Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Naruto, but I do wish I owned Sasuke XD. This story is based off of my favorite book called "Carmen" by: Carole Fréchette

Chapter 4: Mr. Brightside

But she's touching his chest

Now he takes off her dress

And I just can't look

It's killing me

Sasuke's POV

"Um okay," Sakura said while turning red

'This is so freakin' hilarious' Sasuke thought. To him it was utterly funny and unheard of to know that someone had no knowledge of sex whatsoever, nonetheless she thought sex was when the guy watered the girl's garden, which technically it was. If you think about it. Like think about it really, really deep.

But Sasuke had no time to think. He had to teach a poor helpless soul about sex.

Sasuke got up from the couch and started towards his video collection.

Sasuke grabbed a video and placed it into the VCR.

Soon enough the T.V. turned on with the introduction of words saying "Waiting can be Wonderful"

Sakura immediately turned towards Sasuke with a "what the fuck?" face

"Don't ask." Sasuke said, taking a seat next to Sakura and turning his attention to the television screen.

It wasn't a very long story as to how he got the video.

------

One of those cursed Christian people came knocking on the door to spread "Christ" into people's minds.

"Christ" Sasuke always thought of it as a disease. But he answered the door anyway.

"Hello," he said sadistically

"Yes, I'm here to tell you about the Lord and…" the Christ spreader started saying before Sasuke cut her off.

"I'm atheist," Sasuke interrupted

"Oh but sir, you must at least hear me out. God has done so much miracles to my life and he could help you," Sasuke was half heartedly listening. He was too busy staring at the piece of lettuce caught in between the lady's teeth, or maybe it was spinach. Whatever it was, didn't interest Sasuke.

"Look lady, what will it take for you to get off my porch?" Sasuke had to get rid of this lady.

She was starting to disgust him. It was like she didn't even notice she had a booger in her nose, something in her teeth, and eye crust in her eye.

'Damn, would someone get this woman a mirror!? She was a mess!' Sasuke thought

"If you buy one of my tapes for $10.99, I will leave."

"Fine." Sasuke said giving the woman her money while she handed him a tape.

Sasuke slammed the door shut only to find it slam open.

Sasuke saw the lady and gave her a confused look.

The lady pointed down as Sasuke lowered his eyes down.

"DAMMITT!!" Sasuke yelled as he picked up his now dead cat from the door frame and shut the door.

If Sasuke ever got a new cat he would be sure to always check before he closed the door. He should have learned by now to remove the cat before closing the door, this happened 8 times.

But the cat couldn't take the 9th.

------

"Um Sasuke, the tape is over," Sakura said not bothering to glance back at Sasuke, who was now daydreaming about the memory of how he got the video.

"So it is, did you learn anything?" Sasuke asked leaning closer to Sakura

"Yeah. Sex is when the guy…and the girl…and then…"Sakura said mildly blushing on the new information she learned.

"Wow the tape told you all that?" Sasuke said. Some Christian that woman was, carrying around videos that had that kind o stuff.

"Someone recorded over the video with a porno," Sakura said with a straight face.

"Oh," Sasuke just remembered about the time he bought home a stripper and they recorded a video of them having sex. The "Waiting can be Wonderful" video just happened to be there and…

"Did you recognize anyone in the video?" Sasuke asked hoping she wouldn't have noticed it was him.

"No, there was no light on the faces. Is all sex that hardcore?" Sakura asked turning slightly red.

"I don't know, would you like to try?" Sasuke leaned closer to Sakura.

He watched Sakura's face go red as he started teasing her. Sasuke found it funny to see her go red, he never knew a face could turn so red.

Closer and closer he got to Sakura. Sasuke decided he wanted to see just how red she could go, so he put his hand on her thigh and started slowly going up.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked in a very low tone.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanna try to do those things from the video." Sasuke said seductively as he placed a kiss on her jaw line.

Sakura turned so red that it looked like she was on fire. This made Sasuke grin as he leaned in closer to place another kiss on Sakura.

That was until a fist came shooting out and punched Sasuke in the jaw giving him a bloody lip.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, it was an accident," Sakura kept rambling on with her apology, oblivious to the fact that Sasuke wasn't listening .

Sasuke held his jaw in agony 'Where the hell did she learn to punch that hard?' Sasuke thought in pain.

"Um…Sasuke. I feel really bad, so if you could say something…" Sakura said leaning in close to Sasuke.

"Don't feel bad, I deserved that," Sasuke did deserve that punch and he knew it, he was trying to get her flustered for his own pleasure.

"No you didn't deserve it, did you?" Sakura asked with a questioning look.

"Yeah I deserved it for being a sadistic bastard."

"What does sadistic mean?" Sasuke gave a weird look at Sakura

'She really is clueless,' he thought.

"Sasuke-teme! What happened to your lips?" Sasuke and Sakura were interrupted by a loud mouth blonde.

"Machoissim happened to my lip, so I see you're finally out of Hinata." Sasuke turned to look at Hinata who gave him a grotesquerie look

"So who is your little friend?" Hinata asks turning the attention on Sakura.

"Oh, this is Sakura everyone. I would have introduced her earlier but you guys seemed busy." Sasuke smirked

"Well hello Sakura. Oh my god I have the perfect outfit for you to wear, it will look perfect on you!" Hinata grabbed Sakura by the wrist and left with her.

"Hey you want a beer?" Sasuke asked Naruto while getting up to go to the kitchen.

"Sure! Can I ask, where did you get a prostitute that looked so innocent?" Naruto asked while taking a sip of his beer

"Dude, she's not a prostitute. She didn't even know what sex was until I told her." Naruto almost choked on his drink when he heard this.

"How on earth could she not know what sex is?! Don't they tell you that crap in health class when they make you put a condom on a banana and when they explain the concept of 'putting a rain coat on before it rains'?!" Naruto yelled

"They make you put a condom on a banana?"

"Sasuke-teme! That's not the point!!"

"But how is a banana relevant to a dick? It has no pubs and it doesn't even have balls."

"Hey Sasuke, Naruto," both the guys turned around to see Hinata standing next to a pink haired girl with emerald eyes, that wore a very, very short skirt with a shirt that ended below her breasts and showed the top of her bra included with her extraordinary cleavage.

Too bad Sasuke had beer in his mouth. The surprise of seeing Sakura dressed like that made him spit out his drink. Which just happened to go on Naruto's face.

"Son of a bitch!" Naruto screamed out as he tried to get the beer off his face.

"I'm sorry Naruto, the beer was sour I had to get rid of it somehow,"

"Like hell you did!" Naruto yelled holding his eyes in pain, since they were just filled with beer. "I know the real reason why you did it, it was because Sakura got you all h…" the blonde was cut short as Sasuke quickly started an argument just to shut him up from saying the truth.

A/N: Sorry if I offended anyone with the flashback. But I seriously do think that Christianity is like a disease. Sorry for taking so long to update. I felt the guilt and made this chapter long! Review if you want me to update faster than you can say updatedammit!!!!