Chapter 24 Safe at Last
With Geon leading the way, it was still long after dark before they reached they reached the ships. They had kept their pace slow, at first to prevent jostling the mat bearing the unconscious Jedi apprentice and then, to prevent him from falling behind when he awoke and refused to be carried any further. The Jedi Masters walked at the head of the group with Geon followed closely by Cody and several of his men; Zak, who had chosen for some reason to distance himself as far from the other Jedi as possible; and bringing up the rear, the remainder of Cody's men, there to prevent Zak from falling too far behind and becoming lost in the dark. As it came into view, the Mound took on an almost ethereal appearance, illuminated by the outer lights of the two ships docked near it. Cody pulled out his comm and alerted those in the ship of their arrival; minutes later, the loading ramp from the larger ship lowered allowing light from inside the ship to spill out into the dark, and by the time the rescue party reached the ships, Padme was at the foot of the ramp waiting for them.
Anakin embraced her in tired relief for a moment. Zak halted behind the clones, swaying slightly, eyes half-closed, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a secluded bunk; instead, he waited patiently until he would be allowed to do so. He did not have to wait long as concern for his well-being superseded the etiquette of introductions and the Clones parted to allow Padme and the Jedi Masters through, "Oh, Zak!" Padme gasped, unable to conceal her shock at his appearance; only the haunted look he gave her prevented her from gathering the haggard young man standing before her into her arms.
"I'm alright." He mumbled without emotion, turning his eyes to ground.
Padme looked to Obi-Wan with concern; and Obi-Wan shook his head, "Later." He whispered as he placed an arm around Zak's shoulders and guided him toward the ship.
"Annie?" Padme turned to Anakin.
"He's had a rough time, Padme; once Obi-Wan has settled him in for the night, we'll all sit down and talk." Anakin explained.
Padme nodded, wrapping one arm around Anakin's waist and he responded by placing his arm around her shoulders. Geon stood off to one side, and as Zak passed, head down, she touched his arm; he looked at her hand and then up at her, "You have much courage, young Jedi." She told him.
Zak opened his mouth as if to reply then clamped it shut, shook his head and looked down at the ground once again; Obi-Wan urged him forward onto the ramp and into the ship. Geon watched them disappear inside and then sighed, regretting her part in the young man's subjugation, "Geon, I'm afraid we've neglected our duty here." Anakin said, shaking her from her private thoughts.
Geon smiled and turned toward the couple, "You have not; certain needs must come first." She replied, glancing up the boarding ramp where the two Jedi had entered.
"Well, I'm Padme; I think it's much too late for you to return to your own people tonight, you should stay here, with us." Padme said with a warm smile as she placed a hand on Geon's arm.
Geon shook her head, "I thank you for the kind offer, Padme; but I should not impose on your people." She declined.
"Padme's right; besides, I think we'd all like to know what made you turn against the Lodge." Anakin countered.
"If you understood my part in what happened to your companion's apprentice, you would not be so willing to offer me shelter even if only for an instant." Geon answered.
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Inside the ship, the younglings were gathered behind Dena and Boba who had come after hearing that the rescue party was close; Shel stood between them. Both of them looked to Obi-Wan in concern for their friend who continued to stare at the floor as Obi-Wan guided him forward, "Zak?" Shel questioned.
Zak closed his eyes for a moment before raising his head; mustering a smile, he said, "I'm alright; just a little tired."
"If you will come with me, Master Kenobi; a cabin has been set aside for him." Captain Antilles informed the Jedi Master as he stepped forward.
"That is just what he needs, Captain." Obi-Wan replied.
Raymus nodded, headed down the main corridor a short distance and triggered one of the doors, "If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask." He said, "Oh, and the Council would like a report as soon as possible."
"Master Skywalker and I will send that report shortly." Obi-Wan answered and steered Zak through the door.
"Wait." Zak said suddenly and then raised his gaze to the captain, "Is Ferri still missing?"
The captain smiled, "No; he is resting in sickbay under strict orders not to leave his bed or he certainly would have been one of the first to meet you." He informed the young Jedi.
Zak nodded, and returned to staring at the floor, "Thank you, Captain." Obi-Wan said.
Captain Antilles bowed and turned back down the corridor. Obi-Wan triggered the lights as his apprentice staggered to one of the bunks set against the far wall and sat down with a heavy sigh; his master squatted before him, "You don't have to stay, Master; I'm alright." Zak told him.
"You may be able to fool Shel and the younglings, but I know better." Obi-Wan replied as he pulled off one of Zak's boots.
Zak sighed, realizing he should have known better, then looked down in puzzlement, "You know; I don't even remember putting them back on." He said.
Obi-Wan smiled, "That is because you didn't." He answered.
"Oh...oh." Zak looked down at him in distress, "I...I..hit you, Master."
"No. Tog hit me." Obi-Wan corrected, removing the other boot.
"But he did it through me; because I was too weak to stop him." Zak insisted.
"Through no fault of your own, Zak. "Obi-Wan replied patiently as he stood up, "Your shields are gone; you had no defense against him."
"I couldn't..." Zak began and then shuddered.
Obi-Wan gripped his shoulder, "We do not need to speak of this now; rest first." He said.
Zak rubbed his forehead and covered his eyes, "I'm so tired." He admitted.
"Then lie down and go to sleep." Obi-Wan instructed gently.
With a sigh, Zak swung his legs up and laid back against the cushions, "So tired." He murmured as he rubbed his forehead again and rolled over onto his side to face the wall.
Obi-Wan touched Zak's cheek with the back of his hand and then unfolded the blanket lying at the foot of the bed and covered him with it. Zak sighed once again and curled up into his normal sleeping position. Satisfied, Obi-Wan left his apprentice to sleep, dimming the lights and triggering the door closed behind him.
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Ferri shifted restlessly as he waited for someone to come and tell him what had happened at the Lodge. All the Clone medic would say was that the Jedi had returned with the rescue party. It was irritating enough to be stuck in sickbay, but that no one would tell him what was going on was downright annoying. Finally, he decided to defy the medic and get up to see for himself; he had just reached up to remove his wounded leg from the sling elevating it when the door slid open, "That would be a very bad idea, Padawan." His master told him.
"Well, it would be nice if someone would have filled me in on what happened at the Lodge." Ferri retorted as he lay back.
"I'm sorry; I was seeing to our guest first." Anakin replied.
"What guest? Where is Zak; did you find him?" Ferri demanded.
"We did find Zak, yes. The guest is a Lodger who guided us back here." Anakin answered as he sat down in a chair next to the bed.
"A Lodger helped you? From what Park told me about them, I wouldn't think that would be possible." Ferri said.
"It's a long story, Ferri." Anakin informed him.
"You mean they all aren't like Li." Ferri assumed.
"Not all of them." Anakin confirmed.
There was silence for a moment, "How is Zak?" Ferri asked.
Anakin rubbed the arm of the chair absently, "He was not treated well." He answered evasively.
"It's bad then, isn't it." Ferri guessed.
"Pretty bad." Anakin revealed.
"He'll be alright, though; won't he?" Ferri asked.
Anakin sighed, "I hope so, Padawan; but I don't really know." He admitted.
"Force." Ferri whispered, "Park didn't say the harnessing would hurt him."
"I don't think that in itself would have, Ferri. But Zak was fighting it, trying to destroy the systems he was supposed to be powering; and they were trying to force him into line through pain." Anakin explained.
"That's barbaric." Ferri stated, "But it's not permanent, is it? I mean, he can recover from that, can't he?"
"From that, probably." Anakin answered.
"Master, why are you being so cryptic here? If the harnessing or their punishment aren't crippling, then why don't you know if he'll be alright?" Ferri questioned.
Anakin stood up and walked toward the portal on the far side of the room, "Master?"
"Did Park tell you that he would be questioned?" Anakin asked.
"Questioned, yes; are you saying Li tortured him for answers?" Ferri asked.
"In a manner of speaking." Anakin answered.
Ferri huffed angrily, "What does that mean? I guess I'll just have to ask Zak myself if I want any straight answers." He decided, sitting up and reaching for the leg sling.
"What happened to Zak is difficult to explain; he was not physically tortured." Anakin replied, covering the distance of the room swiftly to push his cantankerous Padawan back down.
"Meaning what?" Ferri demanded.
"When Zak refused to tell Li about you and the younglings, she tried to probe his mind." Anakin began.
"So what, we're all trained to resist probes like that." Ferri stated.
"Yes, but only from a single source." Anakin answered.
"Your becoming cryptic again." Ferri taunted.
Anakin smiled, "I'm sorry; I'm not meaning to be." He said and then continued, "You're right, Zak would have had no trouble, in fact, from what we now know, he had no trouble resisting Li's probe. But there is, well, was a group called the Four at the Lodge, who had the ability to link their sensitivity together, and Li has the ability to draw from them. Zak was strong enough to repel one probe; but not the combined consciousness of five."
"So they able to push through his shields?" Ferri deduced, "I don't see where that is so..."
"There's more to it, Ferri; they did not just push through his shields, they tore them down. Li stole all the information she wanted from him, and once his shields were gone, he could not stop her." Anakin explained, "What's worse, Zak no longer has any mental defenses at all."
Ferri shook his head, "Force; Park told me she was ruthless." He said, "What can we do?"
"There is not much we can do right now, Ferri." Obi-Wan replied from the doorway, "We will have to wait and see what the mind healer has to say."
"How is he, Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked.
"Not good. He's trying not to show it, but I can sense how close he is to breaking down completely." Obi-Wan answered with a shake of his head.
"Can I see him?" Ferri asked.
"He is sleeping now; perhaps the morning will be better." Obi-Wan suggested, "Anakin, the Council has requested a report."
"Right. Duty calls, Padawan; I will be back later." Anakin said.
"Well, I'm certainly not going anywhere." Ferri answered putting one arm under his head.
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Mace listened silently as the two masters along with Boba Fett presented their report, "We can expect you in a few hours then." He stated when they had finished.
"With all due respect, Master; we have made the decision to remain here at least until tomorrow." Obi-Wan countered.
"I am concerned with your Padawan's mental state, Obi-Wan; I believe it is imperative that you return to Coruscant immediately." Mace argued.
"If I may, Master Windu." Boba interjected, "What about Terak Perrin?"
"There has been no sign of him?" Mace asked.
"No, Master Windu; Devan said he went off hunting 'freaks'. No offense intended, that's just what she said." Boba answered.
"None taken, Boba. Is this why you have decided to wait, Master Kenobi?" Mace asked.
"Partly, yes, Master; we will make one last search in the morning, and if that is unsuccessful, we will let Park know so that he may keep an eye out for him." Obi-Wan replied.
Mace nodded, causing his image to shimmer, "And the other reason you are staying?" He asked.
Obi-Wan answered carefully, "While I believe it is important for Zak to see the mind healer, I also believe he needs a short period of solitude before returning to the Temple; his mind is fragile, and I am concerned he is not ready to face the rest of the Jedi. He can barely manage to be with me." He explained.
"I see; and just what makes you think that he will be any more prepared by waiting?" Mace asked.
"My instincts tell me this." Obi-Wan answered.
"And what are your thoughts on this matter, Anakin? Would you not rather your own apprentice be in the hands of our healers?" Mace asked.
"Ferri is resting comfortably here, Master Windu. If Obi-Wan believes it is in Zak's best interests to remain here for a few more hours, I have no objection." Anakin answered, stealing a glance at his former master.
Mace frowned and shook his head,but then sighed, "Very well, Obi-Wan; I cannot say I agree with you, but I will trust your instincts." He conceded, "Contact us when you are ready to return; or if there are any more developments."
Both masters bowed as Mace's image faded, "I have to agree with Mace on this one, Obi-Wan." Anakin said once the transmission ended.
"Then why did you not tell him that?" Obi-Wan wondered.
Anakin shook his head, "I don't know; I suppose I should have. But Zak is your apprentice, and this was your decision to make; I just hope you've made the right one." He answered and then turned and left the compartment.
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With Zak settled, hopefully for the night, Shel and the younglings situated in the lower cabins and Ferri resting in sickbay, the two Jedi masters invited Geon to talk about what life was like at the Lodge; inevitably, the discussion led to what Zak was subjected to, leaving Geon uncomfortably ashamed of the part she played, and Padme wondering just how Obi-Wan and her husband could be so understanding. Geon had, after all, helped to break him, and admitted that she would have killed him had he not shown so much resistance to being harnessed.
"I should go." Geon decided, sensing Padme's hostility.
"That isn't necessary, Geon." Obi-Wan told her.
Geon smiled, "Yes, it is; I would have moved your apprentice on. Do you not feel the same hostility your friend's mate does?" She asked.
Obi-Wan sighed and stood up, "As a Jedi, I understand why the Caver Elders made their decision; but you made the conscious decision to defy that directive. And that was very brave of you." He answered.
"Have you looked into Zak's eyes, Obi-Wan? She helped do that to him." Padme protested.
Geon looked down at the floor, "I regret my part in his breaking; had I been able to find a path around it, I would have certainly taken it. But I pledged myself to the Cave Clan, and I had to make a choice between helping Li or revealing myself as a traitor by refusing." She explained, "And you must know that I was not thinking of my fate had Li discovered my dissension; the Cavers needed someone to report on Li's actions, and they would have lost that had I been branded a hostile."
A short silence followed as Padme digested Geon's statement, "And it would not have stopped this Li from doing what she did, would it." She finally realized.
"Delayed it, perhaps; but in the end, it would still have ended with his harnessing." Geon replied.
"Then I suppose we should just be grateful that you chose not to kill him." Padme conceded.
"Look, we're all tired here; maybe it would be best if we tried to get some rest." Obi-Wan suggested; and the others nodded in agreement.
It was only a short while after they had all settled in to sleep that the terrified cries of a Jedi apprentice broke the silence aboard the ship. Isolated in the lower cabins, Shel and the younglings, including Hadrian and Luke remained undisturbed; the Belaridians enjoying the first real rest they'd had since the beginning of their ordeal. In the cabin next to his, Padme huddled next to her husband as they listened first to Zak's distressed outbursts and then to his master's calm voice quieting his disturbed Padawan.
Hearing Obi-Wan's gentle soothing tone, Anakin thought back to the many times over the years when he had used that same gentleness to attempt to ease Anakin's fears; he sighed heavily, regretting all the times he had spurned those attempts to help him, "What is it, Annie?" Padme whispered.
"Nothing, really; I was just thinking about all the times Obi-Wan was there for me." Anakin answered quietly, "And I never appreciated it; I was so convinced that he wasn't sincere."
"Wasn't sincere? Whatever would make you think that?" Padme asked.
Anakin sighed again and rubbed his forehead, "Because I believed Palpatine's lies." He admitted.
"Oh, Annie, Palpatine had everyone fooled with his lies; we've been over this a million times." Padme told him, "Obi-Wan understands."
"I'm sure he does; but it doesn't change the fact that I doubted him, for so many years." Anakin replied.
Padme huddled closer to him, "And you can't change the past; stop dwelling on it and just think about what you have now; a man who loves you like a brother."
"I know." Anakin conceded quietly.
Zak's sobs slowly dissipated as Obi-Wan's gentle voice droned on; Anakin pulled Padme closer, "I know." He repeated.
"Will he be alright?" Padme wondered.
"It's too soon to tell." Anakin admitted.
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The first rays of light were just filtering through the cabin portal when Obi-Wan began to stir. Running a hand through his hair, he yawned and stretched; it had been a long night of fitful sleep for both master and apprentice before Obi-Wan was finally able to ease Zak into some kind of restful sleep. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and glanced over at Zak's bunk expecting his Padawan to still be sleeping; but the blanket lay folded neatly at the foot of the empty bunk. Obi-Wan sighed and shook his head, then, stretching again, he reached out to locate his missing Padawan.
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Zak awoke before dawn; feeling uncharacteristically claustrophobic within the confines of the cabin. He rolled over, in hopes of returning to sleep, but the sound of his master's slow steady breathing from the other bunk caused him to reconsider; his master had gotten little sleep. Rather than risk the possibility of waking Obi-Wan with another nightmare, Zak rose quietly, slipped his boots on and, after folding his blanket, slipped silently out of the cabin. Not wishing to disturb the sleep of anyone else, he left the ship entirely. The landing lights of both ships continued to illuminate the surrounding area; for a moment, he entertained the idea of boarding Boba's ship but decided against it not wanting to wake his friends either. A glint of metal revealed the rear of the shuttle; and Zak walked toward it. By the time he reached the shuttle, he had already decided to scale the Mound. It did not take long; the dirt of the mound was soft, and allowed him to dig his boots in for purchase. When the first hint of light appeared in the sky, Zak was standing at the top taking in the view of the surrounding countryside. In the dim light of predawn, there was little to see, but Zak knew the Lodge lay to the north; he stared in that direction for several minutes before easing himself down into a crossed-legged position. Taking a deep cleansing breath, the Jedi Padawan closed his eyes and began to meditate. It was there that Obi-Wan found him an hour later.
"You should have told me you were leaving the ship." Obi-Wan admonished as he squatted down next to his apprentice.
"You were sleeping." Zak answered without opening his eyes.
"Then you should have woke me." Obi-Wan told him.
"You were awake with me most of the night, Master." Zak said quietly.
"Well, then you should have told someone else." Obi-Wan replied.
Zak opened his eyes and turned toward his master, "I believe I kept everyone else from sleeping as well." He said.
With a sigh, Obi-Wan shook his head and sat down, "Wandering off alone is not wise. Because of Li's actions, you are vulnerable right now, Zak; you must know that." He told him.
Zak closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists until the knuckles turned white; Obi-Wan put a hand on the back of his neck, "You were reliving what you experienced yesterday; everyone here understands that." He continued.
"I don't want to burden anyone." Zak replied.
"I know; and that is what makes you a Jedi. But this is something you cannot get through alone, Padawan." Obi-Wan insisted.
"And a Jedi has to take responsibility for his own actions; what happened was my own doing. Now I have to live with the consequences." Zak answered almost calmly, turning his gaze back toward the north.
"Let me help you." Obi-Wan said.
Zak put one hand up and covered his eyes, "I don't know that you can, Master." He whispered.
Obi-Wan gripped the back of Zak's neck tightly, "At least let me try." He replied.
Zak shuddered, fighting to keep his emotions in check, "I could not stop her." He began.
"You were outnumbered, Padawan." Obi-Wan reminded him.
"I...I know...She...made me feel..." Zak continued.
"She made you feel...what?" Obi-Wan questioned.
Zak turned to look at him, his eyes haunted and glazed, "Helpless...helpless and weak." He confessed.
"But you fought, Zak; I sensed it." Obi-Wan countered.
"Not hard enough; I...I couldn't stop her." Zak replied.
"Sometimes it does not matter how hard we fight when the fight is not fair to begin with." Obi-Wan told him.
"There would not have been a fight if I hadn't left the shuttle." Zak answered.
"Your biggest fault has always been second-guessing yourself." Obi-Wan pointed out.
"I know." Zak admitted, "But..."
"Your reasons for leaving the shuttle were sound; since your talents do not include prescience, you could not have know what would happen." Obi-Wan replied.
Zak looked down at the ground, "Tell me how you feel right now." Obi-Wan instructed.
The young Jedi sighed and rubbed his hand over his head, "I feel...I feel..." He swallowed and closed his eyes, "I feel like I'm...falling apart." He revealed.
"After what happened yesterday, I am not surprised. Li forced her way into your mind and took knowledge you were not willing to give; then when you were in no condition to resist, she tried to use you to gain access to the Force for her own purposes. Your mental defenses are frayed to such a point that you are vulnerable to even the weakest intrusion." Obi-Wan summarized, "But, Zak, you must remember what you did; you resisted. Li did not obtain the information she wanted easily; I know, I sensed your resistance to her probes. And your harnessing was not as successful as she would have liked; you overloaded more systems than you powered up."
"But she was in my head, Master; and I could not stop Tog from controlling me." Zak said, "It's like it was with Baylor Grant only worse."
"There is a healer who can help you deal with this, Zak; you and I can see her together." Obi-Wan replied, moving his hand from Zak's neck to his shoulder.
"A mind healer? I'm finished as a Knight then, aren't I." Zak guessed.
"Absolutely not; this will take time, but it doesn't have to be permanently crippling. I will help you rebuild what Li destroyed, and the healer can help you deal with your feelings of intrusion and helplessness." Obi-Wan reassured him.
"You make it sound so easy." Zak answered.
"In terms of what you are going through now, it is." Obi-Wan replied.
Zak sighed, "Well, I guess I have no choice then, I can't stay like this for the rest of my life." He conceded.
"No, you cannot." Obi-Wan agreed with a pat on his shoulder, "Now, you have had little to eat for two days; it is time you had a decent meal."
"I don't think I can eat anything." Zak said.
"It will not do for you to become physically ill on top of everything else, Padawan; come back to the ship and have something to eat." Obi-Wan ordered as he stood up.
"Yes, Master." Zak replied, knowing Obi-Wan was giving him no choice, and scrambled to his feet.
Obi-Wan started down the side of the Mound; Zak took one last look toward the Lodge, sighed and started to follow. Movement just at the edge of his vision caught his eye and he turned to get a better look; as he did so, a figure staggered out of the trees; as he watched, the figure dropped to his knees and then tried to pull himself up only to fall face down. Zak started to make his way down the opposite side of the Mound, as he reached the bottom, the figure managed to get up and staggered toward him, "Terak?!" Zak gasped.