And That's What it's All About
Title: And That's What it's All About
Chapter: Mrs. Skywalker
Summary: After seeing the darkness within the younger Jedi, Buffy attempts to reach out to him. But now, she has a new way to make him see the light…
Disclaimer: I own neither genre. Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. George Lucas owns the Star Wars franchise. I'm just a poor post-college graduate.
Spoilers: There are minor spoilers from both stories, especially Star Wars.
Notes: And we finally get to the one scene I had always wanted to write. Buffy has always been one to see darkness in others (Faith, Willow, Angel) and she's never really had the power to do anything about it other than her words, her strength and her wiles. Imagine if she had the Force when dealing with that.
x-o-x
Mrs. Skywalker
Anakin felt uncomfortable as he heard the steadiness in her voice. But this was Buffy. He could smile at her, charm his way out of danger. Because if he opened up to her now, there was no telling what he would say.
With a sigh, he held out his arm, gesturing to a place in the Temple where the wall panels met. There was no sunlight in this corner and it would hide them from view. Buffy moved with him, ever watchful.
"Buffy, I don't—"
"I would really like to hear me talking now," she said, her voice purposely soft. She didn't want to start yelling at him, drawing the attention of other Jedi who would just happen to pick up on the source of the Living Force. Anakin drew a deep breath, feeling reassured by the surge of the Force he felt within him. Once convinced she wasn't going to hurt him, he wearily let her continue.
"You're an idiot."
Anakin felt his eyebrows rise as he gazed at the ghostly woman in front of him. "I beg your pardon?"
"You're stupid," Buffy continued in a taunting voice. "And you're a moron. What the hell do you think you were doing?"
"When?" he asked blankly.
"I'm talking about rescuing the Chancellor, genius," Buffy snapped back. "Don't you know about the whole anger and hate leading to worse and not-so-good things? You killed an unarmed man."
Anakin felt his defensiveness sharpen as he stared down at the little woman. Who did she think she was coming to critique him like that? "I am not going to listen to you berate me," Anakin said, fighting to keep his tone steady. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"I know what you did was wrong," Buffy murmured. "And so do you. I can see it in your eyes."
Anakin wished for once that his eyes didn't mirror his soul. He had been so utterly horrified after committing the act that he hadn't given it a second thought until now. Those feelings had remained buried deep inside, but Buffy was now dragging them back to the light. As much as he didn't want to be reminded that he was only human, he resented her for taking this approach.
"Anakin, I'm trying to help you," Buffy continued, seeing the dark look in his face and hating herself for putting it there. "I would have done anything you asked. What you did—"
"What I did is something that I have to live with," Anakin cut in brusquely. "The man that I killed is someone who killed hundreds of Jedi. If you feel that he deserved a better fate, I'm waiting to hear what you have to say…"
"Must you always do what you're told?" Buffy asked him in a hollowed voice. "When are you going to make a decision for yourself?"
"I had a choice—"
"Yes, you're right!" Buffy cried, her voice dropping as she saw two Jedi passing by, deep in conversation. "You did have a choice. You let the Chancellor tell you what to do and you did it."
"That man is my friend," Anakin said in a low, heated voice. "You would do well to leave him out of this."
This wasn't the conversation I wanted to have. The conversation I had in my mind was Anakin admitting that he was wrong to do something so irrational and believing he could overcome his bad decisions. This was something so completely twisted that it stole what little faith I had in myself away.
"Anakin…" I couldn't look at him anymore. I just couldn't. I felt physically ill and I had no body to be physical with.
But the Jedi knight wasn't done yet. "You are not my Master nor are you my friend. You aren't anything but a talking shadow that thinks she's better than what she is. You know nothing!"
I could only watch as he stalked away, the anger rolling off of him in waves. I could feel him attempt to release his anger with a sigh, but it wasn't going far. I could only stare at his back, feeling completely and totally helpless. I reached out with my mind, attempting to find his, but received nothing but a cold shoulder in return.
There was anger there, beneath his surface. But there was something else, too. He was hiding something from me. And I had to find out what it was before it destroyed him. If he was this angry about doing something he quite possibly regretted, I didn't want to find his bad side when he was really angry about something that he had no control over.
x-o-x
"You have been silent as of late."
I glanced at Obi-Wan, feeling somber. It had been a day since my attempted conversation with Anakin and I hadn't spoken much. It wasn't that I was too surprised. I'd had enough conversations with men to know that when they were being stubborn it was best to let it be. But I couldn't help but feel I could have done something more to help him.
"There isn't anything to say," I replied in a dull voice. Obi-Wan, who was busied with something dealing with the Outer Rim, barely acknowledged me as I moved to the table. It was basically a place where the Jedi stood and saw a bunch of things moving around as Obi-Wan changed the views.
"Have you seen Anakin?"
"No," I said honestly. And, if I had a choice, I'd avoid him until that stupid temper of his subsided. I was in no mood to deal with him. This was the conversation with Faith two years ago: painful, unresolved and ending badly for us both. I had lost my sister Slayer and Faith had lost her mind.
"He wasn't at the meeting today."
"Mm," I said noncommittally.
Obi-Wan finally seemed to notice my disinterest. "Are you well?"
"I've been better."
The conversation then turned to battle tactics which I politely opted out of. Other Jedi were now crowding into the war room. Their battle tactics actually sounded decent which I told Obi-Wan but other than that I didn't get myself involved.
After the next meeting was done, Yoda again held me back. I chose not to question him, but for some reason I knew he could sense my frustration.
"Come with me," the small green creature said, stumping out of the room with his walking stick. Perplexed, I followed behind him. The tall, dark-skinned Jedi, Windu, was waiting outside the room for us. He barely flicked his gaze at me before he turned to Yoda.
"Do you really think this is a good idea?"
"Believe, I do," Yoda replied, bowing his little head as he continued on. "Come, come, time not to waste."
I didn't have to worry about keeping up with the diminutive Jedi, but the other Master did. I could sense something powerful from him that sent my spidey-senses a tingle. Hell, they were practically singing. Now, this man was a Jedi! Had I not been this close to him, I never would have caught it. Now I was surprised that I had missed it.
Down, down, down we went. At last we arrived at a small room. I floated through the wall as the two Jedi entered through a narrow, well-guarded doorway. There were four figures covered on metal tables with a droid motioning to uncover one of them.
When the sheet was pulled back, I noticed that there was a young man under there. His features reminded me of Xander. Beady dark eyes stared at nothing on the ceiling and its plastic-y skin seemed too perfect. I turned questioningly to Yoda.
"Is yours, the choice," Yoda said quietly, stumping over to the droid and gesturing at the tables with his walking stick. "Choose well, you must."
"Is this some sort of sick joke?" I whispered.
"This is no joke," Mace Windu said in his deep voice, his eyes scrutinizing as they gazed me up and down. "I was informed that you are not deceased as so many who use the Living Force are. You may accomplish more if you had a physical form of your own."
I stared down at the plastic lump that resembled one of my best friends. "I don't know…" I said uncertainly.
"There are others," the droid spoke, turning and uncovering a second. This one was tall and green with weird scales on the sides of her neck and ridges along her jaw that extended down her neck. Her hair was nothing more than protruding tendrils of dark green horns that formed a star-like pattern. Definitely not me.
The next form uncovered actually took my interest. The figure was human with pale skin and a soft, rounded face. Ice-colored eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling and brilliant red waves covered her head. Next to the green-horned alien girl, this felt almost normal. But the thought of me body shopping was enough to freak me out.
"Why?" I chose this question for a good reason, I thought, staring back at the two Jedi who had exchanged a look. "Why do you want my power?"
It seemed that Mace had been waiting for me to ask that question and he chose his words carefully as he replied, "I sense a plot," he said in his deep voice as he leaned against one of the metallic tables, lacing his fingers together.
"The Dark Side clouds judgment, we fear," Yoda added.
"For some time, our ability to detect the Dark Side has been diminished," Mace concluded. "We do not believe that this is the same in your case."
"In my case?" I queried. "You think I'm able to tell the bad guys from the good?" This must be the reason why I seemed to be the only one calling Anakin on his stupid decision-making skills.
"We are hoping for sound judgment from you," Mace agreed. "Yoda has spoken of your ability to sense darkness."
"That I can do," I replied. "But why stick me in a shiny plastic body? Why not give me…" I gestured to the droid that had uncovered a fourth male body before wheeling itself from the room.
The Jedi exchanged that look again. "Time to join the circle of life, it is," Yoda said in his mellow tone. "Return to the living, you must."
"But…" Why was I protesting this? They were giving me a chance to become the closest to human I may ever be again. I stared at all four shiny bodies and felt my shoulders slump. Arguing against the two smart Jedi seemed a very stupid thing to do.
"The choice is ultimately yours," Mace said in a kind voice as he watched my ghostly frame move between the cots, staring intently at each face. "These were created for the purpose of service, but they can become more."
"Will I be able to control them as easily as I can control a droid?"
"Yes," Yoda replied. "No minds, they have. No conscious thoughts, they possess."
"There is a catch," Mace continued. "Once you have taken a physical form, the only way to leave that form is for that form to…"
"The only way for me to become non corporeal again is to die?" I asked curiously. Mace nodded. I turned back to the redheaded robot and felt my fingertips brush through the glazed skin.
But part of me leapt at the opportunity to try this. I had no form so it was hard for the Jedi to take me seriously. If I could somehow appear to them in human form, they would have no choice but to see me for what I really was – a person, despite the fact I had no form. My lips curved at the thought of seeing the look on Obi-Wan's face when the person he was stuck with had taken form. I would be able to touch things again. I would be able to feel the brush of sunlight on my skin. I would be able to fight with my strength instead of pretending I had something in my mental capacity.
I could be whole again.
I touched the redheaded female. She was so unlike me in appearance that it was strange to choose her, but I wanted to keep my femininity and I wanted to be human. If that meant giving up my blonde hair and my petite figure, I was willing to take that chance.
"I choose this one," I said, resting my hand above the plain white robes of the redheaded robot. I turned to Yoda and Mace, who both nodded their assent at my choice. At these words, a flutter of hope stirred so deeply within me I thought I was going to cry. For months I had been nothing but a ghost. In a few hours, I was going to become so much more…
x-o-x
It was the weirdest sensation of my life. One moment I was just a ghost with nothing really holding me together. The next moment I was solid again. I felt so awkward as I sat up, hair falling forward into my face. I lifted my hand to brush it away but smacked myself in the face instead. I was surprised that it stung. I tried tossing my head to get rid of the hair but I upset my balance and instead went tumbling off the metal table with a shriek that did not belong to me.
It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. The two Jedi just watched as I made one mistake after another. I tripped over my feet which seemed too small for my body. I accidentally knocked over the table with the weird green-skinned woman when I backed up. I almost set my hair on fire when I examined a light with my new eyes. For once, I was grateful Obi-Wan wasn't there. It could have been much, much worse.
Once they ascertained I wasn't going to kill myself by moving, they allowed me to leave the tiny room. I shuffled out, smacking into the doorway. It should have been obvious that I could no longer float through solid objects, but instead smashed into them with enough noise to sound my approach through the whole Temple. I felt a gentle hand on my arm pulling me towards the doorway and then pushing me through it.
As we passed through the hallways, I found that many curious eyes were upon me. Suddenly visible after months of being invisible, I tried to shyly tuck away but stomped on the Jedi Master's foot behind me. At his grunting, I gave him a hesitant smile, my lips practically whirring as I forced them into action.
I couldn't talk yet. I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn't form words. I felt like I had been pasted together with limbs too large for my body, feet too small and parts that seemed inadequate altogether. The one part I did appreciate was my height. I was much taller than I had been just an hour before. The hair felt like synthetic strands that would only get off my skin if I torched them off. I tried pushing my hair back again and nearly succeeded in smashing the inept limb into my eye again.
A few minutes later, I was starting to get irritated. Were they walking me around the Temple just to humiliate me? Or was this some sort of mental exercise? If they weren't careful, I was going to accidentally sort-of on purpose kick one of them… but, knowing the way things were going, I'd probably fall out of a window or trip down a staircase trying.
They finally reached a staircase. I glanced at the wide steps that gracefully sloped down to the next level. Learning how to walk again was mortifying enough. Learning how to do steps? Even worse.
Two steps after I started I pitched forward, catching myself on the railing. The object buckled under my iron grip and I found myself falling forward again.
I heard a snort and a snicker of laughter behind me and hated whoever was behind it. I felt gentle hands prying me away from the banister as I groaned, shuffling back to my feet only to fall into the arms of the Jedi Master assisting me.
"Take time, it will," Yoda said as he stumped by us, his walking stick clicking as he went along. I strongly had to resist throwing my body at him.
Once I reached the bottom of the steps, I pulled back from Mace and continued my awkward walk across the marble floors. The more I walked, the easier it got. Though I felt like an idiotic toddler taking its first steps, at least they didn't have to contend with incessant whining and tears whenever I fell over.
It wasn't until we passed the large bank of windows that I slowed. I turned, surprised, to my reflection. In the pane of glass with the fake sunlight shining behind it, I saw my face staring back at me for the first time.
I looked surprised. Actually, no matter how hard I tried to move my face, I couldn't get rid of the constant expression of surprise. My hand reached out, looking more like a dancer with locked muscles in her arm. Fingers brushed and felt the glass, sliding over the warm surface and absorbing the feel. Mace Windu stopped walking ahead and doubled back, his look easing from agitation to curiosity.
I could see the world through the eyes of someone else. I felt the lashes close as I blinked, momentarily shutting out the light. My hand fell aside, going limply to my waist.
"There is quite a world to see," Mace said, joining me as I continued to stare outside. It was becoming hard to look away. "You will get the chance to see it."
I had already seen the world through my own eyes. But this was different. I could hear my heart beating. Though very different from me, I felt as though this body already belonged to me. I was making it my own.
"Come," Mace said, tugging at my arm again. "It is time to show you Coruscant."
x-o-x
The world is a far better place when you can breathe it. I couldn't stop staring around me. Though plain in my Jedi robes, I couldn't help but notice the fabulous splash of color Coruscant seemed filled with. Though the Jedi Master was trying to get me to the Senate complex, I was lingering in front of shops, wondering how different garments would look on my new frame. When he asked me about it, all I could do was shrug. It was still hard for me to speak. Rather, it was hard for me to form the words to say them.
The Senate building was no different. As I stumbled in the wide hallways, I saw the look on Mace's face as he led me to an open doorway. They were deliberating inside. It sounded so complicated, watching thousands of little hovercrafts floating around while a few on said floating things talked at the same time.
In the middle of it all was the Chancellor. He stood between his two aides, his eyes casually scanning each person as they spoke, his face set in an expression of serene calm. When he felt something cold at the base of his spine work upwards, his eyes moved up to an open doorway and glimpsed the Jedi standing there. His eyes moved away, but he was well aware that they were watching him.
It seemed like we were standing there for hours before deliberations ended. Senators floated their hovercrafts back and started filling the corridors. Once bitter rivals on the Senate floor were now chattering about lunch and plans after dark. I couldn't help but watch as they strolled by.
"I must find the other Jedi and we will meet with the Chancellor," Mace said after a moment. "I would ask you to come, but it may be best for you to stay here."
As I was not exactly pro-Chancellor at the moment, I forced my head to nod, wincing internally when I heard my neck crack. The Jedi Master then strolled away and I remained behind, walking in the loop around the Senate chambers. It was interesting to see the varieties of people walking to and fro. And though I knew I wasn't in my own body, I knew I saw pairs of masculine eyes checking me out. I took in the conversations, the scents, the touches as I let my hand graze the cold, metal wall.
As I passed a deck which looked at the level below, I paused, resting my arms on the rail. My eyes scanned the scenes below as I watched Senators moving about, droids scuttling back and forth, strange creatures moving on the periphery.
It was then that I saw Anakin. I watched as he moved below, looking in all directions to make sure he wasn't being followed. I quickly turned away, putting my back to him so he wouldn't see me spying. I was pretty sure he wouldn't recognize me even with the Jedi robes. I heard his footsteps disappear below and I moved along the deck, searching for a lift or a staircase. I found a staircase and chose against the stairs, opting instead to slide down the banister. My luck chose not to hold out as I ended up in a crumpled heap at the bottom of it anyway. I used the wall to pull myself to my feet.
I tried running, but I basically looked like a drunk walking the line at a fast pace. I stopped at one of the junctures and listened for the sounds of footsteps. They were still there, but fading fast. I chose to take the corridor and found it led to a large room. A shadow was passing at the far end. I tried running again, stumbling as my feet couldn't really hold a Slayer's speed. I finally reached the end of the long room. I heard voices just outside the room, echoing in a narrow corridor. I paused outside the doorway when I heard Anakin's soft voice.
"You can't keep meeting me here like this," whispered a female voice. "Someone is going to see you."
"I don't care," Anakin said stubbornly. There were sounds of muffled moaning that piqued my curiosity. I turned my head as stealthily as I could and observed the two in an embrace that made my cheeks grow warm. I quickly snapped back and pressed against the door, straining to hear more of their conversation, someone to explain what the hell was going on. I was familiar enough with the Jedi code to know that that embrace was probably forbidden.
"Anakin, don't. Not here, not like this!"
"Why do we have to keep hiding?" Anakin asked, his tone more of a whine than anything. "I don't want to hide this."
"But the Jedi…" Her words were cut off for a moment before she continued. "Anakin, being a Jedi is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Don't turn against them because of me."
"I married you because I love you," Anakin replied.
My eyes widened and I found my lips forming my first word, "What?" I breathed, turning to better hear.
"You are more important than the Jedi. Do you get that?"
"I get it, Ani. But please, don't…" She moaned again and I forced myself to turn away. I felt numb as I moved into the large room again, unable to really form coherent thought other than I had just discovered something so powerful it made my head ache.
Anakin, a Jedi Knight, was married. And, judging by what I had seen of her, she was a Senator.
This made my job all the more interesting.
x-o-x
I stood in front of the mirror in the quarters I had been assigned. I stared at the dress I had slipped on, enjoying the way the fabric felt as it brushed my skin. The skin itself had lost the plastic-y glow and had become something more human, definitely pale, but definitely human. Everything felt less synthetic and more human. It was amazing.
So was this dress, I decided, looking at the wall it fell around my body. It was definitely strange seeing the red hair and the blue eyes, but it was something I could get used to. I kept expecting to hear my name announced as Barbie.
I looked at my eyes, squinting at the placement of liner. My hands were working better now so instead of a black line across my cheek I had actually managed to line my eyes. It amazed me that women on Coruscant didn't use makeup as much as I depended on it. I remembered how free it felt not to have to worry about makeup, underwear, going to the bathroom, needing a shower and just about everything else.
My hand moved to touch my hair which had been pulled up and away from my face. My lips twisted into an ironic smile. But it was my eyes that held me longest. They still looked fake, but there was a depth to them that I found fascinating, almost like looking through my robotic self and seeing the girl beneath.
I heard the chime at my door and stopped primping, turning towards the door while smoothing the corset-y top of the gown. "Enter," I called out, moving towards the small bed and stepping around it.
The door opened and a figure stepped in. "I was told you wanted to—" That was as far as Anakin got. His eyes widened as the woman turned to him, smiling. In a word, she took his breath away. "What…"
"Hmm," I said, smirking at the stunned expression on his face. "Not your best, but it'll do."
"Buffy?" he queried.
"In the flesh," I replied. "Somewhat."
"You… you're…" Words failed him. Shaking his head, he stepped inside my quarters. I gestured to the cushioned seat and he moved towards it as I turned to the door. I used a gentle push from the Force to seal us inside.
"I'm solid again, yes," I heard a new voice say. It was softer than my voice, more feminine. But then again, I had a lot more to work with. This was probably the reason why I was resorting to this as it was. I turned to him and sat on the edge of the bed. "You're the first person to guess correctly. You should have seen Obi-Wan."
"He… he's seen you like this?" Anakin asked, his eyes widening. At my small smile, he turned away, flushing.
"Not like this," I said, picking at the material of my dress as I leaned back, reaching for two glasses on the small table. "Drink?"
Anakin numbly took the water glass, watching curiously as I held mine.
"You can…"
"I can," I replied, chancing a small sip. The first time I had done it, I nearly choked to death. "See? Nothing to it. Even an infant can drink."
"But you're not…"
"Oh, I can tell you I am," I sighed, getting to my feet and setting my glass down. "I wanted to apologize to you for what I said yesterday. You didn't deserve it. I just want you to know that I'm sorry."
Anakin was watching me as I moved around, still in shock from seeing me with a body. "I accept your apology," he said softly.
"You don't have to," I said, turning back to him. I saw his eyes wander and, for a moment, I felt sorry for him. I really wish I didn't have to resort to my wiles to get through to him, "This isn't about accepting anything. You have a choice." I took my water again and risked another sip. "We all do. There's a certain freedom for me, doing what I do, being what I am. Maybe someday I'll tell you about it."
Anakin just shrugged. "You didn't mean anything by what you said."
"But I did mean it," I insisted. "I meant it a lot more than you'll ever know. I know that you were angry when you took on Dookula. I can feel you even through the Force, so don't lie to me."
"You don't understand—"
"He took your arm so you took his life. It isn't that hard to understand. And I know there was another way for it to all go down, but you chose the hard way. Obi-Wan probably commends you because that act saved his life."
"You could have done something," he said quietly.
"I could have, but I didn't. We all make mistakes. We're only human." I drained my water and set the glass aside. "But why we're different is something else. When we make mistakes, people die and that's a risk we can't afford to take. You're a Jedi, Anakin. You're quite possibly the best Jedi. I know you think that I'm not someone you can count on, but that's because you don't know me. Let me tell you that I'm going to give you a chance to find out.
"Anger doesn't solve anything. It never does. It just leads to more anger and more hurt. But I've learned a painful lesson. We forge our greatest strength through our pain and that's what makes us who we are. You are the chosen one. Because you were chosen, your pain is a mark on your soul. You can choose to accept it or you can let it all go and take a path we both know you don't want to follow. Being a Jedi makes you better than most humans, but it doesn't make you infallible. They can't make you perfect and you can't be perfect just because they say that they need you to be."
Anakin just looked at me, blinking solemnly. I could actually tell he was listening to me. I wasn't a great speech artist and had never been one for public speaking, but I felt that this was the time I needed to say something.
"There are things in this world that I don't understand. All of my life, I have led with passion. My emotions have made me stronger. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. I couldn't have done half the things I did with you and Obi-Wan if I didn't have my emotions. Being a Jedi blocks those emotions and I don't want to lose who I am." I moved closer to him, taking the cushioned seat next to his. "Part of who I am is belief. I have always believed that I was better than others just because of my gift."
"Your gift?" Anakin asked blankly.
"I'm getting to that," I assured him. "But I've always believed that if the world needed saving, I would do anything I could to save it. I don't always believe in myself, though. The chosen one is meant for something and that something is you, a someone. Things are happening quickly now and I'm not sure I really understand them. What you did to that Count guy was human error. It happens to all of us. But you're better than that. You have to be. So many people are counting on you to be the Jedi prophecy and legend says you are. I don't believe it. Prophecies are the words of old dead men who had no idea what the hell they were talking about. They never know the real people behind the mask. All they can do is take and take everything they can until we're nothing but bitter and cold and angry and hollow and we turn to hate. I don't want that for you."
"I don't want that for me, either," Anakin said with a small smile. He reached over and took my hand reassuringly.
"I want to believe in you, Anakin," I said softly, feeling my voice grow deceptively feminine. "I believe in a better world, a better Republic, one with you in it. Ever since I got here, I've felt this connection to you." My fingers wrapped around his. "You are so much more than I've ever expected. I feel your power and it astounds me. But I see your heart and I see your soul and I feel your pain and it all makes sense. You are extraordinary."
Anakin tried to be modest, he really and truly tried. But he couldn't stop the grin that was forming from coming out nor could he hold back the happy sigh that came from him. He felt her hand on his arm and his body tensed. Instead of feeling defensive, he felt relief. At last, one of the Jedi was telling him what it meant to have him there. Instead of asking more of him, she was telling him that what he did was appreciated. She was telling him that he was a better man than what he was.
For a second, he could almost believe her.
And then he saw how close she was and pulled away, letting go of her hand.
I rose to my feet and moved back towards the small table in the corner. Now came the kicker. "I know you're married," I said in a soft voice.
Anakin sat up, his lips twitching. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Padmé Amidala, right?" I asked, gazing at my reflection in the mirror. "She's that Senator from Naboo, right? She's pretty."
"I don't—"
"You can deny it all you want," I replied as he got to his feet, his gaze meeting mine in the mirror. "But you can't hide it from the Force. I also know enough about the Jedi code to know that what you're doing is wrong."
"What do you feel?"
I looked down at the top of the vanity, my fingers trailing on the few possessions I'd managed to get in the past day. "I think you've earned your happiness. If that means a wife and family, who am I to judge that? I always thought I'd get fat grandkids someday but now…" I looked down at myself and shrugged. "I suppose I could adopt a toaster."
Anakin was staring at me. His eyes were wary and I could feel the resentment rolling off of him in waves.
"I won't reveal your secret," I promised him, crossing to the door and using a bit of the Force to unlock it. "It's not mine to tell. But I wanted you to know that you have someone you can count on here. I know you don't trust me and I want to trust you. In these past few months, you've become a friend to me. I don't have many friends here. Actually, I don't have any."
"You do now," Anakin said softly, his hand grasping my shoulder.
"I just want you to know that someone cares. And if you need anything, you know where to find me."
Anakin nodded, grateful for the support as he moved to the door. As it slid open, he paused, sensing that I wanted something from him. "Did you have anything else?"
"I want to be trained to use one of your light sticks."
His lips quivered as he struggled not to laugh. "A lightsaber?"
"Yes."
"Why don't you ask Obi-Wan?"
"He's got enough on his plate with the war," I replied. "I'm asking you. I've seen your form and I think you have a lot you can teach me. I know you're not a Jedi Master, but I don't think it should matter. I've worked with you and Obi-Wan the longest… I'd like to keep it in the family."
Anakin paused on his way out the door. "I'll think about it."
I paused as I sat on the edge of the bed. "I want to meet her, too."
"I'll think about that, too."
I tried not to smile at his tight posture. "Ease up, there. I don't want you to go all glowy evil lightning on me. I know I've given you a lot to think about."
"It's all right," Anakin said, glancing back at me as he bowed out of my quarters. A moment later, he added, "Thank you."
As the doors closed, I got back to my feet and felt a smile on my face. Though I hadn't been able to get much from him, I at least had gotten my point across. Now I could train in their ways and deal with their issues in my own way.
And then, when the time was right, I could tell them about being a Slayer.
x-o-o-x
Author's Note: I chose to update this because going outside is a risky thing. Got to love forest fires in Northern Minnesota... one is ten miles from my house and the air outside is literally grey. I can't wait until it rains again (crossing fingers) so it isn't such a health hazard. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the new direction I'm nudging this fic in. I'm not altogether happy with this chapter, but it's a step in the right direction.