I see myself as a rational person, I can hold in my anger very well. Now don't get me wrong I do fly off the handle sometimes but I mostly have that happen around my brother. He can get to me like no one else, make my skin crawl. My parents say it's because we are one in the same.

Right now I stand here! I can fell my skin crawling and my brain is talking to me telling me all these things that I know aren't true, but I can't help but fall into the trap. It's a trap of jealousy mixed with deceit. All the power in my body goes straight to my hands and I start shaking not from the anger but from the shock of it.

Ashley was right here in front of me embracing another woman comforting her. I should walk away but I can't she already seen me. I watched her say something to Kate then start to run towards me.

"Spencer this is not what it looks like, I mean it is but it's not just let me explain" she said to me out of breath and desperate

"I can't talk to you, all these lies Ashley I don't even know you" I said to her trying to refrain from crying

She stepped closer to me trying to comfort me like she was Kate. I jumped back out of here reach. She tried again

"Stop you can't touch me" she finally stopped

"Spencer please just go back to the dorm I will meet you there"

"Why is she that important to you that you can't go now with me?"

"No she just needs someone now and I feel…"

"Guilty because you did this, whatever Ashley!" I say walking away

"Spencer stop!" She says grabbing my arm

"What Ashley you can't fix this not this time, no I Love Yous can fix this" I was yelling actually I was crying as I was yelling.

I think I realized now that it is over all those years all the time spent on one person gone.

"Please don't cry Spencer just let me take you back to your room" she slid her arm around my waist and I let her. I didn't want to lose her, and this her taking me back to my room meant she would be away from this bitch.

I turned to see the girl standing in the distance with her head down. It made me fell small seeing her like that knowing that I took her comfort away.

When we got to the room she opened my door for me letting us in, she hesitated before coming in. I went to the bed and sat down laying my head on the pillow. I felt so drained my life was falling down all around me and Ashley was the only one to fix it but how can I let her when she caused it.

I watched her go through my drawer finding me shorts and a tank to sleep in. She turned to face me and I closed my eyes hoping she would just go away but praying that she would lay with me.

I heard her sigh maybe it was relief that she didn't have to talk now. It is ok though I don't want to talk either it will only end bad maybe in her leaving. I felt the bed go down; she was sitting in front of me probably staring at me. She took her hand and moved the hair off of my eyes tucking it behind my ear.

It felt like heaven her hands running over my hair all the stress seemed to be gone with one touch form her.

"I know you're not sleeping Spence, I think I know when you sleep or not I have watched you plenty of nights. Before I woke you for breakfast, times we were late for school, after we made love." The last one made my eyes open her voice was filled with tears and I felt her start to shake.

She smiled at me shaking her head tears rolling down her cheeks, little jerks of breath came out as she tried to get her voice.

"I'm so sorry for this Spencer I never thought this would happen, I knew you would find out but I couldn't help but keep it from you I didn't want to hurt you not like this not ever." Her head was down and I watched tears drip onto her knees

"Why" was all I could say?

"I don't know it just happened I think it was a mix of the way we were being treated at school and the way your mom was keeping us apart. I felt alone and Kate made me feel like I belonged there was no one to say it was wrong no one to make me fell like shit!" She said this like she had it all figured out maybe it was a speech once.

I couldn't help but think of the way she said her name Kate like it was a royal thing like she didn't think that it would hurt me hearing her say that name wondering if she said it that way in bed. I knew this was a bad idea talking about this I still had to many anger issues with it.

"So I made you feel worthless is that what you're saying…"

"NO" she interrupted me

"Ok that is what you just said, you needed comfort and I wasn't there so you slept with someone else ok I just don't get that you left I never did I have been here through all of it all of our fight to be happy and together, and what you were the one that was hurting me the most!"

"Spencer I never meant to hurt you and I've regretted it every day since..."

"You've been sleeping with her Ashley how much regret do you have, it's called loyalty Ashley that's what your suppose to be to the one you love!" I said interrupting her

"I know and I have now way of proving to you how much I do love you other then not leaving your side and making you see that I want you and only you!" she said grabbing my hand with hers softly rubbing her fingers along my knuckles.

"But you don't know what you want, I see you holding her so tell me why would you be doing that if you wanted me knowing that would kill me?" I took my hand away pretending my hair was in my face. It felt like to much letting her hold me, she didn't deserve it.

"She's in pain Spencer I just want her to be ok with this" she says putting her head down

"What that isn't your problem I need you to concentrate on us not the girl you've been fucking." She doesn't talk just stares at the blanket on my bed plucking at the button "Wait is she in love with you? Are you in love with her?" I asked her frantically standing up and pacing as she sat quietly.

"Ashley say something" I yell to her

"I…I just don't know anymore Spence" she got up and came towards me and I backed up trying to get her to stop. "I don't love her but I do care for her, I know she loves me and that is hard for me to hurt her, but I know that I have to so I can be with the one I love!" she said steeping into me grabbing my wait with her hands I tried to pull away but she was to strong "I love you Spencer and I know that better then anything I have ever known in my life, watching you with that bitch tonight made my skin crawl I felt lost and I knew I could never lose you. You are my world!" her eyes never left mine and I knew that she was sincere in her words and I felt it in her touch.

"Ashley I don't know if I can do this forgive you so easily, when I see you I wan to just hold you and kiss you but when reality comes back into focus I just want to run from you and hide." I said staring into her eyes, then backing away when I was done

"It will be hard Spencer I know it will I have to earn your trust back, but you have to give me a chance I know that you need me as much as I need you!" she said stepping back into me "I love you Spence and I want to be with you forever" she was holding me now her head on my shoulder her hands rubbing my back. I could smell her shampoo that Ashley smell a mix of cherries and vanilla it made me feel weak in my thoughts. I hear her whisper in my ear and everything that was wrong just melts away "I love you baby, I miss you"

I feel my body relax in her arms I felt like I was home again. I felt her move a little lifting her head and pulling away from my body. I let a little sigh escape when I felt her warmth leave. If I could see her face she would be smiling knowing that I am happy with her holding me. She pushed my hair out of my face and lifted my chin with her other hand. My hands were still on her waist holding on to her so she couldn't move.

I knew she wanted to kiss me; I was going to let her, it had been so long I have missed her soft lips. She moved closer to me her eyes on mine then wondering down to my lips. I could feel her breathing on my face; she licked her lips and barely graced my lips.

"Spencer are you in here?" a voice yelled from behind the door as it swung open and Ashley quickly moved away.