I'm Not Pretty (to the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from "West Side Story")
Sung by Carlotta featuring Madame Giry and Meg:
Carlotta:
I'm not pretty
So not pretty
I always sing off-key
And a backdrop once fell on top of me
And the Phantom
He's not handsome
He really hates the way I sing
So much that
He replaced me with Christine.
See that Marie Antoinette wig I had to wear
It is way too tall for me
And my unlucky spouse
A guy in the opera house
Is a cow named Piangi…
I'm not charming
So not charming
It's alarming how not charming I am
I suddenly
Want to binge on a piece of ham.
Meg and Madame Giry:
Have you met the prima donna, Carlotta?
The baddest singer around
She really needs to get lessons
Perhaps the Phantom is around…
When she starts to sing
She causes much pain
I don't blame the Phantom
For being insane!
She needs to learn
She's not queen of the world
Her singing always
Makes me want to hurl!
Keep away from her
Send for Christine
The Phantom is getting
High on morphine.
Honestly she needs
To ditch Piangi
And go out with
The Vicompte de Chagny
Carlotta:
I'm not pretty
So not pretty
I don't know why they hired me
And the Phantom
Is once again
On a killing spree
I'm not stunning
So not stunning
I don't know why I'm here
I think now
I will go out for a beer!