Hello, my dear readers! I have for you a long overdue update!
The Worst Voice In Opera (To the tune of "The Worst Pies In London" from "Sweeney Todd")
Sung by Carlotta and Erik:
Carlotta:
An audience member!
Wait! What's your rush?
What's your hurry?
You gave me such a…
Fright! I thought you were the Opera Ghost!
Half a minute!
Can'tcha sit?
Sit-ah down!
Sit!
All I meant was that I haven't sung a song in weeks!
Did you come to hear me sing, sir?
Do forgive me if my voice is kind of high.
Erik:
They say it's good, but they lie!
To your career, you should say goodbye!
Carlotta:
Hey! You gotta give me credit cause I try, sir!
Erik:
Heaven knows everyone's annoyed by you, the whole load!
Madame, it is you who are the toad!
Mind you I can hardly blame them!
Your's is probably the worst voice in opera!
Carlotta:
But you know, I love to sing them!
Erik:
I should know!
I write them!
Carlotta:
But good, NO!
Erik (gasps as if he's offended):
The worst voice in opera!
Even that's polite!
The worst voice in opera!
If you care to hear…
Audience:
Ugh!
Erik:
Is that just disgusting?
All screechy and whiny!
It's nothing but screaming!
(hands earplugs to the audience) Here, take these! You'll need it!
Carlotta:
I have-ah the best voice in opera!
And no wonder what it is,
With the cost of finding singers
If you get them
Never thought I'd live-ah to see-ah the day
People'd think my voice was a treat
Singing songs
Me
To a full opera house
Miss Daae has a soprano voice
Sings her part, but I notice something weird
She always seems to have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
What a voice!
What I call
Talent!
Just the thought of her being better than me makes me sick!
Erik:
Her voice has developed rather quick!
No denying she's a star!
Her career will go far!
So much farther than the worst voice in opera!
Only screeches and nothing more!
Is that just revolting?
All moany and groany!
Carlotta:
I'm thinking of leaving!
Pardon a diva alone
With high maintenance ways
Erik:
And the worst voice in opera!
Listening to it
Is awful hard!
Isn't that a lasso up there?
Over the stage?
Carlotta:
If you hate me so much, why don't you use it on me?
Erik:
Why no! I'll draw attention to myself!
Carlotta:
So it IS you, O.G.!