Chapter 7: Jealous?
It's calm in the house, peaceful. I sit in my room, fingering the silver locket in my hand. The sound of it clicking open and close the only sounds to be heard. Kakashi had gone to the store not long ago. To get something for the dinner he was making tonight.
I'm not concerned about Itachi's sanity. I haven't checked for cuts or suspicious behavior in weeks. I could care less, it's not my job to look after him. Though I think back to my reaction not to long ago, when I heard those noises from Itachi's room. When I though he was doing it again. It seemed like it was my concern then…. The sound of music comes from the direction of my brother's room. It's rock music, I can't really tell who is singing or what they are singing about. But a strange feeling courses through me as the mumble of the tune passes through the thin walls, along with a voice. The voice was loud so you could hear them over the music.
"It's Rammstien. I though you might like him." A friend…. a friend of Itachi's I would have never though my brother would have the ability to make friends. But, I can hear the proof loud and clear coming from his room. It's a boy, or at lest I think from the sound of his voice. But I saw Itachi lead him up to his room, and his friend looks very much like a girl. Long blonde hair and a feminine face. Though I couldn't tell if he had a female figure underneath the baggy clothes he was wearing. The click of my locket echoes in my ear, louder then the music playing in Itachi's room.
I lose track of how long the music was playing or how long I continued to fumble with the silver locket, given to me by a murderer. But soon that killer was in my doorway, "Sasuke?" I focus my eyes, so I no longer have the far off look I must have been wearing. I look at him, the shell of my Aniki. I look at the locket in my hand, it was open. The picture of my parents looking back at me, the words, don't live in the past, begging to be read. And I couldn't understand why this locket seemed so important, or how I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes away from it. Or this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, that felt like worry but was different….What am I worrying about? A hand rests on my shoulder, and I'm pulled out of the strange trance I was in.
"Dinner is ready, Sasuke." Came the cold voice of my brother. I nod my head and get up, walking out the door past Itachi's friend; who was waiting for my brother. At the dinner table there was a lot of talking, but I didn't really listen to any of it. I just ate my food and once I was done I put away my plate and excused myself.
I sat in the living room and watched TV. But confusing thoughts soon come up again. My mind seemed to be teasing me, pointing out flaws and weaknesses in my reasoning. Pointing out all the behavior that proves the hate for my brother is wrong. I think back on all the times I've ever banged at my brothers door, in worry that he's hurting himself. And how I repeated the same action, only a couple of weeks ago. Soon a lot more images from past and present flow in. I shut my eyes as if this would help stop the flow of memories. Memories of a time where I loved my brother, where my aniki wasn't a cold-blooded killer.
Then it all seemed to slow down, as the images of my dead parents come back. The words spoken by my brother. What does it mean, why should I be stronger? Why is he so concerned about me? Why didn't he kill me too? I couldn't tell that Kakashi was shaking me, for a long time.
"Sasuke, what's wrong?" My guardian asks, and I snap out of the trap of my mind. I look up at Kakshi, and take in a deep breath.
"I'm fine." I tell him and get up off the couch. Heading back to my room so I could be alone. But was that such a good idea? If I'm alone won't the thoughts and memories come back. I ignore my own warning and actually get a little upset at myself. For what I didn't really know, all I knew was that I betrayed myself somehow….
I bump into something soft. "Oh sorry." Came the deep voice of Itachi's friend. I look up at him and then go around him, Itachi was behind him. They walk down the stairs and I go into my room. I leave the door open a crack and listen as the two teens talk.
"Well thanks for having me over." There was a pause, most likely Itachi was speaking and I couldn't hear him. "Bye." This was followed by the sound of the door closing. I shut my door and rest on my bed. Letting myself think and try to explain away some of the confusing emotions that seem to like to settle in my stomach. I remind myself why and how much I hate my brother. That I couldn't have been worried about him, that it was just a familiar reaction. After all I've done the same thing so many times before, bad habits die hard. This all seemed to soothe me, but did nothing for the feelings in my abdomen.
Then my door squeaks open. I look at the entrance to find my brother standing there. Something spiked inside of me, some un-named emotion. Followed by anger, anger that I believe to come from the hate inside of me. But yet it seemed so different then normal. I watch as Itachi steps into the room, closing the door behind him. He walks towards me soundlessly. When he reaches the edge of my bed he finally gives me a reason for his presence.
"Kakashi told me you had a little episode today." He states emotionlessly.
"I am fine…" I tell him but inside I didn't feel fine at all. On the inside there were still these confusing things resting in my stomach. The feeling of anger was more overwhelming though. Why am I so angry? I ask myself, but then say it's because I hate him.
"If you are sure, little brother," came his calm voice. He then runs his hand through my hair. Something he seems to be doing a lot. I push his slender pale fingers away from me.
"I don't need your pity." I spit out at him. Itachi doesn't seem affected by these words and just gets up and leaves me alone with my thoughts and feelings. As the door closes, one of the strange sensations in my stomach spikes. Though anger overwhelmed it.
Not too long after my visit from Itachi, I go to sleep. I wasn't sleeping peacefully, as all the bad memories of my past seem to flood together into a dream. When I woke up I was in a cold sweat and shaking just a little. But I had no idea of what exactly my dream was about. I look at the cloak next to my bed, it read five minutes past midnight. I had only been asleep an hour and a half. I run my hand through my spikes and let out a sigh. My sigh mingles with a hushed moan. My eyes widen and I was plunged into the familiar panic. I get aggravated with myself. I lay back down, telling myself that I don't care. I pull the covers over me, and shut my eyes.
"Ah…...Sasuke…" My eye shoot open, and I almost dashed to my brothers room, feeling much like a mother would if she heard her baby call for her. But I stay in bed, only succeeding in pissing myself off. I am betraying myself with this concern. I do not care! I will not go to him! He can die for all I care! I yell at myself in my mind. Another lower moan came throw the thin wall, it sent shivers up my spine. I shut my eyes, wondering why he would be hurting himself again. And if he was why is he calling for me? Does he expect me to come to him, just like when I was a child? Well I'm not, he can take care of himself. He's not my aniki, so I will not go to him. My nii-san died along with my parents.
There were no more sounds and I soon found myself drifting back to sleep. The next morning, I woke up pretty late. I go downstairs into the kitchen. Though I wasn't really in the mood for breakfast. Itachi's in the kitchen this time a smoothy to his lips. I look for food, even though I know I won't be eating it. I give up and just sit down, looking at Itachi's hand. My brother gets up and my eyes follow him. He throws away the bottle that contained his smoothy.
"Did you sleep well?" His voice broke the silence. It took a while for me to register that he spoke.
"How is it any of your concern?" I ask harshly.
"I suppose it's not really." He explains softly. "It's just a simple question.' Itahchi's standing not too far away from me. My eyes are locked on his hand. I feel anger boil inside me for no apparent reason, but it was there. My brother steps closer.
"Sasuke…" I don't know if he was going to go one with the sentence but I don't let him. Something inside of me snaps I grab his hand, and turn it over looking at his wrist. No cuts, shame comes over me.
"You don't have to worry." My brother says softly. I drop his hand, and clench mine into a fist at my side.
"You think everything's just going to go away? That I would care for you like I used too?! I won't! You're still a murderer! I will always hate you! Don't take my tolerance of your presence in this house as love or affection! Those things died long ago along with our parents!" I snap at him. I don't know why I cracked like that. But I caught the slight shock on my brother face, before his ice mask covered his emotions. I felt satisfied, and smirked to myself. Kakashi comes into the kitchen, wondering what set me off. I walk past him, and up the stairs.
I proved my hate to him, he knows now for sure. If he built any hopes they are now crumbling. I told him of my hate for him and reminded myself of it. Because fore a minute I was slipping. The memories of my old nii-san and having his shell live here. I was slipping, but he's the killer. Not the aniki I once knew. I will not slip again, my hate is strong; I remind myself.
A/N: I think this was a pretty good chapter, what do you think? Please review, thank you.