This entire chapter was written by Psalm136. Thank goodness as well, seeing as I probably wouldn't have gotten it out fast enough. Been so caught up in my new job. Argh.

"Oh, Ravvy! Ravvy! Wake up, I'm so frightened!"

"What's wrong, my love?"

"Voldemort-"

"Don't say his name!" Peter hissed.

Raven had walked gracefully down the steps to the common room, her hair floating gracefully behind her, after she had dressed gracefully after her and Sirius' graceful love session. Now, she was gracefully and beautifully looking at Peter with graceful pity; he was frightened, poor thing. Or not, you know.

"Oh, Peter, don't be afraid. I will protect you." She placed her hand on his shoulder, and he melted underneath her touch.

"And I will protect you." Sirius replied, his arms going around her waist in suggestion of what they might do when they were alone.

It was true, Sirius Black was considering suicide, with the way this chapter was going.

Remus roared with laughter. "And I will protect you? Geez, Sirius, I don't know how you got this girl! And graceful? I'd love to see that!" He had taken a seat on one of the comfortable couches in the common room, but he'd fallen off in his amusement.

James grinned at Remus. "He didn't get this girl, remember? She pretty much raped him." He looked at Sirius with slight pity, but not that much.

"SHE DID!" Sirius was going to cry. He was manly, but this was too much. "Make it stop!" He whined. "I'll be nice, I promise!"

"Oh, I don't think so." Lily snorted in amusement. "Let's see… where were we?"

"Now, what's this about Voldie?"

James rolled his eyes.

Remus couldn't stop laughing.

Lily sniggered.

Sirius climbed over the couch and curled up in the fetal position behind it.

Sirius took her hand. "He's looking for you. He's heard rumors of your beauty, and wants you for his wife so the heir to the Throne of Evil will not only be evil, but smart and beautiful!"

James nodded, grasping her other hand. "We will protect your beauty, but I fear he will come here and demand you!"

"What do you mean?" She batted her eyelashes at both hot boys who obviously loved her. Everyone did.

"Oh yeah, except the world!" James grinned over the couch back at Sirius.

"I don't love her!" He yelled, jumping up and down. "I don't, I don't, I don't!" He sighed dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. "My beautiful looks damn me to this!"

Remus pulled his wand out and pointed it at Sirius. "Want me to fix that?" He paused. "Oh, wait, you couldn't get any worse. My mistake." He smirked in a style reminiscent of Sirius himself.

"Remus. I'm watching you." Sirius narrowed his eyes at his friend.

James was flipping through the next few pages of the book, looking for where the cheesy dialogue ended. Unfortunately, he found it. He turned white as a sheet and keeled over. Remus, curious, picked the book up. He turned red and fainted. Lily, concerned for her two friends, rescued them from the book and looked at the page. She ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up. Sirius eyed the book with distrust and then saw the page, and the illustration and few lines on it.

"EW! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! JAMES, STOP IT!" He screamed, falling back onto the couch. "WHY ME, GOD?! WHYYYYY?!" He sobbed into the pillow.

James stood up, still woozy from the horror. "I wouldn't do that to you! I don't like guys like that! I swear!" He looked at Lily who was exiting the bathroom, wiping her mouth. "Lily, I only love you, I promise!"

Lily nodded. "I know, James." She smiled at him. "It's this book I want to tear to pieces!" She growled, diving for the book.

Remus had woken up moments before and saved it. "No, I want to see how this turns out!"

James, Sirius and Lily looked at him, and then realized Peter hadn't said a word. They looked over to where he had fainted after the ill-fated chapter two with the love scene. They turned back to Remus, staring at him like he was crazy.

"Hey, this will drive Sirius crazy, can you blame me?" Was the only defense he had.

James and Lily smirked. "Nope." James replied and motioned for Remus to begin reading.

Sirius looked at Raven. "We made love in the worst way; standing up in a hammock."

James furrowed his eyebrows, turning his head to the left, as if trying to see something in the distance.

Remus paused from his reading. "What?"

"Just trying to see how that would work… 'cause it wouldn't…"

Raven hugged Sirius, happy her love had found happiness. She knew, without having to ask, that he would always remain faithful to her unless she permitted it. Guys were so predictable. Once they found the love of their lives (i.e. HER), they always remained faithful.

Voldemort suddenly burst into the common room. "Raven! Come be with me, my love!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Please. Do I have to beat the crap out of you? I don't get with the bad boy!"

Voldemort pointed at Sirius. "You love him."

Raven nodded. "But he's hot."

"You're just jealous that I'm hotter than you all."

Raven fumed. "Okay, NOW you're going down!" With a flick of her wrist and silver sparkle wand (she used that one when she was REALLY pissed), she sent a powerful spell that banished Voldemort back to his lair. Of course she knew where it was. She stored that information in her head, thinking it would be a good thing to remember in case Sirius was busy and away from her. Her beauty could get her any man, after all.

Lily rolled her eyes. "She's pathetic, no girl gets that mad when a guy thinks he's better looking than she does!"

Sirius glared at her. "You get madder at me when I admit I'm beautiful!"

"Well, it's because you're not!"

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. "Raven thinks so." He muttered.

Remus stared at him. "Think about what you just said."

Sirius mouthed his sentence over, thinking about it, and then shuddered, closing his eyes.

"End of chapter, finally." Remus said after a moment.

"Really?" Lily asked.

"After fifty pages of description of Raven's beauty that's apparently 'better than Lord Voldemort's', is 'enough to make every woman in the area get plastic surgery' and 'makes every married man get divorced', yeah."

There it be. Hopefully after reading that which is the Deathly Hallows this will manage to cheer everyone up, especially if they've read my recent depressing one shots. Also, I am working on two new fanfics...one is going to be a one shot where Dean is Kingsley's son...and the second is a huge one that I plan to make into seven book-length fanfics tracing what would have happened if it was James Potter who had to defeat Voldemort, not Harry (I am not sure if this has been a plot yet, I have not seen any like this and I am currently writing it as of this moment so if anyone starts one after the date of July 23, 2007, I hereby declare that they stole the idea from me...I'm watching you, haha) So be on the lookout for that, however, I won't post any chapters of it until I get a few chapters in AND I have finished at least one fanfic on here.