Ok, its been I think two or three days since my last update, a very long time for me so if anyone was waiting for this then gomen nasai! This one's not as long as the others but I hope to have the next (hopefully final!) chapter out by tomorrow afternoon.

This whole thing is quite surreal, I started this fic cos I was bored on a Sunday afternoon…. and then I look and its got over 2500 hits and people shouting at me to update. I laughed til I fell off my chair. It hurt.

Anyways, enjoy! Reviews much appreciated.

Sakura Seraphim

Disclaimer – I didn't create OHSHC, Bisco Hatori did. ALL HAIL BISCO HATORI!!! sacrifices goat

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mori stared vacantly out of the windows at the bruised and swollen clouds that still hung over the horizon, obscuring the coming dawn from view. The thunder and lightning had passed, and now the only sound was the soft whisper of the rain as it slid down the windows in sheets.

Mori shifted position slightly, being careful not to wake the small brunette cradled in his arms; Haruhi sighed sleepily and snuggled briefly closer to him before falling silent again.

He held her gently in his arms, the fingers of one hand softly brushing up and down the bare skin of her forearm. She had slept soundly enough in his arms through the thunderstorm; her fear marked only by the occasional soft cry of the slight creasing of her forehead in a frown. Each time she would pull close against his body until the thunder passed, and each time his heart would skip a beat and his breath would catch in his throat.

He looked down at her with an utter devotion that was tainted with a look of terrible sadness and loss. His eyes studied every inch of her face; desperately trying to take it all in…… before he had to leave her……

He felt his heart crumple at the very thought of it, but what choice did her have really?

(she hates you)

How could he possibly go on as he had before? Quietly adoring her from across

(she was scared when she came in, probably drugged too)

the room, devoting himself totally to making her happy, whatever that took,

(when she wakes up she'll remember what you did and then she'll hate you)

living every day with her face in his mind and her smile in his heart.

(she never would've looked at you anyway)

How could he look her in the eye or even stand to hear her talking to him, when every word she said would remind him of how he had failed her.

(she would have laughed at you)

He sighed softly and looked down into her sweetly sleeping face. He didn't see the scratches on her forehead or the bruise on her cheek (although the voice of his guilt kindly pointed them out to him), he saw the girl who, to him, was in every way far more beautiful than any of the shrieking, giggling, flirting customers of the host club. He saw her hair, spread like a halo round her head and falling into her eyes.

He saw how her thick eyelashes gently brushed her sleep-flushed cheeks.

He saw her tiny hand curled delicately next to her slightly parted lips.

He smiled; but there was no joy in it, only a kind of heart-wrenching loss.

Well, he thought, I suppose if I'm leaving in the morning……if this is the last chance I ever get……I might as well.

He took a deep breath and looked out of the windows again, to where the pale light of dawn was just beginning to shine through the clouds; if he was going to say this, there was absolutely no way he could say it to her face, asleep or not. It wasn't his nature to speak his feelings, to Haruhi or to anyone else, but he's regret this if he didn't say it.

"Haruhi…" his voice was soft, barely audible, even in the early morning stillness of the room.

"First of all, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I didn't know…I ran…but I…I…I was too late…I know that's no excuse but………" his voice trailed off as he cast his eyes down into one of the shadowy corners of the room.

"I know I let you down. I should have been there to protect you and I…I'll never forgive myself for what happened. I couldn't ever expect you to forgive me either. He added sadly.

He fell silent for a moment, eyes staring moodily into the shadows. After a few minutes he continued.

"You know…" he said softly "I always knew I wasn't like the others. I could never charm you like Tamaki can. I could never be as smart as Kyouya or as appealing as Mitsukuni. I could never make you laugh like the Hikaru and Kaoru do but I always thought I was strong… I always thought 'that's what I'll do for Haruhi; I'll protect her.'" He let out a soft, strained laugh. "Turns out I couldn't even do that right…"

He stole a glance down into her impassive, sleeping face before turning back to the windows.

"I know that what happened was my fault and I'm willing to accept that. I know that after this you'll probably never want to see me again and I promise once I'm done I'll leave and I'll never bother you again but I need to tell you…" he was talking faster now, running sentences together. He stared fixedly out of the window, feeling colour rising in his cheeks and his pulse quicken.

"I…I have to tell you….I…I …"

He closed his eyes and forced the words out.

"I love you, Haruhi."

He opened his eyes and looked down at her face. The moment he forced himself to say it, it seemed to him he loved her even more, something he hadn't thought possible.

"I love you……" he repeated in a hushed, almost wondering tone. "I'm not saying I love you because I want you, I know I can't have you. And I know, you'd never be interested in someone like me, not when you could have someone like Tamaki or Hikaru or Kyouya but…… it was worth it……just to be able to see you everyday, to see you smile at me or talk to me and to know that even if you never felt the same way about me as I did about you……you knew I was there. That was enough; I could have happily lived the rest of my life like that.

He stopped, staring down at her with infinite sadness. "I guess I really messed that up huh?" his voice came out a choked whisper.

"I'll go now. I'm sorry Haruhi, please try not to think too badly of me."

Gentle as ever, handling her as if she was something precious, which of course she was to him, he manoeuvred himself from underneath her and laid her on top of the bed.

Standing silently next to her in the grey dawn light that was now coming slanting through the windows, he took one last look at her. Standing there, face highlighted by dawn's subtle hues, his face was a perfect picture of pure devotion, love and terrible loss.

Sighing, he forced himself to turn his back to her and walk out the door.

Slowly, he walked through the deserted, silent house. Along the halls, past his sleeping friends' rooms – more of a force of habit than anything else, he looked into Honey's room, nodding with satisfaction when he saw the small boy curled safely asleep between the covers.

Down the stairs, across the hall and out the front door.

He walked slowly down the gravel path, the still-falling rain soaking through his shirt, trickling down the nape of his neck and plastering his dark hair to his head.

He stopped only once, looking back up to the window of the room where Haruhi slept, before continuing down the driveway and disappearing into the early morning mist.