Well, the first order of business is to give you Richard's final diagnosis. –ahem- HE LIVES!!! Next order of business, I must explain about this rather different chapter. This chappy is filled with mini fan fictions, or ficlettes, about Zander's unique childhood. The ficlettes come from myself, various friends, even Dragon-Lady Editor Min; we'll start out with two on Friday morning, and hopefully we'll be able to add a new one to this chapter each day subsequently until the next serious chappy update, so remember to check back. But this chappy is important because I will most definitely use references to it in chapters to come. Metaphor and review begging at bottom. :)
Chapter 6 ½
Metal Death Trap by Dai-san.
Bella made her way down the stairs quietly. The living room was laid out before her in a very Christmas card-esque manner. Edward was seated on the couch in the midst of all of the Christmas wrapping paper that had go be disposed of. Presents mingled awkwardly among the carnage as if trying to escape the clutches of disgruntled gift bags that barred every exit and entrance of the room. But even in the middle of this festive fire hazard, Edward had a very content smile on his face, and Bella soon saw why. Zander was curled up, peacefully sleeping, under their half decorated Christmas tree and clutching stiffly onto his new bike. Soon, Bella was smiling as well, and had joined Edward on the couch. "Looks like he's found his favorite," she whispered, cuddling closer into him. "I'm glad you talked me into it."
"Well," Edward replied, resting his arm on her shoulder, "he deserved something big this year. He's been very good with putting up with us moving around so much. And he was a really big help with the tree."
Both of them smirked at this observation. They'd only moved in a week ago, and had gotten the tree on clearance—but if you put the burnt side to the wall, it looked as good as any other. While Edward and Bella were frantically shopping and moving things in, Zander had taken the liberty of decorating their seven-footer. He had used all of the ornaments to decorate, but, being only seven, he was only able to reach the bottom half. The tree now looked like it was wearing a multicolored skirt and had a star as a broach.
A sudden thought made Bella frown. "Edward?" she asked. "Where are the training wheels?"
"I didn't get any."
"What? Do you think that's smart? Our son's clumsier than I am."
"Look. It's not that hard to ride a bike, and I'll be right there beside him the whole time."
"Well… I guess an overprotective vampire father with super-speed is better than training wheels."
"I am not overprotective."
"Ha! You wouldn't let him play on the swings at the park last week!"
"They were rusty! And besides, there were other people around, so if the chains broke and he went flying head first toward the metal slide, I would have a lot of explaining to do on the subject of how I miraculously caught him when just a second ago I was over by the benches—"
"Mommy? Daddy?"
Their attention turned to their groggy child, who had just awoken. "Yes?" Bella asked, going into Mommy-Mode.
"What are you guys doing?"
"We were talking; now go back to sleep."
"'Kay."
Edward put his lips to Bella's ear. "I guess we'll have to be quieter. Or, we'll just have to go busy ourselves elsewhere."
"Yeah," she whispered, pulling away from him. "We could be the first house on the block to get our Christmas lights down."
"I love the way you think, my love, always so romantic."
"C'mon, lover boy, let's get the ladder."
"…I can't believe you're serious."
"I can't believe you thought I was joking."
With that, both of them departed to await the next day.
- - -
The day was overcast, and, although there was no snow, the air was frigid. Edward stared down at Zander. He was encased in the traditional puffy overcoat and over that were the various pads his mother had welded onto him: knee pads, elbow pads, shin guards, etc. On his face, something that resembled a ski mask was fused to his skin and an oversized helmet completed the ensemble that caused him to look eerily like a multi-colored Michelin Man. A muffled noise emanated from behind the scarf. Edward patted Zander's head and sighed. "I know," he said, and then he repeated, "I know." Zander's eyes gazed up at him helplessly, making him look like he was imprisoned in an iron-maiden, not an outfit assembled by his loving mother.
"Edward," Bella called, while she hovered nervously by the doorway. "Be careful."
Edward took Zander's hand and smiled encouragingly up at her. "Don't worry. We'll have a great time. Right, Zander?"
"Mmmff," the scarf confirmed.
Somewhat reluctantly, Bella went back inside to clean. In less than a second, Edward had stripped Zander down to a new pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and socks. Zander's face was flushed a concerning red color, but he was still strong enough to attach himself to his father's leg. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you Daddy! I thought I was going to bake like one of Mommy's cookies. It was really hot in there," Zander blurted out in one breath. Edward smiled and lifted his son onto the bike. The boy's hands were trembling in excitement, and a large smile showed that all memories of his recent incarceration were forgotten.
"Now," Edward instructed, "when you want to move, you have to push the pedals forward. When you want to stop, push back. I'll say 'brake' and then you have to push back as hard as you can. Got it?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Now start pedaling."
"You won't let go, right?"
"I won't let go, I promise."
Zander started pedaling, and soon they were flying down the street. Suddenly, a scream disrupted the neighborhood. Edward turned, letting go of the bike. Bella.
Bella poked her head out and glared. "Zander! What is this?" Her hand was clasped around a black rubber looking… thing, but her gaze was suddenly locked on Zander. Edward heard the car alarm before he heard Zander scream.
"Daaaddy!!!"
"Edward!"
Zander had kept pedaling, straight into a parked car, and Bella had seen the whole thing. Edward ran over to Zander, who was chanting, "You said you wouldn't let go. You promised!"
"I'm so sorry. I really am," Edward apologized, while picking him up. Bella appeared behind him and ripped Zander away.
"Get rid of it," she ordered, pointing at the bike. All Edward could do was nod, as Bella cradled their crying son. He carefully pulled the bike away from the dented car and gazed at its bent wheel and broken frame. Stupid metal death trap.
Fin
Zombie Fish by Courtney.
Courtney's Author Note: Hey I'm Dewittles AKA Courtney. I'm not Dai but here it goes.
Zander wanted that goldfish, and by golly he was going to win her. He didn't care that it was raining buckets; he didn't care that it was five dollars for three attempts to land a ping pong ball in the bowl; and he definitely didn't care that he had already spent 50 dollars and never come close.
Zander had already named the fish he wanted—he would call her Winifred. He simply had to have her. Edward, seeing the look of longing on his preschooler's face, only sighed and headed for the nearby ATM machine. Finally, with 200 dollars and a little help from Edward, Zander walked away from the booth with Winifred in tow.
- - -
It had been a week since Winifred had joined the family, and she spent her days swimming around in her aquarium on the bathroom counter. It was not to last, however. One night during one of Zander's infrequent sleeping spells, he was jolted awake by a horrible foreboding in his chest.
Zander crept Zander crept downstairs to check on Winnifred, but he was too late. She was floating belly-up amongst the ½ jar of fish food he had added to sustain her while he slept. Zander's face fell and his eyes welled up with tears.
He knew this day would come; it was the circle of life for most creatures, his parents excluded. He was sad that his friend was gone, but the fair would come again next year, and he could always get another fish. Zander dried his tears as he trudged back to bed.
Several hours later Edward happened by the bathroom and he saw the fish. He sighed and flushed poor Winifred. He wasn't worried about Zander's reaction—he had prepared for this day. After Zander had won the fish, he had ran to the pet store and purchased another aquarium and a plethora of goldfish. Edward and Bella had made an unspoken agreement to protect Zander from any possible unhappiness, and the death of his beloved pet would definitely not do.
When Zander visited the bathroom the next morning he had expected to find Winifred in the same state he had found her last night. Instead he found her swimming around, alive as ever.
Zander was shocked as could be imagined, but then his preschool logic began working. His fish was dead, yes—but her body must be possessed! That wasn't cool, so he decided to put Winifred to rest. The possessed body swirled around two or three times in the toilet bowl before passing on to the "Great Beyond."
Edward soon discovered the missing fish, sighed, and headed for the tank of fish in his closet. Several hours after replacing the Houdini fish he checked to see how Winifred the Third was fairing.
He found Zander in a sorry state sobbing and waving a paper cross over the fish bowl. He rushed towards his surely traumatized child to see the fish swimming happily. He kneeled down and whispered, "What's wrong, little one?"
Zander, attempting to tell through his sobs, explained the past couple days. Thankfully Edward was a quick thinker. "Perhaps we could try one last time to put her out of her misery," he said. So together father and son flushed the last fish—or so they thought.
Bella, seeing that yet another fish had disappeared, decided to help Edward while he was walking. He honestly thought that he was being sneaky, keeping the fish from both her and Zander, after he put the fish in her closet, silly man.
Bella ran to the grocery store to pick up Zander's dinner, and she returned to girlish screaming coming from the bathroom. She ran in, expecting to see somebody with a mortal wound. Instead she found father and son perfectly unharmed, pointing to "Winifred," then screaming again.
Fin
Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the other authors and I enjoyed writing it. I only got three reviews last week—oh, and by the way, that thing that Bella was holding in my fic was how I felt after only getting three reviews last week. So there's your metaphor. Please review and tell me if it made you feel happy, or if it made you feel angry, or if it made you feel like a muffin—I want to know. I promise next week the story will actually advance, and I'll tell you it has something to do with mouth-to-mouth-resesetation. But till then, please keep checking back to this chapter for more ficlets. Until next week… this has been…….. DAI