A/N: I no longer have a beta. Which means though updates will be faster, it'll probably have spelling mistakes and shit. I'm sorry, I'm so sad.
Chapter 11: This tingle
"Aniki?" My little hand knocked on the locked door to my brother's room. I had just come home with my dad, from a meeting at school; concerning my skipping a grade. I wanted to talk to my Nii-san, tell him what I though was good news. I heard the door being unlocked, but it didn't open. I stood there for a while, before my chubby hands pushed the door open.
"Aniki?" I questioned, as I peeked into his room. He had just sat on his bed, and he looked over at me. I come in and close the door behind me. I go up to him, and a jump up on the bed to sit next to him. Itachi, rest his hand on my head, letting out a sigh.
"What is it that you want to tell me?" He says forcing a smile onto his lips. Something he only does for me.
"I'm going to skip a grade just like you!" I say excitedly. My brother stares at me. His face completely blank. "Aniki...aren't you happy for me?" Itachi shakes his head, and then puts on that fake smile. There's a pain behind those lips forcing themselves to turn up ward.
"Sasuke do you love me?" He asks simply. I look at him confused.
"Of course nii-san," I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
"I love you too, Sasuke. Promise you won't forget that?" Itachi whispers in my ear. I nod my head, and my brother kissed me on the cheek.
My eyes flutter open. I sit up in my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I let out a sigh at the last fond memory of my childhood that I had just remembered. Because the next day I found my parents dead in our home. Killed by the hands of the brother that supposedly loved me. That still loves me in a twisted sick way. A butterfly feeling comes over me as I think of my brother, I ignore it though.
I get out of bed, and change my cloths for the day. Passing my desk a gleam catches my eyes. I go and pick up the locket that I had rip off of my neck not to long ago. I open it, looking at the words written on one side. I have to live in the past, in hopes of understanding present day. I slip the locket into my pocket. I then go down stairs to get something to eat. Itachi was there. Kakashi was no were in sight. We sit in silence together in the kitchen, eating our breakfast. My eyes occasionally darted up to look at him, Itachi didn't seem to notice. When I took that short look of my brother, disgrace seemed to come over me.
I think back to the dream. In a way, in his mind, he saved me. Though I don't know what he was saving me from. In his mind he did something good, protecting his little brother from danger. Even if that danger was imaginary. A feeling of pity for my brother came over me. He was only trying to help me, in his ill mind he honestly believed it was ok to kill them. I looked at my brother more like a child, and I couldn't bring myself to feel that undying hate towards him that had seemed to slowly float away. I didn't even come up with any excuses, to bring on the anger that I usually direct towards him. Maybe the medicine did fuck him up. You hear about some medicine having horrible side affects. Causing suicides and murders. Or if that wasn't it, his mind was just getting worse on it's own, because the medicine didn't even help. Either way, in his mind he did right. And that's way he feels no remorse. He only want's to explain to me his reasoning. Tell me not to clean himself of guilt, and sin. Tell me so I understand, him, his feelings of a sinful love towards me. That's why he wasn't quick to answering my questions, because possibly he didn't want to drive me away. He loves me, and if he were to tell me, it's because of his love for me that he killed our parents to protect me from something, I'd leave. Though he didn't tell me full out, I know this. I know he loves me. He wasn't afraid of telling me anymore. Why? I don't know maybe he was just sick of keeping it in. Even though he didn't utter a word of affection, he showed me. Possibly he can deal with me rejecting a kiss, but not rejecting his feelings in word form. As long as I push him away he can still tell himself a lie—like that I'm fighting of what I'm feeling or something like that—, but the moment he says "I love you", and I show disgust and reject him….he probably couldn't handle it.
I couldn't bring myself to hate him, not anymore. I feel only pity for him, now that I look at everything with new found answers. He's my brother, the only family I have left. Though I'll be more careful around him, I won't hate him. I'll never fully understand my brother, and maybe I'll never find out the threat my parents posed to me. But, right now it didn't matter. I find myself staring at my brother, and he lefts his head. Our eyes meet, and a shock wave ran through me, I avert my eyes. No I can't hate him, but I also can't give him what he wants from me. My love, not in that sense, it's just wrong. It's not right. I think back to the movies, and my strange thoughts and behavior. No, I can't ever love him. It's wrong. I tell myself sternly, wondering why I have to remind myself. So maybe I can't hate him, but dose this mean we're on friendly terms? I get up out of my chair and leave the kitchen.
I run into Kakashi, "Morning Sasuke, are you all right?"
I nod my head, "Um…do you know were you can get jewelry fixed?" I ask him remembering the locket.
"Yeah, what do you need fixed?" Itachi comes out of the kitchen, he listens to the conversation. When I notice he's there, it made me not want to tell Kakashi that I wanted to fix the locket. It made me feel guilty.
"Just a necklace," I mumble and then walk past him. I don't understand the strange feelings jumping up at times that seem like they shouldn't be there. Like guilt, it's been doing that a lot. I get into my room, and pull out the broken necklace from my pocket. Why am I feeling so strange? Why can't I control myself. Why do I try hard not to look at my brother, when my eyes only dart up for a short glimpse. Why do I feel a short twinge of shame after I looked at him? There's nothing shameful at looking. I don't understand this.
There came a curt knock at my door, and then it opened. Itachi walked in, and I felt my body stiffen. My hands started to get a little sweaty. I shrugged it of as simply fear of being alone with my brother, in a room. Seeing as he closed the door behind him, I didn't want him to try anything. He walks up to me, swinging a silver chain.
"Is it the chain that broke?" he asks me. I nod my head, and hand him the locket. He takes off the broken chain, and put in the new one. He sits on my bed next to me, as he does so. I become very nervous. Itachi then scoots up to me, and hangs the locket in front of my face.
"Don't worry Sasuke I won't do anything to you," he says in a monotone voice. I take the locket from him, and Itachi makes a move to get up.
"What was the threat?" I ask him, he looks at me confused. "Why kill them for me? What did they do?"
Itachi only smiles at me and sits back down.
"Wouldn't you like to know," he smiles sadistically. "Like I said we all have questions that nag at us," he almost whispers, running his eyes over me. I felt the blood rush to my face. But I don't let the blush show. I turn my head to look to the ground, my bangs veiling my face. Why was I acting like this?
"You use to care for me…" he says quietly, I look at him. The question in his eyes, did he want me to answer it? I don't know…I do care don't I? Now that I had somewhat of an epiphany, I can't bring myself to hate him anymore. But I don't know if he wants that answer, or the answer to his love confession unspoken. My eyes once again look at my lap. Why am I doing this? Why can't I control or understand my actions anymore. Itachi gets up of the bed again. I grab his hand, and pull him down. We look into each other's eyes, confusion mirroring off each other. I don't know what I was doing, and Itachi defiantly didn't have a clue. All I knew is when I looked into his eyes, there was a familiar old feeling, from times long ago.
I moved forward, still not understanding my action. Right before our lips could brush together, I pull away.
"No this is wrong!" I say out loud, more of yelling at Itachi then myself. Maybe to blame my actions on him, instead of taking responsibility for myself.
"Sasuke, you're the one who made the move," my brother says in a seductive voice. Sending shiver up my spine. How many times have I felt this before? I remember the night I heard my brother moan my name. How that sent shivers up my spine. God it's so wrong to feel this. Itachi presses his lips against mine. There was no shock, as I felt his soft lips on mine. I didn't pull away. It's so wrong, it's disgusting. But then how can this feel so good? So right. I lick at my brothers bottom lip, as we fall back onto the bed. Itachi opens his mouth, and I slip my tongue into the waiting moister. He lets me explore before, his tongue intertwines and plays with mine. His hand was running through my spiky hair mine were on his chest.
I flip use over, so that I'm ontop, Itahi lets out a moan of protest. But, I pin him down, as our tongues have a battle of dominance. I couldn't stop my hands from roaming up my brother's shirt. My logical mind was telling me to stop, that this isn't right. But my sensual mind, was rutting me on. We brake the kiss needing air. We looked at each other, eyes half lidded, and it's then that I seem to snap back to reality. I get off of my brother. Running a shaky hand through my hair.
"Leave," I tell him. Itachi gets off the bed, and heads to the door. He looks back at me, as I desperately try to bring up the feeling of hate. I remind myself of everything he's done, and how he shouldn't be forgiven. It doesn't work though.
" It's only a sin if you think of it in those terms. Listen to yourself not to other peoples morals and beliefs," with that Itachi leaves my room. I stare after him. How can I listen to myself when I don't know what I'm saying. I let out a frustrated groan, how can I be feeling this. For my own brother? Once again I search my mind like a photo album, trying to show myself why I should hate him.
A/N: Sorry for the late update, I had some family stuff to take care of along with school.