22 – Cannot put Shuichi together again…

DISCLAIMER:

All ownership and copyrights for the song "Glaring Dream", as performed by Kotani Kinya, belong to him and his record company. NOT ME. The use of "Glaring Dream" in this chapter is purely for the song's implied emotion which I humble borrow to support my writing. As usual, I make no monetary profit from any Fan Fiction story I produce.

--

"Thank you, Kyoto!" Shuichi yelled into the microphone, eyes bright with excitement.

His voice was a little hoarse, but he felt as pumped up as when he'd started. Two hours had flow quickly by and it was nearing the end of their concert on the 21st of March. The crowd screamed at him happily when he said,

"I can't believe how great you guys are tonight, there's so much energy in here I'm not even tired!" He winked audaciously at a nearby camera as he went toward centre stage. At the cheers, he said, "Yeah, I know, I know, its not over yet!"

A passing back-up dancer exiting the stage patted his arm and he smiled back. The fast songs were pretty much over now, and the slow ones would come next to wind the night down. At centre stage, he gave the signal. Suguru started up the beats to Glaring Dream, a recently completed song, his fingers dancing over the opening notes. Soon Hiro joined in, making his guitar cry and the crowd began renewed efforts to yell themselves hoarse. By this time, the whole of the Bad Luck fan base were aware that there would be one or two unreleased and unrecorded songs for each concert. Despite not recognising the song, they were ecstatic.

Knowing the crowd could see his face via the large screen mounted behind him, Shuichi raised the microphone to his lips, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As expected, the audience noise suddenly made a swift death.

-

nigiyaka na hitogomi ni tokeru tsubuyaki ga
ashimoto ni chirabatta omoide nijimaseru
The whisper that dissolves into the bustling crowd
makes the memories scattered underfoot blur together.

mayoi aruku machi no kagayaki wa Glaring One Way
kogoesou na boku o terasu
The blazing of the street where I walk, lost, (glaring one way)
illuminates me so coldly it's almost freezing.

tsumetai toki ga yume o furaseru kono te no naka o surinukete
negai kazoe mezameta toki ni
The cold times make dreams fall like rain and slip through my hands.
When I woke up from the countless wishes,

yureru maboroshi ni kimi ga utsuru
boku o michibiku kasuka na SILHOUETTE
you are reflected in a shimmering illusion --
The silhouette whose faint smile leads me along.

nagasareru fuan dake o tsugeru yasashisa mo
eien ni mitasareta ashita mo hoshikunai
Even if the gentleness, that tells about only what makes
anxiety flow, have fulfilled eternity --I still don't want tomorrow.

kimi ni todokeru hazu no kotoba wa Talk To Myself
kage mo naku hibi ni ochiru
The words that I want to tell you; I talk to myself.
Falling into an everyday routine, even without shadows.

furueru yubi de yume o kasaneru iki mo dekizu ni kuzureteku
tashika na koto futashika sugite nani o shinjireba kimi ni aeru?
shiroku kieteku ano hi no SILHOUETTE
With a trembling finger, I gather up the dreams; without even breathing on them, they're crumbling.
Even the certain things are too unreliable; if I believe in something, can I be with you again?
It's whitely vanishing, the silhouette of that day.

awaku somaru kisetsu o miageru Life Winter Dream
tachidomaru boku o sarau
Looking up at that palely-dyed season (Life Winter Dream)
I, who stopped to stand still, am swept away.

kaze ni kesareru torinokosareru mune ni kajikamu akogare mo
tsumetai toki ga yume ni tadayou sono te no naka ni uketomete
The wind blows it out, makes it be left behind; even the yearning is growing numb from the cold in my heart.
The cold times drift about in dreams, but are caught and held in your hands.

negai kazoe mezameta toki ni yureru maboroshi ni kimi ga utsuru
boku o michibiku kasuka na SILHOUETTE
When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering illusion --
The silhouette whose faint smile leads me along…

-

Taking a deep breath, Shu opened his awareness again, realising his eyes had begun to tear. He closed down on his tears, not letting them fall, and opened his eyes to smile at the crowd. The energy, despite the emotion of the song, drove the happiness of performing into his eyes. It was not, as his smiles had become, a dead smile.

Turning around, he bowed to Suguru and Hiro, the crowd still yelling and stamping their appreciation for the song. He would not be able to speak at all for a few moments. It was a good song, he had to admit, and he knew they had another hit on their hands with that one. Suguru looked pleased, obviously thinking the same thing, but Hiro was watching him with a concerned look on his face. Shu grinned and waved, and the guitarist dipped his head in acknowledgement.

Turning back around to face the audience, he sneaked a look over to his right, eyes scanning until… there. Smiling faintly, concealed alone at side-stage, hands in his pockets stood Eiri. Shu smiled at him and the author lifted a hand in a quick wave.

From beside the writer, Shuichi turned his eyes on the stage hand stepping out with the requisite red rose, Semblance of Self album, and ticket-stub in his hands. Accepting the items, he nodded his thanks. If it was even possible, the crowd began to scream yet louder. Startled by the rising sound, his usual clumsiness nearly got the better of him, juggling the microphone, the rose, ticket-stub, and the CD, and he nearly dropped the mic. The crowd laughed and Shu shrugged, grinning sheepishly as he slid the receiver into a nearby stand.

Smiling, Shuichi held the rose up in a sort of salute. The noise which had just begun to die down resumed and the singer stomped his foot in mock severity. Laughing, the shouting died down, this time to near-silence.

"It's now time to announce our stage guest winner," Shuichi announced, grinning again. He held up the ticket-stub, "And the winner is…. Ticket number 10463!"

From the rear left of the concert hall came a shrill scream, and the nearest free-running camera man made a mad dash to the area. On the screens, Shuichi turned to watch, appeared a girl pointing at her seatmate and weeping enviously. Staring quietly down with disbelief at the ticket-stub in her hands sat a well-dressed office woman… Shu's eyes were drawn to the young girl sitting quietly next to her, who appeared no more than 16 years old.

Shuichi's brows furrowed at the lady, who turned and pushed the ticket into the young girl's hands, whispering quickly into her ear. The girl smiled hugely, excited, and stood. It was then Shu noticed her eyes.

He dumped the items he held onto the floor near the base of the microphone stand and rushed to one side of the stage to issue instructions to the nearest stage manager. It took some time, but eventually the girl was led to the stage along with her aunt. Both ladies were escorted slowly on stage, accommodating the young girl whom Shu had noticed was blind. The singer rushed to the side stairs excitedly to welcome them.

By this time, the crowd had become a little impatient and there were loud demands for the singing to recommence. Shuichi accepted a second wireless microphone as he came to stand beside the girl, taking over from the stage assistant.

Walking along with the two, he made time to say, "Hey everyone! Sorry about how long this is taking…"

From beside him, the girl's face snapped up toward the sound of his voice. Her eyes widened and her hand in his grip tightened.

"But she was at the very baaaack of the hall and it took forever to get her here!" He gave the girl's hand a squeeze, turning the mic off and laying it down on a speaker as they passed. Turning to the girl, he said, "I'm Shuichi. What's your name?"

"It's Haruko," she said. "Honda Haruko."

"Can I call you Haruko-chan?" He led both ladies to centre stage, nodding to another stage assistant who had just set up the folding chairs for their guests. He smiled at the girl's aunt, who smiled nervously back.

"Yes, of course!" Haruko smiled sweetly, obviously very excited. She shyly tried out his name, "Shuichi-san."

"Hi!" he told Haruko's aunt.

"Michi," said the lady with a short bow. He and Michi helped Haruko into her seat and Shu spoke into the main wireless from the stand.

"No, silly, there aren't two winners tonight!" the singer said and the crowd groaned. "But Haruko-chan is here with her aunt so we didn't want to separate them." He smiled at Haruko who clasped hands with her aunt. Picking up the rose he had put down earlier, he handed up the CD to Hiro who had just come up behind him.

"Nice going, Shu," Suguru nodded, smiling, indicating Haruko. Shuichi grinned then turned to take the girl's hand so he could put the rose into her grasp directly with his other hand.

Hiro leaned over to the mic, "To Haruko-hime, the Kyoto Princess," he wrote the words with his red marker into the CD insert as he spoke, "Welcome to the Kyoto stage with Bad Luck."

Suguru accepted the CD, pulling out his own green pen. He spoke as he wrote as well, before passing the case to Shuichi. The singer fumbled a bit with the disk and pen, eliciting more laughs from the crowd. He grinned impishly when he was done.

--

After the 'serenade' song, when Shu helped Haruko off the stage, he led the ladies and his band to the backstage refreshment table. When they had drinks in hand, he told their guests sincerely, "Thank you for coming tonight."

Bowing politely alongside her aunt, Haruko murmured, "Thank you for having us. I hope you feel better soon, Shuichi-san."

Shuichi had been expecting something like that when the girl obviously had sensitive hearing. He nodded though the girl would not see it. He bowed in return, casually and said, "Thank you. I hope so too."

"Haruko!" Michi scolded softly. Shuichi snuck a glance at Hiro nodding to Suguru who pardoned himself to attend to the packing of their instruments. The synth-master was not one to entertain for long.

"It's alright, Michi-san," the singer said, grinning, a little embarrassed to have gotten Haruko in trouble. "I supposed she would hear it in my voice when I sang."

Michi flushed a little but reacted to Shu's infectious goodness by smiling herself. "Ah, she does have the tendency to hear things most never do."

"Maa," Hiro chuckled, "I'm just glad you both had a good time."

"Which is why I must ask, Haruko-chan," Shuichi said, letting Hiro occupy Michi, lowering his voice and leaning in toward the taller girl. She bent a little as though sensing his closeness. "Can you not tell anyone?"

Haruko looked sad for a moment. She titled her chin toward her aunt and Hiro briefly, as though trying to sense if either were paying them any attention. She leaned in just a fraction closer and said, "You have to tell them, Shuichi-san. So they can be strong for you when you cannot be."

Startled, the singer stood back up straight. Michi looked over, as did the guitarist. She caught the look on Shu's face, asking, "Is something wrong?"

"Ah? No, of course not!" Shuichi blinked. He nodded and she turned back to Hiro. The singer looked hard into Haruko's unseeing eyes.

"Hello!" said a booming voice in English, coming up behind them. Michi surprised them by answering in the same language. K enjoyed the rare opportunity to speak in English with a lovely lady.

While the others were distracted again, this time it was Shuichi who stepped closer, his hand gently curling around Haruko's forearm. Softly, he asked, "What do you mean?"

She answered simply, "Don't lose hope."

--

"Sounds creepy…"

"Sakuma-san," Shuichi whined into his phone as he packed his suitcase with only one hand. "It was not creepy!"

"Eeh! Well, I think it was." The singer's voice turned softly admonishing, a pout audible in his tone, "Ne, Shu-chan. Do you think you will tell anyone? I think your friends... you know, can take it…"

"I know they can," Shuichi admitted. "But maybe I can't."

"But Shu-chan is so sad-sad!" Ryuichi wailed, his vocal control impressive despite the childishness. "They want you to sparkle-sparkle as much as I do!"

"I know…" Shu flopped onto his bed, giving up the job which he couldn't do properly in the middle of a conversation. "I can't sparkle in the dark."

"That's right!" Ryuichi crowed. "Must have lots of light! Shuichi-light!" His voice changed again, a low and solemn whisper, "I want to make sure that you always do, you know? You are the only one who has ever sparkled so much…"

Shuichi frowned, sitting up in bed when Ryuichi trailed off. "Sakuma-san?"

"Sparkled so much that it blinds me," he finished. "Anything less wasn't worth my attention, it was one of the reasons why I could never tolerate all the other NG bands. Tohma despaired of finding anything to occupy me in Japan."

Shuichi nodded, understanding dawning, and asked, "Is that why you went to America?"

"By sheer volume, there was supposed to be a greater success rate of finding me someone shiny; but then I came back for a vacation and found you." His voice turned playful again when he said, "And that was that!"

Shuichi smiled softly to himself, "Thank you."

Ryuichi giggled, his voice blissful and carefree when he said, "Shiny-shiny, Shu-chan!" He laughed then said, "I can't wait to sparkle with you again!"

He stifled a sigh, knowing full well there wouldn't be a chance to sing with his idol until the final tour-ending concert on the 10th of April, just a few days before his birthday. And after that, the future was quite uncertain. But seeing as how that would be their best chance, smiling, Shuichi said,

"Me too. We can talk to Tohma and ask him to take you to my last Tokyo concert in April."

"But there will be so many more days after April!" Ryuichi crowed. "So many, many days to sparkle! And we can draw, and sketch, and colour, and sparkle some more!"

Shuichi felt a headache coming on but said agreeably, "Sure, Sakuma-san, we sure do."

"Shuichi is saad…" Ryuichi pouted. He brightened a bit when he declared, "Tohma and I need to cheer you up!"

"Don't bother Tohma," Shuichi said quickly, aware Ryuichi was in the NG building at that very moment. "He's really busy and I can talk to him myself later!" He got up and paced his room nervously. "Sakuma-san—"

"Too late!" Ryuichi giggled, "I'm already in Tohma-chan's office!" There was a bit of background noise before the NG president himself came on the line.

"Shuichi?" He sounded worried, "Is everything alright?"

Coming to a slump-shouldered stop and stifling a groan, Shuichi tried to sound calm when he said, "Everything is perfectly fine, Seguchi-san."

He could have smacked himself on the forehead when Tohma said, "Shuichi, you just addressed me as Seguchi-san. Everything is not 'perfectly fine'."

Oops.

"Well, then," Shuichi scratched his head, scrambling mentally for something good to say, "Everything will be perfectly fine…?"

"Shuichi." The singer cringed at the tone of voice. "Tell me what is going on."

"Um, Eiri and I…" He grasped onto a brilliant idea, "We're sort of… back... together? I don't know!" The end of his sentence ended in a wail. He flapped his arm a bit, completely flustered. There was even a very real edge of panic in his voice when he finished which for the moment, he thought, was a good thing right now to keep Tohma off his tail.

After a long pause, Tohma said softly, "I see."

"I wanna see too!" Ryuichi exclaimed in the background.

"Hush, Ryuichi-san," Tohma said patiently then into the phone said, "How do you feel about this?"

Shuichi hesitated, resuming his pacing, suddenly not sure he should have mentioned the recent development, "I'm not… sure…"

"Do you love him?"

"Yes…?"

There was a soft smile in Tohma's voice when he said, "'Yes' you do, or 'yes' you're asking me?"

"I…" Shuichi felt like waving his arm again. This was making his headache worse. "I…"

Sighing, Tohma said, "Never mind."

Huffing his breath, the singer pouted. He'd only meant to distract the man, not back himself into a corner. He decided to sit down before he hurt himself.

"Shuichi." The singer snapped to attention warily. There seemed to be a light undertone of warning in the president's voice when he said, "I trust you to tell me when something is wrong."

"Yes," Shuichi said, crossing his fingers, surprised by the calm in his own voice. He slumped over where he sat, closed his eyes and willed his voice to remain steady. "Of course."

--

"Something is wrong."

K's eyes sparkled in a way that would have had his co-working running for cover. His eyes searched out and found the lead singer of Bad Luck, who smiled at his best friend as they sat together in a booth further up toward the front of the moving tour bus.

Softly he said, "I see."

"Let me know how it goes."

"Yes, sir."

The American hung up the call and tucked his mobile away into a breast-pocket. Eyes shielded by his sunglasses, he kept his gaze on Shuichi, watching the kid's face, and his hands worked automatically with the pieces of his disassembled guns on his pull-down table. There was tension there on Shu's face he didn't like and which he had hoped he could continue to ignore. But if what Tohma had just said was any indication, there was going to be a lot more trouble up ahead than he would ever have liked. His phone rang again. Recognising the number, he sat back and flipped the phone open. He carefully held the speaker away from his ear when he said,

"Hello, Ryuichi."

"K-san!" The singer excitedly screeched, "Hello!"

With the danger past, he tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear, "How are you?"

"Happy!" The singer told him but his voice became pouty when he then said, "But I'm also sad…"

Nodding knowingly, K asked, "Is this about Shuichi?"

"K-san can read my mind!" Ryuichi gasped.

Chuckling, K resumed the gun-care he had set aside earlier when Tohma had called. "Actually, I just spoke to Tohma and—"

"Tohma didn't tell me!" the singer interrupted suddenly, sounding indignant. "He didn't say he was going to talk to K-san today!"

"Well, he did." K reassembled one of his beloved magnums, admiring how clearly his reflection showed on the barrel. Pushing things along, he said, "Did you want to ask me something about Shuichi?"

"No." K froze. The dangerous tones of Ryuichi's very serious voice came through loud and clear when he said, "I have spoken to a few people, most recently to Nakano-san, who says things are still bad. Shuichi is losing hope."

The hint of warning in the singer's voice did not escape the gunman. Softly, he asked, "What are you saying?"

"He is giving up on us, on everything." Ryuichi growled lowly, saying, "I suspect he does not expect to come back from America."

K slowly said, "And with doubts like that…"

"In an operation where hope means the difference between coming out of it alive and… not,"

Closing his eyes wearily, the gunman wearily finished, "…he really might not come back at all."

Soon after his conversation with Ryuichi ended, K placed a call of his own. He beckoned Hiro over to join him as he dialled and they moved together to a small room at the back of the bus where they put the call on speakerphone. Quietly, he explained what he had learned, the guitarist quickly catching on to the conversation. When the gunman finished his end of the story, Hiro explained the rest of what he knew including some fine details about Glaring Dream, Honda Haruko's words and his own conclusions regarding a recent conversation with Shuichi.

When they were finished, Tohma sighed then told them, "I will speak to Ryuichi immediately, and call you back K-san. Knowing what we do now, I think that we will have to break Shuichi's trust after all."

--

Author Notes:

The plot thickens yet further... Meanwhile, there will be another bit of a break while I sort out the closing chapters of this story. I mentioned this in the author notes of my previous chapter, I'm just reiterating it now. The final chapters need some real T&C considering the emotional impact I want them to reflect, so please be patient. These are the closing chapters after all.

Thanks to Vindalootoo and Nittle-mania for their corrections for chapter Unlikely Allies. I'd put off adjusting the bit in there about the origin of Latin, Japanese and Chinese. I made some minor, less specific adjustments just to get the basics of the point across. I researched rather poorly from the looks of things. Thank you again, do feel free to notify me if there is still something wrong.

Vindalootoo, I miss you...! My gratitude goes to Jamoldred who praise for my emotional writing made me really happy. Thanks also to MirwenAnareth for reminding me that this is my story and I should tell it like I want to and if you don't like the wordiness, well that's just too bad. I trimmed my writing down enough, any more and I will lose too much of what I am trying to say. I need to write it like I see it.

But still, thank you for all the reviews! They mean a lot to me but I shouldn't be ruled by them. But I still love hearing what people have to say. In any case, there don't seem to be any very specific questions to answer at this point, so... As usual, don't forget to feed(back) me!