Disclaimer : S'not mine. I just borrow the characters for my twisted sense of entertainment.

Sorry for not updatin.. i just kinda got bored with the story, and then I never really could get in the sugar-high mood needed for me to write this.. but.. lmao.. tonight i'm bouncing off the freakin' walls, so here ya goooooooooooo

A few days had passed since I had recieved word that I was being stalked by my childhood fear. Ranger had stuck a guy on me at all times, told me the hours I could and couldn't be out of the RangeMan building, and basically went overboard on every other security measure possible.

But as far as I was concerned, he could ship me to butt-fucked-egypt. I didn't care, as long as he protected me from them goddamn clowns.

Meanwhile, I was taking my own security measures. At the suggestion of Lula, I began carrying around silly string in my purse, right beside my pepper spray.

"Them clowns don't like that silly string," she had said. Connie had nodded in agreement, and Mary Lou had told me no different.

So now, my newest weapons were blue, red, and purple silly string.

Bring it on, clown bitches.

So, to get back to the point, I had decided enough is enough, and, my Merry Man Shadow behind me, picked up Lula and went shopping.

Naturally, the one I get stuck with is Lester.

He was a pretty good spirit the first few stores. He began to slack when we journeyed (however the fuck you spell that) into Macy's and Penny's.

He drew the line at Victoria's Secret.

"No way," he said, hands in the defensive pose. "No way in hell, Bomber."

"Oh come on," I growled, tugging on his arm. He still refused, so I decided to pull out the big guns.

"Look," I said sharply, "I am having a bitchy day. My hair will not cooperate, my bra straps keep falling down, I have PMS, and I have a freakin' CLOWN STALKER after my ass. So look, Lessie, I need this shopping. It's theraputic. You can either stand outside of the store looking in at us, which, by the way, would make you totally look like both an idiot and a pervert, or, you can DO YOUR JOB and come scare away the evil clown guys. So, make your decision, but God help me, I am going to buy me some damn lingerie."

With this said, I stomped into the store. Behind me, I knew Lester was weighing his options. Face a roomful of women and underwear, or face Ranger when some clown eats me.

I guess the underwear won over, because he grudgingly entered behind me. He was muttering under his breath, but all I caught were "..whipped.." and "..don't get paid near enough for this.."

Lester remained silent as Lula and I compared, discussed, and shopped. He didn't complain about the fact that I changed my mind over one pair of boyshorts three times.

But all good things must come to an end.

Like I said, he had kept his mouth shut the entire time, until he saw the bill.

"Jesus Christ, Bombshell," he swore, "How the hell do you spend that much on something that nobody will ever see?"

"Hell boy," Lula chuckled, "You can see me in 'em anyday."

This not only caused Lester to shut his trap, but to speed up his walking.

I'd have to remember that.

"Aw, come on," Lula called out to him. Lester shot me a 'HELP!' look.

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

"So, Lester," Lula said conversationally, "Do you wear tighty-whities? Tank doesn't, and I kno' Ranger doesn't."

"Les wears tighty-whities," I cut in. "I've seen his laundry basket before."

Lula whistled and fanned herself. "Hawt dayumn," she grinned.

Calmly, Lester spoke. "If you'll excuse us for a moment, Lula," he said politely. Lula shrugged, so he all but drug me out of sight and pushed me against a wall.

If I hadn't have been scared for my life, I would have been seriously turned on.

As it was, the look in Lester's eye was not one of lust, but of annoyance.

"Bombshell," he groaned, "I cannot, repeat, cannot take five more minutes of that.. that.. thing." He jerked his head towards Lula's direction for emphasis. "Now, I know I have a certain level of pride to maintain, but Jesus, Steph, I am begging you, can we please get out of here before I murder either her or myself? Because right now, life in prison sounds like a damn good alternative to me."

I glared at him, then lost it. It was a good thing he had an arm on each side of me, against the wall, because I fell forwards in laughter. Lester glared at me, then, with one arm around my waist, pulled me back to Lula.

"Steph has decided we should leave," he said, his voice still polite. Lula rolled her eyes at me, but didn't put up much of a fight. We stopped at the entrancefor Lester to go get the car. While we were waiting, I tripped over somebody's feet.

"Oh, I'm so-"

The thing that stared back at me, with a grin on its face, caused me to almost faint.

A clown.

I kid you not, a freaking clown.

Holy freakin' crap.

"Lest-"

The clown clamped his hand over my mouth. "Hello," it said.

I bit its hand, spit, and screamed.

"Don't worry girl, I'll get that bas-"

Lula tripped over her shopping bags and stunned herself.

"Well, Miss Stephanie," the clown said. I reached into my purse for the silly string. "I hope you have a good day," he/she/it chuckled.

"Arrrrrrr!" I yelled, bringing the spray up and spraying it in the face. Out of reflex, it covered its eyes, then, when it realized it was only silly string, it knocked the can outta my hand.

Well screw that, then.

"Be careful, girly," it said in my ear as Lester, Tank, Bobby, and Ranger came running up towards me.

The clown looked me over one more time, then spit a huge luigee (sp) onto my brand new shoes.

"Asshole!" I screamed. He pushed me down onto Lula, who padded my fall considerably. Then, he was gone.

I plopped down on my ass and sat there in a stunned silence for a few minutes, while Ranger and the other Merry Men hovered around me.

Then, it hit me.

Holy fucking shit.

I had just gotten spit on by a clown.

A goddamned clown.

Naturally, I did the first thing I could think of doing.

I screamed bloody murder.

"Ba-Steph!" Ranger looked at me strangely, and I knew I had to've confused him.

"CLOWN COOTIES!" I screamed shrilly, yanking off my RangeMan windbreaker. I continued to scream as I jumped up and ran around, trying desperately to shake the spit off of me.

Meanwhile, the Merry Men, including Ranger, were on the ground in laughter.

Still screaming, I stomped over to the one who was supposed to be saving me from the things, and wiped the spit onto his arm. His laughter stopped as he looked at it, then me, then back at it.

Lester Santos was not a happy camper.

While the others continued to laugh, he tried and failed to get the thing off of his shirt sleeve.

I knew I still had clown cooties on me, but the only way I could get them off was a shower, so, temporarily satisfied, I stopped screaming and sat back down on the ground.

"Finished?" Ranger asked me, holding out a hand to help me up.

"Spose," I said. I took his hand, then looked at Lula.

"What about her?"

He grinned at me. "I'll let Tank deal with her."

Well, hot damn. Lula would have a hernia.

"And what about the.. clown?"

At this, Ranger stepped closer to me. Nobody else even noticed the fact that Ranger now stood directly behind me, his hard body pressed against my back.

"I think I can take your mind off of that," he said huskily in my ear.

Ohh, shit.

Mkz.. you can thank Peanut butter and Jelly for this chapter, cuz without it, I wouldn't have been in the mood to write :P

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