoke cigarettes, but he's probably on crack, for all I know. Axel frowned. The twins would be a psychologist's wet dream. One was completely attention-deficit; the other was practically catatonic. Axel was, to put it mildly, disturbed by the entire situation. Winning over a family of complete nutters was not something he had had in mind.

At least I have somewhere to stay, he thought, trying to pull himself out of his shameful self-pity. Some people don't have even that. The thought was helpful for several seconds until thunders shook the city once again.

"Jesus Christ," Axel muttered, rolling back into his pillow and pulling the blankets tightly around his body.

Axel knew the time before he knew where he was. The digital clock beside his lumpy mattress glowed dimly in the darkness, occasionally illuminated by crackles of lightening.

5:01. The time looked like a ratio to him; five Strifes against one soul collector. Or five continents (how many continents are there? Oh, fuck it, there are five in my book) against one soul collector. Or five billion people against one soul collector. I need to learn the fucking statistics of this whacked-out country. How many people live on the planet? How many people die every day? How many people are up in Heaven right now?

"Sleep well?"

Axel looked up and nearly shrieked. Standing in the corner, like the demented old man he was, Ansem looked like a serial killer. True to fashion, he was suddenly lit by a flash of lightening, accompanied by a huge boom of thunder that shook Axel down to his very newly-existing bones.

"What are you doing here?" Axel hissed, completely forgetting to sound nonchalant and cool, a front he had always tried to keep up. "Get out of my room! I could be indecent, for all you know!" Ansem chuckled. "I always knew you were a lech," the redhead declared. "Always. I always knew it."

"Calm down, Axel," Ansem said with a smile. "I'm only here to see how you're doing. I see you've found yourself a family to stay with. You're very lucky."

"Yeah, I'm just great." Axel paused, waiting to hear if anyone in the house knew Ansem had broken in, or floated in, or…whatever he did. Luckily, it was completely silent. "Why are you here? I'm doing fine – "

"You burned your hand," Ansem said pointedly.

Axel glanced down and was aware of the pain again. "Oh, that." He lifted his palm to examine it again; no blisters, thankfully, but it was red and swollen, and increasingly uncomfortable. "I touched – uhh, the side of a pudding pot."

Ansem frowned. "Are you doing well? Are you learning compassion yet?"

"Yeah, tons of compassion," Axel said dismissively. "It's really interesting Ansem – oh, by the way, the people that I'm living with are out of their minds! The one kid won't even look at me; the other is practically wetting his pants every second. Their older brother hates me and thinks I'm a homeless person, and his wife loves me and thinks I'm a homeless person; not to mention, there's some weird mystery lady living in the house and I have no idea who she is!" He took a deep breath and glared at Ansem, whose lips were curled up in the ghost of a smile. "What's your problem?"

"That's the most you've ever said to me," Ansem pointed out.

Axel stayed silent. After several long seconds, the older man sighed and rubbed his forehead. "If you're trying to make a statement with your silence, you are failing. You are acting like a petulant child. You are lucky to even have a roof over your head."

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Axel muttered before shutting his mouth tightly again.

Ansem looked at him as if to say, well, you just proved my point. "I hope you learn to become grateful for the things you have."

"I don't have anything," Axel retorted. "You're not making any sense."

The older spirit looked at him somberly. "Look at your palm," he said quietly.

Axel huffed and leaned forward, pushing his hand into the glow provided by the nightlight. He blinked, confused, and then tentatively reached out to touch his palm. Nothing. It was smooth, dry – painless. The burn was gone.

When he looked up, Ansem was too.

"Axel?"

"Huh?" The bedroom door opened several inches and Tifa peered in. The young redhead emerged from the pile of blankets, sleep-deprived and messy-haired, and obviously annoyed at being awoken so early. The clock read 7:13 am. He suppressed a groan and looked back over to the young woman, who was still in her pajamas.

Almost guiltily, she said, "I'm making breakfast for Sora and Roxas…do you want anything?"

A cigarette, god, yes, Axel's brain cried. He was beginning to feel desperate. "I'll just have whatever everyone else is having."

"No allergies?"

"Nah." He briefly considered the possibility, but it seemed stupid for him to suddenly gain an intolerance of anything (other than human beings) when he had such a short time on Earth. "Thanks."

She smiled at him before pulling the door shut. Once she was out of sight, Axel quickly pulled his hand from beneath the covers and looked at it again. Even in the morning light, without confusion and sleep clouding his vision, he could tell that the burn was completely gone. He let out a sigh of relief and refused to wonder about its strange disappearance. Who cares? he thought. It's gone and now everyone can forget about it, especially me.

His thoughts briefly lingered on Ansem's weird behavior the night before – obviously, he was out of his mind; Axel's clearer, (he thought) more intelligent human-alive brain could easily comprehend this. Why didn't I see it before? The man eats sea-salt ice cream. Everyone I know is insane.

Axel focused on the word of the day – food, followed closely by cigarette – and dragged himself out of bed, practically crawling into the bathroom, hunched over like an old man. After running a brush through his hair (which looked like crap, he had to admit, but kind of sexy, he supposed, which was better than nothing) and brushing his teeth with some strange organic stuff he found in the drawer, Axel headed downstairs. He wanted nothing more than to smoke and watch television all day – maybe all month. I could learn a lot about compassion from soap operas, or maybe America's Funniest Home Videos. As he contemplated the life lessons of reality television, Axel forced himself down the stairs, yawning widely, and walked into the kitchen. Tifa was cooking bacon at the stove; Sora, Roxas, and Cloud, all dressed for the day, were sitting around the table, eating pancakes.

"What's this one?" Sora was scribbling in a notebook, which had a syrup stain on the top. He looked up at Roxas.

"It's nine and a third," Roxas told him. "X equals nine and a third."

Sora went back to his homework, humming under his breath.

"How much bacon do you guys want?" Tifa looked up and caught sight of Axel, who immediately looked away, as if the wall was the most interesting thing in the world and he wanted nothing more than to stare at it forever. "Go on and sit down, Axel. Do you want bacon?"

"Sure." Tifa beamed at him.

He sat down at the edge of the table, closest to Tifa, careful to avoid touching either Sora or Cloud with his bare legs, which, as Axel had realized, were nearly freakish in their length. Self-consciously, Axel slid his feet beneath the chair, keeping his knees together. He was wearing an old pair of Cloud's boxers (something that was extremely embarrassing) and an old shirt Tifa had found – if anyone had seen him, they would have thought he had spent the night at Cloud's and had nothing to wear in the morning, which was somewhat true. I can imagine the field day Demyx would have with that, Axel thought, inwardly grinning. What a dumb guy. His imagination is too fucking big. Still, Axel couldn't help but make up the most obvious scene: the counsel, sitting before him, asking him about what he did during his month of life. Oh, I slept over at a guy's house and he cheated on me with his wife! Ha. How's that for compassion? He smirked. It would never happen, of course, for more than one obvious reason (including that Axel wasn't into that, and that Cloud probably wasn't either) but it didn't stop it from being any less funny to him. Why do I get the idea that having sex with Cloud is like fucking a dead person? Various scenes flashed through Axel's mind, all of them making him want to gauge out his eyes. Okay, ew.

"What's this one?" Sora poked at his paper with his pencil and frowned. Roxas stared down at his cereal, swirling around the cinnamon-dusted milk with his spoon; his eyes were far away and unfocused, seeing what wasn't there. "Roxas? Roxas! Hello! What does x equal?"

"It's…uh…six." Sora eyed him suspiciously. "I'm not kidding. It's six." With a shrug, Sora dutifully copied down the number. Axel surreptitiously glanced over and noticed that Sora had extremely bad handwriting. And he curled his nines on the bottom, unlike normal people. Axel immediately traced a nine on his hand, just to make sure his was just a line – yes. Normal. It was.

Tifa put down a plate, piled at least two inches high with food, in front of the redhead and sat down next to Cloud, smiling. "So, how did everyone sleep? Axel, how was your room?"

"It was good," he said, unsure of whether he should use a fork to eat his bacon or not. Sora was just putting the pieces into his mouth, but then again, he was obviously a monkey, so Axel ignored his standards of etiquette, and pushed his bacon to the side until Roxas or Cloud had any.

Tifa smiled warmly. "Good. That's the best room in the house, actually. All our guests want to stay there."

What other choice do they have? Axel kept his mouth shut.

From upstairs, music drifted; he could hardly hear the words, but it was definitely audible. Cloud muttered something and stabbed at his pancakes. Axel stared. He obviously has some rage issues he needs to confront.

"You left your music on again," Sora said, obviously.

"Why do you listen to that horrible band?" Cloud asked, although it was a rhetorical question.

Roxas frowned, although it was almost imperceptible – but it was there. "Bright Eyes isn't horrible."

"So you say," Cloud replied tartly.

"Drop it," Tifa ordered. "Everyone, just shut up and eat your bacon." They all complied.

Several math problems later, Axel's bacon was still untouched, and he still wanted a cigarette. Badly. I'm really not making any progress on this compassion thing. So far, the only thing he had learned was that Sora could be a boy's name, and that anyone named Cloud probably had a stormy attitude. He hid his smile and choked back giggles. Man, I'm so good at this joke thing.

"So, are you guys going to be home at a reasonable hour tonight?" Tifa asked. Sora was still hurrying to finish his homework, while Roxas looked over his shoulder and told him the answers.

"Yeah. Oh, can I go over to Riku's this weekend?" Sora made puppy-dog eyes at her. "His parents are going out of town and he's got tickets for a comedy club and – "

"What, so it's like a date?" Roxas waggled his eyebrows at his twin, the first visible sign of life that Axel had witnessed from the teenager. Frankly, it was appalling.

Sora looked gravely at the blonde. "No, Roxas, it's like a man-date. Those actually exist, you know. Like how girls go on girl-dates? I read it in a magazine – "

"You are really incriminating yourself here, stupid," Roxas said, eating a piece of bacon (with his fork). Axel promptly attacked his own.

Sora snorted. "Like you care!" The blonde boy shrugged and chewed his bacon thoughtfully. "Are you going anywhere this weekend?"

"What do you think?" his twin muttered.

Axel glanced up. Roxas' thin eyebrows were coming together so violently it looked like a bad car accident; his face was lit with a blush that made every single one of his freckles stand out. He tilted his head so his bangs fell into his eyes. He's a little prettier than Larxene, I guess, Axel mused before snapping out of it. Well, it's true! I'm only looking.

Tifa frowned concernedly, but tore her eyes away to glance at Axel, who was gaping at the teenager. "Anyway…yeah, you can go over to Riku's if you want."

Sora grinned and shoveled his last pancake into his mouth. "Cool! Thanks, Tifa."

"Isn't it time for school already?" Cloud muttered.

"Speak up, darling, I hope you realize that none of us understand you," she said breezily. He scowled. Sora and Roxas scooted back their chairs (Axel noticed that Roxas' previous look had disappeared to a blank one, yet again) and walked out of the room. Tifa stood up and left as well, humming to herself, leaving Axel and Cloud alone.

They pointedly ignored each other, until finally Axel asked, "So, er…where do you work?" Time to get rolling on the compassion thing here.

Cloud glanced up and attempted a glare. "No."

Axel stared. No? I don't think I asked a yes or no question, asshole! Sounds like you need to be sent to Earth for thirty days to learn compassion.

The blonde man must have noticed Axel's affronted look, because he sighed and leaned forward. "Let me make this short," he said in a low voice. "I don't like you. I don't want to stay in this house. I don't want you around my family."

"I'm not a serial killer or anything!"

"Yeah, as if you would tell the truth," Cloud snorted.

"But it is the truth!" Axel was indignant. He opened his mouth to add a scathing insult, but then, with effort, closed it. He could hear Ansem in his ear: You are lucky to even have a roof over your head. He bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. "Fine. Whatever. I…uh…I guess I don't blame you." Lie! Oh well. I'll do something nice to make up for it later.

He eyed the dirty plates around the table before looking pointedly back at Cloud. "Are you done?" he asked in a way that made it obvious he was better than the blonde man.

Cloud looked up and scowled. Axel was pleased with himself for noticing; the day before, he was sure he wouldn't have noticed the change in expression. "Yes." Axel hadn't known that one word could hold so much contempt.

After gathering the plates and stacking them neatly in the sink, the redhead absently scratched at his hand and waited for Tifa to come back. Obviously, her husband was not interested in making conversation with a serial killer.

The equivalent of an earthquake hurried down the stairs, and Sora leapt into the kitchen, landing nearly in the opposite hallway.

"I think that's a new record," he said matter-of-factly.

Cloud tilted his head to the side. "Maybe. Yesterday you only got as far as the fridge."

Axel deliberately looked away. If Cloud was going to smile, he was not interested. He would probably go insane with disbelief.

Sora adjusted his backpack and looked between the two men. Obviously, he had no grasp of what an 'uncomfortable silence' was, but it still stretched between them, making Axel want to leave. Stay, go, what do I want? I hate being alive.

Finally, Sora piped up, "So, how old are you?"

Axel self-consciously reached up and touched his cheek. The night before, he had looked at himself in the mirror – his skin, the rise and fall of his chest – and wondered, Why do I look this way? He didn't have genetics to explain his red hair; he didn't have a reason why he looked young while Luxord did not. Axel supposed that this questioning was all a part of being a human. It didn't stop him from resenting his newfound doubt, and the man that had caused it.

"I'm…twenty," Axel eventually replied. Whether or not this was true didn't seem to matter; Sora completely believed him.

"Are you going to college?" Sora pulled off his shoe and then put it back on, although Axel had no idea why.

"Actually, yeah," he said, glancing towards Cloud and smirking. "I'm studying to be a professional serial killer, with a minor in homelessness."

Cloud scowled, but Sora started laughing. A sense of humor obviously skips a generation in the Strife family, Axel thought, unable to keep a grin off his face. When Roxas came back into the room, toting his own backpack, Axel mentally added, Or Sora is just a genetic mistake and everyone else has a stick in their ass. I wonder what their parents are like? He wasn't sure whether he actually cared or not; disconcerted, he pushed the thought from his mind.

"Do you have your MetroCard?" Roxas patted his own jean pocket as he spoke.

Sora nodded exuberantly. "Yep! I checked and everything." At Roxas' skeptical look, he repeated, "I checked! I swear!" Before Roxas could express any further doubt, Sora turned to Cloud and said, "I need money for lunch. Hurry up! We're gonna be late!"

Cloud rolled his eyes but reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. What kind of a person walked around with a wallet at eight in the morning, Axel didn't know, but Cloud obviously did, because he was that person.

He ignored Sora's fidgeting and said calmly, "I only have a five dollar bill. One of you is going to have to get money from Tifa." He glanced towards Axel, who raised his hands in defeat.

"I'm broke," he announced. Even if he had been given the courtesy of money, he wouldn't be lending it out.

Sora leapt forward and grabbed the money out of Cloud's hand. "Sorry Rox, but I promised I'd meet Kairi!" At Roxas' unenthusiastic frown, he added, "It's not like you're going to get lost! See you at school!" He pranced out of the house, shutting the front door behind him.

There was silence, until Tifa shouted from upstairs, "Cloud, can you come here for a sec?"

He looked between Axel and Roxas with narrowed eyes, as if Axel was going to menace the boy in some way, and reluctantly made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs. There was a significant lapse in conversation now that most of the family was gone, and the remaining Strife obviously had no interest in reviving it. He crossed the kitchen and retrieved a plastic cup from the cupboard before turning the faucet on. Roxas was obviously ignoring Axel, and though this was not news to the redhead, it seemed to open up a world of possibility. He wondered how many irreverent things he could say before Roxas got off his high horse and punched Axel in the face. Or maybe he would just do that in the first place. It was simply a mystery.

But while Roxas was slightly turned away, focused on his glass of water… Axel still hadn't forgotten his absolute need for a cigarette. He also hadn't ruled out the possibility of Roxas being a smoker, which would be extremely convenient, except that Roxas would probably not even give him a cigarette if his life depended on it.

And as the teenager continued his crusade of not-paying-attention, Axel leaned in closer, nose working like a rabbit, and sniffed. Roxas certainly didn't smell like an ashtray. Of course, he was still at least a foot away, maybe if he scooted a little closer and took deeper breaths –

"What are you doing?" Roxas stared with wide eyes and took a step backwards. Axel nearly fell over, which would have been even more embarrassing.

The appalled look on Roxas' face just begged to be laughed at. "Smelling your hair," he said with a grin. It had actually smelled like coconut, though Axel wasn't sure why he was so surprised. Maybe because he had expected Roxas to smell like a robot. "I'm trying to figure out whether you smoke or not," he added in case Roxas decided to repeat this exchange to Cloud. He doubted that the older man would be sympathetic to a stranger sniffing his impressionable younger brother's hair for no reason.

"I don't," Roxas said shortly.

"Well, that's very helpful," Axel said. Goddammit.

Roxas rolled his eyes, but any further lack-of-conversation was interrupted by Tifa coming into the kitchen and saying cheerfully, "Here's your money, Rox! Have a good day at school."

He accepted the crumpled five-dollar-bill and nodded. "Yeah. See you later." He didn't even dignify Axel with a glare as he left the kitchen, and then the house.

"Go get dressed," Tifa ordered at once. Axel stared at her. "We're going out. I got you some old clothes of Cloud's and they're up in your room, but we're going to get you some new ones."

"We?" He could just envision shopping with Cloud: Axel holding up a shirt to his body and asking, "How does this look?" and Cloud saying, "I hate everyone." And then Tifa would bake muffins.

Luckily, Tifa said, "You and me, not Cloud. He has work anyway. Go get dressed."

Axel shrugged but agreed. Maybe getting some fresh air would be good for his lungs. How would he know, anyway?

"Please, Tifa, please," Axel begged. "I have to have them."

Tifa frowned deeply. "Smoking is vile, Axel. I don't want to pay for your addiction."

Usually Axel wouldn't have resorted to pleading pathetically for cigarettes, but this was an emergency. He was beginning to feel ill. "I'll pay you back," he promised. "I haven't had one in days."

She grudgingly pulled the wallet from her pants pocket – Tifa was not a handbag girl, as Axel had noticed – and said, "You don't have an ID, do you?"

He gave her a withering look. "No. But I'm twenty one." He reminded himself that he had told Sora he was twenty, but that that was just a small detail. They probably wouldn't have a family conference about his birthdate or anything. He added another 'please' for good measure, and Tifa finally dug out her ID and asked the man behind the counter for a pack of Marlboros.

They had been shopping all morning, mostly at the Salvation Army, before finally coming to a store Axel didn't remember the name of to buy underwear. Tifa was remarkably unembarrassed about this, and Axel found that he had been, too. He wondered how many people shoplifted underwear because they were too humiliated to pay for it. Probably not many, he had conceded, but it was still a fun idea to entertain.

As the cashier rung up their things, Axel spotted a desk calendar – just a tiny one, apparently with pictures of nature included. He quickly grabbed it, along with a red Sharpie from a huge container of them, and handed both items to Tifa.

"Please?" He stuck out his lower lip. "I won't beg again."

She seemed to be much more benevolent towards objects that wouldn't give him lung cancer, and happily paid for them.

As they left the store with plans to head over to do some more grocery shopping, Axel ignored his nearly all-consuming need for a cigarette and reached into the bag, pulling out the calendar and pen. "What was yesterday?" he asked Tifa, who was walking slightly ahead of him and rearranging her many bags comfortably.

"It was a Tuesday," she said.

"Uh huh."

She glanced back and raised her eyebrows. "Tuesday the 27th. Of May. I presume you know what year you're in?"

"No," he said to be contrary. Axel crossed off the date with a gigantic X and flattened the calendar down so it would fit in his back pocket.

AN: Do you guys hate me? I kind of like this chapter actually. Even if the ending is TOTAL CRAP. GOD CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

Also, please let it be known that I do not think it's funny to shoplift underwear. Shoplifting is serious business and just because Axel is an ignorant fuckwad doesn't mean you have to be. I shoplifted once when I was like 8, and it was for an ugly pair of earrings from Limited Two. So learn your lesson guys, DON'T FUCKING SHOPLIFT OR I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL GET DESTROYED.

In other news, you should go see Spring Awakening. I would take you myself if I had any money, but we've been blowing it all on seeing Spring Awakening. I will be seeing it for the fourth time in two months next Saturday. I'm sick. (note: this is not an opportunity for you to say you hate Spring Awakening, this is not going to turn into a wankfest and you will get a lot of angry angst chapters if you say you hate it. Be forewarned.)

I LOVE YOU GUYS XOXO