Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

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Beta by: ilovethedotgame

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Chapter Eleven: Facing Reality

James had just let the woman he loved walk away from him. Not only that, but he had unjustly accused her of toying with his feelings and purposely hurting her best friend.

He was a complete and utter prat, and if she never talked to him again he wouldn't blame her. She had every right to be furious with him. He had been hurt by her willingness to accept a life without him, but that was no reason for his spiteful words.

In his mind he kept seeing her turn and glance at him before slamming the door. Her eyes not been filled with anger, but with sadness. She had been disappointed in him, and that him more deeply than any other aspect of the situation.

"James?" his mother asked, knocking on the door as she opened it hesitantly.

"Tell Father to remove the spell," he demanded, referring to the charm that kept him imprisoned inside his own room yet allowed others to freely come and go. "I have to go after her."

His mother's arms enveloped him, drawing him near. "Maybe it's better this way, dear."

"No!" James tore himself from his mother's arms. He felt his temper rising once more and he struggled to keep his anger in check. He would not hurt anyone else today.

"James, I know that you don't want to accept the way things are, but maybe it's time to face the truth."

"The only truth I know is that I love Lily. I may have just had a row with her, but I still love her, and I still want to marry her."

Dorea sighed wearily, obviously very distressed by the situation at hand.

"I'm not going to kill myself," James told her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"Even if your father forces you to marry Hestia? Do you promise me, James?" She asked, her eyes begging him to swear that he would keep his word.

James hesitated as he looked into his mother's hopeful face.

"I promise."

L … J

"That prat!" Lily fumed, throwing herself into an armchair in her living room. "Of all the bloody nerve!"

"I haven't heard you call James that since sixth year," Hestia said quietly, coming from the kitchen area to sit on the couch across from Lily. "What's he done?"

Thoughts raced through Lily's mind as she wondered how much she should tell Hestia about the events of the afternoon. "Nothing," she decided. "I'm not talking about James."

Hestia sighed and regarded Lily with a sad look. "James is the only one you call "that prat" in that tone of voice. Please don't lie to me, Lily. I've had enough of people keeping secrets from me."

Lily looked at the broken expression on Hestia's face and knew she couldn't lie to her friend any more. Hestia had recently been through a huge shock, and she deserved to have answers.

"James and I got into an argument this afternoon. I told him that we needed to accept the possibility that…that we may not be able to be together," Lily explained, looking down at her lap. Even thought she was determined to tell the truth, she couldn't look Hestia in the eye.

"What did he say?"

"He said…he said that he thought I wasn't someone who sat back and let others make decisions about my life. H-he accused me of playing with his feelings to deliberately hurt him…and you. I told him he was a prat and that he obviously didn't know me very well, and then I left."

Lily glanced up to see Hestia sit back in shock.

"He said that?" Hestia asked, seeming taken aback by this information.

Lily nodded miserably. "How could he? Of all the people…"

"He was hurt," Hestia tried to explain. "Lily, you wouldn't realize…you haven't lived in the wizarding world long enough to understand how important family ties and family loyalty are - especially amongst purebloods. James has risked a lot to openly defy his father and declare his feelings for a muggleborn. A lot of people wouldn't have done such a thing. But you know James, he's never been one to back down when things get difficult. To hear you talking as though you were ready to give up after all he's worked for….well, you can imagine."

"I'm still angry with him, no matter what his reasons were," Lily said, folding her arms as she sat back against the chair.

"Of course you are. He said some very hurtful things to you, and he threatened to kill himself. You have every reason to be angry. I'm just trying to explain why he said the things he did. I don't excuse his behavior."

Lily's mind processed Hestia's previous sentences. "I never told you about James threatening to kill himself."

"Mrs. Potter came while you were out getting groceries and told me everything. She asked me to come and talk to him."

"And….?" Lily prompted hesitantly.

Hestia shrugged and looked down at her lap. "I didn't go. I'm not ready to see him yet. I'm too cross with him. To be honest…I'm still angry with the both of you. I know I said I wasn't, but I am. I didn't want to lie...I was trying not to be cross about everything, but I can't help how I feel."

"But you –" Lily began, her brow knitting together in confusion.

"No! Listen to me!" Hestia said sharply and Lily fell silent. "You didn't choose to love James. I know that. But I still feel betrayed. You knew he fancied you, and he knew you fancied him. I know that you didn't want to tell me because you thought I would be hurt if I knew, but I would have rather known than have been kept in the dark. You hurt me more by not telling me what was going on."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think my feelings for him would last. I wanted them to go away."

"Did you?" Hestia asked, a dark undertone in her voice.

"At first," Lily replied honestly. "But I also wanted to be his friend, so I refused to keep my distance from him. But being his friend only made me fancy him more. I told myself that while we were at Hogwarts it would be too hard to avoid him. Then after we were out of school, I told myself that because we have the same friends and are in the Auror program together that it still wouldn't be possible. This whole time I've been subconsciously trying to find ways to be near him…I've been selfish, Hestia, and I'm sorry."

"Please stop saying you're sorry."

Lily blinked, startled by the tone of Hestia's voice. "Do you think I'm lying when I say that?" she questioned tentatively.

"I know you're sorry for everything that's happened," Hestia explained tersely, "but continually saying so isn't going to change anything that's happened. What's done is done, and we need to move forward."

"So where does everything go from here?" Lily asked, knowing what had to ultimately be done. "Our friendship, I mean."

"I- I think we should give each other some space," Hestia suggested, her eyes avoiding Lily's. "Until…until we've had time to think about things."

Lily nodded. She knew what Hestia was asking since she had no parents or home to go to. "I understand. I'll ask my parents if I can stay with them until you're ready to talk again or…whenever you decide."

L … J

"Your mother tells me you've promised not to kill yourself," his father said as he opened the door and strode into James' bedroom.

James merely glared at his father and shrugged in an uncommitted manner before turning back to the book he was reading.

"If you intend to keep your promise I might consider returning your wand to you and allowing you to leave this room," Charles said, taking his own wand out of his pocket and sliding his fingers over the slim piece of wood.

"I promise," James replied in a deadpan voice, not looking up from the book.

"You might be more grateful," Charles retorted, his lips a thin red line in his face.

"Grateful?" James echoed incredulously, snapping his book shut. "What do I possibly have to be grateful for? I'm being imprisoned in my room, being denied the chance to be with the girl I love, and being forced to marry someone else. Please, enlighten me!" he finished with a sarcastic sneer.

"If you don't shape up your attitude, I just may decide to keep you in here a bit longer," Charles threatened coolly. "You're forgetting who holds the power, James."

James took a deep breath and let it out again, counting to ten in his head. "I'm ready to be let out of here."

"Do you promise not to kill yourself?" Charles asked simply.

"Yes," James bit out, angry that his father had won. "I already promised Mother."

"And do you promise to obey your mother and myself and work with Hestia to plan your wedding?"

"You're going to start planning the wedding?" James asked, completely taken aback by this new development.

Charles smiled in a humorous manner. "Your mother and I felt it would be best to proceed with the planning to help you come to your senses and realize that you will be marrying Hestia Albright."

"You mean you think it would be best. Don't pull Mother into this; she wants the betrothal ended."

"Do you promise?" Charles asked again, choosing not to comment on what James had said.

"I promise," James replied after a long pause. For the first time, he began to feel a sense of hopelessness about his future with Lily.

L … J

She had known he would be coming. She had known that as soon as he was freed from his room he would come looking for Lily, in order to apologize to her and set things right again.

When was he going to come to apologize to you? her heart cried angrily.

When she opened the door, he stood there, his black hair horribly disheveled, and the muggle clothing he wore slightly rumpled. In spite of her anger, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him standing there in her doorway looking so handsome.

Silently, she let him come in to the flat and shut the door behind him. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"She's not here. She's gone to stay with her parents for a while."

"You didn't chuck her out did you?" James asked, his eyes narrowing. "Because this is not her fault."

"Of course it isn't!" Hestia cried bitterly, feeling as though she had reached her breaking point with the whole ordeal. "It isn't Lily's fault, it isn't my fault, and it isn't your fault! It's just one of those things that happens! It's no one's fault! Well guess what, James? It has to be somebody's fault! And I think both you and Lily are equally to blame."

"I think you're making unfair accusations," James began.

"Oh really?" Hestia asked sardonically. "Which part was unfair? The part where you and Lily both knew about your feelings for one another? Or the part where neither of you truly tried to get over your feelings? Or maybe it was the part where you were planning behind my back in order to get out of our betrothal? Or maybe, just maybe, it's the part where you led me on, having me believe that everything was fine with our relationship!"

"I never pretended to be in love with you," James answered solemnly. "You've always known that I have never cared for you as more than a friend."

"Maybe so, but you never acted as though you wanted out of our betrothal either! I thought you were at least attempting to accept the situation." Hestia pointed out, her stomach writhing with anger and nerves and pain.

"Oh, and I suppose the fact that I asked Arianna Hutchinson to Hogsmeade back in fourth year wasn't a sign of rebellion?" James replied sarcastically. "And maybe you haven't noticed, but we've never truly acted like a couple. I've been polite, and I've been a gentleman towards you, but I never pretended that I was content with our situation. The signs were there, Hestia. You just didn't want to see them."

"That's right," Hestia said, tears falling from her eyes and coursing their way down her already damp cheeks. "It's all my fault that I'm hurting right now. If I'd only seen all the signs sooner. Well, pardon me for wanting more than what my parents had. Pardon me for wanting more than what your parents have!"

James was silent, staring at her as she stood before him, tears silently rolling down her face.

"Maybe I have been silly, and maybe I've deluded myself into thinking that everything was fine, but that's only because I wanted to be happy, James. You know what it was like growing up. You know how my mother and father were…Until Hogwarts you were my only friend and you were the only one who was able to make me truly happy. I guess I've never been able to let go of that connection - that hope that you could always be the one to make me happy."

James seemed to consider this briefly before he spoke. "I just want to be happy as well –"

"But you've never even considered that you could be happy with me! Do you know how small it makes me feel to know that you'd rather be dead than spend your life with me?"

"Hestia - "

"Please leave," she pleaded quietly, not able to look at him any longer. "I can't see you right now, James."

"Will you just - " he tried again.

"Please," she closed her eyes, willing herself to hold back the torrent of tears she knew was coming until he was gone.

She heard the door open and close, and a loud crack in the hallway told her that he had Disapparated.

Sinking to the floor, she covered her hands with her face and cried out of all her anger and sadness.

L … J

Emmeline whistled softly as Lily finished recounting the events of the last year concerning herself and James. "That's quite the story."

Until twenty minutes ago, Emmeline had known nothing of the feelings between Lily and James. She had been left out of the entire ordeal, and although Lily hadn't planned on going to see Emmeline when she left the apartment, she felt that her friend deserved to know what was going on in her life. She also wanted to be able to talk with someone who hadn't been included in the events and was a fairly impartial source.

Lily nodded. "It all sounds so…so…" She struggled for the words to describe her life over the last year. Complicated and tumultuous came instantly to mind.

"It's like something out of an old fashioned romance novel," Emmeline supplied, grinning.

"Yeah, the ones off the bargain shelf in the far back corner of the shop," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes at the idea of her life story on the pages of some cheesy romance story.

"It's the classic story of two star-crossed lovers, but it's real," Emmeline replied, then paused. "I hope your ending turns out better than in those stories. I hope you get a nice, happily ever after."

"I don't want that," Lily made a face at the thought. "That's not real. No one lives perfectly happy lives. People quarrel and have off days, and there's house payments and in-laws and children and….life."

"But despite all of that, would you be happy if you were with him?"

"Yes. I'd be happy," Lily answered confidently. "I think if you're with someone you love the rest of that somehow doesn't matter as much. Things are better just because you're with…whoever you're with."

Emmeline smiled, her eyes laughing. "As long as I'm with someone I truly, deeply love, everything else will be fine, and that's what I consider happily ever after. I mean, look at you and James. You're incredibly cross with him right now, but you still love him, yeah?" she asked, a small smile on her face.

"Of course, I do," Lily smiled, feeling a blush creeping up her neck. "You know, we've never actually fought before. Not in a….a coupleish sense, anyway. We argued all the time back at Hogwarts before he grew up. But because of this argument I've realized that what we have…it isn't perfect. And that's okay. I like it better that way. And I think I love him more for it, as strange as that sounds."

"No, not strange," Emmeline sighed, ever the romantic. "It just proves how much you love him. I sincerely hope you and James find some way to be together. You two deserve to be happy."

"But what about Hestia?" Lily questioned sadly, her good mood suddenly deflating. "Doesn't she deserve to be happy as well?"

L … J

"Albright, you'll be working with Healer Jones today," the healer in charge of trainees instructed her. "One of his patients has a serious case of hex induced liver inflammation. It's an interesting case, and I'm sure you'll benefit from his tutelage."

Hestia nodded and accepted the clipboard from her supervisor. Turning around, she nearly bumped into a tall young man wearing the lime green robes of a Healer and the crossed wand and bone emblem.

"I'm sorry!" she told him, nearly dropping her clipboard in surprise.

"Quite all right," he replied easily, waving away her apology.

"Healer Jones, this is Miss Albright, your assistant today," the trainee supervisor said with a slight smile. Hestia suddenly felt very foolish. Imagine, she had nearly knocked down the Healer she would be working with!

"Very nice to meet you Miss Albright," he extended a hand to her. "I'm Graham Jones. Feel free to call me Graham."

As Hestia looked at the young Healer, she decided that he was quite handsome, though perhaps not in the traditional sense. He had short, dark blonde hair that was slightly longer in the front and swept to the sides, and incredibly dark eyes. She couldn't tell if they were simply a dark brown, or truly black. He was smiling at her, but not in a patronizing manner. He seemed genuinely pleased to meet her and be working with her.

"Our first patient Mrs. Cavanaugh is right this way," he motioned to the ward on their left. "If you'll just follow me, we can get started."

As they checked on Mrs. Cavanaugh, Graham explained the complexities of the condition to her and allowed her to administer the potion. Their elderly patient was rather cantankerous and constantly demanded to be told what was happening, but Graham never seemed to grow exasperated and answered all of her questions in a patient and friendly manner.

Unlike several of the other Healers Hestia had worked with, Graham took time to explain each process to her in detail, making sure that she understood every aspect of what they were doing. He wasn't pompous about his knowledge or status; he treated her like a complete equal, something Hestia found exceedingly refreshing.

When they were finally done monitoring and administering potions to Mrs. Cavanaugh, he turned to her. "We'll need to check in on her every hour to make sure the inflammation is lessening, but in the mean time we'll visit my other patients."

As they cared for his patients, Hestia found that Graham was easy to talk to and extremely laid back going. They carried on a lively conversation, and Hestia learned that he had only finished his Healer training a year ago, making him not much older than herself.

"Did you go to Hogwarts?" she asked him as she changed bandages on a head wound.

Graham nodded. "I was in Hufflepuff, a year ahead of you. I remember you were friends with that really clever girl – Lily Evans. And you're be–"

He stopped abruptly as he realized he had said too much. "Yes, well, um… It looks like it's time to check on Mrs. Cavanaugh!"

"Betrothed to James Potter," Hestia finished quietly. "Yes, I am. Listen, I don't want to talk about him right now. We've had something of a falling out. He's the biggest prat I've ever met, and I'm not sure I ever want to talk to him again."

Graham observed her for a moment, then said softly, "I always thought James Potter was supposed to be brilliant, but I guess if he's let a nice girl like you get away he's not as clever as I thought."

Looking up, Hestia met Graham's steady gaze and saw truth shining out of his eyes. And for the first time in nearly a week, she smiled.

"Let's go see Mrs. Cavanaugh," she told Graham.

L … J

"Your mum told me I might find you here," James said, approaching where Lily sat in a swing with her trainers and socks kicked off. She was pushing herself gently, softly swinging through the air.

She looked up sharply, obviously surprised to see him standing there in the muggle park down the street from her parents' home. "What do you want, James?" she asked him warily and he sighed.

"I just…I came to say that I'm sorry. I know that you would never intentionally hurt Hestia or me. It was a stupid thing to say…I'm a prat and I'm sorry. When you walked away, I should have followed. I was stupid not too."

"You hurt me." It was not made as an accusation, but rather as a statement.

"I know," James, shoved his hands in to his trouser pockets. "I said horrible things to you, and you didn't deserve any of it. I know it doesn't make it right, but...I said those things because I felt like I was on the defense. You seemed so willing to accept the fact that I may have to marry Hestia, and I didn't want to hear that, not after all we've been through this last year."

"I didn't want to accept it," Lily told him, swinging slightly higher so that she was level with his shoulders. "I still don't. But there isn't anything I can do anything about it."

They were both silent, thinking about the difficult situation in which they now found themselves. James watched as Lily swung through the air, her hair blowing behind her in the slight breeze. She looked as though she was part of nature there in the park. She almost took his breath away.

"So your father let you out of your room?" She asked suddenly, jerking James roughly from his thoughts of her.

"Yeah," he answered, thinking of the promise he had made in exchange. "I promised my mother and father I wouldn't kill myself if I'm forced to marry Hestia."

He watched relief wash over Lily's pretty features. "Good. I'm not worth your life, James."

"I think you are," he told her, their eyes meeting for an intense second. "I would have come sooner, but my father had to let me out of my room. I – I went to your apartment, but Hestia said you were staying at your parents house for a while. What happened? I thought everything was all right between you two?"

"So did I," Lily replied in a defeated manner, shaking her head. "But she told me that she lied…that she felt betrayed and that we needed some time apart while she thought things over."

"When I talked to her earlier…" James confided in Lily, running a hand through his hair. "She was horribly cross with both of us. She said that we haven't really tried to get over each other and that we've been plotting behind her back. She's mostly cross with me though. She thinks I never tried to love her."

"We have been selfish, James. You know we have," Lily told him sadly, allowing the swing to slowly drift to a stop.

As much as James wanted to deny it, he knew it was true. They had been horribly selfish. But despite this knowledge, and the knowledge that he was to begin planning his wedding soon, he still refused to marry Hestia. He was not going to marry another woman while he was in love with Lily.

"Lily, please tell me truthfully," he demanded. "Do you want to be with me?"

"More than life itself," Lily told him earnestly, her eyes shinning with emotion and truth. "But Hestia loves you, and I can't ask her to give up the man she loves. I can't ask that of her, James. Not of my best friend."

James felt as though a large stone were being lowered into his stomach. "Not even to be with me?"

"No…I'm sorry. I've hurt her enough already; I can't hurt her any more. I can't put my happiness before Hestia's."

"So we're going to leave things to what they might have been? Again?"

Lily nodded firmly. "As hard as this is to say, we need to keep our distance from each other for awhile. It's what I should have done a long time ago, I just didn't want to face reality."

James swallowed thickly. "So this is goodbye then?"

"For now," Lily told him sadly, staring at the ground.

James nodded and turned to leave, when Lily's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"James!"

"Yes?" he asked, turning to face her.

"I just…" she began, then faltered. Standing up, she walked forward to stand in front of him. Much to his surprise, she took his hands in hers and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I know this is selfish, but no matter what happens… I want you to know that I love you."

James stared at her, stunned. He had known that she loved him by her actions, but she had never said the words to him before out of respect for Hestia. Hearing her say, "I love you" gave him hope. Even though they were parting ways for the time being, he felt the hope that in the future they would find a way to be together.

Just to let you guys know, there will be one more chapter and an epilogue.

Thanks for reading!