Chapter 13: Strength

When the sun shines into my room and my eyes snap open, one thought comes to mind. I've overlooked something. And indeed I have. The statement my brother made about him wanting me to be stronger than he is, or was. I gaze upward, trying to see where this all fits in. I had come up with so many possible answers to the question 'why', but this statement seemed to throw me off a little. It could still be possible that my theory of Itachi being pushed too far is true, but why would he have spoken those words to me?

I drag myself out of bed, changing into fresh cloths. I step out of my bedroom door and not soon after run into Itachi. He had just gotten through taking a shower, seeing as his hair was damp. The same evil snake that had enticed Eve to take the apple was crushing my heart it felt like. I know I was staring at him. His eyes only glanced over me as he walked by. Once he's out of sight and down the stairs a weak feeling takes over my body. I stood there for a while, not able to move. I clutch my shirt, my fist resting on my beating heart. I take in a deep breath as if this would cure me of all the impure thoughts and feelings the simple sight of my brother invoked.

I slowly head downstairs but don't enter the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, and just sat in front of the TV, in silence. A change of scenery I suppose. For once I let my mind rest, and concentrated on the program I was watching.

I should have known that this rest wouldn't last long. My heart speeds up again once a nail polish bottle is set on the table. Itachi sits next to me, and is removing his old finger nail polishing with a cotton ball. I wouldn't let myself as much as look at my brother's hands. I try so desperately to only have my eyes on the television. Oh god, how I hate these conflicting emotions inside me. I felt almost sick, and for some odd reason I was sweating. I know all this isn't going unnoticed by Itachi.

I started thinking on that statement, about strength. What was the weakness he saw in himself? I ask myself finding it a better distraction then the TV at the moment. Was it that he'd killed our parents? Was that weakness? Giving into a murderous urge? Or is it something else? My heart started to calm as I stopped being so nervous. I keep on thinking. It could also be him giving into the love he had for me, seeing as he killed our parents for me. Itachi wasn't moving any more. Though I was in thought I hadn't completely took my attention off of my brother. I couldn't help myself I had to look at him. Though I know doing this would be the same thing as confronting my feelings for Itachi. My aniki wasn't stupid, he knew for sure just by my behavior that something was up.

My eyes immediately find his, and it was like all the answers to everything were inside of him. Like he could untangle the feelings tangled up inside of me and of course put my mind at ease by simply answering, 'why'. It seemed like forever that we looked at each other, but soon enough Itachi went back to the business of taking care of his nails. He picked up the deep purple nail polish and unscrewed the top to take the brush out. What was he waiting for? I know he can tell there's a change in me, why not point it out? Was he waiting for me to make a move, or just torturing me in this way?

My mouth felt dry, and the urge to drink in my brother lips was strong. Then again the urge to get up and hide was strong too. Run away….how weak it would be for me to do that. No I'll stay here, this feeling will pass. I keep telling myself that as time passes, my brother painting his nails in peace. I on the other hand sat battling with myself. Finally I break when I hear the click of the nail polish bottle being put back onto the table.

"Itachi…!" I say very loudly, and I wince. I look around to see where Kakashi was. He sat in the kitchen I think, talking on the phone. I felt shame because I wanted to tell Itachi something I know Kakashi and the rest of the world would look down upon. I had second thoughts, but pushed those away quickly, as I felt Itachi's interest going from me to blowing his nails dry. I didn't completely understand myself, or maybe there's nothing to understand, but my aniki awakes such odd feelings and behavior in me. What else could it be but love?

"Itachi," I grab my brothers attention once again. "Could we talk later, privately?" I ask, feeling nervous.

"If you'd like, yes," he says it so calm. I know he understands what's happening, what I'm going to talk to him about. Or does he believe I'll probe him for answers again? If I would, I wonder if he'd answer them. But for know I should only focus on one thing at a time.

I continue looking at the TV. What was I waiting for? Why can't I speak to Itachi now? Just bring him up to my room so Kakashi can't hear. No, not right away, in a way I need to prepare myself. I let myself relax, though I can't completely calm down. Everything was so far from what it used to be. I am supposed to hate Itachi, but now….it's just all a little too strange. But what can I do? I can't ignore this forever, it's starting to mess with my nerves.

I decided the time was right to talk once Itachi had gone upstairs to put away the nail polish. I follow after it's been about a good three minutes since he's left. I go to his bedroom, the door was open, and I step in. Itachi turns to acknowledge my presence, but no words are said, not yet. I turn to close the door, we could talk in here. Itachi sits down on his bed, I have the urge to sit next to him, but I remain standing. I didn't know how to start this off, my lips wouldn't form words. There was a fear. Was fear supposed to come with a love confession? I mean I know how he feels, what am I afraid of? But it was there sitting in my stomach, the reason why I couldn't form words.

I was afraid. Of what? The things that would happen after? How everything will be different and how it'll change. The fear of how fast or far this all is going to go. The fear of not knowing if this is right, or if you should really care if it is right or wrong. I love him, yes I admit to that dark feeling. But there was still fear, fear of the unknown.

"Itachi I…I've been thinking," it was the first thing that came to me. My brother showed interest, and waiting oh so patiently for me to continue. I wish he would just say he knows, that I wouldn't have to go through this. Explaining how I feel, saying a I love you. I just couldn't, I don't think the words would form. Maybe out of fear, maybe because there was no need for such words. Either way I just wanted Itachi to understand without me saying anything. Though I had a feeling he understood perfectly well.

"I've been thinking about all that's passed," I lower my gaze, "and I …I don't really know how to word this." I was now looking at my feet, as if expecting them to give me an excuse to not continue. I didn't notice how long I paused, but it was long enough for Itachi to have walked towards me.

"Sit", was the only word he gave me, as he tapped my shoulder lightly. I nodded my head, probably looking much like a worried father about to get news about his wife's childbirth. I sit on the bed, eyes never leaving the floor. I just wanted Itachi to understand. To kiss me again, and to know that the feeling is mutual.

It was quiet for the longest time as we sat there. Both of us waiting for the other to make a move or to speak. The tension was high and the silence was starting to get on my nerves. I wanted to do something. I look at Itachi, he notices right away, holding a look of expectation in his eyes. Maybe even predicting what he thinks I'll do next. The more I look at him, the weaker I feel. Giving into his beauty, his intelligence, his complete control over me. His power, the mystical knowledge he holds in knowing that I would fall and bow before his feet. Worst of all I like it. There was fear, there was still a hint of moral difference, but it was obvious these feelings wouldn't go away. I scoot only an inch closer to the forbidden fruit that is my brother.

I notice a victories smirk as our lips meet, in a kiss full of meaning. A kiss that is my love confession, because this attrition is hard to ignore. Maybe we were even doomed to fall into this. Maybe I had never had a choice. It was me that did all the work, Itachi only sitting there enjoying the end of a war. I come a little bit closer, Itachi not moving, letting me do as I wish. Though I soon found that unappealing and pulled away. I look into his eyes, and only said one thing.

"I know you understand, do I have to say it?"

Itachi ran his hand through my spiky hair, pulling it back I hiss. He comes dangerously close to my face. "It would be more satisfying if you did," he says almost softly. In his own way showing me he cares, that he wants to hear those words. Maybe for his ego, but I think it's more likely for reassurance. After all I've kissed him and then ran before.

I let out a little sigh as I blow out air, my lips forming the words I don't know how long my brother has been waiting to hear. "I…love you."

Our lips crash together, Itachi now in charge. Acting much like a crow waiting in a tree, watching and when the time is right swooping down to frighten you. But after the moment of shock everything is all right, and you tell yourself you've overreacted. Have I overreacted to things in the past? Is that why my aniki, so many times in a silent voice, begged me to come out and see a new dawn?

I've come Itachi, I see a new light.

I moan deep in my throat as I say this promise in my mind. My hands holding on tight to my brother's shirt, as the force of the kiss pushes me back a little. Clinching my fist into the fabric of his shirt, just going along for the ride.

A/N: So what do you think? I hope it pleased you, my dear readers. Please review and tell me what you think.