Dear You Who Read This,

This is a chain letter, a spam, a filth that will make Filch cringe.

Well, you should know from my writing that I am the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, the Big-Headed Guy (Malfoy's nickname to me), the Protector of Mudbloods, the Leader of D.A, That Guy Who Keep Looking at My Sister (Ron's nickname to me), and Daniel Radcliffe, my pen name, it was so good that it was a really famous name, so bad that when everyone read 'Daniel Radcliffe' they knew it was me.

I watched Mr. Flamel's letter and Ron's, and I decided to also write.

How to Make Your Best Friends Happy

By Harry Potter, He whose Names Must Be Known

Why should we make our best friends happy? There are two reasons:

The Cliché:
Best friends were connectors of our hearts. We would never be split apart by Lord Voldemort's evil ways if we had best friends on our side. Our friendship was the thing Lord Voldemort feared the most. Other than love, of course.

The Normal:
They stayed along on your detention. They get your jokes. You could cheat on exams with them. You could make a special, magical map with silly nicknames which will be used on one of your best friend's son as a way to illegally access a secluded spot outside of Hogwarts.

Before you delve into the art of Making Best Friends Happy, you must know the difference between Best Friend and Just Friend.

-If he or she jumped through Troll's snot to save you while risking detention, that was a Best Friend. If he or she stared at the snot and then started to explain that Wanglesboone-thingie used to live in Troll's snot instead of saving you, that's a Just Friend. If he or she walked THROUGH the snot and ended up stuck on it, that's a Dear but Stupid Friend.

-If they let you copy their homework that was almost 100 percent correct, that's a Best Friend. If they let you copy their Divination homework, you should be ashamed.

-If HE let you date HIS sister, that's a Best Friend. If he doesn't, Just Friend.

Now that you learned the difference, let's begin.

1. Be with Them
That was the most important thing of having a Best Friend. To be with them until the end. Just don't be with them on their Detentions while you're not on one, they would hate that. You could risk yourself a detention. Neville had the same experience with Seamus on Potions detention.

2. Know Everything about Them
Well, not 'every' thing, even your best of Best Friends required privacy. At least, know their blood type, their favorite and hated subjects, their birthday, and their hobbies. Now, remember, Neville's birthday is July 25th. He would be mad if you forget that.

3. Joke with Them
But remember; don't joke about their most disgusting secret. Saying 'Neville, that is 'snot' the way!' when he was stuck on Troll's snot was unforgivable. Ron took the hard lesson.

4. Don't Betray Them By Telling Their Secret to Everyone
Never, ever, be like Peter Pettigrew. That rat was petty to its small, hideous tail. Stay on their side forever, and they will do the same. Oh, and for anyone on Hogwarts reading this, the rumor about Dean dating Madam Hooch was FALSE.

5. Don't Date Their Sister
…Screw this.

6. Don't Date Them
Okay. I would try not to shiver too much because of all the hate thoughts flowing directly into my mind from guys labeled 'HxHr Pairing', 'RxHr Pairing', and 'RxH pairing. What I did mean by this is that if you DATE your Best Friend, you wouldn't make your Best Friend happy, you would make your Boy/Girlfriend happy, and that's different.

7. Don't Sneak into Their Bedroom Claiming that You Lose Your Frog while a Ravenclaw Female Student Find It on a Box Labeled 'Happy Valentine'
Neville, stop trying. No, I mean STOP. Your frog WAS NOT, IS NOT, and WILL NEVER BE, a Chocolate Frog.

P.S: Stop sending your hate thoughts, 'HxHr Pairing', 'RxHr Pairing', and 'RxH Pairing!' You're making me mad! I don't even know who you are!