And That's What it's All About

Title: And That's What it's All About

Chapter: Let's Talk About…

Summary: Buffy and Obi-Wan have the talk about where Jedi babies come from. Yeah, we know they don't exist.

Disclaimer: I own neither genre. Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. George Lucas owns the Star Wars franchise. I'm just a poor post-college graduate.

Spoilers: There are minor spoilers from both stories, especially Star Wars.

Notes: This is the boring chapter with a lot of back history and conversation. Truthfully, it's not completely worthless. And for those of you looking for more substance, there's a hint at the end of the chapter. There is also a huge hint as to what the SECOND half of the story is going to be like. Yes, the story is about or just over half done.

Oh, and I'm closing in on 'one million words'. Gosh. It seems like it all passed so quickly...

x-o-x

Let's Talk About…

"Are you all right?"

I had been standing at the far corner of the large ship, staring into the vastness of space. Even though things were so different, I couldn't help but feel small in the powerless sense. I'm not completely clueless, but there are some things I need to know and they just aren't giving me the answers. And yet whenever I saw the wide expanse of stars that remained nameless on the Earth I came from, the only thing I could think about was how small I truly felt when I stared out at the stars.

"Buffy?"

I turned my attention back to Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had finished briefing the clone troopers on the situation from Cato Neimoidia. I really didn't know how to answer him. How could he expect me to know? Was I all right? Would I ever be 'all right'? What the hell was all right, anyway?

"I don't know."

He frowned slightly, coming to stand beside me. "You are still standing."

"Didn't have a choice there," I said; my tone a lot dryer than I wanted it to be. His frown deepened and I found myself staring at the wide expanse, feeling even smaller than I had a moment ago.

"We do have to talk, but it doesn't have to be at this moment."

I considered his words silently for a moment before shrugging. "We still have some time, right?"

"Most of the clone fleet has engaged the droid fleet in battle near the edge of the sector," Obi-Wan replied calmly. "There may come a point when this ship is called into battle."

"Right," I muttered.

"First of all, that statement about a baby—"

Well, I guess we were going to go through this thing after all. Rolling my eyes, I turned to face the Jedi Master. "Well, obviously I don't want a baby. Not now or well, pretty much ever. I just had to say something to distract you from cranky robot mode. You know… the part where you ignore me when I'm trying to tell you something important?"

"It was about Dooku, right?"

"Yes, it was about Count Dooku," I said. "One of the transmissions I saw was him talking to the Neimoidian guard about killing you and Anakin and then attacking Coruscant."

"This is something we must look into further," he said, nodding. And then he noticed the look on my face. "Was there something else?"

"Yeah… it had to do with the fact he wants you dead. Is there any particular reason why?"

"Aside from the fact that he is a villain, you mean?"

"Well, with that personality," I replied tartly, "you don't have to be a villain to want to strangle that neck of yours."

"Humor not withstanding…"

I closed my eyes, really wishing I could huff out a sigh, but I was still incapable of showing even the slightly bit of physical emotion. "So Dooku's a bad guy who wants you two dead…"

Obi-Wan looked down and drew a deep breath. "He took Anakin's arm."

"The mechanical one?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Not the mechanical arm, but the real arm," Obi-Wan said softly. "It was in the beginning of the war."

"War? There's a war now?"

"Please, I am trying to explain this to you."

"You're doing a smashing job… really. And I'm starting to think that maybe I could be a villain just to get that silly smile off of your face…"

"This is not the time for your jokes. I am trying to be serious."

I glanced up and fixed him with my coldest, transparent glare. "So was I. But go ahead, mock me some more. Make some more ghostly Buffy jokes because she can't touch or taste or hell, even change clothes! You think that I'd be able to bob my head and get a new wardrobe, preferably something in style, but noooo. Tell me something I don't already know, will you?"

"You have to know the truth."

"I know the truth," I spat back. "I'm dead, you're alive, end of story."

Obi-Wan shook his head, the old impatient gleam flashing in his eye. "This is not the end of the story."

"What is the end of the story? We live happily ever after?"

"Why don't you tell me? You are the one who is deceased."

"Was deceased… was. Do I look dead anymore?" When I saw the incredulous look on his face, I shook my head helplessly. "Don't answer that."

Obi-Wan bowed his head as he walked about the station and sat at the console to my left. "There are things you have to know about this war, Buffy. You need to understand something before you just leap in and take an act of faith."

"I was following your lead."

"Hundreds of Jedi have already died… it is likely many more will die before the end of this war. Those you know as belonging to the Living Force have given up their lives. There is a possibility that this war will never end."

I couldn't look at him. "All wars have to end. Someone has to lose."

"Would you rather it be us?"

"Is it the Jedi versus the rest of the universe? Those are some pretty bad odds."

"Our government is falling apart. The one man who has the power to do something has been given more power and that is beyond dangerous. We're trying to preserve the old way of life, here."

"How's that turning out for you?" I shot back. "You told me yourself that many Jedi are dead. Are there enough of you to do whatever you need to do?"

"No."

I turned back to stare out into space. Every time I did, I felt a little bit smaller. "Huh."

I felt him moving behind me. As much as I did not want to respond to his movements, a part of me was still frazzled from the events on Cato Neimoidia. "Maybe the old ways are dead."

"Now you're thinking like a Separatist."

"Am I?"

"You don't understand, do you?"

"In my world, my country fought wars for independence because they didn't want to be stuck with a crappy government ruled by piss ants with too much power and not enough brains," I replied, staring hard out the view port. "So when you tell me I don't understand, I do. Just like every other nation, we fight because we can."

Obi-Wan gave me an appraising look. "You know, you are far more intelligent than you give yourself credit for."

"You know… I think that's one of the nicest things you've said to me."

There was a beat before he finally spoke up again. "You do understand that Jedi kids don't exist, right?"

"Well, obviously if there are kiddie Jedi, there are mommy Jedi and daddy Jedi unless you're stupid enough to believe the story about the stork."

"Jedi are forbidden such attachments as love and marriage and, in turn, children."

It took me a moment to digest this. Finally, I uttered a soft, "Oh".

"I didn't mean to bring this upon you," Obi-Wan said, seeing the look on my face. "I'm just realizing that this isn't exactly what you wanted to hear…"

"I never thought that because you could hold a lightsaber it made you a eunuch."

"Not, it doesn't make us eunuchs, but it makes us special."

"Like white body wrap special?"

"No, but it makes us unique. As I realize now that this is just the beginning, I know we have a lot more to discuss…"

x-o-x

Anakin tucked himself inside one of the tiny rooms inside Cody's ship, Vigilance. His hand gently pried off the black glove and flexed his golden fingers, sighing under his breath as he lifted his arm. His fingers on the opposite hand worked quickly to bypass the wires severed in his hand during the last skirmish. After he was done, he pulled his glove back on, turning only to find a figure standing in the doorway watching him.

"Is that it? Is that what Dooku did to you?"

"Yes," Anakin replied, looking down as he fixed the glove over the wires.

"Does it hurt?"

"It didn't hurt when I lost it. It just felt… numb."

"I'm so sorry."

Anakin glanced up at the woman still staring at him. "You have no reason to be sorry."

"Something was taken from you that shouldn't have been. It must have made you angry."

"It did."

"Isn't that against the Jedi code?"

Anakin smirked to himself as he stood up. "Obviously you have been speaking with Obi-Wan."

"He told me the deal. How anger and hate lead to the dark side. And when I kept asking him about the dark side, he just got really quiet and said he didn't want to talk about it."

"Is that why you came to me?"

"I had a different reason for that."

"Buffy…"

"Don't," I said, walking into the room. He just watched me as I floated inside. "I need to know the truth."

"If you talked with Obi-Wan—"

"He didn't tell me everything."

Anakin set his jaw and looked aside. "He never told me anything either."

"I'm not looking to put you on the spot, but I need to get some things very clear here."

"What can I answer for you?" he asked me, sitting back on the chair and settling his hands in his lap.

"We're losing the war, aren't we?"

Anakin winced and I had a slight suspicion as to why. He was a proud Jedi. They were too damned proud for their own good. But I wasn't normally one who could pick a losing battle and come out ahead. I was one that fought the losing battle believing I was getting ahead but knowing that no matter what I did and no matter how much changed, it was still the same – we would still lose. Each apocalyptic battle got worse. Every vampire grew stronger. I couldn't remember the last vampire that hadn't heard of the Slayer.

In this world, however, all bets were off. The Jedi were proud warriors… but they died too easily. They weren't immortal; they were only gifted with some power of the mind that allowed them to take notice of their strength and use it to their advantage and eventual doom. When I looked at it like that, I could tell we weren't all that different. The thing of it was, despite their pride and obvious skill, they had numerous enemies and they alone commanded the throngs of cloned troops. It wasn't a very bright future and yet all they could do was fight. They had to preserve something. They were fighting for something.

I'd forgotten what that was like. Even with Glory, all I had to do was protect my sister. I wasn't fighting to save the world or an entire universe like they were… I had been fighting for my own selfish reasons. And Jedi were about as selfless as you could get.

"It isn't going too well," he replied at last. He was still unable to look at me.

I gave a small smile of triumph.

"Obi-Wan wouldn't tell me anything," I countered. "When I asked him, he told me that even if I knew it wouldn't matter."

"Why would he tell you that?" Anakin asked, puzzled.

"Because he doesn't want me to know the truth," I replied. "I think he's afraid of me finding out, but he really doesn't know what I've been through."

"You've been through war?" he asked.

"Of course I've been through war. There have only been like two hundred years of peace in the entire history of my world. Personally though… yeah, I fight. I don't fight to save a universe though. Sometimes I fight to save the world."

"Maybe that's why you're here."

"I wish I knew," I muttered under my breath.

"Were there people like us?"

"You mean Jedi?"

"Yeah," Anakin replied, shrugging.

"Actually, no. There was only me… well, me and my psychotic sister Slayer. But it was my death that led to her calling, sort of. But we didn't have this big organization with all of those rules to fall back on. We just had us… ourselves, our skills and our instincts."

Anakin smiled ruefully. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"It makes dying a right pain in the ass, though," I murmured. "I guess sometimes it's better to fight alone, but other times…"

"I guess I really don't understand all of that."

"But you should, right? I mean, we both have the weight of the world on our shoulders. In your case, you've got multiple worlds on yours. How you can stand it…"

"Because we must," Anakin replied simply. "I don't have a choice and I imagine you didn't."

"Blasé much?"

"I was chosen because I was lucky enough to have the preferred number of midichlorians required for a chosen one," Anakin sighed. "It's a hard bargain, but at least I know that when I take my rightful place as the chosen one, I won't be alone."

"I guess that's comforting."

"I mean, you're here too, right?"

I blinked as he said that. All I thought I was to him was a distraction, an annoyance… nothing more. "I…"

"Don't be too modest," he said with that smile. I felt part of my ghostly self start to melt from my self-impudence. Sure, this was something I wasn't expecting. I guess part of my life had been spent pushing people away and they were accepting me?

Oh, and that smile.

"You're more valuable than you think," Anakin continued, seeing the surprise on my face and feeling my emotions ripple through the Force. As he walked past me back out into the corridors, I felt my body tremble. I was having an overemotional reaction. And here I thought that was forbidden in the Jedi order.

Part of me also wondered if slight crushes were forbidden. Or lust… was that bad? Something about emotional attachments stuck in my head.

God… if I'd lived with this code back in Sunnydale, I'd have died at the hands of the Master. Without my friends, I realize how truly small I am.

Just like when I look out at the stars.

x-o-x

Obi-Wan was standing outside in the main bridge area, his eyes fixed outside a view port window. In the distance, Cato Neimoidia was a sea of streaks, flashes and occasional blurs. "I don't like waiting here for nothing," he said to no one in particular.

"We still have been unable to track the ship that escaped, General."

Obi-Wan felt his palm slap over his face and he barely held a sigh. "This has not been our battle, apparently."

"You are correct, sir. This battle has fallen ill."

It was a story that had been repeated many times for several different Jedi. But it didn't happen to him. The dream team of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker was a team that miraculously swooped in and saved the day. In this war, they were a symbol of hope.

It was hard to feel symbolic when something like this happened. This mission had been a failure from the beginning. Something had been botched somewhere.

It was hard for him to not point the finger at his ghostly shadow.

Despite the fact she seemed competent, things had been far simpler without her around. She had somehow wedged into their carefully constructed bond. She was a third wheel of their operation. She was…

"General Kenobi?"

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he turned his attention to the Clone Commander standing behind him. "Yes?"

"We will not stop searching the system until we find that ship."

Though he knew it was meant to be a reassurance, he felt somewhat disheartened by these words. Had things gone according to his plan, they wouldn't be in this predicament.

"Somehow I don't think they'd have stayed."

Obi-Wan did however feel assured as his former apprentice appeared by his side.

"Should we widen the search?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan said in what he hoped was a pleasant tone.

"And we will also join the search," Anakin offered. Obi-Wan glanced at him in surprise. Anakin shrugged before offering an explanation. "It will help the time pass so we don't dwell on things."

Obi-Wan couldn't help but agree.

"Master?" Anakin asked after Cody had left to relay the new orders.

"Yes, Anakin?" he asked in a tired voice.

"Don't blame her for this," Anakin asked quietly. "She didn't earn it. She didn't know."

"I couldn't tell her," Obi-Wan admitted. "I couldn't tell her that we were not winning this war. I couldn't tell her that so many of us are dying… so many more will die. I couldn't tell her that this will again be her fate."

"She will long outlive the both of us," Anakin said with a small smile. "We should trust her now that she knows a part of the truth."

"I did let her in on the Jedi code."

"That may have been a mistake," Anakin chuckled. "She has never had to live with such a code."

"How could you tell?" Obi-Wan asked, the faintest hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"She is… unique," Anakin agreed.

They remained silent for a few minutes more before it was decided between them that they should get to their ships. They were about to leave the bridge when they heard one of the Clones calling them back.

"We have just received word from an outward sweep," the young lieutenant said, tapping on his controls. "The command ship is dead in space a quarter parsec from our exact location."

"Did you say it was dead in space?" Obi-Wan asked curiously as he and Anakin joined the lieutenant at his station.

"What's this?"

Both men turned to see the woman enter the bridge with the air of authority about her. They carefully avoided each other's gazes as they turned back to the monitor.

"According to the report, there were no trace of power emissions… the ship looked to have suffered a total power failure."

"What has no power?" I asked, finally deciding to jump in on the party.

"Set a course," Anakin said to the lieutenant. "We need to investigate this further."

"It will be done, sir," the lieutenant clone replied.

Obi-Wan turned to me to explain the situation. "The command ship that took off before you could stop it."

"What do you mean before I could stop it?" I asked, confused. Turning to the lieutenant, I shouted, "Hey! Did it actually work?"

Both Jedi turned to look at one another before turning back to me. "Did what work?" they asked in unison.

x-o-x

We're one chapter away from the beginning of 'Revenge of the Sith'. If you couldn't tell, the only books I've read are the ones associated with the movies, so I'm flying by the rear of something here. The local library here across from the courthouse I work at suffered a severe fire so their stock of Star Wars novels is… nothing. And could you believe that this town does NOT have a coffeehouse or a book store? Nope… I've got my online sources and that's about it.

PS: Babbling aside, I enjoy reviews :)