How Do You Solve A Problem Like Carlotta? ( to the tune of "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" from "The Sound of Music")
Sung by the POTO cast:
Erik:
She screeches D
And sings off-key
And acts like a royal bitch
Christine:
She calls her castmates toads
And then eats a sandwich
Andre:
I really love to say it
I really hate her guts
Firmin:
She always eats a bunch of nuts!
Meg:
I'd like to say a word on her behalf…
Madame Giry:
Then say it, Meg
Meg:
Carlotta makes me laugh!
All:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?
How do you tell her to lower her voice down?
How do you find a word that means "Carlotta"?
Raoul:
A prima Donna
LeFavre:
A splitting headache
Erik:
A bitch
All:
Many a thing you know you'd love to tell her
Many a thing we say behind her back
But how to remain silent
And not get all violent
Reyer:
How do you keep Joe from staring at her rack?
All:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?
How do you keep a backdrop in your hands…
Piangi:
She outbitch any witch
And vote off Amber Brkich from Survivor: All-Stars!
Madame Giry:
She outscream the girls from Scream
And flirt with Mister Clean
She is always drinking at sports bars
Raoul:
She's a ten on the Richter Scale
She shove her head in a pale
She is making me lose my mind
Erik:
She can out scream Christine
And out sting Listerine
She put a shining white mask out of shine
Meg:
She's a gossip
She's a witch
Christine:
A tattler and a snitch
Reyer:
She's a diva
Firmin:
She's a Migraine!
Erik:
She's a bitch
All:
Oh, how do solve a problem like Carlotta?
How do get her to lower her voice down?
How do you find a word that means "Carlotta"?
Raoul:
A prima donna
LeFavre:
A splitting headache
Erik:
A bitch
All:
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing we say behind her back
But how to remain silent
And not get all violent
Reyer:
How do you keep Joe from staring at her rack?
All:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Carlotta?
How do you hold a backdrop in your hands?