A/N: Here's another chapter peoples! It took me a few days and hours, but I finished, so read and review!
Warnings: 1+???. Shounen ai, hint to 3x4. Mild language.
Disclaimer: I am money-less, so you can't use me, besides, I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.
Thanks to: Everyone who commented.
Side Notes: \/ Lyrics, (#) Explanation at bottom, sound, blahblahblah Flashback
Morning Annoyances …Wish You Were Here, continued…
By: Lemony Sickness
Lyrics by: Incubus, 11:00am (Morning View)
\Seven am;
the garbage truck beaps as it backs up
and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away./
BeepBeepBeepBeep
Eyelids flutter open and my Persian orbs squint as the obtrusive light from the sun shines threw my window's blinds. I roll onto my side and push my face into one of my pillows muttering something about the insanity of it all, just like you used to do when I would wake you up in the mornings for an early mission.
The incessant beeping noise was becoming annoying. Not remembering turning on my alarm clock, I groan. Rolling back over, I prop myself up on my elbow and grip the side of my bed as I use my other hand to push aside the blinds and look for the object of my frustrations.
'A damn garbage truck,' I think as the blinds fall back into place and sway for a while when I remove my hand. Not liking the prospect of being woken up by a truck that collects my disposals, I curse under my breath as my head flops restlessly onto my pillow.
The garbage truck brings to mind everything I have let rot and die; just shoving it out-of-the-way, as if it were of no importance. I have my regrets you know… I let you get away… Okay, that's a bit far-fetched; I more or less pushed you away like so many others. I grew up and was taught that way, so I became just a tool, an object of destruction that destroyed and wanted to be destroyed.
\Could I push rewind?/
I don't want to go back, for the past is the past. I am glad that the war is over, but I miss you, and everything about you, your essence. You made me feel important, needed, and wanted. There were plenty of people significant in my life: You, and the others, and Relena - Especially Relena. She was my idol, my idealistic sister. She loved me for what she new was in the inside. She, like you, saw past my facade, and treated me as an equal human, not an unfeeling machine. She fought for what I so desperately fought for, and provided me with something I never though I'd gain… Friendship and peace. And for that, I return her love.
\The credits traverse, signifying the end
but I missed the best part/
Am I normal now? I have no friends, no family exception of Relena, who is constantly in touch with me. Quatre used to keep in touch, but days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and I have heard no notification of how he and Trowa were doing since. But you… I remember so vividly, but hear nothing from you.
Have you changed? Do you still look the same? Act the same? I ask myself these constantly, the most important question though is, "Are you happy?"
\Could we go back to start?/
I hear from Wufei you're in town, and you're joining the Preventors. I smile at knowing you are so near, but frown at the prospect of contacting you. Will you hate me? Do you remember me?! If I could go back, I would never have left as soon as I did, I would have kept in touch…
\Forgive my indecision/
Forgive me for not making up my mind sooner.
\Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride./
You were an excellent soldier, though I claimed you were a liability. And you were, but for different reasons that weren't so plain to you. You were a liability to me and I hated you for the effect you had on me.
Have you ever heard the saying, 'the more you want what you can't have, the more you grow to despise it(1)'? Well that's how I am beginning to feel… You would state, "Everything I get close to dies", and you know what, I wish I was dead(2). I also wish I'd stop loving you.
\Eleven am.
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bed sheets shade the heat of choices I've made.
And what did I find?/
'I would usually be out of bed by know,' I think as I survey my room, and realize that the beeping of the garbage truck has grown faint and slowly progresses to silent. A short breath of laughter escapes and tumbles over my lips as I take in the fact that I am being paranoid, for I don't want to leave the safety of my bed. Leaving my bed will only bring to memory the inept decisions I've made.
Quatre sent me an invitation to attend a reunion, which conveniently, was located on Earth, in my town. I guess it was his way of saying I had to go, or else. The reunion is to last a weekend, but I refuse to get up. I don't want to pack… I don't want to see him, not this soon. But I force myself to face reality, and regretfully pull myself from my warm nest. I shuffle over to my closet, open the door, and pull my dark green duffel bag from the top, and only shelf. As I unzip it, I remember how I use to use this on my missions with you, and you would complain about its grunginess. I casually flip it open, and unveil the inside. It is completely empty, except for one thing…
There's a picture of you, smiling your award-winning grin, with your arm casually flung around my shoulders. I turn it over, and sigh as I see your handwriting; so neat, yet so untidy, scrawled on the back:
Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell,
Best buddies…
FOREVER!
\I never thought I could want someone so much
'cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in that old fear/
I continue to look at the picture longingly; as if it were my lifeline I had long lost. I was dead inside - hollow and coarse. I've wanted very little in my life, but what I did want, was typically impossible. I earned the peace with plenty of help, but to have a family and you… Nearly unfeasible, if not probable at all.
I used to be afraid of losing you, of losing everything I've fought for. I'd have nightmares about all of my childhood tortures, my so-called training. I would have dreams of who I considered to be friends, die and I would dream the same old dream over and over again… It haunted me.
"Are you lost?"
"I've been lost since the day I was born."
I bear in mind that little girl every single day, and will for as long as I am alive. She's an emblem of peace, of hope, as is Relena. Relena reminds me so much of that little girl. Both innocent and untainted by blood; both thanks to me…(3)
I turn my gaze upon the vase full of my favorite flowers, perched atop my nightstand beside my bed, and in front of the window -- Daisies, so pure and simple. Their little soft yellow pedals attached to brown stems leading into a blue Japanese style vase with complex white designs. Sort-of my way to remember the child, because it reminds me of my sins, for ending the precious life of that small girl is one part of my insignificant being that I can never forgive myself for… Never.
\Forgive my indecision… I am only a man.
Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride./
"Life is cheap, and so is mine."
A resounding smack is heard upon skin as a voice responds
harshly, "Don't ever, ever, let me hear you say that
again."
You were so pissed when I said that. Anger flared in your Cobalt orbs, and you clenched your fists as if the smack hadn't been enough. You thought that your reaction didn't faze me, but it did… It hurt, more than you know. But at that moment I was hit by more than your bare palm, I was hit with the factual realization that you cared. But just how much?
\Twelve pm and my dusty telephone rings.
Heavy head upon my pillow, who could it be?/
Lost in thoughts, I slowly crawl along my bed, and lay my head upon my favorite pillow, a headache coming on. Suddenly I was startled out of my thoughts when my blue, see-through, cordless phone rings. Hardly anyone ever calls me… I wonder who it could be as I reach over and pick it up and bring it hesitantly, but hopefully to my ear…
\I hope it's you./
"…Hello…"
!Owari!
TBC???
Welp, there ya go, just don't forget to review, 'cause I need to know what you think and if I should write another chapter…
1. It is a phrase I have heard, but I am quite sure it is said differently, so if you know how it really goes, I'd like to know, just in case I want to use it in the future!
2. That was meant in a good way! It means that he wishes that he could have been close to him… That sounds really weird…
3. In other words, he protected Relena, and he killed the little girl. That's to just put it bluntly… frowns