(DISCLAIMER: If I had written Harry Potter do you honestly think I would kill of the best character...um no, instead I'd make Severus into my person manslave and have him perform magic (wink wink) at my every whim! But alas, J.K owns it and she killed him off, the meanie!
She was so beautiful, ethereal and her presence seemed to almost destroy any grip he might have had on his own reality. Severus whispered her name, as if it were the password to unlock the mysteries of the universe.
"Lily, I… I…" he shut his mouth unable to articulate his feelings of the moment. She was real and before him, there was nothing more he could want. Or he thought so, until she smiled at him, a soft almost sad smile, and he suddenly needed her to speak to him, to hear her voice again, to hear her actually speak to him.
"Oh Sev, I understand now. I truly do." The use of her old nickname for him brought both joy and sorrow to his heart. "I have seen your life, and I have known your thoughts." She seemed to shake her head for a moment, as if she changed her mind about something. She then stepped back and he felt the loss of her presence, she took a seat next to him on the adjoining swing and rocked on it for a minute or two before continuing to speak. "So this is your idea of Heaven, our old playground?"
"My idea? I assure you Lily, that when I woke up from being dead," He raised an eyebrow thankful for the topic, feelings were never something he liked to discuss. "I found myself brought to this place; I did not choose to come."
"Ah Sev, but you did." She looked and smiled at him and he felt his heart leap. "That is one of the great things about heaven, it can take you to the place you most want to be, to the place where you were most happy, even if you do not know it."
"What's your heaven then?" He asked and instantly regretted it, he did not want to hear about her and Potter.
"Oh Sev, you will so enjoy Heaven, there is so much more to it then a place and moment in time," she swung on the swing with some strength now. "For me heaven is seeing that those I left behind are happy and safe, to see them in their lives, their futures. So there isn't a single place where I want to spend eternity"
Severus just watched her, a pleasant smile hovering on her lips as she sung in the playground swing of her youth. He felt happier in this moment then he had felt for years, and at the same time the guilt he had carried was beginning to overwhelm him.
"Lily… "He stopped and took a breath as she stopped swinging and watched him intently. He began again, this time his voice was barely a whisper. "How can you sit there and speak to me as if the past had never happened, as if it wasn't my fault you are dead."
"I know you." She reached out a hand to touch his but pulled back as he flinched. "I have seen you everyday for years. I know you as surely as I know myself." She smiled a little. "I have seen you cry, and heard your pleas, and although at times I watched you do many things I find unpleasant and unnecessarily cruel, too many especially my son." Severus could not decide to cringe or bristle at the remark so he did neither. "I knew that you would protect him and so many others. You were perhaps not the kindest and most caring man Severus, but you are most certainly a good man and that is why I sit here beside you." This time when she reached out her hand Severus did not flinch.
"Lily, I…" He couldn't get out the words he so desperately wanted to say.
"I understand Sev, and I forgave you long ago."
Together they sat on the swing in silence, and Severus basked in the feeling of her hand on his, knowing that she would soon leave to go to her own heaven and leave him once again in his past.
Alone.
OMG how depressing can I get... I have a very large dislike for how sappy I made this. I tried so very hard to make it sound real, but i think its a giant ball of sugary sappiness and that just doesn't really sit well with me, but I thought i should hurry up and post the bloody thing before I forget and then you lot would miss out so no more messing with the chapter and here it is!
Love always
KarlaMarie
I really want to thank all those who read and reviewed my story, for it is for you that I continue the story, more so then my own benefit.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS...
PLEASE KEEP DOING SO AS IT MAKES ME SMILE and after my Beloved Severus' death I need all the smiles I can get!
Thank you-
TheLadySnape