Author's Note: I just got done having a good laugh. Someone, I think courtkneefaygo, asked if I was going to write a lemon. I, being fairly new to the whole fan fiction thing, had no idea what a lemon was, let alone if I was writing one. So I went to Google, and looked it up. Wow! So that's what they call dirty fan fiction. Anyway, I had a good laugh over it. No, I don't think there is going to be a lemon in this story, but who knows what the future holds! Thanks for the reviews, all!

Bella's POV

As Edward was dragging me up a flight of stairs, a wave of emotion hit me. It made me….it made me really happy that Edward was dragging me up the stairs and away from his family. Jasper. Why would he do something like this? I didn't really have an answer for that in my current excited state. So, I relaxed and enjoyed the dragging.

We made it up to Edward's room, and it seemed like he was over Jasper's horny mood wave. I, however, was not. As soon as he closed the door, and let go of my hands, I was all over him. I ran my fingers through his hair, and kissed his neck, cheeks, and forehead. My fingertips brushed the bottom of his knit gray sweater, and I yanked up on it. To my great surprise, Edward didn't resist. He put his arms in the air, so the sweater would come off more easily. I flung it across the room, and it landed near his floor to ceiling window. I didn't glance out the window like I usually did. Bad move on my part.

But I kept going. I ran my hands across his chiseled, chilly chest. I marveled at how muscular he was. His hands, meanwhile, roamed across my back, and encircled my waist. His hands on my body right now, felt like pure heaven. He turned me around, so he could rub my shoulders, and that was when I saw them, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett, standing far enough away from the house that they could see every move that Edward and I made. Their mouths were open, and Emmett was laughing so hard that he was bent over. I turned around, and streaked into Edward's bathroom. He followed me, and closed the door.

I sat on the toilet, and buried my head in my hands. Edward pried my hands away from my head, and tilted my face upwards. He kissed my lips with the gentlest pressure, and I felt woozy. Why did he have to be so good at kissing me? It wasn't fair. "It's not your fault. It's Jasper's. I'm reading his mind, and Emmett put him up to this. But I don't think they planned on your…..overzealous reaction. It was cute though, and very….attractive." He smiled his half smile at me, and I thought I would faint.

"But still. Your whole family watched me attack you! They probably thought I was mauling you. I feel like an idiot." I tried putting my head in my hands again.

Edward was having none of that. "I like your face, particularly when you are embarrassed. The color on your cheeks is wonderful. And besides, I don't think you should be embarrassed at all. What you did, it was….natural for a human like you. And not all of my family saw you. Carlisle and Esme aren't home."

Carlisle and Esme. Oh my god. They were going to come home sometime, and no doubt be filled in on all of today's events, including what happened in Edward's room just now. I got embarrassed all over again. I looked at Edward, and he smiled, but weakly.

"Uh, scratch that last statement. Carlisle and Esme are home. They just got back. We should go down and greet them. Carlisle hasn't seen you today." He got up, and opened the bathroom door. He held it open for me, and I walked out, and as I did, Edward did something I never thought he would do: He swatted my butt. My eyes widened in surprise, and I turned to face him. He saw the look on my face, and broke out into laughter. Then he kissed my lips, and headed toward the door. Something was missing, though.

"Edward, wait!" I called, and he was already in the hallway. He turned to face me.

"What?" He was slightly annoyed.

"You forgot something." I teased, holding his shirt up with my finger. He smiled, strode over to me, and snatched it off my finger. He put the shirt on, before I blinked. He does look good in gray, I must say. Most people can't pull that off. But who am I kidding. It's Edward. He can pull off anything.

"Thanks. It might have been a little awkward if I'd gone down there without a shirt on." He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we walked downstairs together. We were at the top of the flight that led downstairs, when we heard Rosalie talking to Alice. They were lounging on sofas in the living room. Edward sat on the top stair, and motioned for me to do the same. I'm not usually an advocate for eavesdropping, but this conversation sounded really interesting. Rosalie was talking in a really quiet voice, but I could still hear her, barely.

"Those writers on that website made me out to look like a mean, conniving person, Alice. It's awful. People are reading that, and thinking that about me. I can't believe it!" Rosalie sounded hurt.

"It's not that bad, Rose. We know that you're not like that. And that's what matters, right?" Alice tried to reassure Rosalie.

"You don't care that they label you a ditzy shopping fanatic? A ditzy shopping fanatic whose predictions of the future are rather faulty? I'd be fairly angry if I were you, Alice."

"Are you trying to make me mad, Rose, because it's working? At least my husband wasn't labeled as a stupid oaf!" Alice shot at Rosalie. I don't think I'd ever heard Alice sound so mean.

But it's not like Rosalie can't handle herself. "Well, my husband might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least he's not whipped! At least when I say 'jump', my husband doesn't say 'how high?'!" Their argument was getting heated. Edward stood up, and waltzed down the stairs and into the living room.

"Ladies, ladies. It's fan fiction. It doesn't really matter. Calm down." By this time, I was in the living room. They both shot looks at Edward. If looks could kill, Edward would be dead several times over.

"Back off, Edward. Why don't you take little Bella upstairs and…" Edward cut Alice off.

"Shut up, Alice. That was Jasper's fault. Not mine." He strode into the kitchen. Carlisle and Esme were sitting at the breakfast bar, talking. They looked up when we came into the kitchen.

"Hello, Bella. It's nice to see you." Carlisle said. Even after a 10 hour shift at the hospital, Carlisle still looked like a model. He was, after all, a vampire.

"It's nice to see you too, Carlisle." Even though we had only last seen each other yesterday, Carlisle always offered me this greeting. He turned toward Edward.

"So what is this Esme and I hear about some fan fiction website? Alice told me a little about it when we came in. May I have a look?"

Edward looked taken aback. "Go ahead. You know where the computer is."

"Very well, then." Carlisle took Esme's hand and they went up the stairs together. Edward turned to me.

"I'm going outside. Jasper and Emmett are out there. Why don't you join Alice and Rosalie in the living room?" He slid open the glass door, and went outside. I made my way into the living room. Alice and Rosalie sat in frosty silence.

"Edward went outside. I think he's going to have words with Emmett and Jasper" I was mildly interested in what was going to happen, and had no intention of staying inside. What a joke. Alice and Rosalie's heads snapped toward me. A small smile spread across Alice's face.

"What are we doing in here, then? Let's go outside!" She leaped off the sofa, and walked swiftly toward the door. Alice opened it, and walked through, Rosalie gracefully made her way outside, which left me to close the door. I stepped outside, and slid the door closed, but my finger got caught in the door jamb, and got smashed. I cried out in pain, and a string of expletives found their way from my mouth to the air. Edward was by my side in an instant. He put my throbbing finger to his lips, and kissed it. The cold made it feel immediately better.

He leaned down toward me, and I blushed. "I've already taken care of what I needed to take care of, so let's go inside and get you some ice for this, hmm?" Edward kissed my finger again.

"Actually, I think your lips are a little better than ice. Better looking, anyway." My finger was pressed into his palm, and it felt a million times better. As we walked through the sliding glass door, Edward shut it this time, I glanced back. Rosalie and Alice were dancing around a small tree, holding hands. Emmett and Jasper were tied to the tree with some very thick rope. They were struggling against it, and something told me that they wouldn't have to struggle much longer. I turned back to Edward.

"Did you do that? Did you tie Jasper and Emmett to the tree? Edward Cullen!" I chastised him. But it was pretty funny.

"Hey, they almost saw my girlfriend without a shirt. I couldn't let them get away with that. If your shirt had come off, they would be in much more trouble." He smiled down at me.

"You thought about taking my shirt off?" I was flabbergasted.

"I was this close." Edward demonstrated by putting his index finger and his thumb about a millimeter away from each other.

My mouth hung open.

Esme's POV

I have to admit, I was genuinely surprised when Alice told me about the fan fiction this morning. I never would have thought. I originally got very worried, but she told me that no one from Forks could access it, so that eased my worries a little. I told Carlisle when I went to have lunch with him, and he thought it was hysterical. We both had a good laugh over the thought of dirty Bella and Edward fan fiction. Then, the same horrible thought occurred to us at the same time: What if there was something like that about us out there? We talked about it for awhile, and decided that when we got home, that we would nonchalantly check it out. We walked in the door, and Alice told us that Edward and Bella were in Edward's room. She winked at me, and I decided against going up there to ask him about the fan fiction. Who knows what they do when they're alone. And I most definitely didn't want to interrupt anything. So Carlisle and I parked it in the kitchen, and waited for them to come down. After they went outside, Carlisle and I slipped upstairs.

I really was anxious to read some of this stuff, but I was sidetracked when I noticed the broken lock on the door. Someone was going to pay. If I could have cried, I would. I spent a considerable amount of time redoing the doors. They were a mess when we first got this place. Carlisle managed to rip me away from the door, and get me to focus on the situation at hand. I sat on his lap while he navigated the computer. Alice had very nice furniture. Maybe at the next house, I would have to ask her to help me decorate.

I leaned back, and kissed Carlisle on the cheek. He smiled at me. Being with Carlisle was like living in paradise, everyday. And the best part was, it would last forever. And who could ask for better kids? Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Edward, Jasper and Bella were some of the greatest people I knew. Would I really ask for more? No, I don't think I would.

We checked out the scene for awhile. We didn't find anything too steamy about us. But I did notice a pattern in the way we were portrayed. I was always the nice, motherly one, who never pried. I was always nice, and never yelled. I was flattered, sincerely flattered. I was motherly, and I hoped I came off that way to the kids.

Carlisle was portrayed as a noble doctor, who helped anyone and everyone. I noticed that the girls who wrote fan fiction really liked Carlisle, and honestly, I couldn't blame them. Carlisle was very handsome, and any lady would be lucky to enjoy his company.

When we had finally satiated our curiosity, we went downstairs. I could hear racket coming from the kitchen, and I wanted to see what it was. If one more thing got broken, I was going to come unglued.