Chapter 26 The Long Road Back
Goral's pain and grief turned to horror as Zak dropped to his knees, his face contorted in pain, before collapsing completely. Eeth's demand fell on deaf ears as he backed away from Obi-Wan Kenobi's fallen apprentice, but those still in the hall who had witnessed the young Jedi's collapse hemmed in closer, preventing his escape.
"Send for Master Bant." Mace ordered upon seeing Zak's blank gaze.
"She's here." A female voice announced as a Mon Calamari pushed her way through the throng and knelt beside Obi-Wan.
Putting on a hand on Zak's forehead, she closed hers eyes and reached into his mind; with a sigh, she withdrew and opened her eyes, "What's happened?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I'm not sure." Bant answered and looked around, "Let's all back off and give him room to breathe shall we."
"Nothing to see there is; do as Master Bant instructs you must." Yoda ordered, waving his gaffer stick around, thumping several knees in the process.
Several Knights took charge, ushering the curious observers from the hall until only the Council, Ferri and Goral Ansular remained. Even though he was now able to leave with them, Goral remained behind, torn between concern and the urge to flee.
"I'd like to take him to our quarters." Bant decided as she stood up.
No one questioned Bant's judgment; Obi-Wan placed his hands under Zak's head as Mace, Anakin and Eeth Koth positioned themselves to lift the catatonic Jedi. Goral moved to help...and no one objected.
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His head throbbed and he reached up to rub his temple, "Welcome back." A pleasant female voice said.
"Back? From...where?" He asked, disoriented.
"Do you know who you are?" She asked.
"What?" That was a silly question, of course he knew who he was.
"Who are you?" The voice asked.
"Do I look stupid?" He demanded.
"No. But you have had a very bad experience; and I just want to be sure you haven't lost any of your memory." The voice answered, "Your name, please."
He huffed in annoyance, "Zak Perrin." He told her, "Why is it so dark?"
"Dark? Does it seem dark to you?" The woman asked.
"Completely. Are you telling me it's not dark?" Zak asked.
"Hmm..." The woman responded and Zak could smell salt and feel her hand covering his eyes, "Do you think your eyes are open or closed?"
Zak thought for a moment; actually he couldn't tell, "I don't know." He finally answered.
"You can't tell?" She asked as he felt her hand withdraw.
"What did I just say?" He demanded impatiently.
"Alright; calm down." She replied.
"You're not the one who can't see." He answered, "Why can't I see?"
"Well, I'm trying to figure that out." The woman assured him, "Can you blink?"
"Blink?" Zak repeated.
"Yes, close your eyes and open them." The woman explained.
"I know what it means." Zak answered, annoyance creeping into his tone.
"Then try to blink." The woman instructed, ignoring his tone.
"Why?" Zak wondered.
He heard her sigh, "It may stimulate the neural pathway to your optical center." She informed him.
"Oh...so, are my eyes open or closed?" Zak asked.
"Open." She answered, "Now, blink and see what happens."
"Open? Then I really am blind?!" He exclaimed, struggling to sit up.
"Not necessarily; try this first before you start worrying about that." The woman insisted, pushing him back down.
"What happens if it doesn't work?" Zak wondered.
"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it; just blink." The woman replied.
Zak put a hand up to his eyes; she was right, they certainly were open. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed them closed, "I'm afraid to open them." He admitted.
"Well, you could walk around for the rest of your life with them closed, but I don't think you'd ever be Knighted that way." She told him.
She had a point; taking another deep breath, Zak slowly cracked his eyes open and then blinked as the form of a Mon Calamari came into focus, "Hi." He said.
"Hi yourself; I'm Bant." She informed him.
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"Is he awake yet?" Obi-Wan asked as Declan entered the outer room.
"Yes, Bant is speaking with him now." Declan answered, "She should be out in a few minutes to talk with you."
"What happened to him?" Ferri asked.
"You should be back in bed." Declan admonished.
"I know, I know." Ferri admitted, "But what happened to him?"
"It appears his mind shut down, possibly to protect itself." Declan explained, "Back to bed with you, now."
"Go on, Padawan." Anakin prompted, gesturing toward the doorway leading to the sickrooms.
With a nod, Ferri struggled up and hobbled after Declan reluctantly, passing a Mon Calamari on the way in.
Obi-Wan stood up, "How is he, Bant?" He asked.
"It was a huge mistake to let him attend that funeral; huge. What were you thinking, Obi?" She demanded.
"He felt he had to go." Obi-Wan answered calmly.
"Well, it was a mistake; he had no defense against all the emotion swirling around in that room. Every feeling brushing against his mind rubbed right over the raw edges of his shields; and that is just as painful as rubbing an open physical wound." Bant continued, "He should have been brought to me straight away. I would have thought you would have known better."
"Are you finished?" Obi-Wan asked.
Bant thought for a moment, "Yes." She replied.
"So how is he?" Obi-Wan asked again.
"As well as can be expected after having his shields torn down, being physically and mentally tortured and then being bombarded with thousands of strong negative emotions." Bant told him, "Oh, go on in and see him; he has no more sense than you do."
The Mon Calamari brushed past him into the another room; Anakin covered his mouth to cover a grin.
"What?" Obi-Wan demanded.
"I can never get used to her calling you 'Obi'." Anakin answered.
Obi-Wan shook his head, "Just go see to your own apprentice, I can handle this."
"Alright, Obi; I'll see you later." Anakin said.
Obi-Wan shot him an exasperated look and then turned down the hallway.
Zak was sitting on the edge of the bed pulling his boots on when Obi-Wan entered, "I'm sorry, Padawan; I'm afraid I did not protect you very well." He said.
"I think I'm past the point you should have to protect me, Master. I should not have gone; that was a mistake." Zak replied, "I didn't want to fall apart in front of everyone, and that's exactly what I did."
Obi-Wan sat down on the bed opposite him, "I would hardly call it falling apart." He answered.
"I fainted." Zak protested.
"Oh, you did more than faint, Zak; your mind completely shut down." Obi-Wan argued.
"Even worse; and I would have preferred that not to have happened in a hall full of Jedi." Zak insisted.
"I know; but I do not believe anyone will think the less of you. Not after what you've been through." Obi-Wan assured him.
"Maybe; I guess it doesn't matter now anyway." Zak replied, "Is Master Ansular alright? He was in so much pain."
"Master Ansular is appalled by what happened; he acted out of inconsolable grief." Obi-Wan answered, "And now he has added guilt to that pain."
"Then I'm sorry. I can't imagine how he must feel; what will happen to him now?" Zak asked.
"That will be a matter for the Council to decide; but we all know how difficult this is for him." Obi-Wan answered, "He has much healing to do."
Zak nodded and then asked, "Master, how long before other people's feelings aren't so painful?"
"That would be a question for Master Bant or Master Healer Declan." Obi-Wan answered.
"The healers...was it really necessary for them to remove all my clothes?" Zak wondered.
"You were unresponsive for nearly two hours, Zak." Obi-Wan told him, "They did what they felt was necessary."
"I guess." Zak conceded, "At least it was just the healers...it was just the healers, wasn't it?"
"Yes, Padawan; your dignity was not lost to the entirety of the hall." Obi-Wan said.
"Thank the Force. How long are they going to keep me here?" Zak asked.
"You can go back to your quarters now if you're up to it." Bant said from the doorway, "But it would be better if you limited your contact with other Jedi until your mind heals a little more."
"And how long will that be?" Zak wondered.
"I can't tell you that, Zak; I'm sorry." Bant admitted.
"Great." Zak muttered.
"I can tell you that you have a strong will, and that will go a long way to helping you heal." Bant said.
"The Lodgers broke my will." Zak replied.
"No they didn't, Zak. You were still fighting when we found you." Obi-Wan corrected.
"Zak, you must not mistake your weakness for broken will. It is not the same at all." Bant added.
Zak nodded and then after a moment looked up at the Mon Calamari healer, "I'm not sleeping well." He confessed, "I'm having nightmares."
Bant smiled compassionately, "I know; Master Obi-Wan told me." She told him, "I can give you something to help you sleep."
"Drugs? I don't think I..." Zak started to protest.
"It won't be anything addictive, I promise. But without restful sleep you not only won't be strong enough to heal, you'll become physically ill on top of the problems you already have." Bant said.
Zak nodded, realizing she was right, "What about the nightmares?" He wondered.
"It will alleviate them until I am able to help you banish them altogether." Bant assured him and then came and sat down next to Obi-Wan, "You are not alone in this, Zak; we will all help you through this. But I will not lie to you, it will be a long road back."
"I know." Zak replied.
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Mace Windu glared sternly down at the three younglings standing before him and then raised his eyes to meet the gaze of the younger man standing behind them, "What are we to do with these little rebels, Master Skywalker?" He asked.
"I'm open to suggestions, Master Windu." Anakin answered.
Mace returned his attention to the trio, all of whom were staring intently at the floor, "Well, I believe we both agree that reckless disobedience cannot be encouraged." He determined.
"I agree wholeheartedly." Anakin concurred, "Would you recommend physical punishment?"
Mace scratched his chin in thought, "Negative reinforcement?" He replied, managing not to smile at Luke's sharp intake of breath, "No; somehow I do not believe that would very effective in the long run."
"Hmm...you're probably right, Master Windu." Anakin agreed, "Some form of punishment is required though; don't you agree?"
"Such as?" Mace prompted.
"Oh I don't know; toilet duty maybe?" Anakin suggested.
This time, it was Leia's reaction that caused them both to fight the urge to smile as the girl raised her head to regard them both, eyes wide with shock and revulsion, "No; that is a bit harsh, I believe; perhaps kitchen duty would suffice." Mace advised, "Along with lessons dealing with real life consequences of reckless behavior."
Leia sighed in relief as Anakin nodded in agreement, "And deception?" he asked.
"Deception, yes; that is also a behavior discouraged in a Jedi." Mace agreed, staring pointedly at Leia.
The seven-year old fidgeted, "But I don't want to be a Jedi." She protested, "I want to be like Mommy."
"Do you? And you think your mother would believe dishonesty is an admirable quality in a politician?" Mace asked.
"No." Leia admitted, staring down at the floor again.
"No; she wouldn't; we are going to have to have a very long talk about the consequences of lying, young lady." Anakin warned.
Leia gulped, "Yes, Daddy." She answered.
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While Zak spent most of his time in seclusion, the Council met several times over the next few days; to discuss what action would be taken against Goral Ansular for his verbal assault on Zak and to hear progress reports on the Belaridian younglings' well being, Ferri's recovery and Zak's continuing mental difficulties. Questioning of the liberated younglings was a delicate matter, handled with great care and informality, in the presence of the newly appointed youngling master, Rega, and as a group in one of their own classrooms. The objective of the Council was to obtain a detailed report, from all perspectives of what had occurred during the attack and in the two days afterward. However, reports from the two senior Padawans were delayed to give both of them a chance to recover.
Ferri Cortis was up, hobbling on crutches, three days after their return from Bella, and was summoned to appear in front of the Council to give his account of what had transpired. As he was called into the Council Chamber, he could not help but to think back to the time, not long past, when he had been summoned to answer for his part in harboring the then-fugitive, Boba Fett; and the time, that seemed so long ago now, when his braid had been severed following his betrayal of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Zak Perrin. Neither event had been a pleasant experience, however, he did not expect this one to be a repeat of either of those. As he hobbled in, the sound of his crutches on the wooden floor reverberated in the silence of the room and all eyes turned in his direction. Moving to the center of the Council circle, he waited for the questions to begin. Yoda rubbed his chin, "How feel you, Ferri Cortis?" He asked pointing his gaffer stick at him.
"Master Yoda?" Ferri questioned.
"A simple question this is; how feel you?" Yoda asked again.
"Fine, I guess." Ferri answered.
"Hmm...feel secure here do you?" Yoda wondered.
"Yes, of course, Master." Ferri assured him.
"Even after the events two days past?" Ki-Adi Mundi asked.
"Yes; my master told me how the extremists were able to get in, and that steps have already been taken to see that it won't happen again." Ferri replied.
"Do you still feel the decision to surrender to the intruders was ill-advised?" Eeth Koth asked.
"I don't think we were given a choice, Master Koth; they were holding a gun to the head of one of the younglings." Ferri answered.
"True enough; a wise answer, young Cortis." Mace replied, "How did you manage to remove the dampening collars?"
"We just did a little tinkering; we could have probably removed them sooner, but there would have been no point." Ferri answered.
"And who's idea was it to remove all the equipment from your utility belts?" Luminara Unduli asked.
"Oh, that was Zak's." Ferri admitted without hesitation, "Clever, wasn't it."
"Very; and was it his idea to send the extremists to the 22nd?" Depa Billaba asked.
Ferri looked down at the floor, "No, actually that was me." He confessed.
"You are ashamed of your action." Shaak Ti observed, "Why would that be?"
"I didn't do it to be clever; I did it to save my skin." Ferri answered.
"Are you sure of this, Ferri?" Ki-Adi asked, "If that were the case, why not send them instead to an empty building? Surely, you know the location of many of those."
"Is it because it felt like it did when you betrayed Zak and me on Myrkr?" Obi-Wan suggested.
"I guess it did, a little. They threatened my life and so I gave them what they thought they wanted." Ferri replied.
"But you sent them right to us, Padawan; and that helped us to find you." Anakin told him.
"Very brave it was, Ferri, to deceive them; discovered your deception may have been, before exiled you were." Yoda pointed out, "Told you this, Zak did, hmm?"
"I suppose so." Ferri answered with a shrug.
There was silence for a moment and Ferri shifted uncomfortably, "We understand the need for you to rest; we are nearly finished." Mace assured him.
"What do you think of Shel?" Plo Koon asked.
"Well, she took pretty good care of the younglings. She's got a pretty good head on her shoulders." Ferri told them.
"Tell us about the Cave Clan." Adi Gallia requested.
"What do you want to know?" Ferri asked.
"We understand they are Force sensitive; what is their level of control?" Ki-Adi Mundi asked.
"They aren't really trained, but they know how to channel it to generate power; and their instinctual grasp is amazing." Ferri answered, "And there is one thing Park told me that, well, I find this hard to believe, but he told me that when they die, what he calls 'moving on', they actually, well, disappear."
There were several shocked gasps, "Are you certain of this, Ferri?" Stass Allie asked.
"Well, I'm certain it's what he believes; what they all believe. Since I never saw one of them die, I can't say for sure if it's actually true; I do know that they consider it the end of exile." Ferri replied.
"Spoken of this is in the Book of Whills." Yoda informed them, "And of this knowledge, your master knows, Master Obi-Wan."
"It's possible then. To physically become one with the Force." Ki-Adi concluded.
"It appears so; yes." Mace answered, "If what Ferri has been told is true."
"This will be something for further study." Luminara Unduli added.
"Indeed. Master Kenobi, is your apprentice ready to appear before us?" Shaak Ti asked.
"I do not know; however, he wishes to do so at this time." Obi-Wan replied, "He is waiting in the outer chamber."
"Very well; Ferri Cortis, you are dismissed. Please, inform Zak Perrin that we will see him now." Mace instructed.
"Yes, Master Windu." Ferri answered and then hobbled out.
"Do you believe he is up to this, Obi-Wan?" Adi Gallia asked as the door slid closed behind him.
"He believes he is." Obi-Wan said.
The door slid open once again and Zak strode in and moved to the center of the Council Circle, "How feel you, Zak Perrin?" Yoda asked almost immediately.
"I'm alright, Master Yoda." Zak answered.
"Hmm...not as well as you would like us to believe, I think." Yoda countered.
Zak looked down but did not answer.
"Zak, we do not want a repeat of what happened three days ago." Luminara Unduli told him.
Zak shook his head and then looked up, "It won't be, Master Unduli; I wasn't prepared for that, I am for this." He insisted.
"Very well; but if we sense at any time that you are in distress, we will not allow you to continue." Mace Windu replied, "Is that understood?"
"Perfectly, Master Windu." Zak answered.
They proceeded as carefully with Zak as that had days earlier with the younglings; going slowly, allowing Zak's story to unravel at his own pace and questioning him only when they felt it necessary. For Zak, it felt like a complete catharsis as he ended with the confession of his sense of helplessness and failure to the entire Council.
"It is wrong for you to feel as if you have failed, young one; there is no shame in being taken prisoner." Plo Koon told him.
"But I was weak; I couldn't stop Li from taking what she wanted from me." Zak countered, "I betrayed Ferri and the younglings to her."
"Do you know how many Jedi were tortured during the war, Zak?" Master Unduli asked, "Including your own master; do you believe he is weak and a failure?"
"No, of course not; but he never betrayed anyone." Zak answered.
"And neither did you; Li ripped what she wanted from you, Zak. That is not betrayal." Obi-Wan replied.
"No more questions do we have for you." Yoda announced suddenly, "Dismissed you are."
Zak nodded, staring down again as he turned toward the door, "Do this alone you cannot, young Perrin." Yoda added.
"I've been seeing Master Bant every day." Zak revealed, "And my master is helping me rebuild my shields."
"And both of those actions will help you accept what has happened and move on." Ki-Adi told him.
"Yes, Master." Zak replied, bowing before leaving the chamber.
"He has more strength than he gives himself credit for, your apprentice, Obi-Wan." Mace observed when he was gone, "He and Ferri both acted with wisdom and maturity beyond their years; they are a credit to the Order."
There was an awkward pause before Obi-Wan cleared his throat, "If there is nothing further, I sense my apprentice is in need of my counsel." He announced.
The rest of the Council nodded as Eeth Koth answered,"By all means, Master Kenobi; I believe we are finished for today."