A Porcelain Heart – A Neverland Story

Written by N.L.P.

Chapter Six – What You Could Have

Her eyes fluttered open to reveal a bright airy room, sun streamed through the open window and blinded her with brilliant white light for a moment until contracting her pupils shrank to their adjusted light. A dull ache spread across her face, pounding with the rhythm of her heart, beating slowly as she stretched under the many blankets piled on top of her.

Those bright blue eyes searched the room for a moment, looking to the floor for a tell tale sign that James had not left. Laying on the ground was his scarf, something he would never leave behind. A sigh of relief emptied out of the girl's lungs. Suddenly the reason for his absence floated to her nose, the smell of something wafting up from the kitchen reached through the door. She gave a small smile, James always did like to use the kitchen when Rose snuck him in, god knows he's the only one who ever did out of the two women who intermittently lived there.

Rose ignored the fact that she shared a common dislike with her aunt. The idea she was like her in any way left an unpleasant taste in her mouth.

Finally pulling herself out from under the covers of her four-post bed, she hurried to close the window. Not bothering to stop and wonder how it got opened in the first place, her hands immediately busied themselves to get rid of the pent up nervous energy that had been gathering in her body from the moment she had touched James out in the snowy streets. It was like the shock of a light socket in slow motion; feeling all the hair on your arms move with the electrical pulse moving slowly across you skin, caressing every inch like a lover would. James made her feel like that which must mean-

The path that her mind was wandering suddenly fell off a cliff, bringing her down with it as well. Busying her self even more she picked up the clothing that he'd thrown around in anger the night before. The scarf, old and worn but clean, made her pause a moment, just a moment, to remember all those years ago when she'd knitted it for him with a pair of chopsticks and some stolen brown yarn. The grin memories brought her disappeared quickly as she continued onward, kindly folding the scarf and placing it on the small writing desk in front of which, his jacket now rested hung on the back of the chair.

It took an awkward moment of doing nothing to remember what he'd done with his shoes, in which she ran a hair through silky almost white- golden hair, sighing softly she let the hand drift down her neck and closed her eyes imagining that it was not her own. A soft sigh ran through her as she thought of James holding her -

With a jump she rounded the side of the bed, mind pulling up the way his shoes had hit the wall, leaving to black marks about two and a half feet away from one another. Blushing she tried to forget whatever was going on in her mind besides the immediate need to get everything neatened. Stooping down on long pale limbs she fished out the first shoe from under the bed quickly. The second seemed to have retreated further under its depths and after much groping her hand finally hit something solid besides the floor. When she dragged it out though, it was not a shoe.

The old tin lunchbox in her hands was covered in dust, so marked with rust and age she swore it would have had too been down there more than her entire lifetime. It was strange indeed because before she left for school she had cleaned every inch of her room, including underneath the bed. Searching for anything that her Aunt could use against her as blackmail when she returned home.

She used a bit of her nightgown to wipe the dust off the square surface, revealing slowly the face that had possibly ruined her life. A small tremor started in her stomach looking down at the cartoon drawing of Peter pan, little elf ears sticking out from his red hair and a fairy at his side.

Looking down at the bow she thought of her mother, tears newly formed getting caught in the transparent eyelashes she closed now. How hard it had been trying to stop her mother, how hard it had been when she jumped off the edge, knowing she was going to be leaving a daughter behind. The tears were not of sadness of suffering, she'd gone through all that already. Dripping down her face were tears of anger.

Something told Rose now that this had belonged to her mother. Amy (Amelia) Maria Chester had hidden this somehow under her bed and Rose had just missed it the last time she looked. Now convinced of something rational she dried her tears with the back of her hand and undid the clasp holding the lid down, flakes of rust popping off with it. Lifting the lid slowly curiosity took over and she looked into it's shadowy contents. Surprised to find them free of dust and clean; four books, all but one bound the same way with deep brown covers, the fourth was a forest green with gold leaf letters and designs reading 'Peter and Wendy'. Nestled in a corner was a small velvet pouch, picking it up with long fingers Rose decided that it should be the first object under examination.

Pulling the little blue ribbons and loosening the bow that held the black bag closed, her heart sped up, sending chills through her body with the mystery of it all. When turned sideways something silver and shining fell from it, glittering in the light she was mesmerized by the necklace that had found its way into her palm.

The door swinging open and heavy footfalls muffled by the thick carpet broke the heated concentration that she could not control. Looking up quickly she saw that it was James walking through her door and not the aged face of her aunt as she had feared it might have been. She had never set foot in this room since she came back to the house of her childhood, but Rose wouldn't put it past her if she remembered that there was a supply of alcohol somewhere in the room.

Grinning up at him, she took a deep breath; the heavy scent of food that was trailing along with the tray he was carrying reached her making her stomach growl with hunger. "What'cha got there?" she asked playfully as he set the tray down on the bed, the smile he was giving her made her stomach flip for different reasons than hunger.

"I figured you'd be a bit peaky so I've got butter with a bit of toast, cheesy eggs and I found some bacon in the fridge." He looked thoughtfully at it for a second. "The expiration date was alright I just still can't believe you don't go shopping and have all the food you can cram into that fridge, you have the money and all now…" Dropping the necklace back into the velvet bag with a sigh Rose rolled her eyes. They had this discussion every time he was here, how she was so privileged now and she ought to use it to her advantage.

"Thank you for the food, James." She said firmly, trying to avoid a fight when she had only just got back, what did he know about how she was living? What did he understand about this house? As her bitter thoughts suddenly piled up and the bruise on her cheek stung a bit with her frown she decided not to avoid the fight. "If you want some money, My stash is under the pencil sharpener on my desk." She took a vicious bite of the piece of toast. "Do all the damn shopping you want."

There was an awkward silence for a moment as she munched on her toast and he sat, perched cautiously on the edge of her bed, perhaps thinking of something to say. Finding nothing he stood back up, walking over to the writing table and grabbing his coat. With stiff hasty motions he pulled it over his shoulders.

Leaning back behind her she put down the piece of toast angrily. Grabbing the shoe off the floor she reach under the bed and finally found the other one, ignoring the lunchbox in her little fit. Holding them out to him, with her mouth held in a firm line, she watched as he snatched them out of her hands and pulled them on without tying them. There was a defining moment when Rose Looked down at her hands and was about to apologize but when she looked back up he was staring at the scarf she'd made him sitting on the desk.

"James…" she started, hands clasping tight behind her back.

Without a word he sent her a glare and climbed out the window, disappearing from sight quickly. Shocked and with a strange feeling in her stomach Rose sat back down on the bed, feeling a sort of remorse, a longing she couldn't describe.

She couldn't have possibly known that it was the last time she'd see him though, climbing out her window.

Author's Note:

Hello everyone! This chapter is kind of a set up for more things to come. All the little bits scatter around in it will be mentioned later on. Thank you for the reviews so far- though pretty scarce…

I could really use some feed back on the story as we go along, I like to know that Someone's reading the story- or why bother writing it and posting it up here? So please- Tell me what you think so far and perhaps some speculations about the roles of the characters. Brainstorming is a great way to get yourself mentioned as a character in the story!

Sorry for the bribe, and have a good day or afternoon or whatever!

-N.L.P.