Title: His and Hers
Disclaimer: The Office does not belong to a seventeen year old Jewish girl. Life is not that cool.
Summary: Pam's a stalker. But only for Jim.
Pairing: established Jim/Karen, Jim/Pam
Spoilers: Somewhere in-between the beginning to middle of the 3rd season.
Notes: Finito! I just want to thank all who have reviewed, read and looked at it in disgust. Because you still looked.
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Karen never thought she would be the other woman. She believed herself too wise for that. But when Karen was nineteen years old, she met a man and feel in love. Working the local 76, it was a hot summer day, and Karen was on her third free slurpee when He came in. The room suddenly felt so much warmer. And especially ten minutes later when she was making out with him in the storage closet. His name was Kevin, he was older than her, he had big blue eyes, money to spend, and a hot blue two-seat BMW. Nothing about their courtship was like anything she'd done before, and there was such a freedom in that, such a complete and utter deviation, it made Karen feel more alive and grown up she'd ever felt before.
Two months in she found out he had a wife.
It was the first time she quit a job without notice or wait for a replacement. After that she promised herself it would never happen again. But standing in the cereal aisle of Walmart, even though Karen knew she'd done no wrong, she felt that gut-wrenching feeling that was mirrored only when she met Kevin's wife and two beautiful children.
And in that moment she hated them for making her feel something she promised herself she'd never feel again. Barely conscious of opening her mouth, she was amazed when she heard her voice,
"Well that's good to know." Pam turned to her first, face screwed up into what looked like shame. Jim's face met hers with a kind of sadness that Karen refused to dissect.
"Karen, I–"
"You what? Didn't plan on this? Wasn't thinking? Didn't mean to hurt me? Are sorry?" she realizes how unfair she's being, that he most likely really didn't plan on making out with Pam, that he probably wasn't thinking at present, wasn't trying to hurt her, and he was sorry for how this came to be, but Karen is so passed being fair. She really thought Jim was- if not The One- a very close Second Best. Hell, she moved to Scranton for him. And then she slowly but surely learned about Pam and the Not Relationship they had.
And something happened.
Instead of breaking up with the man whose heart so belonged to another, as she should have, at any other time of her life would have, Karen dug her heels in. She became convinced, obsessed with the thought that he would chose her. Maybe it was because of Kevin, a deep seeded insecurity, or just the fact that she knew what a catch Jim was, but Karen became enraptured, irrefutable, and so so sure that in a few months Jim would be hers. That Pam would just be some old fleeting crush that their kids would tease him about.
Sometimes, she's so good at pretending, she doesn't even notice anymore. Karen does, however, notice that they've taken a step back, not looking at each other. It makes them look so much more guilty, and Karen can't stand that. Because she's not so far gone that she doesn't see she's a part of this happening.
Karen took a perverse pleasure every time she flirted with Jim in front of Her. Seeing Jim pay attention to herself, instead of Pam, when Pam was watching, she hesitated to admit how much she enjoyed it. Especially when Karen had generally liked Pam, had delighted in their friendship, before she had found out of Jim's feelings.
That doesn't stop her from doing it, though.
Pam's voice cuts through her thoughts, but she can't make herself listen, because for some reason, to pay attention would mean to understand, to sympathize, to forgive, and Karen doesn't feel that religious at the moment. Crying seems like one those ruthlessly archaic things that girls other than her do, but she can't seem to stop herself right now. They're beginning to pool. She blinks them back, tries to, but they're too fat, too big, and some slide down her cheek.
Through her blurred vision, Karen saw Pam pick up her basket and that oh-so-welcome-feeling of justified anger returned.
"Oh, are you leaving? You, you make-out with my boyfriend and then decide you've made enough of a mess for tonight?" Oh yes, this is so much more agreeable to sadness.
"Karen." Jim's voice sounds almost noble, like a fucking knight in shining armor. It makes her feel sick instead of admonished.
"No, it's ok." Pam's voice, the way she sounds, like a weary soldier preparing for battle, keeps Karen from throwing up. It makes her feel more malicious though.
"Oh I'm glad you've decided that It's ok for me to feel upset. I was worried before that It might have been too much, but now that I have your permission I feel much better now."
"Karen!"
"Am I mistaken, or didn't you turn Jim down when he told you he loved you?" She isn't looking over at Jim right now, she can't stand to see how he's reacting to her words, instead her eyes are glued to Pam's. Karen isn't quite sure when she decided Pam was the person at fault, but now that it's agreed upon, she feels remarkably calm about inflicting as much pain as possible.
"I did." Pam's being honest, she can tell, and it's all the more annoying.
"So, what? You decided he was good enough for you when he found someone else? When your engagement fell apart?" Karen suddenly remembers when she was in Elementary school and was cornered by the meanest kid in school out on the playground. Mental spars meant to reduce the other to tears, and Karen is unnerved that Pam isn't crying. She doesn't even have a shine to her eyes.
"That's not how it was."
"That's. Not. How. It. Was?" Karen makes the words sound as if a dim-witted four year old said them, because she has a feeling that Pam's going to say something Karen's not going to like.
"It took me a long time to realize how I fel-" but Karen really isn't in the mood to hear the reasons, excuses, don't want to understand, and in a twisted way gets even more angry at Pam. Why would Pam try to get rid of this delicious feeling of justified anger and give her sadness instead?
"I don't give a damn about how long it took you to realize that you were in love with Jim. I just," A deep breath, her voice can't shake, not now, "I just want to know why it had to happen now. When Jim and I were supposed to be getting ready for a date." Which feels so so long ago.
"You're right."
"What?" Karen finds herself more angry at those two words than any declaration of love.
"I shouldn't have come here. I wanted something to happen with Jim and me. I'm not saying I came here for this purpose, but I missed Jim and felt guilty. I wanted to see him happy, even if it was with you, and I see now, I see I hurt you. And I didn't want that to happen. I'm sorry. I'll go. You two should talk." She's so earnest, so real, that it makes Karen go into a mad rage.
"How dare you tell me what Jim and I need to do-" but Jim comes into the conversation, and when he speaks, it has an air of finality to it and she knows she's not going to break.
"Karen, let's just go."
"We have groceries."
"I don't care."
"Well I do."
"Fine. I'll grab the cart." When he returns, after Pam steadily refuses to match Karen's gaze, he locks eyes with Pam and a silent message goes to her that even she can decipher, 'I'll talk to you later.'
"I'll be in the car." Karen turns on her heels and marches out the store, telling herself the reason her eyes are smarting so much in because of the cold.
When Jim comes out of the store twelve minutes later (not that she counted) and mutters something about the long lines, Karen doesn't say anything, she just waits until he unlocks the car and then gets into it before he can open the door for her. She doesn't think she could stand that. Especially since she knows one of the best relationships she had so far is ending.
On the drive back to her house, because she knows that they're not going to discuss this tonight (by her request), Karen wonders if she can call in her resignation, or has to go into work tomorrow. She doesn't think she'll be able to stand the thought of seeing them, together, the way she begrudgingly knows but has yet to realize it should be.
Because The Office? That's His and Hers.
END.
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