A/N: Thank you every one who reviewed. I feel there is a common thread – Sam has not yet had enough pain (I ask – how much is enough?) and Dean needs more guilt and angst. Comments and writing suggestions gratefully received and taken on board.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters …
Shared Burdens
Chapter 6
"Mornin' Sunshine." Dean said with a forced burst of cheerfulness, watching as his brother came more fully awake.
"How you feeling this morning?" Dean asked; a note of seriousness now in his voice.
"I'm fine Dean." Sam replied automatically, his pallor in stark contrast to his words.
Dean raised his eyebrows, giving Sam a look of disbelief.
"Sam?"
"Okay …I still feel a bit tired and dizzy …it hurts a bit." Sam absently put a hand across his abdomen before continuing "…but my headache's nearly gone."
"Well I spoke to your doctor this morning." Dean looked at Sam waiting for the anticipated protest.
Sam stared at Dean in resignation, knowing that Dean was now in brother mode, and there was nothing he could do to stop him. He waited expectantly for the brotherly rant that he knew was coming.
"Sam, your doctor said 'complete bed rest' so you're not moving from that spot …now, I want you to take your meds …and I'm gonna hunt us down some breakfast."
He watched as Sam obediently swallowed the pills before handing back the glass. Sam still looked very pale and shaky and he just didn't think that now was the time to read his brother the riot act about keeping secrets from him. There'd be time enough for that when Sam was well again. In the interim, he was going to focus his full attention on doing every thing necessary to ensure that his brother got his health back. And well, if Sam didn't like it that was just tough.
Sam watched as Dean got ready to head out the door again. He hoped his brother would bring back something plain, something edible for breakfast, but he didn't want to ask and appear ungrateful.
Opening the door to leave, Dean spared a moment to glance back at Sam. "Won't be long. …Stay in bed. …I mean it Sam."
Sam gave a small nod in acknowledgement of his brother's words. Only then did Dean leave the room, and give him a few moments of privacy. It was going to be a long few days, he thought, as the mental image of Dean confined with him in the motel room entered his mind. Dean went stir crazy very quickly, and the next few days were going to be a real test of endurance, for both of them.
Shifting on the bed, Sam realized that he really couldn't wait to use the bathroom. He also decided that he'd much prefer to do this task on his own. He still had his dignity, and could surely manage to use the bathroom without Dean's help.
Swinging his feet to the floor, Sam appreciated the need to take things slowly as his surroundings shifted out of focus for a moment; increasing the dizziness and making him feel slightly nauseous again. He took a few deep breaths and waited for everything to stop spinning before slowly rising to his feet. Using the wall for support, he made it slowly to the bathroom without incident. With relief at his accomplishment, he closed the bathroom door, breathing a sigh of relief.
He went about his business quickly, wanting to be safely back in his bed before Dean returned. Just as he was reaching for the door handle, he was suddenly assaulted by a shaft of pain piercing through his abdomen. It felt as though he'd just been stabbed right through the middle, the knife twisting and turning within him. Bending over with one hand on the sink for support, he panted through the pain, wrapping his other arm across his middle.
It took a few moments for the pain to pass, and when it finally did, he was trembling with a thin sheen of sweat across his forehead. Forcing his body upright, he splashed some cold water across his face before drying off with a towel. He leaned on the sink, needing to take a few moments to recover his strength before attempting the trip back to bed.
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Heading back to the motel room, Dean swung the take out bag in his hand gently backwards and forwards. He was proud of his efforts, having gotten Sam some freshly squeezed juice, plain toast, yoghurt and fruit. His face fell in an instant as he entered the motel room and took in the empty bed and closed bathroom door.
"Sammy" he called urgently, putting the food on the table as he strolled past on his way to the bathroom.
"Sammy" he repeated at the bathroom door, pounding his fist on the wood panel for emphasis.
"Yeah Dean …be out in a sec." He heard muffled through the door.
Dean stood rigidly at the door, uncomfortable with having his brother concealed on the other side. Mere seconds ticked by, but to Dean it was too long.
"Sammy, I'm opening this door …you better be decent."
Just as Dean's fingers reached for the door knob, the door cracked open. Pulling the door fully ajar revealed Sam leaning on the frame for support.
"Thought I told you to stay in bed." He scolded, moving quickly to wrap and arm under Sam's shoulder to assist him back to bed.
"Had …had to …take a leak" Sam stuttered, the effort of getting back to bed difficult, even with his brother's help.
"Yeah well, you should've waited …I was only gone a few minutes Sam …surely even you can hold it in that long."
'Yeah, and I can take a leak by myself too." Sam replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, well not while I'm around …at least for the next few weeks anyway."
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Settled back in bed, Sam nibbled on the toast and sipped the juice that Dean had bought him. It had been a while since he'd eaten, so he was being slow and tentative, deciding to leave the fruit and yoghurt for the time being.
Dean observed his brother eating as he shoved his own bacon and egg burger haphazardly into his mouth, washing it down with long sips of his freshly brewed coffee.
Sam eyed Dean's coffee enviously. Not that he didn't appreciate the juice; he just felt that the coffee would give him the boost he needed. A jolt of caffeine was exactly what he needed to clear the cotton wool from his brain.
"Nah, not getting any." Dean stated, seeing Sam's eyes following his coffee cup.
"Doc didn't say anything about…"
"I said 'no' Sam".
"What are you, my mother?"
"Nah, I'm your awesome big brother." Dean smiled, taking an exaggerated long gulp of the brew.
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The morning set the tone for the rest of the day. After breakfast was finished, Sam lay back against the pillows as Dean fussed about the bed making sure he was comfortable and had everything he needed.
Sam watched some television as Dean grabbed a shower, relishing the few minutes break from his over anxious brother. He swore; if his brother asked him one more time if he was okay, he'd throw something at him.
By mid morning, Sam was asleep again, courtesy of the effects of the pain medication Dean fed him religiously. When Sam was still asleep at midday, Dean left him a note and slipped out to get them some lunch. When he returned, Sam was unmoved and the note was untouched.
Sam slept through until mid afternoon. Dean periodically checked on his brother, creeping close to check his breathing and feel his temperature. Satisfied that everything seemed normal, he spent most of his day flicking through the television channels, watching whatever grabbed his attention.
When Sam groggily started to wake up mid afternoon, Dean was at the side of his bed, waiting to feed him more pain pills. Sam swallowed them gratefully, before declining the sandwich Dean tried to hand him. He belatedly realized that he'd slept through lunch and half the day. That obviously explained why he felt so groggy and disorientated he thought.
When Sam seemed more fully awake, but still groggy enough to be taken advantage of, Dean challenged him to a round of cards. He was desperate for a break from daytime television and eagerly anticipated having some harmless fun at Sam's expense while he was obviously dopey on medication.
Sam enjoyed the time with his brother, disappointed that it took an injury to force them to take time off from the hunt. Dean looked more carefree and relaxed than he had in a long time, Sam thought, as they bantered back and forth. Sam even managed to get Dean to open up slightly about the past hunt that had caused his dark moods, coming to understand his brother a little better in the process.
"Dean, you can't put two cards down. …Are you cheating?"
"Sammy …would I cheat?" Dean perfected his guileless look.
"Dude, how long've you been cheating? …Is that why you won the last five hands straight?"
"What can I say Sammy …I'm just good." Dean grinned and held up his hands in mock innocence.
"It's Sam. … …Dean, you know, what happened on that hunt …it wasn't your fault, right?" Sam looked sincerely at Dean as the next hand of cards was dealt.
"Sam."
"I'm serious man. You know, we can't save everyone. …I mean, Dad died …Jess …bad things happen. …This life we're living …"
"Yeah, this life we're living …that's what's got you into this mess Sam …I should've … I mean, if you don't get better…"
"Dean, we both get injured. It's just a part of what we do. …God, you can't blame yourself for everything."
"Yeah, well it's my job to watch out for you Sammy. Keep you safe."
"Yeah, I know you do." Sam smiled sincerely at his brother.
"Dude, I'm not hugging."
"Bite me."
"Bitch."
"Jerk."
Only when Sam's abdomen started to protest the propped position on the bed did Sam reluctantly call an end to the card game and consequently the conversations. Claiming that he was again tired, Sam handed his cards to Dean, before sliding down on the bed, seeking a more comfortable position. Without protest, Dean packed away the cards and made sure Sam took his pills, and had every thing he needed at hand. Sam accepted Dean's ministrations without protest, knowing his brother would be hurt if he pushed him aside.
Sam felt marginally better lying flat on his back with his head resting on a pillow. The pain that he'd developed from the awkward position he'd maintained for the game of cards now receding to just a slight pulsating ache in his abdomen. He watched as Dean moved restlessly around the room, and knew that the enforced confinement in the room was not easy for him. The only times when Dean was reasonably still was when he was sleeping or behind the wheel of the Impala. Even staying stationary during a hunt was a difficult task for Dean, one which had taken many years of practice, and many hard training sessions with their father.
Sam found it difficult to relax as Dean prowled around the room, stopping to stare at Sam, and a few times even rearranging and smoothing the covers on his bed.
When Dean moved towards the head of his bed with another pillow in hand, he decided enough was enough.
"Dean, you intending to fluff my pillows?"
"Nah Sammy, was gonna smother you." Dean self consciously put the pillow back on the other bed and sat down before leaning back to rest on it.
"You know, I'm just gonna sleep. No reason you can't go out for a few hours."
"No …I'll just hang around …maybe watch some TV or something."
"Dean, I'll sleep better if you're not staring at me. It's kinda weird, you checking me out all the time.
"Dude, I'm not checking you out."
"Yeah well …go have a few beers or something. Let me sleep in peace."
"Feel better if I'm here …in case you need anything."
"Dean, I'm not going any where …anyway, its not like you're going far, and I can always phone you."
"Yeah okay." Dean said resignedly, torn between being there for Sam and having a few hours of freedom.
Before leaving, Dean made sure Sam had some water handy beside the bed, the TV remote, and made him swear to take his pain meds before going to sleep. Promising to bring something back for dinner in a couple of hours, Dean left Sam to head down to the local bar, just a block down the street. He didn't want to go far.
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Sam woke up an hour later to be greeted by the silent motel room. Labored breathing echoed loudly through the dimly lit room and it took Sam a moment to realize it was coming from him. He barely had time to lean his head over the side of the bed before the bile in his throat rushed up rapidly to decorate the already stained carpet.
"Dean" he whispered into the silence.
TBC.
A/N: Press the tab – review – PLEASE! I'll make Sam hurt more, I promise.
Jadzia - love to discuss your offer to beta - please send me an email.