A/N: My friend came up with this idea, and I liked it a lot. A little link between Lily and Ginny. I think it's interesting, so I couldn't wait to write a final chapter about it. Please review!! Suggestions for future chapters will always be welcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If only, if only!
I promised myself that I would never let her go. I told myself, over and over, that no matter how much danger I got myself into, she would always be there. I promised her that I would never abandon her. I told her, over and over, she could never come with me, because she always had to be there.
I was selfish, really, patronizing and egotistical and obstinate. I realize how wrong I was now. I realize that I should have done more. Or maybe I should have done less. But I know that I did something wrong. Because now, now she's not there. She's not here. She's not with me. And she's not there because of me. But I still need her. I still can't abandon her. I still will never let her go.
I used to try so hard to protect her. I would do anything, anything, to keep her safe. I pushed her away, trying to protect her. But she didn't need protecting. She was stronger than I gave her credit for. She was stronger than I was. In the end, I was the one who needed to be protected.
I think about that night all the time. It never leaves my mind, even if it's only stuck in the subconscious part for a while. It always returns to the surface. It plagues my dreams and waking hours alike. And I blame myself, I really do, and not because I feel a little guilty. I blame myself because it's my fault. And everyone knows it. And when they look at me, I know they haven't forgotten either.
But I've learned to admire her. Even though she did exactly what I told her not to do, I've got to look back, and remember, and cry, while knowing that she followed her heart. I was her heart. And she was mine. But I never followed my heart. I pushed it away. I pushed it far, far away so that nobody could take it from me. I pushed it away, thinking that I was keeping it safe, thinking that I could shield it from being broken, thinking that once this tragedy was over I could unearth it, and it would be intact and unbroken. What I didn't realize was that I might not have been able to find it again.
But she followed me. And I guess she knew what I was trying to do, but she refused to let it happen. She was the only one who could protect me. She had this way of knowing whenever something was wrong. Even if I didn't tell her, even if I hadn't seen her, or spoken to her, or been in contact with her at all, she always knew when something was wrong, she always knew when I was in danger. And she always followed.
And I can't stop thinking about her. I haven't stopped, and I don't think I ever will. I loved her. I still love her.
When I sleep, she dances in and out of my dreams. I'm always chasing her, chasing her long red hair. She'll turn around to look at me, a smile lighting up her eyes, and then she'll disappear. I never catch her. I chase her, and I chase her, but she's always just beyond my grasp, always lurking just around the corner…
When she disappears, she leaves me alone in the dark, and I turn around calling her name, looking everywhere, but I can't see a thing. The scene changes and I'm still calling her name, but now she's running towards me, and I'm pushing her away. I'm on the ground, and I'm watching her dance, in and out of my vision, clear and then vague. I'm trying, trying, trying so hard, to protect her…but now she's standing in front of me. Two flashing red, slit-like eyes are looking at me over her shoulder. But I can't move. She's protecting me.
Those eyes, they only want me. The red eyes, they're bulging with desire. She's standing between us. She's standing in front of something she won't allow those eyes to have. But the eyes, they only want me. Those cold eyes filled with fire, they only want me. But she's protecting me. She won't let me go.
The high, cold laugh echoes in my ears as the shadow of a flash of green light glimmers across my memory, both are indistinct. The only thing I remember, and I remember it vividly, is watching her fall. She falls and I catch her. I only catch her when she falls, never when I chase her. But now I'm holding her, and I'm crying and I'm yelling and I'm holding her tightly. It's all a blur after that. Dark figures obstructed by haze, and blinding flashes of light. But I never let her go. I promised her I wouldn't.
He's laughing again. But it's only an echo. My senses and reflexes both seem to have evaporated. I look around wildly, forgetting where I am. And I see those eyes, hungry, eager eyes, flashing and boring into my own.
And I'm still holding her. I'll never let her go.
There's light everywhere, blinding flashes of bright green light.
And that's when I wake up. I wake up knowing that I'll only ever see her in my dreams. I wake up sweating and shivering, my eyes wide, with my scar burning so intensely I feel like it'll leave an imprint on my skull.
I still haven't let her go. I made a promise to myself, and to her, and I'll keep it. I was willing to give up everything to keep her safe, and in the end she gave up everything for me. I'll never let her go.
My scar prickles and sends an involuntary shudder through my body.
It's still the same scar. Two sacrifices. One scar.