Sam awoke drowsy and confused. Rather than being in the infirmary as she had expected, she was surrounded by the blue crystals of the Tok'ra tunnels. She suspected that it was late seeing as no one was around aside from the one healer assigned to watch over her. But even she had fallen fast asleep after a long day's work. Sam sighed as she sat up and tossed her legs over the side of the bed. Not wanting to go back to sleep, she decided to walk around the tunnels instead. Few people were still walking about, but none of them bothered to disturb her, they simply smiled and went on with their own business. By then everyone had heard about what had happened during the meeting and were giving her ample distance to grieve.

She didn't know where to go, so she just kept walking. Sam passed the commissary where she noticed Malek heading for a midnight snack, then the guest quarters, probably where her team were assigned to stay the night. Finally she reached the private quarters. Turning right, she took in the sight realizing where she was. It was Martouf's quarters. Part of her felt as if she had no right to be in there, another part couldn't help but take comfort in being surrounded by his things. She made her way into his bed and crawled into a fetal ball. Sam cried herself to sleep that night, and dreamt about the two she loved so dearly.

"I've missed you so much."

"I know."

"I never got to tell you that I… I love you, both of you more than anything in this world."

"Do not think that you are the only one who feels that way Samantha. We both love you very much."

"But its too late now, you're dead now and I can't do anything to bring you back, God knows I want to..."

"I have never left you."

"…I'm so sorry, for everything, for never telling you how I felt, for… for what I did to you."

"You did what needed to be done. And you kept me from destroying myself. If anything it is I who should be apologizing to you, I had no right to ask that of you."

"Martouf…"

"Shhh… Sleep now, you will need your strength."

"But…"

Sam awoke in a frenzy of sweat. It had felt so real, as if he was actually there with her, laying down and holding her. The reality of what Daniel had told her still hadn't struck. She still felt as if it was some sick joke and any minute a camera man would pop out giving everyone their fair share of laughs. Everyone but her that is. Sam sat up knowing she had to leave his room. She didn't want to, but her team would probably be looking for her, and the last thing she wanted was for them to end up here, in his quarters. She already felt like enough of an intruder as it is.

She walked along the corridors dodging passer-bys and anyone who might actually try to talk to her. She could hear Lyna, the healer, running up behind, "Samantha, I have been searching everywhere for you, I was worried when I awoke and you were not in the room. I'm sorry I should've been taking better watch over you…" Sam simply smiled back out of politeness, and turned away to continue walking. "I can understand you have no wish to talk, however I have something very important to tell you. Samantha please, stop." Sam did as she was told but didn't turn around to face Lyna. "No one knows this yet, and it is my assumption that you are unaware as well… but, Samantha.." She came closer and whispered, "were you aware that you are with-child?"

"What?!" Her initial thoughts were that it was yet another sick joke being played on her. How much more must she be tested, how much more could she possibly stand?

"You were brought in by Teal'c when you became unconscious. I came upon this information while checking your condition. You and I are the only ones who know at this point. I didn't mean to be so forward, but I wasn't sure if you were already aware of this."

"I'm not pregnant Lyna, I can't be. Besides, if I was Janet would've told me, she would've been the first to know."

"Have you been intimate?"

"Excuse me? How is that any of your business?"

"Samantha…"

She was beginning to get annoyed now, "Look, if you must know, the last time I did anything like that was when…" She paused, it all came together. She was with Martouf and Lantash the night they thought she was a zartac. They came into the room and things progressed physically and she couldn't stop herself, well she could've, she just didn't want to. Images of their passionate love making flashed before her, the three of them showing one another the most intimate aspects of their lives. But even then she was too afraid to express her feelings for them, afraid that they would not be reciprocated. "You know what, this is all too much for me right now, okay. I just want to be left alone if that's alright."

"Very well. But before you go, the council wishes to see you today, they plan to discuss more information concerning Martouf and Lantash. They will worry if you do not make an appearance." Just as Sam was about to turn away…"Samantha, it would help you to know that despite the grief, you and your child are in perfect health. You can trust that I will not divulge this information to others unless it is your wish. If there is anything you need, anything at all, you know where to find me."

"Thank-you."

/ My dear Lyna, this is quite a complicated situation./

/I agree, I would not even pretend to know how she is feeling at the moment./

/You don't think that Martouf and Lantash…?/

/That is not for us to know, our only concern is for her health./

Lyna turned away, feeling helpless to help Sam in her ordeal. No one could imagine what she was about to go through next.

She sat on a slab of crystals outside the council chambers awaiting the arrival of her team, her father, and the rest of the council members. She was beyond fragile at this point, she had been in a constant daze and was certainly in no mood to be put to the test yet again. Jacob approached and took a seat next to his daughter, but she made no effort to move or even say hello to him.

"You know you're gonna burn a hole in the floor if you keep staring at it like that." Still there was no response, so he tried a different approach to get her attention. He sat down and pulled her closer to him, "Listen sweetheart I know this is hard for you. Hell it's hard for everyone. Most people here have known Martouf for over a hundred years, Lantash even longer. So you're wrong if you think there's no one here you can talk to about this Babygirl. You don't have to be a strong little soldier for me Sammie you're my daughter, just let it out."
She cried into her fathers arms. There was no sense in trying to maintain her military composure anymore, not that she could anymore. "Shhh…Shhh… Its okay let it out, it'll be okay..Shhh." he said as he soothingly rubbed her back. Her hair was in disarray, and her face had turned red with tears, but still the tears came as if there was no end.

"I can't even count how many times I've broken down this week alone. I don't usually do that, it's not me." She sniffed. "Daddy I don't think I can handle all this."

"I know it hurts sweetheart. But you've been keeping it all inside for so long it was bound to come out at some point."

"My whole world has been turned upside down, serves me right for killing the man I loved."

"Hey, none of this is your fault, you know that. You did what you had to do Sam there was no other choice."

After a brief moment of silence she began to speak again. "He's really dying this time isn't he?"

Jacob sighed, this wasn't an easy question to answer, and it wasn't one he could lie about either. "They're both very weak Sammie, Martouf has been in a coma for over a month and we don't really know what the situation is with Lantash. We've been able to keep them in stasis for some time now sweetie. But we can't anymore, out of respect for the both of them. If things don't start to progress…sweetheart I'm sorry."

"This can't be happening…" She sniffed, "I can't bear to lose them again, not after knowing what could've been…We were meant for each other, I just know that for a fact."

"Sweetheart you'll find someone else."

"No, no Dad… I loved them. Daddy listen, after they thought I was a zartac, he came to me. It was like for the first time I actually felt like I was right where I belonged. But I was so afraid it was just a fantasy that I didn't want to say anything incase they didn't feel the same. So I didn't, and it was too late after that. Dad, I got a chance to see how different things would've been if I had just said something. They were so happy together, and they had so much to look forward to with the kids, and their marriage… "

"Honey what are you talking about?"

"And then I come here and you tell me they're still alive," She couldn't stop herself from rambling the thoughts that flowed through her mind, mixed and tangled.

"Sammy what are you talking about?"

"I mean is it real? Is it just some sort of sick joke. Give the woman something to be hopeful for, maybe give her another chance, hell maybe even tell her she's pregnant, and take it all away again like it doesn't even matter. Well, whatever little test this is that I'm being put through, sorry but I'm failing miserably…"

"What?"

"I'm dying, and I don't even want to fight it anymore."

"Wait a minute sweetheart, your… your pregnant?" Sam took a brief respite from her ramblings and looked at her father as tears began to flow even harder. Without words Jacob got his answer. "Oh Sammie…" The rest of the team approached as he held his daughter tightly, they were escorted by Malek and Garshaw.

"Dad… It's Martouf's." she whispered, no one else heard her words. Jacob held his daughter as she cried and confessed. He needed to be strong for her, he needed her to know he would be there, but inside he began to panick. The situation was worse than he thought.

/Selmak… Selmak! Did I just hear that right?/

/Yes Jacob./ Too saddened to say anymore Selmak simply sent waves of love to her host, keeping her feelings of pain and sorrow for Samantha to herself.

Garshaw stepped forward to Sam and began speaking formally. "Major Carter of the Tau'ri, it is with deepest regret that we inform you that the prognosis for Martouf and Lantash of the Tok'ra are quite grim at best. If you wish to say your final good-bye please follow us."

"You're taking him off life support now?"

"If by life support you mean the suspension chamber, then yes. We are unsure of whether or not his body will be able to maintain essential functions without it. If so there is a small chance they will survive. If not, then their sufferings will have ended. Samantha please understand that there is no other choice at this point. We would only prolong their suffering. Neither Martouf nor Lantash would wish to be kept in this condition."

"Please don't call me Samantha, they're the only ones who call me that," was all she could replay.

"Very well. If it is alright, we will lead you to them now." Samantha nodded. As she followed the group her legs became heavier with each step. She barely even remembered that walk to the suspension chambers, even though it had felt like forever. When they reached the entrance, they paused and waited for her. Sam stood briefly in front of the room and took a deep breath before stepping in. Had she been in her right mind she would probably be amazed at the technology, but there were other concerns. Instead, all she focused on was Martouf's body encased behind a small glass chamber that lay in the middle of the room. Every few seconds a light would pass over his body taking readings. The screen on the far wall monitored every condition from his weakened heart beat, to blood pressure, temperature, and everything else that could possibly be monitored. She even saw Lantash's body, in what looked like a modified x-ray, within Martouf's neck, his heartbeat matched that of Martouf's. She traced Lantash's body on the screen with her fingers, before moving to the center of the room.

She approached the glass and the world around her seemed to vanish; no team, no father waiting to hold her, no Tok'ra scientists or healers surrounding them. It was just her standing over the man she was helpless to save. Sam placed her arm around the glass and cried, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Martouf, Lantash, please, I love you so much, you have to fight, please don't leave me. I love you." Sam felt someone place their hand on her shoulder. Looking up she saw that it was Daniel, in his eye she saw how much he cared for her. It was so typical of Daniel to care too much, she knew he was there for her whenever she needed. And Teal'c, standing so stoically next to him, although he didn't show it, he cared for her just as much as Daniel. But the Colonel, what about him? He never liked Martouf, and especially Lantash. Sam noticed him standing across from her, his face was full of sadness and regret as he looked at Martouf's dying body, and then looked up to stare at her, "For what its worth Sam, I'm sorry." At that instant Sam knew she knew all her friends had cared for her. She only hoped that they had enough strength to get her through this because at this point she herself had none left.