Chapter 8: Whirlpool

I sit in my room, legs hugged to my chest. My locket rests open on the top of my knee. My door is opened and Kakashi walks in. He looks at me with pity, letting out a sigh he sits next to me on the bed. "Care to tell me what that was all about?"

"No." I groaned out.

"Forgiving your brother doesn't make you weak. You're not betraying your parents that way," Kakashi tells me; I say nothing.

"All this time it's always how I should forgive him!" I snap at my gray-haired parent figure. "Tell me why should I forgive him? What has he done to deserve my forgiveness!"

"Sasuke, honestly!" Kakashi raises his voice at me. "I'm not going to deal with this bullshit until Itachi turns eighteen! You only see your own pain, completely ignoring the other people you are hurting! Have you even spoken about that day with him? Have you asked him how he feels about it? Believe it or not but medicine can change people . And I know you don't really believe it, but when depression medicine is mixed with some teenage hormones you can go nuts. So stop this and try to get along with the only blood-related family you have left." With that said Kakashi gets up and leaves the room. I wonder how long he's been keeping that inside. I pull my knees closer to myself, not really knowing what to do. I don't want to get along with Itachi, I don't want to forgive him…it's just easier to hate him.

It's just easier to think that Itachi knew full well what he was doing the day he killed our parents. It doesn't raise any questions. It's easier to hate then to forgive.

Later on at dinner it was deafly quiet and tension was in the air. I could tell that Kakashi was pretty tired of my behavior, but I could care less. Though the speech Kakashi gave me did give me the urge to ask Itachi about the whole thing. Would he tell me about it now? I shake those thoughts away, telling myself not to give in. After all I wouldn't want to slip again, I don't care. I don't care what the reason for his actions were, or if I hurt the murderers feelings earlier.

After dinner we all go our separate ways. Kakashi went into his room, I went into mine, Itachi is downstairs watching TV. I start to fidget in my room. There wasn't much to do and I had practically locked myself in my room all day and part of yesterday. It was starting to drive me crazy. The silence of my room and how I was all alone with my thoughts. I could feel myself slip again and I had to remind myself I didn't care. That my Aniki is dead and that the Itachi downstair isn't the same. That medicine didn't have anything to do with his actions. I get off my bed and head downstairs. I didn't care if Itachi was in the living room, I wanted to watch some TV, or at least get out of my room and away from the torment of my own thoughts.

Upon entering the living room, I saw Itachi on the couch looking at his nails. Palm facing him, fingers bent so he could see them. There was a small bottle of fingernail polish on the table. My brother blew on his fingers. His eyes shift to me, a sadistic gleam in them. I glare at his little smirk and just grab the TV remote. I try so hard not to look at my brother. But he just kept his hand up and I could hear the occasional blow he gave his fingers. I didn't understand why my brothers presence made me so uneasy. Why my eyes wanted to gaze at him, simply because he was sitting there. I think back to the harsh words I spat out at him this morning. And the strangest feeling of guilt came over me. Of course this was soon blocked out by anger I felt at myself. Here I go again, forgetting my hate; letting myself slip. Why should I feel guilty, had Itachi ever felt guilty about what he had done? I doubt it. After all, cold-blooded killers never feel remorse.

My eyes shot to the right, I couldn't help it. The sound of Itachi's breathe hitting his skin seemed unnaturally loud. Our eyes meet, though I had thought by only turning my eyes toward him I could avoid him noticing me. Then his tongue slipped out between his lips as he lowered his head to his wrist. He ran his tongue over it and it's then that I notice, crimson. Blood slowly slipping down his wrist and pooling on his tongue. As he took it back into his mouth, tasting his own blood. His eyes never leaving me, his eyes held something in them. Some strange emotion I didn't recognize…

He was taunting me I know. He must have cut himself not too long ago, to spite me. I hadn't noticed though, because I hadn't let myself look at him till now. Itachi licked his lips, which were now stained red from his own blood. I felt something strange in the pit of my stomach.

"Isn't this what you wanted….what you expected?" My brother asks me with confidence and hatred in his voice. Along with the sound of that un-named emotion I had seen in his eyes earlier. I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. What was Itachi planing with this? Why hurt himself, just to spite me? Or was he calling out for me? He was using those fragmented sentences again. The ones that leave everything open, and make me ask such questions. Itachi leaned in closer to me; my breathing quickened along with my heart beat and I couldn't understand why. Things were flooding into my brain; thoughts, feelings, memories, I was in a whirlpool and about to drowned.

"You don't understand…you say you don't care. But on the inside you are dying to find out why. Why I killed them, aren't you?" Itachi had a familiar look in his eyes, the look he always got right before him and my father got into an argument. Yes, yes I did want to know why. Where did I go wrong…why couldn't I stop you? After spending all that time with you, after trying so hard to give you a reason to live, you turn and kill our parents. I want to know why…why them and not me. Why tell me to become stronger then you? What was the weakness you saw in yourself? All these questions were on the tip of my tongue begging to come out, but my heart had long stopped, and I could do nothing but gawk into those cold dark eyes. Once again reflecting the blood that was spilled so long ago, the blood that still stains his hands.

I could taste it, the metallic tang of blood. It's on my lips, and for a moment I thought it was the blood of my parents I tasted. But instead I find my brother, gently kissing me. Once this though registered I froze, I became even stiffer then I was before; if that was even possible. I couldn't move, though my brain was screaming at me to do something. Push him away… punch him…. return the kiss…

I felt sick, and if at that moment my brother hadn't pulled away from me I'm sure I would have vomited. His hands, his pale elegant fingers ran down my face. I know I was glowering at him with deep hate. But those hands, they spiked an unwanted feeling in me. The feeling of pleasure, I was getting more disgusted with him…with myself with every passing moment.

"…for you." He whispers out. It didn't make sense to me, just like so many of Itachi's statements didn't seem to mean anything. He gets up picking up the little purple fingernail polish and leaves me setting on the couch. Panting , and my heart, trying to stop itself from beating so frantically. Why am I reacting this way? Why did he even do that? I turn to look up the stairs, seeing my brothers bare feet elegantly carry him up the stairs. When he disappeared I ran into the kitchen and threw up in the sink, where dishes just so happen to be waiting to be washed.

My stomach wrenches twice more, before I can stop myself. Kakashi then enters the kitchen.

"Sasuke, what's wrong?" He asks with worry, and walks toward me. I feel myself shaking all over and my guardian helps me to a seat. Giving me a glass of water, he set to clean the dishes I just threw up on.

"What brought this on? You didn't seem sick, are you feeling alright?" I couldn't speak, I still felt nauseous. What would I tell him anyway? That Itachi had kissed me and caused me to empty out my stomach in the sink? I just sat there, resting my head in one hand and taking a small sip of the water that had been given to me. Uneasiness still rested in my stomach, I felt like I'd get sick again any minute. As strange emotions swirled around in my gut. I felt so dirty, so disgusted, I couldn't stop shaking. Why did he do this? Why'd he kiss me. It wasn't right. And that contact was far from kind the friendly, family sign of affection. That was a kiss, the kind you give to a person you deeply love and care for.

"Sasuke? Are you ok?" Kakashi just couldn't stop fussing over me. It's understandable after all I'm still shaking rather violently now. I get to my feet, and whisper an "I'm fine." to Kakashi. I then walk upstairs slowly. I didn't look at my brother's door as I headed to the bathroom. I needed a shower, a nice long relaxing shower. To feel better, to get my mind off of things. To try and think. For once today I want to be alone with my thoughts. I want to work all these strange emotions out and maybe even forget about what just passed between my brother and me. I turn on the water and get my pajama's while I wait for it to get hot.

Once the water was warm enough I strip my clothes and step in. Letting the shower wash away my confusion, as I just relax and calm down. I take the soap and start to clean myself, not thinking of anything. Just relaxing, just trying to forget. I keep cleaning myself and through out the whole shower try to keep my mind blank. Because every time I tried to think it didn't make any sense. I just didn't want to face any strange confusing emotions. No disgust, yet curiosity about my brother. Not until tomorrow.

Yes I'll think everything out and explain everything to myself tomorrow. I turn off the shower and step out. I dry myself off. I pull on my pajamas and head to my room. I slip under the covers and just shut my eyes.

I was so exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I lay here for hours, waiting for sleep to take me. But, it never came. Maybe I was also expecting to hear the muffled moans of my brother. Which I now question. He had cut himself in front of me, to provoke me or whatever reason he may have had behind it. So I'm sure he wasn't cutting himself the night before. I don't know what to think…I turn in my bed pulling the covers up to my chin. I just want to sleep, I have school tomorrow after all.

The next morning the squeak of a door opening comes to my ears. I open an eye to see what's going on around me. Kakashi steps into my view and I look up at him. He kneels down to my level, a look of worry plastered on his face.

"You don't look too hot. Maybe you should stay home today?" He tells me, I only nod. I'm not really sick, but I also don't really want to go to school. I must look horrible because of my lack of sleep and the episode I had yesterday, no wonder Kakashi came to the conclusion he did. I'm grateful for it. My guardian gets up and heads out of my room only leaving the door open a crack. I shut my eyes again, trying to get some more sleep.

Before I drift back off to a dreamless sleep I think of his words. "…for you" What does he mean? I try to think back to the sentence he had said before he had kissed me, but it doesn't come to me. I actually hardly remember anything that happened before he pressed his lips to mine. It was a big shock after all.

A/N: I like this chapter a lot. I thought the way Itachi was acting in this chapter was good, kinda hot too. Oh but I hope he wasn't to out of character or anything! Please tell me what you think, thank you.