Disclaimer: I don't own Angel or House or Doctor Who. All I own is Leigh, (later chapters) and Syana (all chapters) and the plot. Which will take a while to take effect, by the way. So, I apologise in advance. Also, this is an M fic, so if anyone breaks the rules, you can't blame me and send me emails saying "My little baby read your story and was swearing and making crude sexual references for days afterwards." because, for one thing, there is barely any swearing, subtle innuendo, which is so subtle I can't even tell it's there sometimes. It has slash, so don't blame me if your kids are mentally scarred afterwards.

Summary: Spike and Syana are taken into a New Jersey hospital after being knocked out during a battle with a demon. Their doctor is a grumpy, crippled man and his three fellowship workers. How will things pan out?

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Chapter Two: Wanking is a way to Relax, Doc, really!

AKA – An Interesting Way to Relax

Cameron poked Foreman, who was glaring at the group in front of them with mistrust. "What is wrong with you?" she hissed, narrowing her eyes. Eric Foreman jumped slightly, jerking back into reality and shook his head sharply.

"It's nothing. I just…don't really know who these people are." He offered as explanation before turning to House, showing to Cameron that their exchange was over, his full attention on their boss. "So, why are we here?"

"Yeh, get on with it, Sir Limps-a-Lot." Sy rolled her eyes at her Sire and elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to half double over, draping himself over her back at the same time that Angel and Fred smacked the back of his head. "'Ey, leave off!" he protested, rolled her eyes at her Sire and elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to half double over, draping himself over her back at the same time that Angel and Fred smacked the back of his head. "'Ey, leave off!" he protested, pouting. House raised an eyebrow but stood, taking his cane from the arm of his chair and hobbling to the board used for differential diagnoses.

"We're here, Foreman, to discover how two of our formerly dead patients are walking,"

"Sittin'." Syana burst in.

"Fine, sitting around the hospital, quite happily." House concluded.

"Maybe the on-call screwed up." Chase offered, breaking his silence as he turned away from the window, blurrily focusing on his boss.

"Hey, I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Angel suddenly blurt out, staring at Cameron, who had one hand outstretched, reaching for the blinds.

"I'm just trying to get a little light in here…" she trailed off, her confused gaze flicking between her co-workers and the stranger. Wesley cleared his throat.

"I'm afraid that Angel, Spike and Syana are all allergic to sunlight." He explained calmly, a small smile flickering faintly onto his face.

"So how did you get Angel here? It's broad daylight. You know? Time of the sun?" Chase queried, frowning.

"Blanket wrapped around him. Otherwise he would've…burnt up. Burned quite quickly and dramatically. The damage caused would've been irreparable."

"All three allergic to the same thing? That's impossible." Foreman snorted, turning away, certain that he was correct. Syana snarled, leaning back slightly.

"Pompous twat." She muttered under her breath, glaring furiously at him.

"Sy, hush. Mr…Foreman, was it? I know it's unlikely, but, as I'm sure you know, photosensitivity is a hereditary disease…"

"Well, yeah, we've treated a little girl for the same thing a couple of weeks ago." Chase replied in his Australian twang, causing Fred to pause and shoot him a bright smile. House glanced between Wesley and Gunn, noticing their jealous glances. Snapping back to reality, she continued.

"Anyway, Angel, Spike and Sy are siblings. Brothers and sister." She told the doctors with another grin. House stalled, leaning on his cane as he studied her coolly, causing the small Texan to squirm slightly. With a curt, singular shake of the head, he sat down.

"You're lying." He stated simply, ignoring the young woman's crestfallen expression in favour of staring at the table.

"House!" Cameron chastened, glaring disapprovingly at the older man, a small frown marring her, otherwise perfect, features.

"What? It's true!"

"Even so--"

"House, Cuddy's looking for you. She wants to know if you've seen the patients that Cameron assigned you to. Apparently, they've proved to be quite elusive--" Wilson broke off his interruption as he looked up at the file. He took a minute step back in shock as he noticed the crowd of people gathered around the table. Turning back to his old friend, he raised both eyebrows. "What, you're socialising now?" he asked incredulously, stepping further into the conference room.

"I'm not allowed visitors now?"

"Greg, you're one of the most anti-social people I've ever met! You don't even talk to your patients! And you're a doctor!"

"Well, now you know Peaches." Spike butted in, grinning broadly, his smile turning to a pout as the aforementioned male (Angel, in case you thought otherwise) swatted his arm. "Hey, bugger off, puppet man!"

"Spike…"

"Agh! SHUT UP! Both of you!" Syana bellowed, extracting herself from her 'brothers' lap and grasping both of the men by the hair before, seemingly, effortlessly dragging the pair's heads together until they met with a soft 'thud'.

"Ow! Bloody hell, Sy!" Wilson followed the exchange for a few minutes and, rolling his eyes, finally gave up, turning to House.

"You found them then." He stated pointlessly, a wry smile twisting the corners of his lips. House feigned a double take at the dry remark, gasping as he pretended to only just notice the platinum blonde male and his 'sister'.

"Well, would you look at that?" he asked the oncologist sarcastically. "They were there all the time. It's always in the last place you look, isn't it?" Spike sniggered at the comment, now obviously fully recovered from the wound to his pride.

"I like this bloke."

"You like every bloke that passes by." Spike shot Chase a leering look, causing the Australian to squirm before turning to face his addresser properly.

"Why, Angel, do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Ew, Spike. Even for you, that is gross." Gunn scrunched up his face, glaring at the pale, slender man opposite him.

"Look, everyone, just be QUIET!" House glared at Syana as she opened her mouth to speak, so she snapped it shut, opting to pout instead. "Right," House paused, trying to remember the name of the blonde man.

"Spike." Foreman offered, sighing heavily.

"Spike. That's an interesting choice of name you got there. Anyway, Spike and Syana, you're staying overnight for check-ups. To make sure you don't go and die again. SHUT UP!" he roared at the brooder, whose name escaped his grasp. "You two stay here for the night, that's final. Someone, make up an interesting disease for them, admit them into the hospital and tell Cuddy we found them." House finally completed, grabbing his cane again, more decisively this time, and hobbling from the room, through the glass door, and into his office, just catching Spike's muttered comment.

"Would've been much more frightenin' if he wasn' jus' goin' into the nex' room."

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"Spike, stop it! Please, don't!" House entered the patients' room to hear Syana's plaintive cries, the other occupant of the room just grinning.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Syana's head whirled around at the voice, her scowl dissipating as she realised who has entered the room, a pout taking it's place.

"Spike's poking me." She explained, her words dripping with innuendo before she turned, shooting her 'sibling' an irritated glare.

"You're screeching down the hallway because…your boyfriend is poking you?" Syana looked shock, shouting 'He's not my boyfriend!' at the same time that Spike came out with 'She's not my girlfriend!' House looked at them in disbelief and, rolling his eyes, mentally repeated 'Everybody lies'.

"Do you want to tell me who you two really are, then?" he paused and looked directly at Spike. "Starting with you, William."

"Spike." He growled, scowling automatically at the use of his real name.

"Whatever. For the purposes of this conversation, it's William. So, William," House started to twirl his cane between his hand, "What's your surname?" Spike, or William, instantly stiffened up, eyeing the crippled doctor warily as he struggled to sit up.

"Why do you need to know tha'?"

"Medical records. Stuff like charts, tests and forms. Boring doctor stuff. Boring paperwork, crap like that." He was lying; Spike could smell the deceit but couldn't point it out without alerting the already suspicious doctor to his unique…differences to the rest of humanity. So he simply nodded curtly and responded.

"'S Bradshaw."

"Good. Syana?"

"'S Karlson. With a K." she told him, an amused smirk passing over her lips fleetingly before she turned serious again, watching the doctor with a bemused stare.

"Thanks." He told them, nodding slowly, standing as he grasped his cane and made towards the door, just as Angel appeared in the doorway, two undistinguished lumps in his duster.

"Dr House."

"…Brooder." Angel rolled his eyes but hesitated, moving out of House's way but not entering the room.

X-X-X-Syana POV-X-X-X

Why the hell wasn't he coming in? He has the damn blood, why won't he enter? As it dawns on me, I mentally send House death glares, scowling. The daft sod's gone and made this a residence. True, the whole 'vampire's can't enter a humans house without permission' thing shouldn't count with me and Spike because we aren't humans but House doesn't know that. The daft bugger has gone and made it a human residence. Temporary, but still, a residence for humans. "Well, come in then you daft bastard! Can't 'ave you standin' 'round like a pillock now, can we?"

"Can't we?" Spike chimes up and I glare at him irritably, the bloodlust almost getting the better of me as I and, obviously, Spike, struggle not to vamp out at the scent of Angel's 'presents'.

X-x-X-Normal POV-X-x-X

Stepping into the room, Angel immediately went to Sy's side, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. Moving his gaze to House, he frowned. "I got the impression that you didn't often visit patients." He said, no infliction in his voice as he stated the simple fact, recalling Wilson's shock at the maverick having visitors.

"I don't. But, then again, it's not often that dead patients start walking around my hospital, acting like they never died in the first place." Spike let out a bark of laughter, throwing his head back.

"'E's got you there, luv." Angel shot the smaller man a pissy glare, flaring his nostrils and opened his mouth to say something.

"No. You're not going to start another pointless 40-minute argument about something stupid like a quasi-offensive term of endearment or whether astronauts would beat cavemen in a fight!" Syana stopped them in a loud, angry voice, sighing heavily. House paused in his progression to the door and turned back to the trio.

"Would the astronauts have weapons?"

"No." Spike and Angel chimed together. Syana groaned and let her head fall forwards.

"Oh, bugger."

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Fred wrinkled her nose delicately as she watched Syana and Spike practically rip the small plastic packages into tiny, little pieces to get at the red, viscous substance that was inside. The petite brunette grimaced as the other two occupants of the room lifted the heads, their faces a demonic parody of their previous visage, making Fred once again thankful that she had closed the blinds before allowing the pair to feed. "How did no one notice that? I mean, c'mon, you two both eat pretty loudly." Spike's face morphed into its usual form as he considered the question.

"Maybe your babbling drowned it out." Syana retorted coolly, passing Spike a tissue for him, prompting him to start wiping the excess blood from his forehead and chin, sending his childe a reproving glare as he did so.

"Drowned what out?" Chase asked as he entered the room, looking down at the clipboard in his hand, closely followed by Wesley. Syana looked shocked and quickly changed back to human form before replying.

"Spike was wankin'."

"Only for you, pet."

"Spike, you are a pig."

"Aw, Wes, you wound me. You really do." The blonde grinned. Chase shook his head, raising it as he considered the pair, trying to fight down the smile that was threatening to appear on his face.

"You're supposed to be resting."

"It helps me relax." Chase raised an eyebrow but dropped the subject, pulling out a needle.

"Hey, now, whatcha doin' with that, mate?"

"Finding out who you two really are for a start." House snapped, hobbling into the room.

"What on earth do you mean? We have been completely frank with you, thank you very much." Wesley replied, indignance tingeing his voice as he frowned at the obviously pissed off doctor.

"Yeah, that's why we don't know how your friends managed to die and come back to life." He snapped coldly. House limped further into the room, glaring at the 'patients' lying on their beds. "The last William Bradshaw that fits your little friends description disappeared one night in England. He was found the next day, true. But, he was found dead. And this was in 1880." He gave Spike a sarcastic look. "You have good skin for a guy who's 127 years old. Do you moisturise?" he asked coldly, one eyebrow rose as he turned on Syana.

"And you. The last Syana Karlson, easier to track such a unique name. She disappeared too. In England. One dark night, she just disappeared after a party with some friends." He paused and pulled out a slip of paper from his jeans pockets, his eyes running down the things written there.

"One Mr William Bradshaw, description unknown but other friends told police that Syana was engaged to Mr Bradshaw; one Miss Drusilla Boleyn; one Mr Angelus O'Connor and one Mrs Darla O'Connor. Funnily enough, the last three were the last people seen with William when he was alive. How's that for a coincidence?" He looked up again, the paper returning to his pocket. "Any of this sounding even remotely familiar?" without waiting for a reply, he continued. "Anyway, the difference is, she disappeared in 1905, found dead of exsanguination the next day. She was the oldest daughter, out of twins, of an acquaintance of the 'late' Mr Bradshaw. One Cecily Karlson, née Addams." Syana let out a deep sigh as she heard the deep, angry growl that emitted from within her sire at her mother's name and knew without turning that his face had reformed its demonic identity. Turning her head, she confirmed her fears. "Well, shit," she muttered darkly before her head moved to stare at Fred. "Tell Angel and Gunn that the humans know." She ordered the younger woman and slid out of the hospital bed, setting upon the task of de-vamping the other vampire.

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END CHAPTER TWO

Words: 2,554

Characters (with spaces): 15, 015

Paragraphs: 95

Pages: 8

(A/N) Little bit of past, telling us when Syana was turned and what happened w00t. If you wanna know more, just email me at soulless vampire hot mail. Co. uk. Only, you know, without the spaces…please R&R with constructive criticism or compliments...whichever.