They walked some more and decided to retreat at a nearby bench. He missed her terribly and wondered if what she said to Urahara was right…that she wasn't sure if he would be able to love just one girl forever. That was whats in his head 24/7. If he could answer that with a resounding 'yes' he will, without a doubt, follow her wherever the hell she is.
It is reasonable when you think about it. How can a 15-year-old boy decide something as life changing as that? Aren't emotions fleeting? You decide to love and then not love, and then the cycle goes again.
"The envelope will not open itself," Mizuiro says to him. As Ichigo thinks about all these, he opens it hesitantly hoping that whatever it is will ease his burden rather than add to his growing confusion.
The contents, surprisingly, comforts him. It was a photo of Rukia. She was smiling… looking so happy and innocent… It was a solo shot. How he wished at that moment pictures were taken like that in Harry Potter's where pictures move to capture the exact feel. He wanted to hear what conversation she was having that moment. What was she so happy about?
But this will do. It was still the way he wants to remember her.
"I took the picture day before she left," Mizuiro says.
"Perhaps there was something in her already that time which you did not know. You know why I took the picture Ichigo?"
He looks at him. "She told you in advance she was leaving?!" Ichigo almost stood up before his friend could answer.
"Of course not, why would she? We weren't that close. But I thought maybe she left signs for us but we did not get it…you know, that she was leaving or thinking of leaving at least…"
He continues his talk but this time his expression changed, and he did not look at Ichigo. Whatever sadness he has in him, knowing how he is, his friend is sure he would like to keep it to himself, so he decided not to look at his friends eye in his moment of weakness.
"She asked for a picture of you…that is why I told her, in return I would like to take hers too. She was hesitant at first but with enough teasing I did get her to agree."
Before continuing he waited for him to grunt at least, to confirm that he was still listening or if he was back thinking in his own little world. "Go on," Ichigo replies all the while looking at Rukia's picture, not taking his eyes of her.
"I asked her teasingly if she loves you, you know? That time I asked her. She kept smiling at me but I suppose she was too shy… and then she laughed… which actually caught me off guard since she was not normally like that. Then I took the picture. That same moment, as in that same moment… she said 'Yes, I love him! I love him! Do I even have to say it?' Then she just kept laughing and smiling. She told me then, 'Are you happy now Mizuiro?' But in a playful way… she wasn't angry at me. I guess she was just really so shy. Then she says to me, 'Oh well, it's inevitable. I mean, I have to say that even at least once in my whole lifetime right?'"
Ichigo was not speaking and so was Mizuiro. "Is that all?" the boy asked.
"I asked her once… I think that was when she was still new here. I talked to her because you were together all the time but you weren't talking, and it looks as though you hated her then…" He did not know what to feel over those early memories.
"Ah." He could not believe that he found her irritating in those days long ago. He could not remember hating her. What was that feeling anyway? Hating Rukia? How could he? He loves her! He saved her! And sadly, he miss her…and missed her in the truest sense of the word.
"She always had her cellphone with her right? So I asked to see it and she handed it to me. I didn't fiddle with it much coz the commands were quite different really. I noticed the time was not set. 'You did not set the clock?' I asked her."
"Mmm."
"I found her quite answer quite complex actually, too deep for a high schooler…You know what she said?"
"Mmmm."
"Because time changes feelings into mere memories."
After this, the two of them sat there in silence, and as if boredom claimed him or most probably his misery did, he got up and thanked Mizuiro.
Ichigo put Rukia's picture in a frame and placed it at his desk. He swore to keep her picture, and attached his letter for her.
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, and sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes?
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her,
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that is certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes,
I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer,
and these are the last verses that I write for her.
He lies awake trying to sleep through his tears, he could not keep from sobbing…Tomorrow, she will become a memory…
Author's notes: The poem is by Pablo Neruda, "Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines"