"Look, I don't understand where this has come from all of the sudden, but I really need you there!" I say, my frustration obvious.
"I don't understand why. You hardly ever pay any attention to me, neither does anyone else. What's the use of an Ambassador when I'm not needed?" I take a deep breath, my eyes closed, a hand making little circles around my right temple.
"What's going on, Katara?"
"Nothing, I just don't feel like catering to your little events like some kind of oddity, the 'freakshow entertainment', if you will." I raise a brow at her.
"What are you talking about?"
"Last dinner, you demanded I do a Waterbending example." She spat, as I tried not to laugh bitterly.
"What? I didn't demand you do anything." She scoffs.
"No, you're right, you just announce in front of everyone that I'm going to do a demonstration you never bothered to mention to me beforehand." She has her fists clenched at her sides as her face turns redder with irrational anger. "I'm not a puppet!"
"If you had only read the proclamation I had written up, maybe you would have seen it on the bill. I thought you'd be glad to showcase your bending!" I'm getting annoyed, as my voice goes flat.
"A proclamation?" She asks as I nod. "A proclamation?" She repeats as I only stare at her. "What happened to simply talking to me?! It's not like we don't sit at dinner struggling to come up with simple conversations…I would think something like that would have been mentioned." She screaming at me as I lull my head backwards. "And now, now you won't even pay attention to me!"
"What's really going on here, Katara? You're upset we don't talk, is that it? Look at what's happening right now; we started with talking and now you're screaming at me!" Her jaw visibly tightens as she relaxes her fists only to tighten them again.
"You're so right, Zuko, I'm always in the wrong, because you're fucking perfect and can never do anything bad." I can see from here that she's beginning to cry, but she's biting her lip to keep the tears at bay, she's fighting them so hard.
"Katara, listen to yourself, this is ridiculous." Her jaw quivers for a moment and her eyes waver as the tears win their battle.
"Where were you last night?" She finally asks, as I freeze. I was in my study, working. I was signing document after document. I was finishing up the paperwork to address Mai as Katara's new personal assistant. I was talking with Mai about them. We were drinking tea and discussing political issues. I was avoiding going back to the Royal Quarters.
"Working, Katara, what else?" Her eyes narrow before she nods her head once.
"Working." She mimics, her expression hard to read, though I have to wonder if she knew about how often Mai and I met at night when I was tired and needed distraction. I wondered if she knew Mai would be working alongside her next week, and if I should mention that now or later. Would she understand if I told her Mai allowed me to relax and forget about the pressures of being Fire Lord? That even when I'm around Katara, I can't help but think about my job because I have to constantly be worried about where my hand is, or what my expressions are towards her. With Mai, I could be as open and natural as I wanted to be. Would Katara understand that?
"Yes, working. Is it now some kind of crime for me to be doing my job?" She looks to the fire flaring in the fireplace and doesn't respond. "Don't make me feel guilty for doing my job, I need to do it, I need to keep everything on track, I need to prove myself before we can be happy." Her eyes close as I watch another tear slide down her cheek.
"Okay." She whispers, a hand wiping the fresh tear from her cheek. "Okay." I watch her turn for the door, wondering if I should go with her, or let her have space. "I'll be there." She says before leaving the study.
When did everything become so hard?
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Sorry for the lack of updates; been busy. This story was completed before I even begun to post it...so it'll get up here in completion, eventually.