Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

It's six in the morning and I need sleep, but my mind wants to write and there's nothing I can do to talk it out of this. My inspiration has returned to me (though probably only temporarily) in the form of my big brother, who sees what everyone else chooses not to see and stays up all night watching lame 80s movies with me. It's amazing how it's the little things that can restore my faith that there are still people out there worth loving.

I hope you guys are happy with this chapter and this story. I've told myself over and over that it doesn't matter, that I'm writing this for me and nobody else. But it does matter – so much – and it blows my mind that for every person out there sending me a negative email demanding an update, there are five sending me messages saying I hope you're doing all right and update when you can, if you can. It's so bad how we as humans have the undeniable tendency to focus on the negative and ignore the positive. So please, read this chapter and then get the hell off the computer and go focus on your own positives before they're gone. Love.

ps, Snape wasn't brought back from the dead because he wasn't dead yet, just close.

Chapter Forty-Nine: Hope
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It took Ron a few moments upon waking up to realize that he was in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Alone.

Where the hell was everyone?

How did he get here? Could he leave?

What happened at Hogsmeade? Was everything over? Had he missed it?

What had happened to him?

Was anyone here with him?

Two voices cut through his thoughts. 'Hello?' he called. He heard a squeal and suddenly his curtains were being pulled back to reveal Hermione's excited face.

She was standing over him, her arm in a sling and a rather nasty-looking cut on her neck, but alive. And that was really all that mattered.

'You're awake!' she cried.

'Yeah,' said Ron. He managed to sit up with her help. 'What the hell happened?' he asked, and then a more important question – 'Is Ginny okay? And everyone else?'

Hermione nodded. Ginny appeared behind her, looking completely fine and giving no indication that she'd been held captive by Death Eaters mere hours before.

It was still hours, right? He hadn't been out for days or anything, had he?

He remembered being Stupefied, but that didn't mean it was the only thing the Death Eater's had done to him. He knew only too well what they were capable of.

'Ginny,' he said, and he reached for her before he could even think to order his arms to do it. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' she said. She pulled up a chair beside his bed and pouted. 'Audrey won't let me leave until she's checked me out, but nothing happened to me at all. I promise.'

'Where's Harry?'

Hermione shook her head at him as if he not only wasn't supposed to bring it up, but should know why he wasn't supposed to. Ginny just shrugged.

'It was either sit with you and be in the same room as me, or do neither. So he left. But I'm sure he'll be back to see you just as soon as I'm allowed to leave. He … isn't too keen on seeing or speaking to me at the moment.'

'What?' said Ron. 'You were captured by bloody Death Eaters and he won't speak to you?'

'I wasn't captured,' Ginny whispered.

Hermione cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably.

'You – sorry, what?' Ron asked stupidly.

'I wasn't captured,' she repeated.

But Ron had to have heard her wrong again. Because what he'd heard didn't make any sense. If Ginny wasn't taken, how else did she end up at Hogsmeade with Snape and the others?

'Then what happened?' he demanded.

'Snape and I made a deal,' she admitted. 'I was to go with him and make it look like he'd captured me – you know, to squash any doubts that he wasn't a full-fledged Death Eater. And in turn, he'd give me a Horcrux.'

'And you believed him?'

'He held up his end of the deal!' said Ginny, her eyes meeting his for the first time. He was shocked at the anger he saw there. 'He tried to, at least. But Nagini's hard to control and he couldn't … there wasn't the right opportunity …'

Ron cursed. 'I can't believe you would do that!' he said. 'You almost got us all killed – and for what? You should know better than to trust Snape! How could you be so stupid? Harry has every right to be furious with you!'

Ginny's jaw clenched. For a moment, it seemed as though she was going to say something of utmost importance. But instead, she stood up and left. 'You can tell Audrey that I'm fine and that I don't need her to check me out,' she called over her shoulder to Hermione.

Hermione glared at Ron. 'How could you say that to her?'

'She deserved it,' said Ron. 'She made a deal with Snape. Snape! Remember him? The one who killed Dumbledore? The one who busted in on Bill's wedding?' He sighed. 'How could she think any good could come from working with him? I mean, wasn't he the one who took her at the wedding? What was she thinking? Was she thinking?'

Hermione shrugged. 'I'm not denying that what she did was incredibly dangerous and stupid. She knows that she could have led us to our deaths. She feels awful. But she thought she was helping Harry by getting a Horcrux. And now he won't speak to her. She doesn't need you treating her like absolute shit, too.'

Ron's mouth quirked up. He wasn't sure he agreed with her, but nothing made him smile more than hearing Hermione say shit.

……………………………………………………………

Ginny returned home, though it was the last place she wanted to be. But it wasn't as though anyone would disturb her here, seeing as none of them would speak to her.

After the fight, they'd crowded around her and hugged her until she could hardly breathe. And once her parents and all of her brothers (minus Ron, who was still unconscious in the next bed) had repeated over and over that they were so grateful she was alive, they'd begun to ask questions. They asked so many, but she couldn't answer any of them the way her family had hoped.

Harry sat at Ron's bedside the entire time, listening to Ginny speak but seemingly refusing to look at her. Once she'd told them her story (and it was really only a fraction of the real story, but they didn't know that), Harry had stormed out. And then the rest of her family had left, each wearing a matching mask of disappointment and concern.

Hermione, bless her, had pretended to understand. She'd pretended that she didn't think what Ginny did was the stupidest thing ever. But Hermione's vote of confidence couldn't cancel out the fact that everyone else hated her for what she'd done.

Ginny was starving. She refused to think about this anymore until after she'd eaten. She turned into the kitchen and found her mother sitting with the twins, Charlie and Harry.

'Ginny,' said Mrs Weasley, her voice tight. She didn't look at her daughter. Nobody else even attempted to make eye contact. 'You should be in the Hospital Wing.'

Why? So you don't have to face the fact that you can't even look at me?

'Ron's awake,' she said. 'He asked where you were, Harry.'

Harry said nothing. He didn't even flinch at the mention of his name.

She stood there for another moment, but nobody made any attempt to speak to her. They didn't even ask how she was feeling. It was strange that under any other circumstance, she would have loved that her family wasn't fussing over her like a baby. And yet it was almost unbearable now.

'Fine,' she said. 'Ignore me. But I went through just as much as you did today, you know.'

'You don't get to do that,' Harry yelled, and Ginny, who had turned to leave, stopped in her tracks. 'You don't get to act like some sort of victim, Ginny.'

'I am a victim,' she said, even though she knew with all of her heart that she wasn't.

'You chose to put yourself in that situation,' he argued. 'You let it happen!'

'Do not act like you understand what happened, because you don't.'

'You're right,' he said. 'I don't. I can't understand how anyone could be so fucking stupid.'

Charlie looked at Harry and there was protest in his eyes, but then he looked at Ginny and it died away only to be replaced with disappointment. Then he dropped his gaze to the floor. Ginny wondered how long it would be before her brothers would be able to look at her again. Before her mother would take pity and say that it wasn't her fault, even though everyone knew that it was.

'Go to hell,' Ginny spat, and then trudged up to her bedroom. She had no right to defend herself. She had no reason to be angry. And Harry had every right and reason in the world to never forgive her for almost leading everyone in the Order to their deaths.

She had told her family only a partial truth. She'd told them that Snape had contacted her and that she'd agreed to let him "capture" her in exchange for the final Horcrux. But that was all she'd said.

She wondered if she should tell the truth – the whole truth. Would it make a difference? She wondered if she should tell her family about what Snape had done for her at Malfoy Manor and that she really had no reason to say no to his latest proposition. She wondered if they would understand if she explained that she'd only done what she thought was best for Harry and that surely they would have done the same for the loves of their own lives.

But hadn't she promised Snape that she wouldn't say anything? He'd asked her not to tell Harry about what he'd done for her. She didn't understand why. But for some reason, Snape hadn't been comfortable with anyone – especially Harry – knowing that he wasn't a complete traitor to the Order. Was it because he had to make sure his cover wasn't blown? Or was it because he needed to feel like he was more involved with this war than Harry was in that aspect? How could he have been sure that Ginny wouldn't tell? Had he read her mind and seen for himself that she was perfectly willing to keep his secret? Or had he merely trusted her?

The idea of Snape trusting her with something so important was laughable.

But then again, the idea of Ginny running straight to a known Death Eater and striking a deal used to be laughable as well.

She needed to contact him one more time. She had questions that he needed to answer. He owed her that much. She'd done just as much for him as he'd done for her in the past. They were even now. They were equal. And as his equal, she deserved to be leveled with.

There was a knock on her door, and her mind raced with the possibilities of who could be on the other side. Hermione, most likely. Maybe Tonks? Was it possible that her mum had come around?

She opened it and found the one person she would have bet it wouldn't be.

'Harry,' she said. And in her mind's eye, she imagined him saying wonderful things. She saw him apologizing, even though he had nothing to apologize for. She saw him taking her face in his hands and kissing her the way he used to so long ago, back when they could snog for hours and it would be enough.

'Hermione's still at Hogwarts and wants a change of clothes,' he said. He didn't look at her. He didn't really give an indication that he was doing anything more than speaking to the door. When had it come to this?

'Tell her to come get them herself,' she said, and then slammed the door in his face.

He pushed it back open. Hard. His eyes finally met hers, and she couldn't breathe when faced with the emotions she found there, all directed at her. Anger. Confusion. And mostly betrayal. She had seen Harry look like this only a handful of times in the past, and she had never before imagined that he could one day look at her in the same way.

She realized that she wasn't angry with Harry for treating her the way he had in the past day. She had not given him the full story, and therefore she had to accept that from his (limited) perspective, she was in the wrong and he thought that he had every right to be angry.

If she was angry at him, it was for the way he had been treating her before today. How everything she did or tried to do for him went unnoticed, and how she was constantly taking a back seat to this war.

It was always one thing after another. It was more important for Harry to look for Horcruxes and go to Order meetings and train than it was to spend time with his girlfriend. Ginny understood that. Voldemort was Harry's first priority, and she mostly felt lucky to come in second. But when the first thing on the list took up one hundred percent of his energy and his time … what was the difference between being second and being last?

She vowed to herself that she would stop being Harry's girlfriend and she would start being Ginny Weasley. She couldn't even pinpoint when she'd stopped being herself and had started being all about Harry again. Regardless of when and how it had happened, it was clear to Ginny that she could not expect Harry to put her first until she learned to put herself first.

She felt her resentment for him melt away, and it left her straining to feel anything for him in that moment.

It was a strange thing indeed – staring at someone for whom she had felt nearly every possible emotion at one time or another, and feeling nothing

The look in his eyes didn't change, but suddenly she could breathe again, and it was both liberating and pathetic at the same time.

Neither of them had their walls down, but she knew that her next thought would be heard by Harry regardless.

I know that we loved each other once, but I think we've lost sight of the reasons why, so can we please just take a step back and forget about all of this and maybe eventually try to remind ourselves of everything else before it's too late?

Harry's hand twisted on the doorknob. 'I'll tell Hermione,' he said quietly, and then closed the door softly. Ginny put her hand on the wood, wishing it could be the only thing between them.

I love you, she mouthed.

But did she really?

She had always loved Harry. And she always would.

But was she in love with him? She used to be. She knew that she used to be. And now? It had been so long since she'd been tested, since she'd had a reason to wonder. She didn't get butterflies in her stomach when he kissed her anymore. Was that because she was finally used to the look in his eyes when her body was pressed to his? Or was it because of something else? Something she'd been aware of all this time but had been ignoring? She knew better than almost anyone that it was so much easier to ignore a problem than to face it.

She looked around her room. So many things made her think of Harry. Did she love him because of who he was and what he made her feel? Or did she love him because he was practically a part of the family and it was what her mother had been wanting for years and years?

If she still loved him, did she love him because it was easier than loving someone else? Ron never called her a slag when she kissed Harry. The twins never teased her about Harry with the same intensity as they had Michael.

When Harry did something stupid and insensitive and she forgave him, was it because she loved him with all of her heart and trusted him to never do it again? Or was it because their story was practically already written, and she continually folded under the weight of her family's expectations? Merlin knew her parents already considered Harry a son and the perfect boy for their daughter. And Ron – wouldn't Ron love having Harry as an official brother?

Ginny pressed a hand over her eyes and lay on her bed. She eventually fell asleep, though she couldn't tell for how long. She awoke to the sound of three sharp knocks and then the smell of dinner that hit her when the door opened.

'Hey,' Hermione said, coming into the room. 'Are you all right?'

'I guess,' said Ginny.

'What are you thinking about?'

'I love Harry,' Ginny said, her voice going up at the end the way it did when she formed questions.

'I believe that you do,' said Hermione. Ginny felt her friend's body settle beside her own on the bed. 'But what do you think?'

'I think … I think I forget what it feels like to love him,' she said truthfully.

'Hmm.'

'Why do you love Ron?' she asked. 'I mean, how do you know that you do?'

'He makes me laugh,' Hermione said, and Ginny could hear the smile in her voice. 'He makes me forget that there's a war going on out there. He makes me feel smart.'

Ginny laughed. 'You don't have to be around stupid Ron to feel smart.'

'No,' Hermione said fiercely. 'Not that kind of smart. Smart like – capable. Like I can do anything. Like he'll be there even if I screw up.' She sighed. 'Being with him reminds me of every good time we ever had at Hogwarts and here in the summertime.'

Ginny rolled onto her side and met Hermione's eyes. 'Lately, being with Harry reminds me of when I was six years old and crying because I wasn't old enough to go out flying with the twins,' she said.

'That doesn't sound like love,' Hermione admitted.

Ginny shook her head. 'No,' she whispered. 'It doesn't.'

……………………………………………………………

McGonagall called an Order meeting the next day, and it was the only reason Harry was in the same room as Ginny. He didn't know what was going on with them, nor did he want to know. A part of him wanted to take the easy route and stay angry with her, and another part of him wanted to explore why he would rather blame her than question himself. But he was afraid of what answers he might find, and so he focused on other things. He thought of his anger for Ginny and realized it was the first time he'd felt much of anything for her in some time.

He'd felt guilty after he'd burned her a few days ago, and he'd felt scared and concerned after he discovered that she was missing. But wouldn't he feel both of those things even if the person was not Ginny?

He tried to remember the last time Ginny had made him feel something that nobody else could. He drew a blank, and although he realized that part of this was because of his current feelings for her, he also realized that this blank was not a very good sign.

Was it possible for him to fall in love with a person and automatically love her forever? Or did he have to work at it? Would he have to fall in love with Ginny a million different times? In the beginning, he could have sworn that he did just that. Everything she did had made him love her more intensely. Had they reached some sort of quota? Or had they both tuned out along the way? Had it been both of them? Or was it just him to blame for all of this?

Had Ginny gone through with this crazy deal with Snape because she loved Harry and thought she was helping him? Or had she done it because she was desperate for him to notice her amidst all the talks of Horcruxes and Voldemort and Order missions?

Guilt settled low in his stomach and transformed his anger for Ginny into anger for himself. He was not ready to talk to her yet. He was not ready to jump back into what they'd had together. But he knew that he would eventually, and he knew that he would have to make sure he'd sorted out his own problems before he attempted to take on both of theirs.

'I'm starving,' Ron announced. 'Can we get on with this?'

Ron had only just been released from the Hospital Wing, and nobody knew better than Harry how restless one could become being confined to a bed for any period of time.

'Just what have you got scheduled for later that's so important?' asked Fred.

'Nothing,' said Ron irritably. 'I just don't want to hang around here all day waiting for everyone to find a seat around the bloody kitchen table.'

'Well,' said George. 'There are some people who apparently would rather peel of their own skin than sit beside each other.'

'So we've got to allow time for a little bit of rearranging,' said George.

All of Harry's self-control went into keeping his eyes from seeking out Ginny, who was sitting down at the other end of the table, far away from the rest of her family. The spell over her parents had broken and they were no longer treating her as if she had the Dark Mark burned onto her arm. Her brothers were speaking to her, though mostly only to comment on the weather or to ask her to pass something at dinner. Percy was the only one of her brothers who spoke as though nothing had happened, and Harry found himself warming to Percy in a way he never had before, though he'd never admit to it. He was glad that most of the awkwardness was over for Ginny and her family. Just because he wasn't ready to revert back to the way things had been with Ginny didn't mean he didn't want everyone else to be there for her.

'All right,' said McGonagall. 'I suppose I should thank you, Mr Weasley, for your patience.'

Ron's ears turned pink. 'No problem, Professor,' he muttered. 'Really. Take your time.' His stomach rumbled and he frowned.

'To start things off, I am pleased to see that nobody was seriously injured, despite the heroics attempted by several of you at Hogsmeade.'

Harry could feel McGonagall's eyes on him, and he could not for his life figure out which part of his actions she found to be the least bit heroic.

'As for how this situation developed in the first place –'

'Ginny's not talking,' said Charlie.

'I've already said everything there is to say,' Ginny said fiercely. Though he hated that she wasn't offering up as much information as she probably could, Harry felt proud that she wasn't letting Charlie walk all over her.

There appeared to be several people who took issue with this answer. The room quickly erupted into argument, and McGonagall struggled to regain control.

'Very well, Miss Weasley,' said McGonagall. 'We will move on.'

She dropped the morning's issue of the Daily Prophet onto the table.

'I trust everyone had an opportunity to read the front page,' she said, and everyone nodded.

Harry frowned. He stopped reading the Daily Prophet some time ago, especially after his own name began popping up even more than usual, but because of Hermione and Mr Weasley's tendency to discuss current events at the Ministry, he ended up hearing about the news each day at breakfast anyway. It occurred to him that there had been no discussion today. Why?

Harry reached for the paper at the same time as Ginny. He hesitated for a moment before shrugging and pushing it toward her. He studied her face as she took in the headline and was shocked to see her eyes well up with tears.

'I – excuse me,' she whispered, and then fled.

The need to go after her was overwhelming. Instead, Harry grabbed the paper and blinked down at big black letters that read, Severus Snape found tortured, dead.

'I don't get it,' Harry said. He meant that he didn't get why Ginny was crying, but the others seemed to misunderstand.

'Neither do I, actually,' said Hermione. 'The article says that Snape was tortured and then killed, and it says Bellatrix Lestrange was the one to do it.'

'Lestrange?' Harry repeated. 'Why would she …?'

'Is it possible that Snape wasn't a Death Eater anymore?' asked Bill. 'I mean, could he have tried to switch sides again and they caught him and killed him for it?'

'Maybe it wasn't really Lestrange who killed him,' Harry said. 'Maybe the reporters at the Prophet are just saying that to boost their sales.'

There was a heavily silence for some time. Harry didn't know what to believe, but he knew that there was no way Snape would ever try to do the right thing and come back to the Order after everything that had happened. Once a traitor, always a traitor.

Harry was so lost in thought that he almost didn't realize when the conversations began again.

'Is there anything else to discuss?' asked George.

'We should probably be getting back to the shop,' Fred said.

McGonagall shook her head. She appeared to still be contemplating the situation with Snape. 'No,' she said. 'I believe that is all for now.'

Everyone stood up and began to make their ways out of the kitchen.

'At least something good came from all this,' Mundungus said cheerfully as he passed. 'You wouldn't believe the beautiful snake I've got back at my flat.'

'What did you say?' Harry asked, standing up. He reached out and closed his fingers around the man's arm.

Mundungus grinned. 'You heard me!' he said. 'Snake skin! And lovely snake skin at that. Very fashionable. Worth a bundle, I bet.'

'Wait – where did you get it?'

'Hogsmeade, of course,' said Mundungus. 'Caught him myself! Nasty bugger was slithering all over the place. Saw my opportunity and I took it!'

Harry felt his heart speed up. Was he the only one listening to what Mundungus was saying? How come nobody else seemed to realize what this meant? Was he losing his mind? Or was he the only one thinking clearly?

'Do you still have the snake?' he asked desperately. 'Or have you just got the skin?'

'Nah,' said Mundungus. 'I've still got the snake for now. Stunned it until I can figure out what to do. Didn't want to ruin the skin with any sort of curse, you know. Could be worth a lot of money! I suppose I'll have to do a bit of research on the subject, yeah?'

'Professor,' Harry sputtered, turning to face the others. 'He – he's got Nagini!'

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