No One Mourns The Diva ( to the tune of "No One Mourns The Wicked" from "Wicked")
Sung by the POTO cast:
All:
GOOD NEWS!
SHE'S FLED!
AND HER HUSBAND IS DEAD!
The nastiest bitch there ever was
Wearing that coat of pink fuzz
Has fled!
GOOD NEWS!
Meg:
Hey it's Madame Giry!
Madame Giry:
People of the opera
Let us be glad
Let the phantom be mad
Let us rejoice that we rid
Of the wicked screechings
Of you know who
Isn't it nice to know
That critics can conquer evil
And she has fled!
Raoul:
No one mourns the diva!
Erik:
No one cries she will not sing
Christine:
No one's mad when I go on stage to do my thing!
Meg:
And no one knows
Why she gets the lead
The casting guys
Must have been smoking weed
Erik:
Madame Giry, are people born divas, or do they have snobbiness thrust upon them?
Madame Giry:
Well she had a mother and a father, as so many people do…
Carlotta's Dad:
Oh I hate to leave you lonely…
Carlotta's Mom:
Carlotta's Dad:
I leave you hear to listen to the music of the night…
(Erik interrupts)
Erik:
Hey, wait! That song wasn't written yet!
Madame Giry:
And, like all families, they had their secrets…
Random Guy:
Come over hear, my little diva
Come with me to the gala tonight
So have another drink with the bits of light fixture
We'll have a ourselves a little mixer
So come and follow me down!
Midwife:
The baby's coming!
I see a head!
I see a curl!
A healthy little-
Carlotta's mom:
AAAAAAAHHHHHH! ( opera note)
Carlotta's dad:
What does this mean?
It's so obscene!
She can not, will not learn the proper way to-
SING!
Take it away!
Take it away!
Madame Giry:
So you see, it couldn't have been easy…
All:
No one mourns the diva!
No one cries she won't come back!
And goodness knows
Her voice is pure evil!
Erik:
I guess I had to get medieval!
All:
NO ONE MOURNS THE DIVA!
DIVA!
DIVAAAAAAA!