DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from Law & Order: SVU. They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

Fix You

A/N: So much pie to give out!!!! Thank you for that!! Those who asked for specific flavors, they have been provided. Otherwise…pick your favorite kind and pretend you have it. If you don't like pie, well, then BOO on YOU! Because Pie Rocks. Anyways, thanks for the reviews and all of that fun stuff. Here comes chapter 6, and I have a very distinct idea as to where this story will END. If you all like it, I may make it into a trilogy thing…but it'll prolly be done with this story. You people will tell me eventually. But in the mean time, we have a few more chapters to go before I need that opinion. So, that was a waste of a couple of minutes…

Also, I am VERY sorry it's taken me so long to update (and will continue to take decent amounts of time for a little while). You see, in my life…when it rains, it pours. I have been dealing with many personal issues for some time now, and sometimes it's too much. While writing is an outlet, it is secondary. Music will ALWAYS be my first love and will ALWAYS be my best way to find comfort from the days that seem to be too much. Thank you for sticking with me. I am sorry.

Oh yeah, someone asked me if Liv puking last chapter was a result of memories from the interview of the victim or if it was because she was pregnant from the one night stand. The one night stand had been approximately 5 nights before that, which I didn't clarify so well, so she wouldn't know if she's pregnant yet. (but he did use a condom, remember that folks.) Anyway, it was all about being lost in memories and freaking out that she had to throw up. Alrighty!

Without further ado…

Chapter 6: What'll I Do

The next few weeks went well for everyone. Olivia was slowly finding the strength to fall into her old routines. She was still more cautious, she still cried when a case became too much, and nightmares were still a nightly occurrence. Macedo had been sentenced to the maximum for his crimes, which was all anyone could ask. That, however, did nothing to ease Benson's fears of others or her reservations about doing anything alone. Nor did it change her tendency to begin losing control of her emotions from time to time, especially when her job prompted memories of the assault to regain ground in her mind. Despite all of that, Benson was showing signs of eating more – although still ate much less than she should have been consuming – and had only had one or two drinking binges. Any time at a bar, however, was spent with Casey or Elliot nearby, and nothing further happened.

While she had yet to reveal to anyone besides George her sexual encounter with Andrew Dougherty, the healing process was finally kicking into high gear. Casey had attended a few sessions with Olivia in order to figure the best method for coping with the stress of daily life and recuperating from a traumatic event. The ADA didn't push too hard, but she was adamant about ensuring Olivia's health and improvement of every situation.

The entire squad enjoyed having their old friend back. The mood swings that had so greatly been affecting each of them were fewer and farther between. The normalcy they had known prior to one of their own being raped would never return, but they had fallen into a new routine that seemed to work. Interrogations were coming easier and easier, but there was a different side to Olivia that came out during them. Elliot was often the one sitting calmly in a chair while his partner paced back and forth, yelling and shouting until the perp gave him or herself up. She was, all of a sudden, the bad cop.

Nights were usually spent at Elliot's house. The two would get dinner and take part in their fair share of cuddling on the couch, either talking or watching a movie, then would go to bed. Stabler pulled the brown haired woman close every night as she drifted to sleep. The slumber rarely lasted long before her screams woke him. Numerous nights were spent holding her hair back as she threw up after crying many tears. In the wee hours of the morning, they often spoke of the weather in an attempt to get her mind away from the night that changed her life.

Anymore, Elliot was the only person who she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of. Olivia forced herself to be strong around Casey and refused to show any weakness at work. Pity was not anything she desired to be cast upon her, and she did anything in her power to avoid it.

Despite living in what felt like a world of broken dreams, Olivia allowed her relationship with Elliot to deepen both emotionally and physically. The only thing she kept from him was the night she slept with someone else, and that was not something she ever intended to divulge. She was slowly becoming more comfortable around Stabler, allowing for more than just gentle kisses, but nothing ever went further than hands. She never permitted the removal of clothing, and the brown haired man never pushed past her boundaries.

It was nearing 9:30 in the evening when Cragen left his office. Olivia's head was down on her desk – sleep had been hard to manage the prior night – and Elliot was typing away at paperwork, attempting to get his work done. Don shook his head. He was aware of the fact that his detectives were tearing themselves apart as they dealt with the aftermath of previous events, but nothing stopped them from doing their best. Nothing had made him more contented than to see Benson recovering as well as she finally was. Still, there was a long way to go.

Not wanting to disturb the sleeping detective, he moved to Stabler and gently placed a hand on the man's shoulder. Don glanced at the computer screen before speaking calmly and softly, "Go home. That's an order."

"Captain, if this isn't done by tomorrow night then I'm in contempt of court."

"It will be here tomorrow, Stabler." Cragen pointed to Olivia, "She needs to be resting right now."

Elliot's blue eyes watched the woman who was sitting across from him. He knew Olivia had to be in an uncomfortable position, and he wanted nothing more than to take her home and hold her tightly as she slept through the night. Nodding slowly as she began to move a bit in the chair, Stabler shut down his computer and Cragen left the squad room, muttering something about seeing the two of them the next morning.

Stabler slowly walked around the desks and got down on his knees, preparing himself to wake the woman he loved. He affectionately brushed the hair from her eyes before speaking in a soft, warm voice, "Liv, sweetheart. Wake up."

When there was no response, Elliot cautiously shook her shoulder. Her head shot up and she pushed away from the contact, almost falling out of her chair. Stabler pulled back immediately and rose to his feet, wishing he could have avoided that reaction.

"Hey, it's just me. You were sleeping and it's almost 10:00 P.M," he told her. She calmed with his voice, allowing her labored breathing to return to a normal rate and her shaking body to go back to its customary stability. Elliot waited for her brown eyes to rid the fear that had overtaken his partner. When Olivia finally appeared to be back to normal, he held out his hand to assist her as she stood from the chair.

"Let's go home," he urged. Stabler held up her jacket and supported her as she slid it upon her shoulders. Pulling it tight, she followed him out of the squad room and to his car. Once in his house, she went to shower almost immediately.

Elliot sat on the couch as he listened to the water run, wondering silently how else he could help Olivia. He loved simply having her close to him – trusting him, loving him, hugging him, kissing him. Yet, nothing stopped him from longing for more. Stabler knew not to push, but there were days when waiting for her to make the next move grew tedious. He heard the water from the shower cease and turned on the television to a rerun of Happy Days. Stabler's ears perked up as the sounds of her padding through the house could be heard and, eventually, his body felt the warmth of Benson's radiating as she sat close to him on the couch. He draped an arm around her shoulder and she rested her wet head against his chest. The contact soothed them both.

They sat quietly for a while, simply enjoying the other's presence. The silence they often relinquished themselves to was comforting and kind. It was a companionable quiet, offering the support of another person and the opportunity to reflect safely.

Eventually, however, the silence and calm broke as Olivia sat up and pulled her legs into an Indian-style position, staring intently at Elliot's face. He looked back, waiting for her to speak to him, uncertain about her actions. Finally, the female detective opened her mouth, "I feel like I'm holding you back."

"What do you mean?"

"You deserve a great relationship," she continued. "You deserve to be with someone confident and strong, someone who loves you. Your focus shouldn't be taking care of me. I can handle myself."

Elliot sighed. It seemed that every week or so, the two of them would have this conversation. Olivia would doubt her ability to provide her significant other with his needs, both physical and emotional, and he would take the time to calmly convince her that she was completely incorrect and he was more than happy with her.

Before he could begin his speech, though, Benson had started again, "I mean, you're the most amazing man I've ever known. You've been so patient and kind, but I've done nothing in return."

"You've done plenty," he told her.

"No," she replied firmly. "I haven't."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I haven't been able to satisfy your needs, and I keep you up at nights, and I just don't deserve to have someone like you love me," she muttered.

"First of all, you do deserve to have someone love you," he answered. "Second, I love you more than anything in the world, and I love you because of who you are, not for what you could possibly provide me with physically. If I have to wait until you're eighty years old before you're ready to progress with the physical intimacy, then I will wait."

Olivia stared into his blue eyes, trying desperately to bring herself to kiss him. She was always scared of being hurt again, but knew that Elliot would never intentionally break her. She crawled across the couch, her lips parting slightly, and kissed his neck lovingly. She climbed into his lap, finding a position that would be comfortable for each of them, and continued her barrage of kisses against his skin.

Her lips met his, and he willingly accepted the tongue that traced its way around his lips and into the confines of his mouth. As his tongue fought cautiously for control, Olivia felt her body tense up. She suddenly remembered Macedo's mouth smothering hers. Benson did all she could to push the thoughts out of her mind, This is Elliot. This is the man you love, not one you never truly knew. He loves you.

Stabler pulled back as she hesitated. His hands remained gently resting on her waist, but only to prevent her from falling as she leaned back.

"We can stop," he whispered, voice laced with concern.

"No," she answered, trying to remain confident despite the obvious nervousness in her voice. "I want to do this, I need to."

Elliot closed his eyes for a moment, not wanting to continue when she was obviously uncomfortable. He tried to prevent her from doing something she could come to regret once more, "I promise that I won't think any less of you if you're not ready."

"El," she moaned, nibbling at his earlobe, wanting to make him feel as loved as she knew she was, "let me do this."

His desire for the physical contact he so rarely had with the woman he loved won out over his fear of pushing her. However, he remained mindful of the situation at hand, "If you want out at any moment, you just need to say so. I'm not going to make or ask you to do anything you're not ready for."

Olivia nodded as she stood from the couch, grasping hold of his two hands with her own and gently tugging him up. She led the way to his bedroom, where she permitted herself to lay back on the bed and pull him on top. Suddenly, all she could see was her rapist towering over her small frame. Quickly pushing the thought from her mind, she rolled over to regain dominance. She reasoned with herself silently as she attempted to please her partner, You're in control of this, Elliot will not hurt you.

As long as she kept reminding herself that she was with Elliot Stabler, not Kevin Macedo, she would be fine. She gingerly unbuttoned his dress shirt and tossed it to the side, following it by slowly removing the undershirt that hugged his torso. Everything within her screamed to stop what she was doing – she had kept secrets from him and knew that she wasn't ready to take the next step. However, she ignored all of her instincts and assaulted her lover's chest with sensual kisses and felt his hands gently caress her body.

Every so often, her brown eyes would open and she could tell that even through his enjoyment, Stabler was watching for any signs of discomfort. Within a fair amount of time, his hands removed the shirt that covered her chest, but left her undergarments covering her. He was amazed at her beauty. Even though he had seen it before – after all, he had watched her step out of the shower at the precinct the day after she was raped and wrapped her in a towel, followed by assisting her in redressing – nothing could change the awe that flooded his mind. He gently kissed her chest and caressed her body.

"You're beautiful, Baby," Elliot whispered into her ear as he kissed her earlobe gently and continued feeling her small frame with his strong hands.

At his touch and voice, however, Olivia cried out and pulled away. She jumped to the other side of the room and began reaching out for anything that would cover her upper body. Finding a t-shirt on the floor, she put the overly large article of clothing over her frame. Tears escaped her eyes, regardless of her futile attempts to prevent it. Elliot sighed, knowing he'd pushed too hard and immediately regretting allowing the incident to take place as it had.

The brown haired woman sunk to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest as she shook from fear. The thought that kept replaying in her mind was of Macedo's hands running over her body, his voice whispering into her ear. She wanted nothing more than to escape – to run away and never return.

Unaware of how long she had been trembling in a corner, Olivia felt arms wrap around her, and she struggled to pull away. Yet the embrace refused to break and she heard someone speaking to her in gentle tones. The arms were a woman's arms and a feminine voice. Within moments, the tone was associated with that of Casey Novak's and the hold was much more welcoming. The female detective fell against the body, wanting nothing more than to have the memories of the rape taken away by the words and comfort that were coming from the other woman.

In due time, the fear began to subside and Olivia started to remember what had brought on the sudden onslaught of emotions. Her head swiveled, searching for Stabler, but not finding him. Novak rubbed gentle circles on her friends back, still trying to calm her. Wondering what the frantic search was for, the ADA made the decision to ask, "What do you need?"

"Where's El," the detective questioned weakly. Her voice was soft and still laced with the cascade of tears that had just ended.

"He's in the living room, he called me when you wouldn't talk to him," Casey answered coolly.

"I need to see him," Olivia pleaded. "I need to apologize."

"That can wait," Novak insisted, not wanting to see her friend in such a fragile state again this soon. "He called me because he thought you were scared of him. Is that true?"

"No," Olivia protested. "Let me talk to him. I need to talk to him now."

Casey was amazed at the fatigued woman's strength as she pushed out of the hold that had recently encased her. The prosecutor resigned herself to whatever was to come; Casey pulled her body off of the floor and sat on the bed, running a hand over her pony tail, and closing her eyes, hoping for a few moments of rest.

Elliot turned around when someone walked out of the bedroom, assuming it would be Novak and Benson would be asleep. He rose, however, when he saw Olivia's figure moving toward his own. As she approached, he could still see the puffiness of her eyes and the small hints of fear and worry that laced her features. Stabler didn't touch her, just waited.

Finally, the brown haired woman spoke, "I need to tell you something."

"Then tell me," he urged.

"It's going to hurt you," she warned cautiously. Her voice was filled with apprehension and her body reflected the same attitude. "And you may never want to see me again."

"That will not happen," he stated confidently. "I promise."

Olivia sighed and rubbed at her forehead for a second, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Stabler."

"Whether I'm upset or not," he answered, "won't matter. I will not leave you, and I will always love you. We'll work through it." In spite of his calm and collected expressions, he was unbelievably nervous for what was to come.

"Let's sit," she motioned, as she took a seat on the couch, leaning against the arm on the far side. Elliot followed her lead, sitting toward the middle, but leaving enough space for Benson's comfort. Once she was satisfied, the story began, "It was three weeks ago, the night when Fin and Munch had invited us for drinks. I was mad at you for harping at me about drinking too much. I know now that you were just concerned, but that didn't register that night."

She waited a few moments for him to say anything, but Elliot patiently waited for her to tell her entire story, not wanting to throw her off. She was rarely willing to be this open with him, and ruining that was not something Stabler intended on doing. Satisfied that he was content so far, Olivia spoke again, with ease, as though telling someone else's story, "So I went to the same bar that I had gone to the night I had testified. I didn't drink near as much, but nothing changed the fact that I wanted to be able to give you everything – an intimate sexual relationship included. I just wanted to regain the control I had lost, so – don't be mad, but I did something really stupid…."

A/N: Okay, I'm tired. I have summer school tomorrow. And I don't think I have the emotional capacity to delve into the mindset of both Liv and El tonight. I'll work on it bit by bit and will hopefully have chapter 7 out by, oh say, Saturday night? Maybe?

Please review…tell me what you think….give advice…all of that. THANK YOU!!!!!

By the way, if you've never heard the song What'll I Do, it's a standard Irving Berlin piece that you need to hear. I chose it as the title because I'm thinking like Elliot, who's got to be questioning what to do knowing that Liv can barely kiss him without thinking he's someone else trying to attack her. Listen to Frank Sinatra sing it…it'll break your heart every time. (I just thought that deserved an explanation, because otherwise I don't think anyone will get it.)