And That's What it's All About
Title: And That's What it's All About
Chapter: Selfless
Rating: K – Just talk of death and mentions of war. Since I saw kids younger than the younglings in the last film, well… I'm certain anyone can read this. There is a little swearing and some animosity though.
Genre: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Star Wars crossover. Apparently no longer a one-shot… I feel guilty about continuing this because I've read quite a few now. But hopefully this comes from another perspective. I honestly have no idea where it goes from here and I am perfectly content to leave it where it is.
Summary: Buffy's vision quest takes a whole different direction… and leaves her in a rather awkward position.
Disclaimer: I own neither genre. Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. George Lucas owns the Star Wars franchise as well as the authors of the individual novels. As I've read all of two, this story will follow the films more. If you want to give me recommendations on which Star Wars novels are worth reading, I would be happy to hear them. I'm just a poor post-college graduate working in a dangerous field. In other words, all you'll receive is my crappy car and my plaster angel collection.
Spoilers: There are minor spoilers from both stories, especially Star Wars. The beginning bit is from 'The Gift', obviously.
Timeline: This takes place over the after 'The Gift'. In Star Wars verse, it's set between films two and three.
Dedication: This is for Grace, who has been my friend and beta for three years now. And, of course, this is for you who wanted just a little bit more. Obi-Wan makes an appearance.
x-o-x
Selfless
It was all there right before me. I could hear the demons screaming as they were brought forth. I could hear Dawn's racking sobs. And yet I was frozen in place.
This is what I am. This is what I do.
The red sun was beginning to rise.
And yet I couldn't help want to smile. It was going to be such a beautiful day. But I wasn't going to be there to enjoy it. I felt an overwhelming sense of calm take me. I heard Yoda's voice in my head telling me that I was full of selfless love and that death was my gift. Now I was beginning to understand what it meant. There was a time and place for everything and at this moment, I was exactly where I wanted to be. I was exactly where I needed to be.
The sky was beginning to get lighter. There were more things shooting out of the portal now, bad things. The dragon was only the beginning. Things that looked like tarantulas were now raining from the sky, only they were spiders the size of garbage can lids. My breath caught in my throat.
Was I ready for this?
Am I ready for this?
Yes.
I turned around to face Dawn, who was looking both terrified and tearful at the same time. As the tears dripped off of her chin, she gazed at me. And then our eyes met.
"Buffy, no," she whispered, her voice choked in a sob.
"Dawnie," I replied serenely, "I have to."
"No!" Her tone was a half-shout, but she was crying too hard to really mean it. She looked positively scared now. She was trembling, trying to hold on to the one sense of reality I had left. I wasn't about to let her take the fall, not when something this beautiful was wide open to me.
I reached out to touch her. She was still shaking, the poor thing. "Listen to me," I said, shaking her slightly. Her body tautened and she looked up at me. I saw her eyes widen. Another tear began to fall. "Please, there's not a lot of time… listen."
I took a deep breath and began. I had never been good with the speeches. That was something I reserved for Giles or, if I needed the humorous bit, Xander. But this was the last time I would take to her. I had to make it count. "Dawn, listen to me… listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles… tell Giles I figured it out. And… and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends." It was slowly breaking my heart that I would never see them again. I would never see Giles crack open another book… I would never hear Xander tell another joke… I would never see Willow perform a complicated charm that could one day save the world… I will see Dawn, my Dawn grow old… "You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong."
At that moment, Dawn was falling apart. Tears were pouring down her pale cheeks like rain. She was shaking so hard I was having a hard time holding onto her. "Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave… live..." I bent over and kissed her cheek, touching her tearful face for the last time, "for me."
And then I let her go. I turned and I ran, knowing that I was already wasting precious seconds. Everything that I had ever fought for was running through my head. Every single mistake I had ever made was coming back to haunt me in this moment. My life was flashing before my eyes even as I reached the end of the platform.
I could feel my body fall only a short distance before I felt something strong rip through my body like a strong electrical current. I screamed just as images came to my mind. I saw Dawn coming home in Mom's arms from the hospital. I saw my Mom and Dad arguing as I sat on the stairs, crying my heart out. I saw my first Homecoming parade with my mother cheering me on as they placed the crown on my head. I saw Angel smile at me for the first time… heard his soft 'I love you'. I saw Willow and Xander at my side as we prepared to take on the Mayor. I saw Faith staring at me as I pulled the dagger from her abdomen, hearing her rasp 'You did it… you killed me'. I saw the helicopter flying away with Riley inside. I saw Anya wrestling with Olaf the Troll. I saw Spike staring at me with eyes filled with either love or lust because I had no idea what he really felt. I saw Giles staring at me softly after I told him that I would quit if Dawn died. I saw my Mom's dead body…
The pain was beyond tolerable. I felt it prickle into every orifice. It was taking my body. This was the price I paid. I had done everything I could.
And then, at last, I saw a white light.
And everything turned to darkness.
x-o-x
When I opened my eyes, I saw a familiar room.
I felt my jaw drop. There was a set of all-too-familiar windows. There were the all-too-familiar spaceships.
How in the hell did I get back here? "… the hell?" I whispered, looking around. I found my face pressed up against the glass, gazing out at a world that so didn't belong to me. Yes, those were spaceships up there. They appeared to be zooming in what looked like traffic lanes. There were many levels, too. It was like the road-less I-10 from hell. Pulling back, I felt the strangest sensation.
Glancing down, I saw that I was standing in the middle of a chair.
I screamed, scampering backwards while gasping, only to feel another strange sensation.
I looked behind me. I was halfway through a window.
"What is this?" I screamed, rushing forward only to find myself standing in a chair again. I quickly jumped aside as though I was being contaminated. I'm not so stupid to realize that this is something not normal that shouldn't be happening. I know I haven't been feeling neglected or ignored as of late, so I don't know what is happening. But I do know I'm not exactly standing out. I lean down to touch my stomach. Did my hand just pass through my stomach?
I screamed again. Obviously no one can hear me because the room is still empty and there aren't any people breaking down the doors to figure out who was screaming bloody murder in… what room was I in? I looked around again. This wasn't the same room, was it? The other room was so small. This room was much larger, with twelve chairs placed in a perfect circle.
And there I am, standing there with my hand inside my stomach. I quickly pulled it out, staring at it. It looked like my hand. I started to wave it around a bit. It still looked like my hand. But I apparently was as see-through as my body was go-through. I was a ghost and I had no idea why.
I really wished Yoda was here to help me out right about now. Though he sounded like a preacher who had a terrible misuse of adjectives, I had to do something.
I was about to turn from the room and search for the stunted green Kermit-voiced… I still had no idea what to call him… when a glitter of something caught my eye. It was silver and it was lying on the floor in the middle of the twelve chairs. Just as I took my first step towards it, I heard a voice behind me.
"What's this?"
And then I felt this so-called person belonging to the masculine voice walk right through me. I shuddered as he suddenly appeared in front of me, his rear concealed by a long, boring brown cloak. That was one of the most unpleasant experiences I had recalled… this idiot had just walked through me! No one walks through me! Most people are afraid of me! What the heck was this?
He was bending down now. From this angle, his rear end suddenly didn't look so bad.
"It looks old."
He was either talking about the floor or else he had found the silver I had seen. Pouting slightly, I walked alongside him until I stood at his side. He was cradling something in his hands and appeared confused. It wasn't much of a comforting thought. But when I saw what he was holding, I found myself standing with my jaw open again.
It was a cross, an oversized silver cross with a chain. Large black stones adorned the center and each point. It was a beautiful ornament, but far too large for a necklace. Glancing down at my top and pants, I also knew that it wouldn't accessorize what I was wearing in the least. That thing had to weigh at least five pounds!
The man was still staring at it, a stumped look on his face. "This wasn't here awhile ago," he murmured as though to himself. Damned Slayer hearing… I could hear every word, even if he was just muttering it under his breath. "I wonder what it is."
I was starting to get a headache, which was a feat in itself as I appeared to be both dead and seeing as I lacked a self to belong to, I had no brain that would get mushy. This whole ghost thing is confusing the heck out of me and I still don't know what to do. I want to throttle the man standing in front of me, even though he was a hottie. But he had made a bad first impression by walking through me. If he was with the Force and all that as Yoda had said that most of these people in this building were, why couldn't he sense that a ghost was standing in front of him, pushing her hands through her head in an attempt to comfort a headache?
"I better take this to Yoda."
My head snapped up as the figure turned around and began walking away. I quickly hastened after him, which took a surprisingly short amount of time. Sometimes I really forgot how strong I am. The doors closed behind him. But before I could figure out how to open them back up, I just walked through them. It was one thing ducking my rear end out a window and standing in the middle of a chair. There was something even more chilling about walking through a solid wall. But the figure was still walking and I had no choice but to follow. I had to find Yoda and demand what the hell was going on. Hopefully he would be able to see me.
The figure continued down a corridor. Bright peals of sunlight fell across the marble floor. I was so busy following this man around that I hadn't stopped to admire the scenery. Apparently Yoda wasn't the only ET-figure walking around. Did that guy have horns sticking out of his head? And that person… was she actually blue?
As I was people watching, I apparently wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I ended up walking through some kid who gazed backwards, frowning after I had already gone. I went straight through a column and only realized it when I could taste the concrete in my mouth. At least my taste buds were coming back, but the pillar tasted salty. Frowning, I saw the figure suddenly disappear into a crowd of people. Sighing, I started running again, straight through the crowd of people.
This was just apparently not my day.
At the foot of the stairs, the man suddenly stopped. He was staring to his left and wearing yet another frown. I wanted to beg him to smile once, just once. He would look so much better than wearing that constipated look. He suddenly opened his mouth, shouting "Anakin!" As he did so, he tucked the cross into his robes. Well, well, I thought, smirking to myself. This really was fascinating.
"Master Kenobi," a breathless voice gasped behind me. Before I knew it, I felt yet another person walk through me and stop, panting, right before the man called Kenobi.
"What is it Anakin?" the man asked in a voice of well-practiced patience. He sounded like Giles. Were all of these people going to sound like Giles? I really hope the guy with tentacles coming out of his head sounded different than Giles because he looked like he would talk in that Billy-the-bass voice. But before I could ponder this, the young man in front of me spoke again.
"Master Windu has been searching for you," this Anakin replied. Annoyed, I stepped around him and found my jaw dropping for the third time in what seemed like an eternity… fifteen minutes. He looked younger than the bearded man, and yet there was something equally powerful about him. My vibes picked it up on this Kenobi guy. But my spidey sense was positively overwhelmed as I gazed at Anakin.
The man watched as Anakin reached up to touch his face, his eyes suddenly unfocused. What neither realized was that I was holding my hand just above his cheek, admiring the scar set just above his eye. "Wicked," I whispered. Anakin's hand suddenly reached up and hovered an inch or so above mine. I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity before he dropped his hand again.
"I will see to him," Kenobi replied, bowing his head respectfully. I frowned as I caught my first good look at the older man. I didn't realize I liked what I saw until he had traveled through me again. "However, there is something I must take up with Master Yoda."
"He's with the Younglings," Anakin replied. "If there isn't anything else…"
"You may go," Kenobi said, his voice tinged with amusement. "I think you've seen enough these past few weeks."
Anakin smiled grimly and nodded before stalking off. This time, I dove behind Kenobi before Anakin could walk through me again. But I couldn't resist watching as he walked away. He, too, had a very nice rear view.
I heard footsteps and saw Kenobi now jogging lightly up the steps. Knowing that I needed to follow him, I sighed and took my first step upwards.
And then I lost the ground completely.
Screaming my head off was doing nothing, I thought as I floated through the bottom of the staircase above me. I was a ghost. I was an actual Casper ghost, all with the floaty and the transparency. This was impossible!
And I thought that being back here meant something more! I was dead, for crying out loud. And I was apparently going to float through the ceiling (if such a thing existed) and disappear into the stars. Oh, great. I would probably get stuck in the traffic jam from hell, too.
My feet suddenly touched the ground again. I was now completely bathed in sunlight. Turning my head, I saw a window and moved towards it. But the more I found myself searching for my reflection, the more I realized how invisible I was.
Someone was going to seriously pay for doing this to me. I voted Giles, but as I was dead torturing my Watcher seemed like a really faraway idea.
"Master Yoda!"
My ears perked up.
"Younglings! Younglings! Come, Master Obi-Wan has."
Obi-Wan? But hadn't Anakin called him Kenobi?
"Obi-Wan Kenobi," I heard him speak inside. Ducking my head through the wall, I saw a few dozen students wearing military hats and holding what looked like long silver sticks. Yoda was perched on his pouf, staring at Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was gazing at the Younglings and looking as though he were having second thoughts. My second thought came fast and furious… 'don't you dare lose your nerve now'.
I opened my eyes again. Yoda was staring straight at the wall. Obi-Wan slowly swung his gaze around to stare at the same part. Yoda appeared to be concentrating. Obi-Wan was frowning with that constipated look on his face again. I sighed. They weren't looking at me, no. They were looking at the other side of the door. Yoda didn't know I was there. I looked like a deer head or something perched on the wall. Pulling my head out, I took a deep breath and plunged into the room. It was like stepping through a sheet of ice water. Traveling through things, especially wall-like things, was not my favorite way of traveling. And neither was my feet floating upwards. Or any other part of me floating upwards.
But part of me was disappointed to. Even as Obi-Wan plunged his hand inside his robes, feeling the item within, I could sense his rather troubling thoughts… 'should I show Yoda this and possibly get an explanation? Or should I chicken out and ignore the fact there's a selfless ghost possessing this great and powerful building?' I almost screamed again. Then I thought that maybe Yoda would hear me.
He glanced down, apparently missing the fact I was jumping up and down, waving my arms like a lunatic and screaming lyrics from the Indigo Girls. Well, I wasn't exactly jumping up and down. My body bounced from the floor until my head went through the top of the ceiling, and then I would wiggle my way back down. After my third attempt, I closed my mouth. No use collapsing my non-existence vocal cords on something Yoda couldn't hear anyway. And he had been the smart one.
Obi-Wan just glanced at Yoda and Yoda glanced back at Obi-Wan. For a moment, I thought it was a staring contest. Then Obi-Wan looked away. With his back to the others and yet facing me, he pulled the object from his robes, staring at it. If he wasn't going to do anything with it, I was going to do something. I had to do something. I had no idea what to do. I was just standing here completely invisible while all these weirdoes with the Force just looked around as though nothing was bothering them. Why didn't they sense me? Yoda said I had a lot of power. Even though I was dead, inspirited and a ghost he should still sense something. I tried walking towards him for once and caught the edge of Obi-Wan's shoulder.
Now standing directly in front of Yoda and waving my hands in his face, he continued to blink through me as though he sensed nothing.
But what I didn't realize was that Obi-Wan suddenly turned around, frowning again. "I sensed something."
"Sense it too, I can."
My hand froze in mid-air and I let it fall to my side. Yoda's eyes suddenly went to the cross. "What is that?"
"I found it in the Council room," Obi-Wan said, passing the artifact through me to hand to Yoda. Glancing at the arm sticking out of my chest, I sighed, placing my hands on my hips. This was beyond annoying now. This was most infuriating! "It wasn't there when the Council met this morning."
Yoda held it in his hands as he stared at it. I noticed then he had small hands. I held up my own hand and stared at it.
And then Yoda stared straight at me, lifting his gaze until they met my eyes. His ears drooped slightly as he glanced down again, passing the cross back through my chest. "Dropped, it must have been," Yoda said quietly.
Obi-Wan seemed appeased by this. "Should I attempt to find the owner of this?" he asked, waving the cross around.
Yoda shook his head ever-so-slightly. "Find that it belongs to you, you will."
"This is mine?" Obi-Wan asked, frowning again.
"Yes."
"How is that so?"
"Drawn to it, you were. Claimed it, you have."
What was he getting at…?
"Are you saying that this belongs to me?"
He was really a smart one, wasn't he?
"What belongs with it belongs to you."
Oh, my God.
"What belongs with it? Master Yoda, what do you mean?"
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ohmigosh.
"Learn you will. See soon you may." Yoda turned his attention back to the Younglings. "Prepare them now, I must."
Way to get yourself out of trouble, buddy.
Obi-Wan quickly slipped the cross back into his pocket. "Thank you, Master." He turned and left the room.
Heaving a deep sigh, I glared at Yoda. But Yoda wasn't watching the Younglings. He was looking at me. He nodded ever so slightly before turning to the 'Younglings'. Well, they certainly looked bite-sized. Some were not human. One had tentacles. Another had horns that looked like long pigtails over their shoulders. And one was bright green. With a sigh, I turned and walked back through the doors. There really was nothing more I could do. I had no body. I had no voice. All I had were my memories and apparently the ability to travel through solid matter, which included people. Obi-Wan was hurrying away again. I hastened after him. I was about to start shouting again when a figure suddenly appeared. It was Anakin. Again.
At least seeing that rather adorable face cheered me ever so slightly. "Master, what is it?"
"Yoda is in a particularly cryptic mood today, don't you think?" Obi-Wan sounded tired now.
Anakin just looked confused. Apparently it was a personality trait common with us powerful beings. "Master Windu…"
"On my way."
I just shook my head as they parted in opposite directions. "Hey!" I shouted angrily. "I'm standing right here!"
And yet, even as powerful beings kept walking around me (I just jumped out of the way before they could walk through me), I seemed to be the only person who could hear my voice.
Oh, I really, really wasn't happy. And if someone didn't say something soon, I was going to attack someone. I really was. I don't care if I pulled an exorcist. This was beyond incredible. These people apparently had hypersensitivity when it came to the unknown. Why couldn't they sense me?
"You should follow him."
I let out a cry and spun around to see a pearly white figure standing over my shoulder, smiling serenely. Crying out, I began smacking his arm. He winced at every single blow I dealt to him until his back was to the window. Sunlight was apparently floating through both of us, yet I didn't see his shadow either. "Don't…" I moaned, smacking him across the chest, "do… that!"
"I am sorry," he said, quickly sidestepping my last slap. It was then I realized that I had made contact with him. My hand had not gone through him. Something was even more off.
"What is this?" I demanded, placing my hands just over my hips. I was almost afraid to touch myself. "What am I? Who are you? And why can I touch you?"
"If you promise to calm down, I will explain everything," the figure replied. "Will you please desist from hitting me?"
My jaw dropped again. I just couldn't help it. "Okay, I'll stop with the hitting," I promised him, my eyes narrowing. "But you have to explain to me why I can see you and hurt you."
"You are stronger than you realize."
"So you know who I am."
"I know some. Yoda told me more."
"I knew he would get dragged into this sooner or later," I accused, advancing on him. I saw his eyes widen warily. "What is going on?"
I saw the man glance up, his eyes twinkling. I suddenly felt as though something had wrapped itself around my navel. My feet were floating backwards without my permission. I turned my harshest glare on him. He just smiled that serene smile and lifted his hand in a farewell wave. "You will soon see."
"Stop it with the cryptic bull!" I shouted as the distance continued to grow between us. "I am so not finished with you yet!"
"Perhaps not," the man said, now beaming rather smartly, "but your form would suggest otherwise."
"Stop it," I muttered at my abdomen. I had nothing to swat at as my hands kept swishing through the place were my navel would be. "Oh, this is so not over!"
"It wasn't meant to be over. This is only the beginning."
I glanced up and met his eyes. "You and me," I murmured as I felt my body being jerked upwards towards the ceiling again. "So not over, you get it?"
I had one last chance to see his laughing face before I was yanked through the ceiling and onto the next level as Obi-Wan's feet pounded across my skull. I found my arms against the floor and tapped my fingernails against the air dryly. This really wasn't my day. And to think it would have been beautiful.
x-o-x